The Worst Thing To Do After A Breakup

Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa a Romano.

I am a life coach best-selling author YouTube vlogger meditation teacher and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse I am a believer in the power of an organized mind My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness Rather than living a reactive life May your heart feel blessed your mind feel expanded and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to breakthrough podcast So today we're going to be talking about the worst thing that you can do after a breakup The worst thing that you can do after a breakup is to not understand how necessary it is for your brain To get accustomed to this idea that it is over When you are in a relationship with someone what you don't realize is that your entire being your brain your consciousness You are thinking about the future with this person.

You're expecting that next holiday You will be together.

You're expecting that things are going to go well.

Otherwise,

Why would you be in the relationship in the first place?

So there's this idea even though we're not always conscious of it that this is going to last.

This is my person This is my guy.

This is my girl and It's gonna last forever and how many of us have had that experience?

I know I've had that experience every person I ever dated.

Well,

Almost every person I ever dated I thought yeah,

There was a future in it and When it became obvious that it wasn't going to work out One time I just had a hunch that the person that I was dating was really not good for me and I wasn't good for him found out that he was lying to me about a number of really important things and That was the final straw for me.

There were other hunches that I had but that was the one that did it in for me and there was grief there and If you've ever been involved in a marriage situation where you end up getting a divorce I mean you have a whole history with this person.

You may have children with this person so your brain is thinking this is it and The divorce happens and your life implodes and you're divvying up the dishes and you're trying to figure out who gets What photo album and you're trying to figure out visitation with the kids your entire brain has to shift your entire Emotional set point has to shift Nothing is the way it was and the worst thing that you can do after a breakup is to stalk someone on Facebook to find them on Instagram to hurt yourself by following them by stalking their Facebook page and by Reintroducing this person into your life when you are in a dating situation If this is so much easier because if you're dating this person you can sit just say goodbye and end it block them from social Media,

But even then that's not always the easiest thing to do,

Especially if your friends are intertwined And so ending a relationship is a process that needs you to go through a grief period This means that you need to absolutely Accept how you feel I was listening to a neuroscientist the other day talk about talk about this topic And one of the things that he said was that or he agreed with was that?

Because women generally are far more.

It's far more acceptable let's say for women to be emotional and in terms of culturally It's men are given this idea that they should stuff their feelings that they're weak if they cry they're weak if they express vulnerability and that's just not true because as we know vulnerability is actually courage and People who are able to embrace their grief They actually move through the grief period much quicker than those who are stuffing their feelings Those who are just jumping into another relationship And so until you really face the fact that this relationship is over Until you lean into all of those feelings until you have your ugly cry until you talk about it enough Then those feelings tend to stick around and it's harder for your brain to understand It's really over for you to really move forward to start a new relationship To feel a new to look for the lessons to try to figure out what you needed to learn about this relationship For you to grow from the experience your brain has to understand it's really over there has to be this divide Another thing that is not healthy to do is to jump into another relationship and not give your entire being time to process this idea that it's really over that the future is different now and If you were in that situation What you don't want to do is go back into situations that Remind you of the past it is so important to stay in the now in other words when you start thinking about the past You have to literally pull your brain into the now and say that was then and this is now This is my new reality and another thing that you might want to do is talk about to yourself or write it down in a journal Why this happened?

Why are we divorced?

Why aren't we together anymore?

What is the benefit of not being in this relationship anymore?

Why because you have to mentally help your brain Pull itself into the now because the brain will ruminate the mind will ruminate You will go back into the past you will reminisce and when you're reminiscing you're reinforcing those old neural pathways Associated to that relationship and so you're just postponing all of the grief You're just postponing actually the healing process when you ruminate so you want to make sure that you are catching yourself That when you are ruminating you are saying that was then this is now this is where I am And these are the five reasons that we got divorced in the first place or the five reasons why I felt we needed to end It or the five reasons.

I shouldn't be with this girl anymore the five reasons I shouldn't be with this guy anymore,

And if you do that enough What will happen is your entire being will finally accept that this actually is over It's so hard for the subconscious mind as well as the neural pathways in the brain to accept that this is over but if we use consciousness to our advantage if we use emotional intelligence to our advantage if we Lean into our experiences if we lean into our grief if we give ourselves the time to digest the process It's very difficult when we feel like our ego has been triggered and we've been left and we see someone that we cared about just Cap,

You know just just easily carrying on with another relationship like they didn't even care about us And we can fall into this pitfall of I'll show them and so we jump right into another relationship And we get on our Facebook stories and our Instagram stories And we act like we're all hunky-dory and we might jump into another relationship and never take the time to like really grieve What just happened you don't want to pretend or have a facade that everything's okay?

If it's not okay,

You need time men need time to get over a breakup Men just like women need time to accept their hurt.

They need time to accept their grief They need time to assimilate the new reality They need time to grieve all of the hope that they had in the beginning of their relationship And so you don't want to jump into the another relationship without giving yourself time To really feel your feelings and that goes for men as it does for women dear one.

You will survive and The good news is is that if you take this approach then in the process?

You're not going to miss all the lessons that the relationship actually taught you Maybe it brought up some of your shadows Maybe it gave you an opportunity to see something in yourself that you otherwise wouldn't have seen But if you take the time then this relationship will have the ability to propel you to another level of self-awareness self-accountability Self-compassion and it'll also help you decide what you don't want in the future Which will also help you clarify what you do want.

So whether you're a man or a woman Post breakup make sure that you don't ignore how you feel make sure you lean into your feelings Make sure you give yourself time to heal make sure you find someone who is supportive Don't jump right into another relationship and don't stalk the ex on Facebook Trying to prove to them that you're actually better than you are Maybe take a break from social media.

Maybe go out into the woods maybe just completely go on a detox of social media and Take care of yourself and in time dear one,

You will be okay.

You will be okay namaste I hope this has been helpful until next time.

Bye for now