478: I Swallowed A Screwdriver

And then I sat straight up,

And as I was sitting up,

Because I felt something weird in the back of my throat,

I swallowed because there was something in my throat.

And I said,

What did I just swallow?

I did not say,

Why is this happening to me?

I said,

With curiosity,

From my adult,

I wonder why this is happening for me.

For me.

That statement,

I cannot even tell you how powerful that is.

That's why I do work.

I pride myself on working with people.

It can help me lift out of the trap of the ego beliefs,

The trap of our limiting beliefs and the wounding.

But the belief was,

I need to prepare for the worst.

So I am ready.

It's like I could actually see boxing gloves sitting next to her as a representative of I'm ready for battle.

I'm ready to take anyone on that is going to hurt me.

And I'm going to protect the people that I love.

Hello,

My friends.

Boy,

Do I have a story for you.

I have something that is going to probably shock you that I'm going to share in a moment.

So brace yourselves.

It has been quite the nine days of my life.

So you probably saw the title of the show.

So let's just jump right into it.

I know that in the past,

When I talk about what I personally have gone through in my life,

And I actually apply a lot of the concepts in the adult chair to my life,

And I show you,

This is a demonstration of how to get yourself out of a very unusual,

Uncomfortable,

And triggering experience.

So let's just get right to it.

So a couple of weeks ago,

I was up at the Art of Living.

I taught that incredible event on the weekend.

I was on a high.

I had so much fun teaching the live event.

First thing Monday morning,

The day after,

I go into the dentist because I'm getting a new crown put on for a tooth that I had all kinds of issues with.

So anyway,

During the dental appointment,

I'm chit-chatting with the dentist,

And this is a new dentist to me.

He's not a new dentist,

But he was new to me.

Very nice guy,

A great reputation,

Et cetera,

Et cetera.

And all of a sudden,

In the middle of the appointment,

I feel something in the back of my throat,

And I was laying down.

I was reclined fully,

And then I sat straight up.

And as I was sitting up,

Because I felt something weird in the back of my throat,

I swallowed because there was something in my throat.

And I said,

What did I just swallow?

And he said,

My tool.

I said,

Your what?

And he said,

Like a screwdriver.

I was using it to take that little piece of the crown off,

And you just swallowed it.

And at that point,

I think I left my body.

I'm not going to lie.

The anxiety,

The fear,

It just like,

It rippled through my body,

And I could feel myself lift right out of my body.

And I thought,

Oh,

My God,

Am I going to die?

Like,

What?

I swallowed the dental tool?

Now,

Know that it was not the long one that you get your teeth cleaned with.

It was not six inches long.

It was probably an inch long or so.

And he was very quiet,

And I was in total shock.

I mean,

I was very elevated.

I was like,

What?

Are you kidding me?

You dropped your tool,

And I swallowed your screwdriver?

And he goes,

Yes.

So he was calm,

And he's like,

Okay.

And he left the room,

And the assistant kept going,

And my heart is racing.

I literally felt like I was on the ceiling.

I thought,

Well,

What does this mean?

What's going to happen?

Yada,

Yada,

Yada.

So he comes back in and says,

You know,

I think I'd like you to go to get an x-ray.

So you need to just go to your doctor,

Get an x-ray,

And make sure that it's not in your lung.

And again,

I had already started coming back into my body,

And then I left again.

I was like,

What?

It could be in my lung?

And I'm thinking,

Oh,

My God.

Like,

I was horrified,

Of course.

And he's like,

I think you're okay,

Because you're not coughing,

But let's just make sure.

And I said,

Well,

My doctor's like,

I go to a functional medicine doctor.

She's in Washington State.

I don't have,

I can't go get an x-ray here.

So he said,

Just,

I'll set the whole thing up.

I want you to go get an x-ray.

And I said,

Okay.

So I get in the car,

I leave,

I get in the car,

And I'm driving home.

I literally,

Like,

Let me start here,

Because this is where the work begins.

I'm pulling out of the parking lot.

And actually,

Even before I pulled out of the parking lot,

I got in my car,

And I took some very slow,

Deep breaths.

I reoriented myself to the car.

I sat my butt down.

