The Itch Of The Ego And Why It's Never Satisfied

So to start with a story that the Buddha used to tell of a jackal that used to have,

This jackal that had mange,

And how he observed this jackal one day running all around trying to relieve the itch of its mange,

And so he saw the jackal go running into a cave trying to find the coolness in the cave,

And for a few minutes it's finding a little bit of relief in the cave,

But then the itch comes right back again.

Then he comes running out and he jumps in the river trying to find some relief in the river,

And for a few minutes the water feels a little refreshing and the itch has died down for a few minutes,

But then it comes back again.

So then he jumps out of the river and he's lying in the sun trying to see if the sun will relieve the itch,

And for a few minutes it does,

And then it's back again,

And then he's racing over to a tree and he's rubbing his back up against the tree again trying to relieve the itch,

But the more he rubs the greater the itch becomes.

And so just all day long he keeps repeating this,

Just running around frantically trying to relieve his itch from the mange.

And so the Buddha tells this story as a metaphor for us,

For us to see how we are running around all day long trying to get somewhere,

Trying to get something,

Trying to add on something to this moment,

Always believing if I can just get over there that the itch will go away,

But the itch doesn't go away for very long.

It goes away for a few minutes when we get there,

When we get the object,

But then it just comes right back again.

And so the good news for us is that the mange for us isn't real.

The bad news is that we think it is.

And so the mange in this metaphor is the clinging at the belief in a separate self,

The ego,

That the clinging at the belief of a thought-created me,

Right,

That this is who we ourselves to be,

Right,

That I am the thought-created me.

And if we think about it,

Of course,

This is what we're always trying to make happy,

Is the thought-created me,

Right?

When we're trying to solve the imaginary problems that we're always creating in our minds is to try and appease this little imaginary me,

Who for a moment feels appeased and then on to the next one,

Right?

We're thinking about ourselves in the future,

We're imagining something we have to do,

We're imagining something we don't want to do,

Right,

Or imagining ourselves in the past,

Something we wish we could do again or something we wish hadn't happened,

Right?

We're always doing this as this imaginary me,

Right,

To try and please this imaginary me.

All this imagining is at its behest.

And so we're clinging to this imaginary me,

This thought-created me,

And the thought-created me comes with an itch,

Right?

This itch where we're always,

You know,

If I can just get over there,

If I can just do this,

If I can just run this way,

Then I can relieve the itch.

But the itch always comes back.

And so the separate self,

The ego,

The thought-created me,

It's very safe because we're always trying to relieve the itch instead of looking at what it is that's causing the itch.

So through all these thoughts about ourselves,

Commenting on our experience,

Narrating our experience,

Interpreting our experience,

Giving meaning to our experience,

Through all of this thinking,

It's giving the illusion of me having an experience.

So there's this separate me in my head that's created through thought and has to,

And the only way it can be sustained is through thought.

And itching the whole time,

There's this,

Or there's me,

Experience,

No itching,

No thinking,

Just being here,

Present moment,

Experience.

So if we look at this as like through the lens of getting a massage,

Most of us I think like getting massages,

It's a pleasant experience.

When we're having a massage,

Of course,

We're having nice physical sensations,

Nice touch,

Nice feeling,

Right?

Often there's some nice scented oils,

Some nice smells,

Some nice sounds with some nice music,

Right?

This is what's happening and it's very pleasant and we really enjoy this,

We love this,

It feels really good.

But then thoughts start coming in,

We start commenting on the experience,

Oh this feels so amazing,

This feels so good,

I love this,

I should do this more often.

And the moment we start doing that,

Just this innocuous just commenting on it,

We've created now me having the experience,

Me,

A separate me,

A thought-created me is now having the experience.

And the actual massage itself has now gone to the background of our experience.

And what's in the foreground is the me having the experience,

The separate me,

The thought-created me having the experience of the massage,

Wanting more massages,

Right?

Wanting more because we're often like,

Oh how can I get more of these,

Right?

Wanting it to last,

How much longer will it be?

Wanting more out of the massage when we're not even here for the massage to begin with.

So we've already pulled ourselves out of the experience of it and put it into the background because we so believe the thought-created me,

The thought-created me that's having the experience versus what the experience is.

The pleasant sensations,

The pleasant smells,

The pleasant sounds.

And this is where we spend our whole lives,

Lost in the thoughts of me having an experience,

I'm going to have an experience,

I had an experience,

I'm having this experience and this is what's happening.

But keeping ourselves separated from the actual experience and in so doing creating that little itch,

It's not quite enough.

I need to add on something more to it,

I need to get something out of it,

I need to push something away.

And part of the belief with part of the false belief that goes along with this,

Even where I think to some degree we kind of know it's just a thought-created illusion,

But there's this belief that somehow by thinking about all this,

By commenting on all this,

By narrating on all this,

I'm keeping this,

This,

Me all together.

The one that's actually here having the one that's actually the experience,

I'm somehow keeping it all together,

I'm somehow keeping it safe,

I'm come somehow adding to it and making it better.

It's not making the massage better,

We're not even feeling it anymore,

We're actually creating an itch in the massage,

Right?

Just by saying this is so amazing,

This feels so good,

Just it's so innocuous to just be commenting on it in that way.

But once the separate self,

The me having the experience has arisen,

The only way it can sustain itself is through more thought.

So it's just got to keep thinking and it's thinking about oh I can't wait till she gets to my back because gosh that's going to be really sore and oh and don't forget to mention last time she did something I didn't really like and should I say something about that because I don't want to offend her but I should let her know and we're going back and forth and we're supposedly enjoying the massage but in our heads we've created this itch,

We've created this little discomfort for ourselves,

Right?

Or if in our relationships,

Is it adding to our relationships?

Every time that little voice comes in,

Adds a little bit of doubt and why didn't they return my text right away and they didn't really quite get as excited about my good news as I thought they should have been and why didn't they ask about this important thing that I had?

They knew it was coming up.

Is it adding to our relationships or is it taking away?

Right,

If we're working on a project,

You're at work,

You're working on a spreadsheet,

You're working on a presentation,

You're working on a report,

Is the little voice coming in cracking the whip going go faster,

Go faster,

I don't want to do this,

I want to get on to the next thing,

Right?

Or don't make a mistake,

They're all going to think you're an idiot,

You know,

This constant little commenting that's going on,

Right?

Is this adding to our experience?

Is it making us better or is it taking away?

Is it making it worse?

And yet this is how we spend our whole lives,

Scratching this imaginary itch for this imaginary image and somehow believing that somehow this is all helping all keeping all this together and enhancing our experience,

It's taking us out of the experience,

That's all it's doing.

So there's a story about a this famous Zen master that ran a really really tight uh strict monastery in Japan and every evening he would go for a walk through the forest around the mountain and he would always take one monk with him and you never knew in advance who he was going to take,

He would just come out the door and just pick someone and off you'd go,

But he had one rule for going on the walk and that one rule was you're not allowed to speak.

So one evening he comes out the door,

All the monks are sitting around and he calls on this young monk,

A pretty new novice inexperienced monk and asks him to come on the walk.

The young monk's so excited and as he's walking towards the master one of the senior monks whispers like remember don't talk and he's like oh yeah yeah yeah got it got it.

