It's Not Fair - Strategies To Cope:Diabetes Discussion & Meditation

Tonight we're going to do a little talk on the diabetes topic and then we're going to do a meditation that helps to restore,

Replenish,

And renew the parts of our bodies that diabetes can really take its toll on.

I guess I'll get started first by introducing myself.

So my name is Patricia Daker.

I'm a registered nurse.

I'm a board certified nurse coach specializing in diabetes.

I am the owner of a company called Better Diabetes Life and it's my purpose and mission to bring this other side of diabetes to the conversation.

So we all talk about diet and exercise and carbs and food and all that stuff but I don't find and I haven't found over the years that there's a lot of support for the other part of how do you actually do it.

And the reason this is near and dear to me is because I live with type 1 so I've had next month it'll be 30 years.

I've been on a pump for over 20 and I found a lot of this out on my own and then pursued my coaching certification really to bolster that and learn a few new tricks but that's what I do.

So tonight we're going to be talking about diabetes is not fair which is very true.

How to find some peace in that so there's a lot of hard feelings and victimization.

I'll use that word on purpose.

So that's what we're going to be covering.

So we'll do the talk and then we'll do the meditation.

If you'd like at the end there's some Q&A time so if anybody has questions as we go through I'm happy to do that after the meditation.

Insight Timer always asks that I invite you to donate so that supports me and the platform and if you're able to it's greatly appreciated.

If not,

Thanks just as much.

I'm just glad you're here.

These are recorded and will be on my website.

Okay so we're talking diabetes and it's not fair.

That frustration,

That resentment.

But before we get started I always like to gather and so as we come together every Monday night at 7 as I do really just to share space and time and energy with A.

People who get it,

With other people who live with diabetes who understand it's not as easy as they make it look and B.

To know that we're in a safe place and connected.

So I like this idea of gathering and in your mind perhaps you can think of people in a room together maybe our spirits and our energy are together but because you're listening and you're watching and you're participating we all are together right we're all here together.

So we're in a safe place so we can relax our shoulders,

Sit back,

Listen.

I hope you find some things that you identify with that might be helpful and we're together.

So we'll set an intention for tonight and the intention is may we be content,

May we be at peace,

May we accept ourselves fully and may we find truth.

So before I start let's take a breath just relax you know breathing is one of the best ways to connect to the moment to pay attention to bring your mind from all the other places it might be to right here in this moment and this time we're spending tonight may feel like a treat and it should be because it's glorious and it's indulgent and it's something that serves just only you but it's very necessary right all the busy work we do the worrying the considering the mental gymnastics to figure out blood sugars and how we track all that can be very depleting so this even though it feels kind of like we're not doing anything we actually are doing quite a bit for our bodies internally and we'll talk some about that.