I started doing some just slow,

Deep breathing.

And just feeling my butt in the car and my back on the seat started to bring me back down.

And I could feel myself just relaxing.

And I said,

Okay,

What's fact and truth right now?

This is all adult share,

You guys.

And I said,

Okay,

I'm just going to go get that x-ray,

And I'm just going to make sure that this is not my lung,

And we'll just go from there.

And then I was thinking in my head,

You know,

Babies swallow stuff all the time.

You know,

They put pennies in their mouths,

And they just poop them out.

So it's going to be no big deal,

And life will go on.

So on the drive home,

I called a few people that I know that are in the medical field.

And they said,

It's definitely not in your lung.

It is not in your lung.

You would be coughing up a storm.

You're okay.

So it's okay.

And I said,

Okay,

Okay,

Okay.

So anyway,

I get home.

And the week that this happened,

This particular week was,

I mean,

When I tell you,

I had so much going on with my business.

I had so many demands.

We were in the middle of a launch.

And two of the people that work with me actually were going to be out of the country on that Friday they were leaving town.

So I had four,

I have four days to continue to work with them.

We had all this stuff planned that week.

And now I had this on my mind,

But I said,

Okay,

I'm just going to keep reorienting myself into the moment.

And so I'm driving home.

And then I had the thought,

Which you guys,

If you listen to me,

If you've ever seen me live,

This is how I live my life.

And I say this,

I really do practice what I preach.

And I said,

Not this,

I did not say,

Why is this happening to me?

I said,

With curiosity from my adult,

I wonder why this is happening for me,

For me.

That statement,

I cannot even tell you how powerful that is.

It takes us from the seat of victim.

And if you say this out loud to yourselves right now,

I wonder why this is happening to me.

It puts us in the seat of that victim versus I wonder why this is happening for me.

Very different energies.

We can shift immediately from adolescent chair to adult chair,

From victim to empowerment in two seconds.

So I asked myself that question.

And here's the thing,

When something big and dramatic and horrible happens to us,

It's kind of hard to see because you don't know what's going to happen in the future.

I didn't know what gifts,

What ideas,

What,

I don't know what's going to happen in the future,

But I know that everything in my life happens for me.

This is how I live my life.

The other thing that I follow like crazy,

And you guys,

If you listen to me,

You've probably heard me say this several times over the years,

I want nothing out there.

And I'm pointing outside of Michelle.

I want nothing out there to disconnect me from myself.

Nothing.

So what I mean by that is I want to stay connected to myself at all times,

Because when I'm connected to myself,

That means my energy is flowing.

I'm in an emotionally regulated state.

My nervous system is regulated.

It's not to say I don't ever get angry.

It's not to say I don't get anxious because God knows I was that morning.

I definitely was.

But my goal is always,

Always,

Always,

Always to stay connected to myself because when I'm connected to myself,

I'm connected to my soul.

My soul is connected to God,

To source,

To universe,

Something bigger than me.

And when I'm that,

When I'm doing that,

I live with peace,

I live with ease,

And I live with greater intuition.

So that's where I want to live.

That is my motto.

That is my mantra.

That is my goal in every moment of every single day.

So I said that to myself.

Hold on a second,

Michelle.

Something out there is starting to disconnect,

Or did.

I was disassociated.

I always think about,

As humans,

The energy that comes through us is like a hose of water,

Right?

So when I disconnect myself because something out there has disrupted me or made me feel uncomfortable,

It's like the hose has been kinked in half and the energy is not flowing like it could.

And I said,

Okay,

I want nothing outside of me,

Even a screwdriver being dropped down my throat,

Right?

Even my screwdriver dropped down my throat.

I don't want that to disconnect me from myself.

So how do we do that?

Again,

So I took the deep breaths,

I kept focusing on the moment,

And I go into what's fact and truth right now in this moment,

And I cling to the belief that I don't know why this happened,

But there will be something good in it in the end for me.

I don't even know what it is.

And it may take,

Here's the thing,

It may take years to figure out what that is.

It may take a day.

It might take a week.

I don't know.

So look at anything in your life,

And you have to start asking it.