So they go off together and they're walking first through the forest and it's beautiful and the sounds and it's it's that that evening kind of cool uh the coolness of the evening coming on and and and it's very pleasant and and then they they come out on this kind of ledge uh that looks out over the valley and the sun is just setting and the colors of the sunset are just beautiful and and the whole experience is just it's so lush it's so rich it's so beautiful it's so vivid and the young monk is just beside himself he just he wants to say something he knows he's not supposed to say anything but he just cannot help himself and he finally turns to the master and he says this is so beautiful thank you for taking me and with that the master turns around walks back to the monastery and never invites the young monk to go on the evening walk again and while that might seem like a rather uh a tough way to give a lesson but he is teaching because when the monk needed to say something right it's the the conversation was already happening in the head right the the the it was no longer the experience happening it was me having the experience it had already arisen he wasn't in the experience he wasn't part of the experience he wasn't part of the present moment he was he was separate from it and this is what he was trying to teach the monk even something as innocuous as saying it's so beautiful thank you for taking me right was was separating them out of the moment and we can see this how we do this all the time like when we we see a beautiful sunset we see a beautiful sunrise and because we all have phones with these amazing cameras like we have that moment of awe that moment of awe you're looking at the sunset right it stops you dead in your tracks and you're seeing all the beautiful colors and there's that feeling of peace and that feeling of connection it's such a beautiful rich wonderful experience and then so quickly so quickly comes in the me having the experience and oh let me get my phone let me take a picture of this right and we're all of a sudden we're trying to take a picture and we're thinking oh i should put this on facebook i should put this on instagram i should put this on tiktok we're already trying to make the experience last but we already left the experience a long time ago the moment we started commenting on it the moment we started trying to make it last we were already out of the experience we were long gone we were out of the moment it's anything that we are bringing the separate self to anything that ruins it right anything that goes from being in the present moment to i'm having the experience starts to ruin it right if you're at a party right and and you're having a great time right you're dancing you maybe you're walking around it's a lot of fun people there's a lot of laughter a lot of smiles like it feels good there's good music playing right it's a good party and you're enjoying yourself and then all of a sudden the little voice comes in this party is so amazing this is so great and then all of a sudden just as soon as that little voice comes in commenting on it the next member it has to sustain itself the only way it can sustain itself now is well what time is it now how much longer is the party going to last i hope it lasts a long time we need to have more parties like this when when's there going to be another party like this right we're already grasping at it we're trying to um to make the party last right because it's now it's me having the experience of the party and now i've got to try and make it last but the reason the party was so good a few minutes ago was because you me the separate self sorry the separate self was not at the party you were there you were in the present moment you're in the experience of it but the moment you start coming in with the thinking you've taken yourself out of the experience and now there's a little itch again oh i gotta make it last how can i make it last right or there's that that romantic moment maybe you're having with someone or just a deep connection with a friend there's that moment like where you feel it and it's it's such a beautiful those those kind of moments that arise where there's such a deep connection and then all of a sudden a little voice comes in how can i make this last how can i make this continue oh god did i just say something wrong did they misperceive that right because that's what starts coming in afterwards so a minute ago there was no separate self there was the experience there was the connection there was the intimacy and then it's me having the experience me the separate self having the experience commenting on it the only way to sustain me having the experience through thought needing to add something on to the experience or all of a sudden to fear some part of the experience maybe i've done something now to ruin this right that's the only way it sustains itself and thereby ruining the moment ruining what was there and that's just on the pleasant experiences let alone what happens on the unpleasant experiences when we are we're on a long plane ride we're feeling some discomfort our back hurts uh we're having some challenge right and then here comes that little voice to make it worse this is a nightmare this is so terrible instead of yeah maybe it's a little bit uncomfortable uh maybe there's there's something that needs to be done and maybe you are feeling a little bit tired but that voice comes in and goes oh my god this is so terrible this is so bad and what does this mean right wants to add all this meaning to it and just to make it heavier for us so while we had we're experiencing a challenge on one level right there's there's a an unpleasant moment an uncomfortable moment we all have uncomfortable moments but then we add all this layer of me having the experience of the uncomfortable moment and making it drawing it out and making it worse and it's so fast the thing is you'll never catch this beforehand it's so fast it's always you're only going to catch this after it's already come out and so we can use the itch as the calling card of the separate self right not to see the itch as the enemy it's the calling card we know when you're having that little bit of discomfort of just that little oh i just something's not feeling right i've got to get over there i've got to do something i've got to rush i i just can't relax whatever that is what however that little itch is coming up great that's the calling card the separate self is here it's here it's so fast it's lightning fast right so it's here already so we remember that and we investigate it and we turn our attention inwards don't try to scratch the itch turn your attention to what it is that's causing the itch right recognize first of all here's the itch here it is something's missing i'm lacking something i i need to make this last i need to be somewhere else great you recognize it and then bring your attention to what it is that's here feeling what's here being with what's here and remembering as well that whatever you know you know all these little thoughts come in it's like when we're getting all of our junk email right and when you look in your junk folder and they always have this urgent must open now like it's always trying to get your attention they're always trying to get your attention right as though something is so earth shatteringly important it's not important it's no more important than the junk mail in your email no more important than that come in and feel come back into what's here right you're at the party and you noticed yeah okay i got a little excited about the party i started commenting on it it's so fast you're not going to catch it before right you got a little excited no problem and then just oh okay now let me come back let me use the breath let me feel right hear the sounds again maybe you're dancing oh yeah let's just instead of commenting on my dancing and did i look like a fool just start dancing again right feel the body moving look around see the sides notice now all of a sudden you're you're back in the present moment right without the having the experience the extra layer adding on it you're here you're present right or if you're you you find yourself at the end of the day you come home and and and it's been a long day and you were really looking for it all day i'm going to be so happy you were itching all day long to get home to be able to relax and then as soon as you get home to relax right the mind starts going ah this is so great this is so amazing i can finally relax but what else do i need oh maybe i should get a book oh maybe i should get my phone now i should check my messages maybe i should go on social media you know maybe i should get some food right there's always oh i've got it i can't really relax i need something else to add on to it it'll never let you relax that's not it's never about relaxation it's never about contentment right and so just noticing that in that moment where we're we want to relax we've had a long day we want to relax remember it always comes with that constriction right that oh i need something else to add on to this moment and just breathe and feel that ah right relaxing thinking about relaxing and being relaxed are two totally different things right in one way thinking about relaxing is just the way to itch