So tonight we're talking it's not fair and I've heard that from so many people it's not fair no one understands and I just want to tell you it's true this is not fair there's nothing fair about it there's nothing fair that part of your body quit working and we have to manually try to figure it out there's nothing fair about it like that just is and I think to try to think otherwise is kind of get you in a bad state right so when things aren't fair we're trying to find some justice there is none I mean it just is something that happened a lot of people look for blame and trying to find cause and effect and I found personally that doesn't produce a lot of help right so it just is it's something that happened we may never know why how all the all the moons that had to align we probably have our own story of what happened but it's not fair and I would also offer nothing in life is fair right if everything was fair then we'd all be vanilla everything would be equal and because we have so much differences and everybody has their own struggle their own story there is no fairness right so for me personally you know my father died when I was young well I wouldn't wish that on the world that's not fair that that happened to me so life just isn't fair right so I just I just start with that one because if we can accept that it's not fair and that it just is right so we get out of the blame situation right let's just put blame on the side it's not fair it's just not I've often spoken about our unwanted roommate and that's how I refer to diabetes so you know you get this thing this person I like to think of as a separate person that is now your roommate 24-7 gets to live with you spend your money decides when you sleep what you eat all this stuff and you didn't ask for this roommate didn't want it nor do you like it but you're stuck with it right well that is not fair at all right it's an intrusive unwanted burden it just is right it's not fair and that that can feel pretty victimizing right we don't have a choice we can feel trapped you know stuck all those things have happened and it's very common that we have these sort of feelings so first of all know that feeling it's not fair is normal because it's not it happened to you and not the rest of the world feeling resentful and resistant that's going to happen too because of all these reasons and that it does feel like you're stuck because you can't get off the crazy train you're in this boat right this is what happens so what happens is when we feel in those situations we resist we don't like it right when we don't like something we push away think of many different things if you don't like a loud sound you cover your ears if you don't um you know like somebody coming at you you might push them away so it is our common nature to push away that which we don't like unfortunately that which we resist persists which is kind of you know you wouldn't think of that but when we're pushing things away that's what's sticking to us because we're focusing on it so when we're spending a lot of our time and mental energy and emotional energy resisting trying to think to make things not be the way they are trying to make now different it's exhausting right it's just so exhausting and so it takes up more of our mental energy of looking at this i wish it wasn't this way right so i guess we go back to truth it is this way this is true so that's the first one that's a hard pill to swallow but if we can get past that we get some new choices so as we're resisting again resisting mental energy all that stuff a ton of energy so the key is to stop fighting which is very counterintuitive because all the diabetes marketing materials that you see is fight fight fight we gotta fight this gotta fight this i will offer that fighting something for the rest of my life is exhausting i don't want to fight that's just you know in warrior mode 24 7 and there's no rest and no peace and if you're fighting you really can't do a lot of anything else so the marketing message and you'll see you know the warrior mentality all this fighting of everything and i'm going to offer you something different so um i always go back to my nursing and the pathophysiology of the body and what happens to you so when you are in resistance and fighting mode i've talked a lot about this before but what puts us in fight or flight mode so in the part of our brain that we don't control the part that makes our heart beat and our blood pressure normal and digest and heal all that it's called your autonomic nervous system there are two modes and one is fight or flight which is all about danger threats keeping the body alive moving resources from internal functions in your organs to external to your extremities and things like that that resistance and fighting puts us in fight or flight mode and so all of our strength energy resources are hyper vigilant vigilant looking outwards it's not a good long-term strategy you can't stay in a fight forever right the opposite side of fight or flight mode is um that's your sympathetic nervous system is your parasympathetic nervous system and that is rest relax restore digest that's where all the healing happens so if you think about it if you're literally fighting with someone you can't heal and so fight or flight is not really where we want to be so we start off with it's not fair i'm resisting i don't like it you know this isn't what i want to be and it's a lot of effort so i i like pictures i think analogies work really well so i'll give you this one and this is one that i use quite often um so if you imagine yourself standing in the ocean and standing and the waves just pushing you right like how much energy it takes to stay standing in the ocean with those waves just pounding on you right pushing you down pushing you over pushing you over that's exhausting it's really really really hard now imagine you lay on a raft or just float on those waves and how pleasant that could be you're supported by the water you know it's buoyant you know now we're not talking the storm but just nice ways um but trying to be still in a world that's moving is really exhausting and you're resisting the forces of nature relaxing surrendering succumbing you know accepting where you're at and what's going on and making adaptations to that is where we find relaxation and peace right so just i do that sometimes if i'm feeling frustrated intense i'm like you know what i'm standing in the waves again and i'm just trying not to move and it's taken a lot of energy when i let go relax