When you ask yourself that question with curiosity from your adult chair,

And you're truly looking for what are the little gifts or the big gifts that I'm learning or gaining from this experience.

Maybe it's for someone else.

They are gaining something from the experience that you're going through.

I don't know.

But when you look at your life through those lenses,

I promise you,

You're going to feel more empowered,

And your life is going to absolutely change.

You will have more peace and calm and balance in your life than you've ever,

Ever could imagine.

So anyway,

Moving on with my story.

These are the beliefs that I'm clinging to.

And yeah,

So the next part is,

I get home,

And I'm looking at all the things that I have to do that day.

And then I get a call from the doctor.

And the doctor says,

Oh,

You know,

The dentist,

I won't say his name,

But said,

You know,

He would like you to come in and get some x-rays,

Da,

Da,

Da,

Da.

I said,

Okay,

How's three o'clock for you?

And I said,

That's fine.

Where are you located?

Well,

The dentist is located about 30 something minutes away,

In no traffic.

And I knew at that time of day,

There would be traffic.

I had to go.

And I said,

Okay,

I'll see you at three o'clock.

And I'm thinking,

Oh my gosh,

You know,

I only have a limited time today to work on this launch that we're doing.

We have so much to get done before again,

Two of my people are going to Europe or out of the country on Friday,

Like they're out of office for about a week and a half.

I had so much to get done.

So I said,

Okay,

That's fine.

I'll see you at three o'clock.

Well,

As the day went on,

I said,

I can't leave the office today.

I'm not coughing.

It's not in my lungs.

I'm okay.

So I canceled the x-ray at like 2.

30.

I said,

I don't need an x-ray.

I'm good.

This thing's going to come out of me like a baby eating a penny.

It's fine.

So the doctor then,

So I canceled the x-ray.

I thanked them very much.

Well,

At five o'clock,

The doctor calls me and says,

You know,

I really need you to come in.

We just want to make sure that everything's okay.

We want to see where this thing is,

Yada,

Yada,

Yada.

And I said,

Okay.

I said,

I can't obviously do it now.

It's five o'clock,

You're leaving.

And she said,

Can you come in tomorrow?

We just want to take a look at,

We just want to make sure you're okay.

And I said,

That's fine.

So the next day I went in,

It took a good 45 minutes to 50 minutes.

Cause it was horrible traffic.

I,

It was a three o'clock appointment again.

I drove all the way down there and,

Um,

We were talking before she did the x-rays and I said,

I highly doubt it's in my lungs.

And she says,

I don't think it's in your lungs either.

She says,

However,

We don't want this to go into your intestines.

We want to grab it before,

Because this is not like a penny.

Cause I said,

Well,

Like a penny,

You know,

A baby eating a penny or something small,

Doesn't the baby just poop it out?

Isn't that what's going to happen to me?

And she said,

This is not a penny.

This is a one inch or so long,

Basically tool versus a circular tool.

It's a titanium little tool like a screwdriver that we don't want in your intestines because there's a chance it could puncture your intestines.

So with that,

As you can imagine,

My heart started racing.

I said,

Oh,

Oh.

And she said,

So if we see that it's not in your intestines,

We're going to do an emergency.

We're going to,

I'm going to send you over to the GI specialist and you're going to do an emergency endoscopy and get that thing out where they go in and they scope all the way down in your belly and grab it and pull it out.

You're going to have to be put out.

Your husband's going to have to come.

So it's this whole ordeal.

I'm like,

What?

Oh my God.

I was like,

Okay,

Let's,

Let's,

Let's do the x-ray then.

I didn't know that.

And she says,

Yeah,

We just want to make sure that x-ray is done.

I said,

Okay.

So I go have the x-ray done.

And guess what?

It had just entered my intestines.

So she said,

We're going to monitor you.

If not daily,

Every other day,

X-rays until we see that this thing is out of you.

And we really need to make sure that it does not puncture your intestines,

Especially your small intestine,

Which is,

I can't remember,

Is it 30 or 40 feet long?

Once it hit your colon,

It's better because it's wider,

But the small intestines were a little concerned.

So again,

My anxiety and my fear goes off.

I'm like,

Oh my God,

I can't believe this is happening.