myself to get away from what it is that i'm doing now right to kind of create the me having the experience of something i don't like and i want to be over there but being relaxed is without commentary without thought it's being here it's being present right and we don't know how to relax right we spend so much time running around and wanting to get to that moment of relaxation but once we get there the itch is still there right or even just feeling those moments of anxiety that um that come up during the day or those moments of stress a little bit of fear right we still have all these residual feelings that are still working their way through and so you just you again you recognize right because the anxiety is like oh i got to do something to get rid of this this isn't right i can't feel this right me having the experience of anxiety right so you recognize it and you come in and you just feel again that contraction that tension that uneasiness in the body and you just feel and you move closer to it and now you're here with what's here you're present you haven't separated yourself into two you're back into it and even in the anxiety the feelings of it there's peace when we're not pushing back on it like we keep thinking i got to get past this to get to the peace no the the it's the pushing back on the anxiety that's obstructing it but we do have to be clear we can't keep feeding we can't keep itching the scratch every time we do that it just keeps this cycle going we have to stop feeding it i mean this is this is the you know what we're trying to be mindful of is to to recognize how we keep feeding into this to keep coming back into the present moment because whatever it is that's here it can be pleasant it can be unpleasant it can be neither pleasant nor unpleasant whatever whatever um experience is happening the moment i am having this experience me having this experience me the separate self makes it worse it takes the good experience and lessens it it takes the neutral experience and makes it bad it takes the unpleasant experience and makes it worse that is always what it's doing always experience doesn't need commentary the illusion the separate self the ego that needs commentary in order to exist absolutely and we we do want to make sure that when we that when we're doing this not to beat ourselves up remember it's so fast we've been doing it for so long it just it happens it comes in so fast so maybe you notice yourself looking at a beautiful sunset tonight and and the impulse is there to want to take a picture of it and there's nothing wrong in itself of that right but just to notice oh there it was oh wow it was so fast i was already reaching for the phone and you can just use that as a as a recognition of wow wow okay and just pause right just pause feel that wanting to make it last breathe put your attention back on the sun you know feel what's here and then notice how your attention opens up to what's here by being what's here with what's here in the internal experience it opens up and you're back seeing the sunset again and after a few moments then you might decide you know see what happens now from the present moment yeah there might be a wanting to take a picture of it there might not there's nothing wrong in and of itself of taking the picture right it's when it's that itch it comes with that itch and it's that automatic response we want to try and and and keep catching that so that we do spend more time with the sunsets with sunrises with the full moons that we're we're more present for it we're here we're in we are the experience with it this is the experience that's happening and this me is the experience right that we're not adding on an additional someone else having the experience it's just the experience that's here and then in in being more here with what's um you're not trying to add on to it there might be at the you're going to look at it for so long and then decide yeah i'll take a photo but there's not this frenzy oh i've got to get the photo now i've got to get on facebook or or looking at the photo and thinking oh that doesn't quite look as good as it does in real life let me try again let me try again let me try and put a filter on it now let me try and really change the experience right it's just yeah i wanted to take a photo right no problem you took a photo maybe you shared it with a friend no problem but you noticed that kind of sharing and wanting something back just no it was kind of a connection like or you're with someone and you see the beautiful sunset and they say to you what a beautiful sunset right then you don't launch into a lesson about this about the zen master just go yeah yeah right you don't add a them for you don't chastise yourself if you're the one that said it because it comes in right it's so fast you're never going to catch it beforehand but you just notice oh there it was again right and then we just we keep coming back and the more that we keep doing the more that we stop feeding the itch right sustaining it and we keep breaking it you know using the itch as the calling card of the separate self the itch is the result of the separate self the separate self is always lacking it's always lacking it's always missing something it's always needing to get somewhere so the more that we can keep breaking that right and even though every one of those thoughts comes in with the sense of urgency it's so important and we start to realize they're not important they're just thoughts they're just thoughts got a million you know grabbing thousands of them every day often the same thoughts again and again and again and the the more that you start to see that you you keep bringing yourself back the more faith you have in the present moment and the less faith you have in the separate self you start to trust this more than you do the separate self because we do trust that so much we think every thought that's coming out is the fact that that there is this separate me that is real and that it's somehow helping or adding to the experience it's not it's not helping the experience in any way so for us to be more mindful of just that itch i gotta get somewhere it's over there once i get there i'll find it because as soon as you get there the itch will go away for a few moments and the only reason it goes away is because the separate self went away for a few moments because you got there but then it just starts right back up again and off you're running to the next thing and so the more that you can be mindful be aware of this happening and and to keep using that itch as the calling card of the separate self to go oh i've got to direct my attention inwards feel and be with what's here and notice how you all of a sudden there's a sense of ease there's a sense of peace again and sometimes there there will be something to do there might be something to do but you're not doing it with this idea that i'm just you know this kind of nervous itch always trying to to you know not doing it with this anxiety of needing to have the itch fulfilled it's just you're going about life um without an itch without the itch it's not necessary right each of us is the experience the experience doesn't need commentary if i'm if i'm getting a massage you can feel you can hear you can smell it doesn't need any commentary and we can apply that to every part of our lives it doesn't need the commentary the illusion needs the commentary the separate self the ego needs the commentary you that is the experience doesn't need it so to be more mindful of that to be more on the lookout for the itch that maybe this metaphor of the jackal with the itch kind of hopefully can can be an anchor for you to catch yourself the next time you're running around trying to outrun the itch you're never going to outrun the itch you're never going to outrun it use it as a cue to come in to feel your experience to be with what's here and notice how notice how when you turn inwards to the experience intent whatever that itch feeling is instead of trying to use something on the external to make it go away notice how when you come into it how all of a sudden the peace the calm the contentment it was here it was here in the experience in not fighting the experience in not trying to make the experience last in not believing that there was something here a me having the experience there is no me having the experience me i this is the experience this is it and it doesn't need any commentary and it is far more pleasant to go through life without having to constantly comment and narrate and interpret and give meaning because it just makes us miserable it just makes us miserable so we've got to stop feeding the itch you know use the itch as a reminder don't make it an enemy it's going to come in fast it's going to always come in fast and and just to keep coming back into your experience starting to trust this more you know into the experience that's here the present moment and starting to trust this more than you do the the illusion okay so i hope that was a a helpful analogy something again just another reminder to you point us in the right direction right don't keep trying to feed the itch don't keep trying to scratch the itch it's just never going to end oh hi amanda and good morning from australia must be very early for you at six eight yeah it's six a.