a little bit um it's much more peaceful and from that place of peace we have a lot more options when you think about the analogy i just shared with you with the waves just remember nothing about the waves changed the waves are what the waves are the world is how the world is you changed and you changed on purpose right and you went from a place of fighting and resisting to surrender relaxation so i want to talk a little bit about surrender and surrender does not mean that you like it that you want it that you agree with it um that you did anything to get it that's not what that means what i mean about surrender is that we see the truth and we face it and we deal with it and we adapt to it resistance i don't want to see this i don't want to know what this is i don't want to deal with it that's where the struggle comes in and so when we surrender you know we kind of let our guard down and go this is what is happening today right now and that's about all we can really manage what's going to happen tomorrow next week next month next year who knows but that surrender letting go is really a way to shift out of that fight or flight mode and shift over into this parasympathetic rest and relax that's where we restore that's where we heal that's where our body can do the work it needs to so we choose to adapt we choose to surrender it's our choice we do it on purpose because we find peace because we benefit right and so let's say um let's say it's raining right we choose to use an umbrella to carry this thing over our head because it benefits us right it's something we choose to do we didn't choose the rain we choose how we interact with it same thing if it's cold outside we choose to put a coat on right so that's just the truth that's the truth of the way it is we adapt we adjust to make it the best possible scenario we can be right so that's the same thing if diabetes is true we can fight it we can resist it we can you know just hate on it and push it away and have a lot of anger and pain and resentment or we can just say you know what today this is my truth and then from that place we can move forward make sense so it's not fair it is not fair um nothing in life really is that fair um life is always cyclical and we need to just acknowledge the truth right and so we can see what's there and stop fighting against what is doesn't mean you don't have goals you don't want to go somewhere else but it means we're truthful about where we're at okay so that's kind of the scenario why we get so angry why it feels like it's not fair and it's not fair so if it's not fair we have choices we can make so here are some choices one notice what is true so what is true for me and maybe for you too i have diabetes now i didn't ask for this i didn't want this but it is the truth so when you act from a place of truth we're going to find a lot more peace so number two is i have choices so i can resist i could ignore i could spend time with my head in the sand i could spend time um you know an energy with regret whoa woe is me poor me health pity all that or i can tend to what i need to tend to i can deal with the situation at hand so i can get back to my purpose and my passion so my my place on this earth is not just to deal with diabetes do i have to yes do i choose to yes but i do it so that i can get back to what i want to do right so my truth is yes i have it yes it changes some things in my life i may have to do things different than i did before but i still get to choose how i want to do them i think we also have to acknowledge that things will change especially with diabetes once you think you have it figured out it will change you'll get older you'll lose weight you'll gain weight you'll get another sickness you know you might get a little cold or a flu you might go through menopause you know there's a bazillion different things that's going to happen life is never stable and i've said that a lot of times right like life doesn't go in a flat line it's very wavy and up and down changes that we find like diabetes or anything that's painful to be honest is a catalyst to help you shift into something new and just because it's hard doesn't mean you can't do it and the person that comes to mind when i think about that is stephen hawking so if you're familiar with him he has very debilitating neuromuscular disease he's the guy that's in the wheelchair amazingly brilliant man and he wrote many many theories about science and nature just incredible incredible stuff but he did it with very limited physical abilities right and instead of looking at those abilities and saying i can't he's like well that's true so i'm going to shift and do something different and i think we just have to acknowledge that we have to change right number four is work through your emotions so you know again i feel like the diabetes medical community you got this be tough be strong and they really don't encourage you to fall apart and deal with your emotions it is hard it does suck right like nobody wants this there's going to be grief there's anger there's denial there's bargaining there's all these emotions there's resentment there's frustration but if you put the happy face on and act like you're not having that that has nowhere to go and it builds up inside and over time can really really keep you in that fight or flight mode because you're always just feeling um a lot of energy or you know if you process them and you just say what you think and get your voice out say the words um express your feelings talk about your emotions you don't want to get stuck there but you certainly need to not act like you're fine when you're not some days it's okay to not be okay right and if you do that and if you end up shoving the emotions it's a lot of energy to carry with you weighs you down number five is just surrender to your truth accept whatever is true and i think it's neat that acceptance is the last stage of grief and we've talked a little bit about grief before but when you get diabetes you lose this healthy part of yourself that you were counting on right and so you get a chronic illness you lose a healthy part of yourself and you go through these emotions and if you are able to process and navigate that journey you end up in acceptance acceptance feels a lot lighter it's seeing your truth it's agreeing to what is doesn't mean you like it it means that you agree to it you see that this is true today i think your truth getting grounded in your truth understanding your truth speaking your truth what you need what you don't need