So I said,

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

And she was lovely.

And so I got back in my car.

I did the same thing I did the day before I centered myself.

I grounded myself.

I took a deep breath.

And she said,

If you have bleeding,

Nausea,

Diarrhea,

Vomiting,

Head to the ER immediately,

Because that means something has been punctured.

So that's how we left each other.

And I was like,

Oh my God,

Do I expect this?

And she says,

I just don't know because it's,

It's not a penny.

It's a,

It's a,

It's like a little stick,

Basically,

Like a little,

A little wider than a toothpick.

I said,

Okay.

So I got in the car and I centered myself after hearing all that.

And I said,

One moment at a time,

Michelle,

Take a deep breath and you're going to be okay.

So that was Tuesday.

So I,

I went through my week.

And of course,

Every time I felt something in my gut,

I was like,

Oh my gosh,

You know,

Is it going through my intestines?

You know,

Cause I'd feel a pain or something.

And it was probably just moving through.

But,

Um,

I went through the week using that mantra.

Like I will let nothing out there disconnect me from myself.

And there's some sort of learning here.

I don't know what,

But if anything already,

I'm learning how to bring myself back when I'm in an anxious,

Chaotic,

Scared state.

So that was,

That was a really,

Really big and very empowering,

Um,

Experience for me right off the bat.

It was incredible that I was like,

Wow,

You really can bring myself back to center despite I have this thing floating through my intestines now.

So,

Um,

That was really interesting.

So I went throughout the week,

Probably about every other day is when I went and got an x-ray and they did show that it was very,

Very slowly.

And again,

I had to take time off from work.

Then I had to go to the hospital because,

You know,

I don't have a doctor locally.

So I went down to the hospital,

Which took a huge amount of my time out of my day,

Getting these,

Waiting in the ER,

You know,

Getting my x-ray and really making me,

And I would get really annoyed when I was driving down there.

I'm like,

I don't have this kind of time to be doing this.

I'm like,

Slow down,

Slow down.

It's okay.

And I would just really kept talking myself,

Using a lot of self-compassion,

Using a lot of positive,

Not positive self-talk,

Not being like,

Oh,

It's fine.

Don't worry about it.

That's not what I did.

It was very grounded.

Like,

Okay,

You're going to be gone for about two hours because of the traffic,

Because of the wait in the ER.

It's okay.

Um,

So what,

So you're going to have to work late.

It's okay.

So by the,

About the fourth day is really interesting because I had told some people,

Um,

In my family,

Of course,

And I have told just a couple of my friends and a few of my coaches,

Actually,

Because I did a few calls with them.

It was really,

Really interesting to listen to people's responses.

It was fascinating in fact,

Because people either were horrified,

Like could not believe it and terrified for me,

Or they would laugh.

Everyone dropped their jaw.

Like it was very interesting to watch people's jaw,

Like drop open when I shared it with them.

But again,

So it was like horror.

It was laughter.

It was laughter mixed with fear.

It,

Or it was true laughter.

Like you had what happened to you?

Like who the heck has this happened?

I'm like,

I don't know.

I guess it's just me.

Something is in it for me.

Let's just find out what it is.

And then there's another group of people that were really,

Really angry.

And those are the people that wanted me to sue him and how dare he and dah,

Dah,

Dah.

So it's fascinating.

And it brought up for me how we all project whatever our beliefs are into the,

Out into the world.

So whatever we have going on inside of us creates as far as beliefs go in our wounding and our positive or negative beliefs about self and other mind,

My victim or my empowered seat,

Like all of this stuff we have within self.

And we use those beliefs.

That's how we see the world.

It's like we're wearing lenses,

Like glasses that we see the world based on our beliefs.

It's not to say they're all bad,

But they are beliefs that are,

That are ours.

That's why one person can have like horror.

And another person is,

I mean,

There were some people that were so flipping angry telling me they're going to get me an attorney and all this.

I'm like,

Slow down.

So it was interesting.

So just become aware of that.

This is why when I think about asking other people for advice,

Like make sure that you're asking someone that I,

What I call clean,

You know,

Is the person that you're leaning into,

Do they do personal work?

