Deep Healing #5 - Sacrificing Ego

Hello and welcome.

The following is a guided meditation by Renee Seals,

A somatic movement educator,

Energy worker,

And astrologer.

This meditation is intended to help support your embodied meditation practice.

If in the recording you are prompted to do something that doesn't feel good for your body,

Please adapt and modify to make it work for you.

Please also note that the content of these meditations sometimes explores deep and subtle states and memories,

And sometimes guided visualizations.

You are encouraged to work with discernment as you practice with them.

If any of the guidance Renee offers feels too activating or uncomfortable,

Please listen to your body's knowing and pause the recording until a later time if you wish to return to it.

These guided meditations range anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes and do not require any supplementary equipment to participate.

We hope you enjoy.

Greetings and welcome.

This is Renee.

Thanks for joining me.

This is a somatic meditation on sacrifice,

On releasing.

Somatic is through the body,

So we'll be working with physical sensations and some guided imagery to skillfully address our mental,

Emotional,

And psychological spaces.

I say skillfully because the body is really the first place that any of our responses or reactions happen.

They register through our soma,

Through our physical beings,

Before they reach our nervous system processes,

The brain.

Just a couple split seconds before,

But still first in our bodies nonetheless.

When we learn to work with our bodies and get to know or familiarize ourselves with our body's states,

We tend to be able to address mental and emotional states much more effectively.

This meditation is offered at the time of the Pisces New Moon.

I base all of my meditations with the New Moon and the Full Moon,

So if you'd like to learn more about where this meditation comes from,

You can find my podcast as well as audio horoscopes for all 12 signs linked to this track.

Today's meditation is focusing on the idea of sacrifice.

This word,

The beginning of the word,

Sacra,

Is the same root as sacred.

To sacrifice something,

To give it away,

Has the connotation in it that in the offering and in the opening we make something sacred.

When we clutch and grasp,

We tend to be pretty enmeshed in our own very human and pretty small-minded states of being.

When we move through whatever kind of emotional process is required in order to let something go,

Typically what we have to do is find a larger and more sacred sense of rootedness or some kind of support in order to let something go.

Often,

At least in my experience,

That happens simultaneously and there might be kind of a press to let something go and an unknowing of will anything ever come back to fill this space.

In the genuine offering and the genuine releasing,

So much can flood in.

As we work with today's content,

There's definitely an intention around making space within ourselves to let go of many dearly held and cherished ideas,

States of being,

Maybe even objects or people,

But with the knowledge that in the letting go we actually open to receive so much more.

We open to receive on the sacred level,

On the spirit level,

On the sacred level.

On the sacred level,

On the spiritual level,

Our minds and our hearts and our bodies become cleansed through these offerings.

With all sacrifice,

There is a ritual aspect of it that we understand the profundity of offering and the power that it takes to get to that space and that we kind of bear ourselves or open ourselves to the mysterious and divine unknown of what will come in after.

All right,

So to prepare for this meditation,

I'm going to actually suggest lying down.

You're welcome to take this meditation in more of a classic seat as well.

Because the focus of the meditation is so deeply on letting go and feeling a dissolving pattern,

It's not the best one for bringing into movement.

I think it might be a little disorienting to try and move at the same time.

However,

You're welcome to do that and you're welcome to bring this meditation into anywhere else where it could serve and support you,

Like driving your car or sitting on the bus.

So take the time that you need to get comfortable and then when you're ready,

Let your eyes soften.

So whether your eyes are open or closed,

Feel that the fronts of your eyes can move to the back of your eyes.

In this movement,

There's the feeling that the eyes don't need to reach out to look at anything or to find anything.

There's a relaxation and a receptivity that can come into the front of your skull.

So all of your face bones,

You can imagine a kind of just clear,

Soft space and a receptive space along your forehead and the eye sockets and your cheekbones and your nose.

And then you can relax your jaw and feel that your mouth and your tongue can also relax.