how people can support you how you don't like to be talked to how you do like to be talked to which doctor you like which food you like or you want to stick your things that you have to stick those are your truths and you're entitled to those right you get to say that i'll end on this one thing and i think this is um really profound but anything that is destroyed by the truth should be think about that so if your truth is that i don't like when you talk to me that way then you should tell that person so they stop talking to you that way you know if your truth is i can't do all this today that that fact that idea that you've got it all together should be destroyed because today you can't you know so whatever is true for you it doesn't excuse it it doesn't mean that um it doesn't have consequence it just means it is and whenever you can just look at the truth of what is of what's true then you can take action that's where you start from right okay so the topic tonight was all about it's not fair and diabetes is not fair and finding peace i think really finding peace is getting real with yourself accepting what is and surrendering to the moment so we're going to kind of use that same um acceptance and surrender for meditation tonight we'll shift over into that so it looks like there's been several folks joining me again so we'll do a little recap so my name is patricia daker i am a registered nurse and um board certified nurse coach specializing in diabetes i have type 1 diabetes and i own a company called better diabetes life all the links are in my bio so you can check out my website social media blog all that fun stuff um if you like what i'm doing here um it's very similar um there's you know if you choose to read it or if you like little memes or on social media that sort of thing okay so we're going to shift into meditation mode and let's kind of regather in a safe and comfortable place among friends we're going to breathe and relax and we know that even though life may not be fair our life has purpose and meaning and it's not a mistake we are where we are because that's where we need to be do some more breathing relax enjoy this time to give back to yourself we'll do our intention again and the intention for tonight is may we be content may we be at peace may we accept ourselves fully and may we find our truth okay so we're going to do some breathing and then we'll get started so make sure you're in a comfortable place relax let your shoulders go swallow relax your throat we'll start with some breathing and we'll breathe into a count of four and out to a count of eight through our nose we'll do several rounds of that it helps shift us from this worry and vigilant state into a state of surrender and ease and that's what our body likes that's how we rebuild and restore so go ahead and close your eyes lean back and just breathe with me as i count so in two three four and out two three four five six seven eight breathe in two three four through your nose and out again through your nose two three four five six seven eight in two three four through your nose and out two three four five six seven eight deep breath in two three four and out two three four five six seven eight relax your jaw soften your shoulders let your abdomen go soft take another deep breath feel your body let's do one more big deep breath in for four one two three four and out two three four five six seven eight just take a little inventory of your body notice how you feel notice any areas of tightness notice if you feel a bit more calm we'll do some affirmations and just repeat in your head or loud whatever feels right to you i am here i am breathing i am okay i am safe i am strong i am free to choose i am capable i am worthy of space on this planet i am evolving and changing i am accepting i am open to feeling better i am connected to life i am aware i am safe i am okay and from this place of relaxation of healing comfort of community we'll travel through our body touching and blessing the different areas that are often impacted by diabetes we'll do this in a two-part i want to accept how things are for each piece in each part and then we want to surrender to healing to let go of any resistance and accept anything your body has to offer you as we go through the things on the acceptance um these may or may not ring true for you and so if there's something else that comes up feel free to substitute it out or pay attention to that and as we surrender i want to surrender and i want you to imagine flow the flow of life happening in your body it's that parasympathetic state that's healing restoring your immune system cells dividing tissues repairing we want to allow that to happen so as we close our eyes and turn inward our inner world is where our parasympathetic and healing state happens so pay attention move your awareness to your heart and accept that at times you may have a hardened heart that you may hold anger in your heart stress resistance that you may feel tightness in this area and then surrender to the flow of energy and life flowing through your heart the blood flowing through the love that emanates from your heart and surrender to healing allow it to happen invited in but to letting go it's not a time to hold on allow the goodness restoration and calmness to flow over your heart move down to your abdomen to your right side above your waistline below your ribs where your liver lives and accept that you may eat toxic things and drink toxic things and be in a toxic world you can accept that you're imperfect and you can't fix it all the liver is one of the most complex organs doing many functions from our immune system glucose balance maintaining our purity of blood removing toxins and surrender to the flow of life flowing through your liver surrender to pleasure allow it to be in you and surrender to healing as blood flows through your liver through this vital organ even if you don't know how from somewhere deep in your body we surrender to healing we welcome it relax and relax your shoulders let your abdomen soft move to your kidneys they're above your waist towards your back and your ribs kidneys are often associated with your blood pressure also with filtration of your blood creation of urine removal of waste we can accept that some days were rigid intense that we have anxiety that we hold things in that this is true but we can also surrender to the flow of life moving through these organs with a calming peace filtering out impurities releasing and letting go all the things your body does not