Are they able to give you the higher perspective?

I don't want someone to match me.

If I'm in a bad place,

Don't match me.

Don't,

Don't be in my drama.

Don't be in the victim with me and swirl around in it with me.

Go into that higher perspective.

Help me out of it.

There's always a way out 100% of the time.

You got to find that person that can help you.

So this is just a side note.

When you are doing your personal work,

Find that person that can do that for you.

I was just speaking with someone recently and he was sharing with me that he doesn't really resonate with his therapist.

And I had done some work with him and he said,

You just did more with me in 20 minutes than my therapist has done in years.

I said,

Then time for a new therapist.

No,

No hard feelings,

But you've got to be,

And he said,

I just saw the whole world like in a new way.

And I said,

Time for a new therapist.

You've got to find people that can up-level you,

Help you out of the illusion that you're living in,

Help you to see your limiting beliefs.

Help,

Help me to see where I'm stuck.

That's just a side note.

As a therapist and a coach,

Let me tell you what,

If someone asked me,

If they wanted to work with me,

If somebody asked me and said,

Hey,

Do you do your personal work?

I would be so proud of them.

So if a therapist or a coach,

If you ask a therapist or a coach,

Hey,

Do you do work?

Because I really want someone that can up-level me and all that.

I would not take offense to that.

And if they do,

I don't know that they're the right person because it's such a beautiful thing.

It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us.

It means I'm all about up-leveling myself.

So I'm just throwing those seeds out there.

That's why in our coaching program,

In the adult chair coaching program,

Let me tell you what our coaches,

I'd hammer down on them.

Do your personal work because you can only take people as far as you've gone.

That's why we do so much personal work with them.

Side note.

So anyway,

Um,

Let's get back to it.

So here we are.

I'm working to connect with myself all week.

And I realized there's an angry part that was popping up inside of me.

It just started by day.

I want to say it was about,

I'll tell you exactly when it started on Saturday,

Because on Saturday I had to interrupt my day and I had to drive all the way down to the hospital and I was ticked.

I was really ticked because the dentist,

Number one,

Didn't call me the whole week.

He never called to check in.

He,

I felt like he didn't care.

He didn't call to check in once.

And the doctor,

However,

Called me twice a day.

She was absolutely amazing.

And then here I am on my Saturday,

Taking my time in the middle of the day,

Going back to the hospital to get another x-ray because of something he did.

So I was ticked.

Actually,

There was a part of me that was ticked and I said,

Okay,

So I dropped out of the hospital and I did parts work in the car with this part.

And the part of me I found was 16 and she was pissed.

She was swearing and screaming.

And I realized a huge belief came from her.

So we had a little chit chat in the car.

I did parts work with her in the car.

And I just got really curious.

I said,

Who's angry?

The voices in my head were like,

I can't believe we're effing going down to the hospital.

It's Saturday.

It's a beautiful day.

I want to be on the lake and I got to sit here and I'm going to the hospital.

He doesn't even care because he's not checking in with me.

This is what was,

It was so loud in my head.

And I said,

Okay,

Who's saying that?

Who's so pissed?

And then next to me,

Again,

I did all this huge parts work with this 16 year old and she's sitting like this with her arms crossed.

She's like,

I'm pissed.

And she was saying to me everything that I just said to you.

And I said,

Okay,

Thank you.

And in doing that parts work,

What I discovered,

It's actually,

It's true blue trigger work,

Which in that case,

I was this part.

And what I discovered was this part of me was so angry.

I talked to this girl and I said,

The 16 year old part of me.

And I said,

Listen,

Who is angry and tell me all about it.

And what she told me was she was so angry because there's so much unpredictability in the house.

And it was my house growing up and it had everything to do with my uncle Don.

And I thought I'd done all the work around that guy.

You guys have probably,

If you followed me for 10 years,

You know how often I've talked about him.

I don't even do work around him anymore.

So I was in shock to hear this root belief come out around my uncle.

That was my,

For those of you that don't know,

That's my dad's twin alcoholic narcissist over at our house all the time.

My dad did not set boundaries.

He created a lot of trauma,

A lot of trauma for myself and my family.