M for you in australia yeah it's early welcome glad you're here new here glad you're here so sandy hang on you've probably got something good here i want to see ah where's my computer oh lindsay i'm glad and hi craig good to see you early yeah your fur baby's pee time you're like my sister libby she's in loritan um in uh new south wales she's always got to get her little dog april out before the class starts so lind sandy you were saying a friend of mine had a grandfather who was a swiss mountain guide and on his hikes with the grandfather father he was not allowed to talk so if he did he got a rock added to his pack each time he spoke good mountain guide giving good lessons to his to his grandson yeah it's not adding to our experience it's taking us out of the experience right that's what's so crazy it's not adding and the more we try and add on to it the uh the further it takes us from the actual experience right each moment is just happening sometimes there's beautiful sunrises in front of us sometimes there's beautiful sunsets in front of us sometimes there's a pile of dog poo in front of us right but the commenting on it the kind of oh i only want the sunsets i only want the good conditions i don't want the unpleasant conditions right that's all the me wanting the good experience but then you get to the good experience you finally get the good conditions you get to the massage and it takes five minutes probably less before you're already up in your head having the experience the massage going into the background and in the foreground it's focused on the me having the experience and it's and you're not there you've just taken yourself out of it but it's we're so that that voice just that constant chatter even just that narrating that commenting which doesn't seem like it's doing a lot of harm but it's kind of the gateway into the as soon as i start commenting this is so amazing this is so wonderful i'm so happy i mean it's just given birth to it and now i've got to sustain it so what else could i add on to it how can i make this last this is so good how can i make this last how can i do more of this i can take more pictures i can add more filters on i can send it to more people and when we're not in the we've left we long ago left the experience right or the separate self took over in a way that covered up what was happening and how we do anything is how we do everything so in any way and again not to beat ourselves up for it because it does happen so quickly and it's an ingrained habit and and the conditioning for so much of us for so many of us in just the day and age that we live it's just this is the time period that we live in which is we've lived in a very egocentric self-centered view uh for you know humans for thousands of years now it's very ingrained in our society it's just become more and more and more amplified you know especially with technology it's just become more and more amplified and so it's it's just such a second nature to us we're not really even looking for the just the narrating the commenting we're not even looking for it we're kind of looking for those big moments where we're freaking out and or i'm having that day where i'm just not feeling good and you're running around all day just like the jackal right those days when we just wake up and we're just not feeling you know you just feel a little bit off right you just kind of like something just i feel a lot maybe you didn't sleep well some things hormones are a little bit awry neurochemistry something's just a little off like we all have those days right everything's impermanent everything changes we can't always feel good and we immediately run with that bad feeling right something must be wrong right and i've got it i've got to get it better i've got to get back because yesterday i was so present i was so mindful i felt so good it was so peaceful i got to get back to it and we just keep running and this oh i got to get into nature i've got to go do this i got to go do that i've got to have my my wheat grass you know we're always thinking i've got to do something to try and get back to it and then every time we kind of we rush to do something and with that mindset we're scratching the itch it gives us a little moment's relief but it doesn't really give us much relief for long because if we're feeding the itch it's just going to keep coming back like we just think no if i can just do this one thing i can feel good again right but that is feeding the itch instead of just recognizing like oh the itch is here it's here i don't feel good okay i don't feel good i don't feel great let me just be with that let me breathe into and feel that and allow myself to not feel great today okay and the moment that you do that there's a sense of relaxation a sense of ease right you're not making it any worse than it is you're not trying to i gotta rush over there even in that there is a sense of peace and ease like oh i can just be with this fantastic yeah it feels much better right and i'm not saying that we can't you know then you know go for a walk exercise is always a good thing but not with this oh my god i gotta feel better come in first don't use these things even i've got to run to my meditation i've got to run to you know don't use our practice in that way in that way is oh to try and get better it's to try you know our practice is to to bring us into the experience what's here what am i fighting you know what am i trying to push down what am i trying i'm trying who's trying to get somewhere who's trying to get somewhere oh the separate self the me having the experience the me having the experience the separate self the thought created me is not happy with the experience that's here right now it wants a different experience and oh well okay so go try and get that other experience it's going to be happy for about two minutes and then it's going to say no now i want this experience now i want that experience right it's never ending it's only sustained through thought it's only sustained through thought it has to keep thinking to keep itself in keeping itself in existence and it can't keep saying forever this is amazing this is amazing this is amazing it's this is amazing how can i get more of it this is a nightmare how can i get away from it and it keeps you know digging and digging and digging and you know we feel the itch and we go off running and we keep and sometimes you know sometimes yeah we exhaust ourselves and it's like yeah it worked okay sometimes it does and it worked but then it still comes back again so don't and don't be upset about the itch it's not the enemy it's not the enemy it's it's a calling card of the separate self and it's so fast all we can do is come in after all we can do mindfulness can only come in after the fact it cannot come in before you will never catch it and we have to be so careful of that because these habits are so deeply ingrained and i think a or in said in that or amanda as you're saying like society places so many expectations on us so much so many unrealistic expectations on us like um that yeah all of this is just these conditions are so very much ingrained in us and and so no judgment but that's what it'll do right that's where we kind of turn around and we go i did it again i'm such an idiot i'm such a bad practitioner i'm such a loser right it's just like good more you know keep it going right it's got to keep keep itself going the moment you notice it doesn't matter what it is i want to get over there i've got to go faster you're just trying to get out the door amanda you're just trying to get out to feed your dogs or to to take them out to pee right and all of a sudden there's this frenzy getting out the door right we feel this oh i got to get out before the dharma talk starts right and it's like just that to notice oh because what's the dharma talk for if not to point out to us that you know to be present but then we kind of get this i got to get home for the dharma talk i've got to do this and we forget oh here i am thinking that it's going to be better when i get there i'm going to finally found the experience i want when i get there instead of recognizing all that's happening as i'm leaving the experience that's here that is really not that unpleasant we go through ups and downs we all do it right our feelings change you know our thoughts change our emotions change the the way you know whether we're feeling some comfort in the body or some discomfort in the body right comes and it goes but we don't want to fight it we don't want to fight it right if you you're coming to a live and um and you're going to be late be late be late right or if you're you're rushing maybe you're the teacher right you know and sometimes that's happened and it's like oh okay we're rushing we're rushing right it's okay to move fast it's okay to move fast when you're not trying to believe when you're not believing that because i've got to get there and then something's going to happen it's like no i'll do my best you know i've got to rush i've had situations i can remember i remember a couple years ago with mia when she was a little puppy and she got out and thought it was this great game right before i was coming on a live and and she thought this was amazing oh isn't this great i'm chasing after her and i'm like no i'm trying to get you inside um so i can get on the live and and it was a game to her and you just had to sit back and laugh and go okay well maybe i'll make it maybe i won't right no one's gonna die if i don't turn up for a live i mean i do try to and i know on sunday i had problems with the internet which is why we're meeting today um but um you know no one was in the house waiting for heart transplant surgery or something like you know we kind of create this context around the events in our lives as though my god they're the most earth-shattering things in the world and it's like most of it isn't earth-shattering most of it isn't and do your best right always do our best to turn up if we say we're going to be somewhere we do our best but and if we have to rush like that's okay it's okay to rush but just stay in the like this is the feeling of rushing okay let's see if we get there let's see let's see if they're still waiting for me five minutes after it starts let's see you know let's see right and so that's where the teachings are supposed to be helping us not to make sure that we get everywhere on time and everything goes exactly the way we think they should go because that's where we get confused on this practice that we think if i'm present then that means everything should be going my way if i'm not lost in the separate self and the ego then that means everything just is perfect for me people only praise me i never feel criticism i never lose any money i always get the best deal no one ever takes advantage of me i never feel some discomfort or pain like no that is so unrealistic that is just not the reality of the world that we live in but with that said 95 of our suffering is self-created actually