need surrender to healing as it waves through your body bringing light fluid and peace next move to your digestion stomach and intestines we can accept that we may be emotional and impulsive and that our digestive tract holds many of these emotions causing us pain discomfort indigestion and even though this is true we can also surrender to the flow of life waving through your abdomen you can allow renewal healing for your digestive tract can transform things that have no life into the very building blocks that give us life our digestive tract allows us to pass things through we no longer need and we surrender to letting these things go no longer clinging to pain to anxiety to worry breathe again exhale let go surrender next we're going to move to the pancreas it's situated in the middle of your abdomen nestled in between your liver and your stomach not far behind your belly button and we can accept that we can be very frustrated and angry with our pancreas and with diabetes and with dysfunction and with feeling different and not wanting things to be the way they are that is true but we can choose to surrender to the flow of life that carries us forward that gives us our passions that allows us to see every day we can surrender to forgiveness for not being perfect forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of others and we can surrender to healing as our body brings nutrients oxygen immune products nourishment fluids through every area of our body move now to your lower extremities your legs your knees your ankles your feet and we can accept that we are apprehensive sometimes afraid to move forward that we may feel unstable this happens and it's true but we can choose to accept the flow of life through our legs and our feet you can choose to accept our purpose and move towards it and however small or large of steps we are able to manage and we can accept the healing that moves through both legs through our feet and as we think about our feet we can accept healing blood flow opening tissues restored you see this in our mind's eye and we surrender and allow it to happen next we travel to your upper extremities your arms elbows shoulders wrists and hands and we accept that we are resistant that we push things away people we push away help we push away the truth and this is true but we also surrender to the flow of life through our arms in our hands loving embraces we surrender to receiving and opening our arms to embrace all that life has to offer and we surrender to healing as blood travels through our arms our hands circulation provides nourishment newness and life we surrender and allow this to happen we welcome it and we let go of needing things to be different next we'll move to our throat and we accept that sometimes we are secretive and restricted and muffled and silent not speaking our truth afraid for what others might think but we choose to surrender to the flow of life the air that moves through our throat giving our voice to the world we surrender to our truth that must be spoken and we surrender to healing allowing it to wash over us to relax the tightness in our throat from when we can't speak we swallow and let it go and we surrender to the comfort that is there underneath the stress next move your attention to your brain and we accept how busy our brain is how distracted how worried how so many things are happening at once even though we don't want to we surrender to the flow of life through our brain electrical activity connecting neurons creating thoughts ideas directing motion the orchestrator of your health and we surrender to this wisdom we allow it to wash through us we surrender to the awareness of who we are of why we're here and we surrender to healing in this area through our brain through our mind healing our thoughts surrendering and letting go and releasing negativity things that are heavy old pain that no longer serves us next move your attention to your eyes our retina in the back of our eyes which are so important for us to see the world and we accept that sometimes we're short-sighted we focus on the worst and we miss out on some of the best and we surrender to the flow of life in our eyes imagining sparkles and light we surrender to the many possibilities we surrender to the world that we see allowing it to greet us and we surrender to healing in the tiniest blood vessels bringing oxygen glucose healing and open blood flow to these very delicate parts of our eyes take another deep breath and relax move your attention to the middle of your brain behind your eyes between your ears above your throat from the center where your intelligence lives your core the core of you we accept that I have diabetes and we accept that we are not perfect and we surrender to the flow of life tingling through our whole body the energy that's happening without us knowing it we surrender to ownership of that which is ours we surrender to the ability to make choices we surrender to intention letting our focus lead the way and we surrender to our purpose for each of us has a grand purpose on this place on this planet on this earth and even though diabetes may be a burden we carry with us it does not remove our purpose and lastly from the center of your being surrender to healing from a place of peace and relaxation feel the aliveness inside of you feel the tingling perhaps in your body feel movement feel energy knowing that at the smallest level at the smallest parts of you healing can happen when your resources aren't busy worrying and looking out at the world your resources can be turned inward making things better making things more peaceful allowing you to pursue that which makes you whole repeat our affirmations again repeat in your head or if you feel like speaking that's okay too I am here I am breathing I am okay I am safe I am strong I am free to choose I am capable I am worthy of space on this planet I am evolving and changing I am accepting I am open to feeling better I am connected to life I am aware I am safe I am okay and I am surrendering to life I'm going to be quiet for a little moment enjoy this space notice how you feel let this healing move about you and drink in all the goodness here From this place of peace and relaxation,

Once again notice how you feel.

Become aware of your body and begin to move slightly.

Take a breath.

Let your awareness come back to this place,

Back to your room.

And when you are ready,

Open your eyes.

And until next time,

Y'all be well,

Be at peace,

Love yourself,

Be curious,

And take care.

Bye.