Say Yes To The Self

Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa a Romano.

I am a life coach best-selling author YouTube vlogger meditation teacher and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse I am a believer in the power of an organized mind My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness Rather than living a reactive life May your heart feel blessed your mind feel expanded and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to breakthrough podcast So today we're going to be talking about the power of saying yes to the self and no to others So it's really hard to say no to other people.

We live in a big world We have big lives and people generally ask other people to help them all the time.

Can you watch my dog?

Can you take care of my kids?

Can you give me a thousand dollars to help me pay for my rent?

Blah blah blah blah blah and it can be very difficult to set boundaries in place and to say no to others as a Busy business owner myself.

I got asked to do a lot of podcasts.

I get asked to do a lot of summits I get asked to write a lot of articles and Even I struggle with saying no Right.

I struggle with saying no and when I say no I think about well I hope that person isn't insulted that I said no I hope that person doesn't feel put off because I said no and if I don't catch myself I end up saying yes to many things that actually deplete my energy and Those times in my life when I notice I'm not as high-flying as I'd like to be I am very much drained and I'm feeling unwell I'm getting a cough or eczema starts to flare up.

These are signs that I am in the process of dis-ease Because I'm not saying no to the right things and I'm not saying yes to the right things There is great power in saying yes to the self and no to other people now.

I'm not talking about narcissistically saying no across the board because You can get so caught up to saying no that you're saying no to fun things or you're saying no just to say no Like you're annoyed at your sister.

So no,

It's a passive-aggressive.

No or You feel snarky because you haven't really spoken about your true feelings.

This is usually people who struggle with codependency We don't know how we feel.

We don't know how to communicate how we feel We want everybody to read our mind and if you don't read our mind,

Then we get snarky.

We start to shut down We don't feel powerful.

We don't know how to articulate.

We don't know how to be our authentic self We're afraid to be our authentic self blah blah blah blah blah all this codependent nonsense stuff That is a trauma response that is being activated that it happens below the veil of consciousness It is not me choosing it.

It is my trauma.

I'm snarky I'm shutting down because I feel a certain way.

I don't want to say no to you I really don't want to go to that restaurant right now,

But I don't know how to tell you.

I don't want to go You're gonna be upset if I tell you no,

And I'm gonna be upset if I say yes So I'm caught in this quagmire of codependency because I can't figure out How to tell you what I feel because I don't want to upset you but yet I don't want to go all this nonsense So I say yes,

Or I'm annoyed that I can't say no and I'm stuck I'm I am split and emotionally I can feel the discord of it,

But I don't know what the frig to do about it I don't know why because the brain can only play with the tools that are in the shed if you don't know how to process your emotions if you don't know how to tell your truth if You don't know how to get the clarity around your truth if you don't understand energetic alignment Then you will find yourself in these spaces of mental unrest You will feel dis-eased you will continue to say yes to things that you should say no to Right.

So when we are codependent,

We don't have a strong sense of self Our sense of self comes from how well we say yes to other people how much we do for other people We are self-sacrificing human beings.

We live a life of servitude.

Oh My god,

It's exhausting.

We don't know that we're doing it.

Sometimes we don't even know how exhausted we are We are just on these hamsters wheels of what do they think?

What do they feel?

What do they need?

Oh my god They asked me a question.

They asked me to do this.

I can't say no.

Let me fill it in.

Let me do it Let me do it.

Let me do it I know this because I do this and I'm not happy that I do this and it's an ongoing Process for me to pay attention to how I'm feeling and pay attention to what I'm saying Yes to and what I'm saying no to when you say no to someone you are saying yes to yourself But you want to make sure that you're saying yes to yourself and no to other things Because they are in a lot of in alignment with your true self Sometimes people when I'm coaching them,

They say oh,

This is my new self and I go.

No.

No,

No dear one This is your true self.

It's not your new self.

This has always been you you just haven't lined up with you your Codependency your childhood trauma fawning fawning is your response to?

Needing to feel small because you had to choose attachment over authenticity as A child because you knew that if you were authentic and you spoke up there was going to be a negative consequence Your mother has become this narcissistic dragon in your life or your father has become this narcissistic abusive dragon in your life or your sister your siblings can be narcissistic too and You have learned that it is not safe to be the true self.

So the true self goes underground now our Codependency its behavioral.

It means that we have an identity issue.

We don't identify with the true self We push ourselves away from the true self.

We are living through the wounded self the small self Thinking that the way to get what we want is by disowning the self and we think that we want What we want is to keep other people happy.

No,

That's not what you want.

No,

That's what your small self thinks You want what you really want is to be your true self What you really want is to love your life.

What you really want is to have fun What you really want is to line up with people who are Adventurous who are trustworthy what you really want is to create magic in your life What you really want is serendipity what you really want is freedom.