probably all of our suffering i'm going to change that all of our suffering is self-created it's all self-created the discomfort the pain we all experience it right the good conditions the the you know the pleasant conditions the unpleasant conditions it we're all experiencing it right and we're not denying the pleasant conditions have gratitude when we have the pleasant conditions appreciate them don't don't start clinging right we talked about last week with gratitude don't start clinging to it just oh this is nice it's not gonna last but enjoy it and the and the and because you're not getting attached because you're not clinging right it actually does tend to last a little longer and it smooths it out right that when the conditions change there's not oh no no no no no i was feeling so good this morning and now i'm not oh something's wrong right there's no longer that any longer it's just yeah it's changing and this is what's here now right the story that we're adding on is not helping it's not helping at all yeah and michelle just to your point yeah you know it's that equanimity with what's here yeah whatever is here is changing don't get attached but i would say yeah all of the suffering which is so much for so much of us for so many of us a great deal of our experience i mean really a really high number is just self-created drama just always wanting to get to the next thing i got to get over there um imagining problems that don't exist you know trying to spend hours trying to solve those problems rehashing right again we get to the end of the day or we finally like i can't wait to get into bed and go to sleep because it's been such a busy day and then you get into bed and then the mind just starts rehashing the day oh god you know what you know what i think that person was rude to you five hours ago oh god did you say that i can't believe you said that right just rehashing nitpicking trying to find ways to um prevent us from enjoying the the moment of being in bed nothing to do for the next eight hours just to lie here how comfortable maybe you would amanda like i have all my dogs lying on the bed with me they're all there all three it's nice we're all snug as snug as little bugs in a rug right it's great right but you can see the separate self wants to come in and wants to go over everything again no i think there was a problem what have you got to do tomorrow oh god right so again the me having the experience of tomorrow before it's even tomorrow the me not wanting a part of the experience before it's even happening and how many times do we do that where we dread we dread we dread we dread oh i don't want to do this it's going to be so awful and then after it we go that wasn't nearly as bad as i thought almost always it's never as bad first of all it's never as bad as we can think we can always imagine something really awful and then sometimes we go well yeah that was you know what because i imagined it as being really bad then that's what made it not be so bad it doesn't have you know the thinking isn't helping it in any way it's not helping it in any way and it just very much narrows our attention so that you know if i think i'm going to something oh i don't want to do this you know and we just kind of you know we're kind of frustrated around it you know we're not open to what it is that is here we don't see it because we put our blinders on right we put our blinders on and oh you're going through the day where we we can feel like a frustrating day and and we feel this kind of like i i don't want to look at anyone i don't want to smile at anyone i'm having such a bad day and we we get so wrapped up in our own suffering and it's like you know nothing's happening it's just all in our head we're just creating all this in our head and and and and this is what we're doing just all day long create you know exaggerating bad conditions exaggerating things that we don't want to do imagining how much terrible this is going to be for me right even though i'm not even doing it right now or even just you know i can't wait to get over there it's going to be so amazing over there and then all that happens when we get there because all we've been doing is scratching the itch of getting over there is now i want to get to the next thing right i've said this many times if you can't enjoy the present moment then forget making any plans you will never enjoy where you're at you can only be here in the present moment this is all that's happening this is all that's happening and so i'm not saying we can't make plans but if you cannot be present now then don't bother don't bother because you're just getting lost in the planning and then you get there and then it's like i i have some friends you know they're on holiday and they're already talking about where they're going to go on their next holiday like what you're you're on holiday now and you're already talking about the next holiday like if you can't enjoy the holiday you're on now why go through all the expense and time and travel for another holiday that you're not going to be there for right so it's it's none of this is adding to our experience it's taking away it's taking away and ruth my gosh thank you for such a generous donation thank you thank you so much that was really kind of you thank you yeah and annette yeah if i'm not here present i'm there you're you're here you're lost in even again it's even that little like it's you know the way that we think about ourselves it is very often future and past but there's a good chunk of time where we are just narrating and commenting on our experience and we are still not here we have still we have gone from the experience meredith is the experience to meredith separate self having an experience right it always just alters it and let me tell you meredith having the experience is never happy she's never satisfied she's she she's just because she's an illusion she's not real she's she doesn't exist it's just a thought created illusion a thought created illusion that gives the impression somehow we think and get that i'll get to your question in just one moment somehow we think it's keeping us safe we can even say well okay it's not real but for some reason it's it's keeping this one here this the form the body the brain it's it all this thinking is actually keeping it safe it's not and this is what we should be investigating and looking at is seeing how it's not it's not adding to our experience it's taking away because we can go through our whole lives and not be here for it and that is the reality of what most people are doing their whole lives not being here for it not being here for the good moments not being here for the the the unpleasant moments the difficult moments where we could bring in some compassion and kindness and really open our hearts to what it is that's here whether it's our suffering or someone else's suffering it makes for a very monotone experience because it's just always with filled with constriction holding our breath got to get to the next thing oh i got there phew for a minute and then just oh got to get there again you know just living in this constant fear as though we imagine like we walk out the front door and we're just always living as though there's there's a tiger around the corner about to attack us got to get ahead of it like this these aren't the conditions of which most of most of us live in we don't live in these conditions this is in some ways a little bit i i feel it's a little bit of um i think exacerbated by the amount of free time that we have and the amount of convenience that we have in some ways it kind of it's just and the amount of safety that we have that it's given so much room for you know for us to kind of create these fantasies like yeah i think it gives us a lot of um it creates the space for all these these fantasies these unpleasant fantasies alice you're here i wasn't sure you were here yeah good to see you yeah and and it is in in learning you're safe um and not in danger around uncertainty actually i'm going to come back to you in one minute alice because i want to address geetha i hope i'm saying your your name right um because you're asking here you're saying you're still struggling so much being in the present moment and just notice that geetha just the comment i'm struggling being in the present moment well i i know you were trying to communicate to me the difficulty there but i think we also carry a narrative around that that the present moment is difficult to stay in and it's it's not so much to get into the present moment to be into the moment it's to see how we keep going out of it because there's not a lot you you know the present moment you know it's like talking about what it is that we really are you know who i really am you know really am you know who i am if we're if we're talking about that whatever we say about it isn't it because it's it's got no image it's got there's no there's nothing fixed about it it's empty of inherent existence that's why the buddha always called it the deathlessness so that you couldn't create an image around that and so i think sometimes we struggle coming into the present moment because we we're so used to living in images we're so used to living in identities in living in the next moment the me that's going to be in the next moment and we we try and apply that to the present moment and so we we kind of miss the mark on it and what's what's best at least what i have found is not trying to get into the present moment not trying to stay in the present moment because that's just more struggle that's just more struggle it's more commentary but simply to keep recognizing when you're out just to keep recognizing when you're out no judgment because you're out of the present moment no beating yourself up no i'm a bad practitioner no i'm not getting this right because there is this sense like i've got to get this like the separate self has to get this it's not going to get this it's not it's the problem it's the problem and so it's really about recognizing oh oh i i feel that sense of i'm not here oh you know or i've got to be somewhere else or i'm lacking or something i'm doubting whatever it is you know and it always comes with that contraction gita it always comes with that little bit there's a little bit of a feeling inside of it you know it's like that that's separating us into two comes and so ah okay recognize just oh okay i'm out of the moment just recognize that i'm out of the moment and let me just breathe and feel what's here and everything opens back up again and then maybe two weeks later or two weeks later i'm reading two minutes later you oh that was really good how can i get back to that oh there it goes again right remember it's just that little commenting can i get i got to get back to that there it is again breathe and feel oh it's always coming in and coming into the contraction i find just breathing and feeling it ah here we go okay yeah there's an unpleasant feeling here there's some contraction i do find if there's a commentary