And I thought I'd done all that work and it came out.

That part of me is like,

I got to protect you from people like him.

And this dentist is just like him.

And I was like,

Wow.

Okay.

Thank you.

But the belief was I need to prepare for the worst.

So I am ready.

It's like,

I could actually see boxing gloves sitting next to her as a representative of I'm ready for battle.

I'm ready to take anyone on that is going to hurt me.

And I'm going to protect the people that I love.

Like,

These are all the beliefs that were coming from her.

And I was like,

Wow,

This is fascinating.

So anyway,

I did all kinds of work around with her in the car.

And by the time I got to the hospital,

She had calmed down.

My anger was totally gone.

Mind you,

Please hear me.

Nothing changed outside of me.

The dentist did not call me.

Nothing changed.

The piece,

According to the x-ray,

Even the little tool was still inside of me.

According to the x-ray,

It was in my intestines.

It was moving,

But it was still in my intestines.

Nothing had changed.

And my anger was gone.

The only thing that changed was the work I did with myself.

And the anger was gone.

That part,

She was able to integrate into myself.

And she was just like,

Wow,

Wait,

We're not living with Uncle Don?

I said,

No,

He's gone.

And I updated the belief.

I updated her on what was going on in today's world.

And literally,

She goes,

Oh,

I didn't know.

I said,

Listen,

I'll call on you if I need you.

But honestly,

I am good.

I'm really,

Really good.

So that was that incredible work.

I was in such a good place after that.

So that was Saturday.

Sunday,

Still nothing.

And they said,

It'll be out by Monday.

So Monday comes around.

And I finally get a call from the dentist.

And at this point on the Thursday prior to,

I forgot to say this,

I did ask for a full refund.

And I asked him on Monday,

I'd like a full refund for this.

I'm not into suing.

It was unnecessary.

But it did disrupt my week.

I did have fear come in and out.

It was very difficult for me to do the work I needed to get done by Thursday.

Because again,

My girls were leaving.

They're in Europe.

And it did disrupt.

And I said,

This is just the right thing to do.

I'm a business owner.

If I really did something like this to anybody that is in any of my programs,

I would give a refund.

I would give a discount,

Something.

So I did ask for a refund.

So when he did call me on Monday morning,

I had already asked for that refund.

And he called me.

And I just shared with him how horrible the week was.

And it was difficult.

I'm living every day going,

Oh,

Is it going to put a hole in my intestine?

And anyway,

His office manager did call and say,

We're going to give you a refund.

I said,

Great.

I still want the crown.

I just,

For my troubles,

I would like this to be refunded.

And he agreed.

So actually,

He didn't agree on the phone.

It was interesting.

His manager called me and said,

Oh,

Yes.

And so and so will be giving you a refund.

I said,

Okay,

Thanks.

So on Tuesday,

This is now eight days later,

I started getting really,

Really tired,

Like exhausted.

And I realized I literally felt depressed.

And I said,

What is going on?

Like,

What is going on now?

Like,

This is weird just to have so much fatigue out of the blue.

And I actually said to my husband,

I think something's really wrong.

I'm exhausted.

I'm having really negative thoughts again.

Wednesday,

I got up same thing Wednesday morning.

I said,

This isn't right.

There's something going on.

I said,

And I think it's another belief that's coming up.

I'm going to do some work around this.

And he said to me,

You know what I think it might be?

Because the thing that I couldn't get over,

Well,

Let me say it like this.

He said to me,

I wonder it's because if you feel that you've been mistreated,

Or misunderstood,

He said something like that.

And I could feel the ripple of energy come through my body.

It was like a resonance.

And that's what we're looking for.

When we do this parts work of the trigger work.

We're looking for the energetic resonance of that statement.

Like what is the belief I'm going fishing for that belief because I said something I said,

I feel like someone's holding me under the water.

I'm stuck in quicksand.

I can't move.

I don't know why.

So he said,

Is it maybe you've been misunderstood and that's making you mad.

And I said,

I wasn't misunderstood.

I said,

I was mistreated.

That's what it was.

And it was like,

Whoa,

I said,

I feel it.

There's something there.