You want the freedom to say no Even if the dragon is going to breathe fire You want to say no,

Even if that person abandons you because you chose yourself You want to be able to stand on solid ground even though you said no to this person Codependence fear abandonment We are so afraid that if we say no to you that we're gonna lose control over the whole kit and caboodle When we were children,

We learned to feel in control by saying yes,

Whatever you want mom,

Whatever you need dad I'm not going to talk about that outside the family.

I'm not going to speak the truth I'm gonna say no to the truth.

No to my true self.

Yes to this illusion Yes to this craziness and I'm gonna go underground.

I'm going to stay in patterns of serving you I'm gonna find ways to be super helpful,

Right?

Because if I'm super helpful,

Then you'll keep me around or if I'm super super helpful You'll have less to criticize me about so I can avoid rejection and I can avoid criticism by keeping my true self Underground because what I really want to do is tell you to go jump off a bridge What I really want you to do is tell you to buzz off What I really want you to do is leave me alone What I really want you to do is not talk to me anymore,

But I'm so afraid to be my true self That I just remain underground and I stick with this identity.

I don't have a self.

I don't have the self I have to figure out what she wants.

I have to keep her safe.

I have to keep her happy I have to keep this person content.

I have to worry about that It's like you've thrown all these plates on up in the air that you're trying to juggle and you're trying to manage And in all of that you're saying no to the true self and yes to codependent behaviors Yes to the narcissist in your life.

Yes to the people who are intrusive Yes to the manipulative people in your life and you don't realize that in doing that you are disowning your true self You are not in alignment with your true self.

You are out of alignment with your true self so your true self is over here and your little self is over here and we've got to make it so that your Higher self can integrate and tuck your lower self into this Entity or this concept of yourself that you think that you are it is absolutely shifting it is an inner and integration that happens a Self-actualization process that happens when I realize that that was my smaller self Operating through the wounded self operating through ego Trying to minimize other people's reactions to me and I don't have to do that anymore I don't and I choose not to worry More about someone else's reaction to my know than the reasons I said yes to myself That's some powerful stuff right there.

Do you one when you say no?

You are claiming that you have a right to say yes to the self Children from trauma don't feel like they have a right to say yes to the self on the healing path As we are healing from codependency and the and the causes of codependency Which is very oftentimes child and emotional neglect and worse when we are healing from that type of trauma We are coming out of the shadow.

We are coming up out of and the subconscious mind We are living above the veil of consciousness We are recognizing what happened to us and we're reclaiming the true self.

We're saying to fear.

Yes I see you.

I know that my the past life like my younger life that I was conditioned to be afraid to say no That if I said no people were going to get angry at me,

Maybe abandon me maybe they were going to do things without me and that was going to trigger my abandonment,

But I Can't keep saying no to myself So moving forward I'm going to say yes to myself.

I'm going to learn how to Accept that I am I'm being human when I feel that fear So I would like to at the same time That I forge ahead and create abundance in my life and step into love and step into potential and step into the unknown Codependence fear the unknown.

I think we all do to agree,

But codependence are afraid of change So as I step into the unknown where which is the only place?

New possibilities exist exist in the unknown not the known and if the known sucks You want to leave it in the past?

Right you want to move forward and so as you move forward in your life Remember that every time you say no to someone else you were saying yes to the self and that's super powerful and know that you can hold within yourself Being human with being your supernatural human self when we can hold Sadness and grief and fear of abandonment and the fear of the unknown At the same level that we hold love of self love of potential love of the unknown Love of I'm risking it risking it all love of letting go of expectations Letting myself line up with everything that I want to create in my life.

Just let it happen When I do that I become superhuman so the goal isn't to push away The pain the goal is to integrate it the goal is yeah I can feel I'm being human when I notice that I'm sensing abandonment I'm being human when I'm afraid that person's going to be upset with me because I said no I'm just being human is it human being or am I being human ah think about that one dear one When I'm being human I have human emotions But I'm also the supernatural being that can hold both the dark and the light within myself and I don't have to Fear either or I don't have to think one is better than the other I can hold both and I can of free will Choose the path that leads towards saying more Yes,

Yes is to myself the answer dear one to heal from trauma is to say yes to the self and Sometimes that means saying no to other people and as you say no to others And you say yes to the self more you are healing from the past you are stepping into that your future desired reality a reality That you couldn't if you tried to figure out how to make all the pieces of the puzzle fit You couldn't figure it out You have to say yes to the self and yes to yourself and yes to life and yes to your future You have to do it because that is your birthright you dear one or an heir to the universe But no one can help you line up with that besides yourself,

So don't be afraid well Even if you are afraid hold the fear see I said I'm correcting myself live Even though you have the fear hold the fear and then see the potential of you saying yes to yourself see it feel it Integrated and know that you can hold both and still choose you Namaste dear ones until next time as I bow to the love and the light that is absolutely in you namaste until