on what it is that's here and helping you to be with what's here that's fine like to be in your internal experience not commenting on the experience and how i'm perceiving the experience or interpreting but just okay there's sensations here just breathe and feel just take five deep breaths 10 breaths however long it's like okay maybe there's a little bit of an uneasy feeling because we all experience that and again i think amanda or net i think you were kind of saying to your point earlier you know we every thought every feeling every emotion we have is not ours it's not my thoughts it's not i mean they feel like my thoughts but they're the same as everyone else is having they're the same feelings everyone else is having the same emotions that everyone else is having because it's the same conditioning it's the same conditioning and so we do as we do this work geetha as we do this um practice of seeing what we're not as we keep doing this there is a a there there is an unveiling each time that we do it and we come back into the present moment every time we see what we're not we keep coming back there's a a recognizing that this is real how am i you're hearing my words right now maybe you're seeing me maybe you're just walking along somewhere right you're feeling maybe you're sitting in a chair like that's all real right and you start to trust this more than you trust that little voice but there is a for many of us for most of us this is a gradual process it's a gradual process it takes quote unquote time because the conditioning of our culture is so so strong and and when we have these thoughts that are not my thoughts that are not my feelings that are not my emotions even as we're doing this work they're still coming out right the fear i've talked about this many times it's like you're turning off the engine on a big ocean liner it's still going to go forward for a while and so the thoughts and that you know the feelings are the thoughts of doubt of shame of guilt of anxiety of not being safe those will still those feelings right and the fear so remembering to an emotion is a thought plus a feeling a story plus a feeling right because the feelings there's that feeling of something's wrong there and that's the story that's interpreting oh this is shame this is guilt this is what's going on this is sadness this is such and such so that when we can come out of the story because we recognize this is just everyone's experiencing this no i'm no different the doubt particularly a difficult one for us the doubting ourselves the feeling badly about ourselves the feeling like i'm a loser that is such a common thought in our culture it just in the egocentric view world that we live in where everyone's trying to be something that they're not where everyone's trying to give this illusion of how great they are and how successful they are and everything's okay even though inside everyone's feeling like oh i don't really feel okay because there's no way it doesn't matter who you are if you're walking around with this little voice it's always beating you down it's always beating you down so the more that we can recognize like it's okay it's okay to have the fear arises the shame the guilt the anxiety you know whatever it is that's arising but just to recognize yes these are going to still keep coming it becomes it's been the experience here that it the space between them becomes less and less and less and the intensity becomes far less like what was a tsunami what used to be a tsunami 10 years ago you know you know start or a tsunami let's say 25 years ago say as i started on this path um and then you know it started becoming just a big wave you know and then it became a smaller wave and and now it kind of comes in these like it just comes in in a little wave and it's like okay here it is here's the fear right i lived you know the first 30 years of my life with a great deal of fear and insecurity and uh and shame and and it it takes a while for these things to play out but they don't topple you over anymore right and so you're more easily you recognize it and you're just oh here it is oh fear yeah you're back right i was expecting you this afternoon because you haven't been here for a while good okay here you are let's breathe and feel it you don't have to get lost in this story about it right because that's that's what i find also the story even if it appears it's very quick it and you just oh oh there's a story with it there's no story that needs to be with it it's just a feeling and you just feel it and it's like oh okay yeah okay yeah it's okay to feel fear it's okay to feel sadness it's okay to feel whatever it is that's here whatever that's happening be with it be with it right and and just to have some reasonable expectations around that too that are are uh you know as we're on you know as we're doing this practice of seeing what we're not it has many clever disguises so we've got to be careful that and you guys know that have been with me for a while and i have all sorts of talks on insight timer about all the different ways the ego the separate self loves to invent itself reinvent itself as the you know the controller the scorekeeper the um the judge the um the comparer the um fear uh the spiritual seeker right you know it loves spirituality we can never forget how much the ego loves to dress up as spirituality uh turning this into another thing so we have you know it has many many many disguises and it will catch us off guard and so the moment you catch it the moment you catch it in you know just the moment you catch it great you caught it be with what's here not the story be with the feelings allow yourself to feel what's here investigate it wow who got lost in it again okay no problem because they do have to i find it's just as they these it's just been such a strong the momentum of those emotions like if they were a part of our lives for a long time and of course they're all around us most people are everyone's experiencing this unless there is no separate self you are experiencing this in the west you might have a little bit different ones slightly different ones in uh in other parts of of the world but uh in the west you know just these feelings of being like a loser of shame of guilt of feeling fake of feeling right we have a name for it imposter syndrome right all these things the the more that we can um uh you know the moment that we recognize that's what's arising just oh that's what it is and as you're saying ruth yes absolutely when i'm saying recognize like you have to recognize you can name it as best you can it's just fear and it's just senses in the body that's exactly it it's just it's just a feeling right the emotion is the thought plus the feeling or the emotion is the story around the feeling but the feeling is just a physical sensation it might be a gripping sensation there might be some tension there might be some you know butterflies in the tummy there might be you know tension in the shoulders forehead right it's just physical sensations so the more that we can recognize it and the better we can name it yes so as you're just saying um um oh actually i want to read your message again here is it best to name the feeling fear or just be with the senses sorry you were asking a question if you can name it that's great the moment you name what's here it starts to damp down especially fear it starts to dampen down the fear centers in our brain but don't get caught up in oh what exactly is it you can even just say unpleasant there's an unpleasant feeling you can so so sometimes it's like oh i've got to name it i've got to name it but it can be so overwhelming and it can also it can be fear it can be shame it can be guilt it can be all these things kind of coming in at once it's like oh i can't quite figure out you know what it is and you can just say oh unpleasant feelings well unpleasant feelings here itch the itch is here right oh okay right so yes if you can name it and in fact it's always the recognized part in rain right so this is what we're talking about recognize allow right allow yourself to be with the feelings give your attention the a part to the the feelings that are here investigate what it is that's going on and depending upon where you are in your practice and depending upon how intense the um what it is that's going on either nurture just keep bringing back more self-compassion into it right or recognizing oh no self there is no independent separate meredith there's meredith the impermanent interdependent interconnected arising an appearance that's going to be here has been here for 60 years maybe here for one more year maybe here for 20 more years who knows but we know this is going to end right she's an appearance she meredith is an appearance and we'll go right but we create another layer on top of that as me as the and the me having the experience the separate self seeing it as an independent lasting inherently existing self so really missing the mark on what it is that's here so there's something here that there's an experience happening there's fear in the body there's uh fear in the mind there's anxiety there's stress if you can name it you know if you can be very precise if whatever comes to your mind go with that recognize it yeah oh here's the fear okay let me bring my attention into the fear and feel it allowing it to be here whoo let me investigate this wow what was going on a moment ago i was just having a thought about something back there but now that you're pulled out of the thought you can see it more objectively right but you can say like but that was really painful someone was really unkind to me i was excluded from something i made a real fool of myself okay so in that case we bring in self compassion yes sweetheart that was really tough yeah that hurts but we can be with it right so we use self-compassion and petting ourselves as a way to bring ourselves into our experience with kindness right allowing us to feel what's here or instead of the end being nurture we go oh there's no separate self because now now it's gone it's only there through thought so the moment i bring my attention into the body i'm with the experience of what's actually happening right what's here the moment that you do that and you're not wrapped up in it there's no separate self the separate self has to be has to be seeing the experience from its well doesn't always mostly seeing it from its own perspective how is this affecting me instead of seeing like wow this is what's here there's there's just a sense of spaciousness and ease you're still here you're having the experience you're just not adding on an additional experience and so you can see oh that was that thought created me that was freaking out a few minutes ago about that problem i imagined i was having but actually now i'm seeing i'm not having because i pulled myself out of it i don't feel as as freaked out anymore i used the practice to help me come into the experience with what was here and i can see now oh it's only there in my thoughts