I went and I sat and I did the work around that.

So mind you a day and a half or so,

I felt like I was exhausted,

Depressed,

Underwater,

Complete overwhelm.

And I,

And I got that belief and I said,

You know what?

I was mistreated.

That's how I feel.

He did something wrong.

These are my words.

He dropped his instrument.

He's human.

He didn't mean to like,

It wasn't like he intentionally threw it down my throat,

But he did.

And he didn't check in on me.

Everyone was shocked when they,

I said,

He didn't check in on me once,

Not even once.

And over and over every day,

I kept saying,

Wow,

It's so weird.

He's not checking in.

And people go,

He's not checking in.

That's crazy.

Like,

Well,

He doesn't want his mental practice.

I go,

Regardless,

I'm a human.

He's a human.

How do you not check in on me?

Like,

How are you doing?

And he checked in on me only on that Monday after I'd asked for a refund on that Thursday before.

So that part,

There was a part of me that goes,

There it is again.

There it is again.

You've been mistreated.

And here's what's interesting.

It landed in my betrayal.

I call it my betrayal.

It's like a big landmine,

Honestly.

I've had betrayal in my life several times in my lifetime,

And it hurts.

It blindsides me.

People have out of left field left me.

They have hurt me.

They have mistreated me.

And I said,

That's what this is.

It's that.

And I said,

I don't know why,

But this is what it is.

So I did that work around that part again in the betrayal.

I updated that part.

And I got to tell you guys,

The energy,

I had no energy.

I was so exhausted.

All of a sudden,

I felt the energy rise up through me.

It was like someone was filling me up with water.

It was like,

Whoop.

And I could feel it.

I went from victim to empowerment in that one day.

I was like,

Done.

And I wasn't in the victim very long.

It was like a day and a half.

I said,

I don't even know what this is.

I'm just so tired.

I feel depressed.

What's going on?

It flipped around in two seconds.

I said,

Oh my God,

That's what it is.

This feels like that betrayal,

All those betrayals.

It feels like I'm being mistreated.

He should have called me and checked in.

I'm like,

But he didn't.

And it's okay.

And I'm over it.

And I know what this is now.

Did the work around it,

And it was done.

It was gone.

So yeah.

Yes,

Yes,

And yes.

Lots of incredible learning now on the other side of this.

I can't even tell you.

And I have to sit here.

I sit here and I do say,

And I've said it the whole week.

I've said it the whole nine days or eight days.

I said,

I know there is a lot of learning that's going to come from this.

And it did.

I see now why it was for me because it excavated for me,

These root beliefs that I've been living with around betrayal and that 16 year old that thinks she's got to be ready for battle.

I said,

I don't want to live being ready for battle.

I didn't even know I was doing that.

I did not know until last week when I did this work.

So for that,

I'm grateful.

And yes,

The tool is gone.

It has passed through me.

And I am well,

I am healthy.

And if it had not,

And I would have had to have gotten surgery or something,

I would have handled that moment by moment by moment.

We live in fact and truth,

Step by step by step,

And I would have taken whatever,

You know,

Show what would be showing up for me in that moment.

But in the end,

It's done.

It's over.

I'm going for my crown in a few days.

And I will have that put on with yes,

That dentist.

And life goes on.

And I feel so neutral now,

I cannot even tell you guys,

I feel completely neutral and at peace about the whole thing.

And again,

That's the state of mind,

The emotional state,

The physical state,

All of it that I want to live in.

That's where my nervous system is regulated.

That's where my emotional body is regulated,

All of it.

It's my job to do that.

My job to do that.

I am telling you,

As someone that used to live with so much emotional dysregulation,

Making that a priority and letting nothing out there dysregulate us from self and cut us off from self.

Because that's really what's happening is when we buy into what's going on out there,

It cuts us off from ourselves.

It cuts us off from so much intuition,

And clarity,

And calm and peace.

So what do you need to look at within yourself in order to create that same state within you?

That's the question.

What's in the way?

What belief is in the way?

So do your best to look at what's going on inside and watch what happens.

I'm telling you,

It is a powerful,

Powerful,

Powerful way to live.

Okay.

All right.

I'll see you next week.