it's not real it's not who i am it's not who i am so the the acronym RAIN as a mindfulness tool recognize a can be accept allow bring your attention to what's here i for investigate and then the end can either be nurture and sometimes that's what we need maybe something really tough is going on and you just need to keep nurturing yourself and then sometimes you oh no self no separate self no independent separate self you're still here you still exist just not this separate identity that you've taken yourself to be this this voice that just walks around with you all day long chattering in your ear interpreting your experience commenting narrating the experience giving meaning where there's no meaning and just making you miserable and and cracking the whip like giving you that itch then i've got to keep going i've got to try oh it's telling me to do this now it's telling me to do this now right and you start to see oh that's not that's not me that's not me because you know what we can say meredith the experience meredith the appearance meredith has thoughts feelings emotions can see can hear can smell can taste can um can i leave out one see hear smell touch touch right has touch feeling this is all that's here and and meredith is arising interdependent and interconnected with what's happening in the weather whether the internet connection is happening or not i mean had the the starlink knock on out on sunday we wouldn't have been meeting today we would have been having this call on sunday and melissa maybe we wouldn't have seen you or ruth or annette or amanda so you know we're arising right now right and i'm saying these words because i see melissa's message in there because i see ruth's message in there so you're affecting the words that are coming out of this mouth that there's nothing here happening independently that the you know meredith this appearance is is just arising interconnected interdependent and changing moment by moment to moment there's nothing to hold on to so if there's this moment of fear that arises what the separate self wants to hold on to it make some big identity out of it and oh you're such a loser and all your life's going to suck from now on and this is going to be horrible and what are they all going to think about you that's what it wants to do but the more you say i'm not that you're able to let it go and yeah maybe it doesn't mean that you don't mess up you know and mess up all the time we all mess up right it's that we we have a moment you know something stupid comes out of our mouth maybe i tell a joke on a on a live and it didn't quite land the same way or or i messed it up in some way and it's like yeah okay yeah okay not your finest moment everyone has this experience this is this is not unique like we kind of think i'm such a loser i shouldn't have done that right and it's like no this is just the experience sometimes sometimes the conditions are good sometimes the words are coming out well sometimes they're a little bit off some you know the conditions are changing sometimes we get praised sometimes we get criticized sometimes we win sometimes we lose sometimes we feel comfort sometimes we feel discomfort like this is this is everyone's experience and so there's not anything to there's nothing here in the the reality of the appearance of meredith which is an appearance not an inherently existing being the appearance of merit there's nothing here to hold on to there's nothing there's you know there's nothing outside of me we always look outside and we go yeah everything's impermanent i can't hang on to the good feeling of the chocolate cake or the the the the good conditions or whatever you know whatever it is the good holiday the promotion whatever it is we're like oh i can't you can't hold on to any of that right right because it's all changing but there's nothing here that could hold on there's nothing solid and independent here that could hold on because what's here is changing just like everything out there now there's sentience here and we have the experience yeah and we have memory and we can think in the past and we can think in the future and that is a is a wonderful thing that we can do but because of this way of thinking because we think i can imagine the future we have imagined ourselves into a separate existence as though somehow there's something solid and independent and inherently existing here that that thinking has kind of created this that there's this assumed because i'm thinking about myself i must always exist just because i'm not thinking about myself as the separate self now doesn't mean i i'm not always there but before you're having the thoughts about yourself there was no separate self there it was just awareness i mean that's the best and kind of the best term that i feel kind of describes it there's just awareness and seeing that everything every like we did the talk a few weeks ago about like it's all just shifting sand but we are also the shifting sand we have sentience and we can think and so we can think about the future and future and we can plan but but we've gotten confused thinking there's a thinker behind it thinking there's a planner behind it as opposed to just using thinking okay yeah that might be nice okay done with the thinking now had to make a plan about something okay and now the thinking goes away but even in the thinking itself not this you know we always oh but am i going to be happy is this thought making me happy is this going to be good is this going to be perceived well there's none of that grasping out there's no clinging at it clinging um of the separate self so there's no itch right there's just there's the seeing of reality that is just ever-changing everything in this universe interdependent interconnected including what's here this appearance is just an appearance it's the sand shifting together so far 60 years we'll see how many more years it goes on for but it is just an appearance that is has come into existence and then it's going to go out of existence and it is changing changing changing constantly don't get attached you know this is you know when we get attached to the good feeling it's going to change don't get attached you know when when we have the unpleasant feeling don't try and push back on it it's not going to last but as i said before i think while we do still experience um changing conditions we will always experience changing conditions it's not this oh look i was praised this is amazing and then oh no i was criticized down here oh my god i'm on my life's over right we don't go from these extreme ends of the earth to the other it's just oh that was happening nice you get some praise someone says something nice they say hey philippe a nice outfit you look great today thanks right enjoy it right someone was saying something nice it's just oh that was a nice feeling yeah stay with that in the heart like yeah that was nice of them to say that right don't make an image i must look really good today oh you know look at me right instead it's just oh it's a nice feeling yeah that was really nice and then when someone says oh what'd you do to your hair you know instead of freaking out you're like oh i guess i did something that doesn't look so good oh well oh well what can i do you know you don't let that get stuck either and so it's living in the flow of reality because reality the the nature of reality is that all of this whatever we can be perceiving here is always changing always changing including you there is nothing nothing to hold on to and then it's again the thoughts think the separate self the ego the little me um the thought created me right created through thought and believed to be something solid and real and lasting right that's what gives us all the fear and the panic and the believing we can hold on to something but then you notice that you come back and you feel and you're just oh there was nothing here to hold on to you're just you know every moment is is happening and again you can be thinking about something what do you want to have for lunch you know you have an appointment at three o'clock there's something you want to go to the gym there's something you want to do like okay no problem have the plan don't get attached to it don't believe all if the plan doesn't go the way i want it to then something you know then that means something's wrong or i can't be happy right it's like you know have the plan and then we'll see let's see what happens maybe it works out maybe it doesn't most of the time it does tend to work out but for those times when it doesn't work out you're not you're not thrown off kilter you're like oh change a plan oh i wonder what's going to happen now change a plan oh got a flat tire change a plan i'll miss the flight change a plan because you know we kind of think oh the separate selves always imagining no life's going to if everything just goes my way if everyone does what i want them to do if everyone treats me with respect if everyone responds to my texts immediately if i never feel any discomfort then i can be happy like we set up these ridiculous unrealistic parameters about happiness and then we use our spiritual practice say well if i'm present then all these things should be happening no it just means you kind of flow through life like yep good conditions are here nice have gratitude right now they've changed okay no problem but most of it is self-created suffering most of our experience most of our experience is is just mundane moments majority of our experience is mundane moments we have the little highs over here and we have the the lows when we lose someone something really difficult's going on we've got some illness and we have the highs something exciting is going on you're getting some recognition you just got a big bonus big tax refund you know something right kind of have these you know on the outer edges of this kind of um on the outer edges the majority of our experience is are just mundane moments just mundane moments not a whole lot going on nothing exciting you're paying the bills you're cleaning up the dog poop feeding the dogs taking them out to go to the bathroom um showering doing your hair doing the laundry preparing food doing the dishes um you know doing whatever your job entails like even in your job whatever it is big chunk of it might be mundane moments right so most of our experience is mundane moments but we tend to be pushing back on all those moments because we think i should only experience the exciting moments i should only experience the happy moments the great moments the the moments that it seems so significant right and so for the majority of our experience you know we're fighting against it thinking i should only experience is good and and it seems like everyone else is experiencing that but me because you know and god forbid you go on social media and everyone's putting their highlight reel on there and you start to think my god everyone else's experience is great and mine i must be the only one that has mundane moments and so this is we take the mundane moments and we make them unpleasant moments because we think we shouldn't be having happening they think we shouldn't be having them and we're grasping the me that wants the pleasant experience the highs experience right the grasping at this and the pushing back on the mundane moments right and we wonder why we're unhappy i mean the mundane moments are fantastic there's not a lot going on where you're just you're creating a spreadsheet you're um uh you know uploading the video on the insight timer you are doing the dishes you're making the meal you're taking the dogs for a walk like that's what's happening and when you're not pushing back on it and when you're not trying to grasp to get to the net i gotta finish walking the dog so i can get back and get to dinner when that goes away the idea of a me that's going to be happy when it gets over there whatever it is you're doing is actually quite pleasant there's no pressure right you're just doing some kind of mundane task you're paying a bill no one's asking you to cut off your arm to pay the bill you know it's like yeah just paying the bills maybe you got to move some money around oh maybe i need to eat some ramen noodles for a week i need to cut back okay okay no problem that's what i need to do right but we we've we're no longer believing in the little voice that keeps saying no no no no no this is a problem look everyone else is having these high experiences why aren't you something's wrong in your life something's wrong you're missing something because it's always coming from a place of luck so it's really it's just seeing this again and again and again so so to getha again to your to just your question back there for everyone it's seeing it's not trying to get into the present moment it's seeing what keeps taking you out of the present moment that's where you want your focus to be what's taking me out of the present moment and every time you can recognize that i can name it here's the itch you can just call it the itch just wanting to be somewhere else like again sometimes that itch of just wanting to be somewhere else it's like oh i can't quite you know maybe it's a little anxiety a little stress but it's like oh i can't quite quite figure out what it is but oh there's the itch just the recognizing of the itch takes you out of it you know creates a little bit of space between you and it ah okay i've recognized it's here or i've recognized the fear is here i recognize the anxiety is here i've recognized the feeling of of being unsafe is here even though i'm perfectly safe but i've recognized the feeling is here okay and now that's the recognize r of rain now you've got to bring your attention a and allow what's here accept what's here breathe into it feel i would probably put r f a i n because i do think the feeling are or maybe r a f i n raven because the feeling like the allowing is the feeling but you really i cannot over emphasize feeling what's here that's real whatever physical sensations that's real the story is never real the separate self isn't real but the feelings are real and we still we're so reactive out of the feelings oh but i don't feel good and i want to i want to i i want to stay attached to the story about it feel safer no it don't it's it's not making you feel safer it's making you feel worse come in and feel it fear is a physical sensation the itch is a physical sensation it is not it's like taking a physical sensation that we might say on an unpleasant scale is a 10 the moment you recognize that that with the story is a 10 the moment you recognize that and you come in and feel it it drops down to like a five or six right away so much of the suffering is in that story and then you just come into the physicals oh when you breathe and you're within oh oh you can investigate wow what what was happening a moment ago i was just thinking about that i was just thinking about what happened earlier oh just rehashing things looking for something oh yeah that's what it was doing it was just looking for problems oh the separate self was just looking for problems that's what was happening oh oh maybe maybe there's a feeling you did something like oh okay let's have some self-compassion keep being with what's here and you might even feel sometimes sometimes there's something to do very little sometimes there's something to do there's a feeling that keeps arising and there's some like oh you know maybe i did um hurt that person's feelings and and perhaps i do want to just reach out but not from the perspective of my ego's hurt and now i my ego can't stand not feeling good about itself and but just from the perspective of oh yeah i think i might have i'm so sorry if i hurt you earlier i'm so sorry i just was reflecting on my words and i i feel like they might have been hurtful and if if so please know that wasn't my intention right not oh please forgive me i feel so terrible make me feel better again it's just from oh yeah i'm so sorry right or just something's you've got to be doing something there's something to do and it's like oh okay i can keep beating myself you know kind of getting lost in that fear because i'm not doing it it's like oh okay i just need to i do need to get up and start working on that project i do need to be doing something okay but now you're doing it not from a place of fear not from a place that i'm going to get something on the other end of it just from being present and realizing yeah the conditions are happening that i had said i was going to prepare a meal for someone bring them something and and now you're doing it but you're present it's like yeah that's what's happening maybe you're a little tired but it's like yeah there's a little tiredness here but i said i would do it so i'm going to do it okay now i can do it but not with that extra weight not with that extra weight of the separate self of the taskmaster yes and rice and beans is very good sandy yeah actually i made a whole thing last week of mexican rice i make my own salsa and black beans and i had that several nights for dinner i love that i love rice and beans so thank you melissa it's good to see you again thank you oh and amanda i'll just address this real quick and then we'll we'll wrap up where you're just saying it's so hard to know what is fake because ai can pretend to be anything again reconditioning humanity thoughts ai is not human i mean i'm just going to say that ai is a large language model it is not human i know a lot of people i've been hearing like well first of all we've been hearing people marrying their ai or even using ai for a therapist i would not use ai as a therapist or spiritual teacher it can it it's a good taskmaster um but even then you've always got to check what it's coming back with and yeah be careful i do think that we have to be careful with ai to just keep remembering that it's a tool it's a tool it's not um it's not human and it shouldn't be i mean i'm actually i'm a little mixed because i know some people are really desperate for are very lonely but i do think actually i would say using ai as a substitute for human companionship and even most loneliness i find is just is the separate self i mean people can be surrounded by others but if you're lost in your thoughts and worries you can feel so lonely i do find that and i live i'm alone so much of the time and i don't i don't feel lonely at all um i probably would have in my 20s living this lifestyle because i was so lost in the separate self then but yeah it's so much of even our loneliness is a state of mind and um and i think if we start using ai as a substitute for friendships as well we're not focusing on the real problem that we're not connecting with individuals we're not getting out of our house we're focusing on the computer and and i think if we if we see ai as as having human traits i think that does us a real disservice i'm not sure if that's at all what you were talking about amanda i'm not sure but i don't know that's what came in here so um okay and uh monica so good to see you as well so good to see you yes arroz and frijoles yeah i love rice and beans and i make this fantastic salsa i just love it's a super spicy salsa with um habanero and i mean i eat it all the time it's so good yeah and alice just learning to cherish your solitude yeah yeah i do find and everyone has to do what's what's best for their you know what works best for them like what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another person but i do find in general having some space in your day having some silence can be very beneficial if we're um if we're always on the go if we're always planning if we're always needing to be somewhere then it's going to be very difficult to see how the separate self is taking over the busier your life the busier the mind so even for people that are extroverts and and really do enjoy a lot of um social stimulation you know i would because even extroverts can get burned out um i'd try and find some activities that maybe you're with other people but maybe there's a little more quiet a little more solitude you know or not solitude a little more quiet a little more silence around because it just helps to see how we keep getting taken out of the present moment if we're always on the go it's just hard it just tends to be rolling running the show yeah okay so i think this might be a good place to wrap us up um again thank you guys for your understanding on sunday my apologies for starlink uh for having the bad cable but i'm i mean it was kind of amazing that my neighbor here had a brand new starlink cable that um that i could use but i had to get up to the roof and roof and i had to come through the wall it actually did take several hours to get it back up again so we will be back on next sunday at uh at noon and um yeah we will do this again so thanks felipa thank you michelle good to see you thank you thank you sandy thank you for always bringing your humor sandy i love it and thank you monica good to see you sounds like you're gonna have a visit from sandy for some rice and beans and thank you nina oh i'm so glad nina i'm so glad i think we've seen you here before nina i think so um oh and thanks libby lou thank you lindsey and amanda thank you for all your great comments and and annette and nath good to see you and githa oh and enjoy mount shasta this week alice that must be lovely up there must be very nice up there and ruth thank you again for the donation very much appreciate that thank you yeah okay and i think okay if i didn't say your name it's only because i can't see um i can't see everyone here unless you write in the comments i can't see who's here so so thank you all thank you all for being here thank you i so appreciate all of you being here and just keep keep your eye out for that itch keep your eye out for the itch to keep seeing what you're not so you can keep coming back you know again see what you're not and then you're present again don't try and get into the present moment see what keeps taking you out of the present moment