There's no need to speak.

And you hear my voice and you'll hear other sounds in the space around you or in this recording.

But as sounds come in,

Also soften your ears so that whatever sounds you're perceiving are simply floating by,

You can catch what's important.

You don't need to worry about spacing out or missing something.

And then feel the quality of your breath.

So without changing it right now,

Just attune to your inhalations and your exhalations.

Whenever we bring attention to something,

Its behavior changes.

So just like you will kind of change your demeanor or your vibe if you realize that you're being watched,

Everything else is like this.

So as you bring attention to your breath,

Your breath will become conscious of itself.

And you might feel where you are or are not able to breathe easily.

You might feel the need for a deeper breath or a bigger breath.

And you might appreciate just simply where your breath is now.

So there's no right way to breathe.

But just notice and feel the sensation of your breath.

So the inhale enters through your nose or through your mouth.

It travels through your face and into your throat.

It branches down into your lungs and the shape of your lungs are narrower at the top and broader at the back and the bottom.

The movement of your breath into your lungs will create movement through your whole body as your organs receive that squish.

So your belly might expand or you might feel your breath in your back.

The sensation of breath can reach into the farthest corners of your body.

And you might imagine now how your breath can expand and seep everywhere.

So you might feel the sensation of breath in your body.

And if there are any places in your body or in your energetic being that you notice or have been aware of having tension or condensing and they could use a little bit of breath or a little bit of space,

Simply bring your attention to those spaces and then call your breath in.

Invite your breath in.

So I want to offer the image of an ocean,

Plenty of oceans,

In the world if you want to choose your favorite one.

And see if you can get kind of a really far away kind of satellite view of this body of water.

So just like a lake or a pond,

The oceans have a container or they have the maybe the feeling of a container as they push against land.

And so the water layer on our earth is constantly moving.

But how the land layer works is to form these kind of bowls and spaces where water can accumulate and collect.

And so some of them are really big and vast like an ocean or like the Great Lakes and some of them are small like a puddle.

But as you kind of imagine the movement of your ocean,

What I'd like you to imagine is also the container of it.

And just as the ocean is indescribably vast,

Kind of beyond the limits of our minds to really fathom how big it is and how deep it is and what all is in there,

It's a very mysterious place to most of us.

Can you feel that the movement of your breath is like this?

And so as you inhale,

You might just let the movement of your breath current through your body and notice how its movement presses out into certain places and swirls around other places.

As you exhale,

Feel the depth of your exhale and this indescribable depth that is also in our imagination of the ocean.

And then as you exhale,

Feel the depth of your exhale and notice how it's moving through the water.

And then as you exhale,

You can imagine it in your own being that your exhale is that deep.

And when you get to the bottom of the exhale,

Noticing the quiet,

Just like at the base of the ocean.

So when you get down low underneath the currents and the water becomes very,

Very still.

So we'll just keep this image of an ocean or a big body of water and then the container.

And we'll place this image in our own bodies.

And let's imagine that the inner body as it moves with the breath is water and the outer body as it receives your breath is the land or is the container.

When I say inner body,

I mean your organs.

I mean your fluids.

So like blood or lymph.

And I also mean the small energetic pockets,

The spaces in your joints,

The places where proprioception happens,

Where you feel some kind of sensory awareness deep in your being.

You might not know exactly what or where it is,

But there's a sensation that sometimes comes like right in the center of the bones and your breath can move there too.

The center of your bones you might remember is also fluid.

So in our marrow,

Blood and fat exist and our bones are fluid organs at their core.

So as you inhale,

You might feel the swelling of your inhale even move into your structure.

And as you exhale,

You might imagine the currents of your structure releasing into the everythingness of the other inner body and then finding again the anchor into that deep quiet base.

The feeling of this breath is a swelling and condensing and it's tidal.

So you can allow your breath to roll in and roll out at its own rhythm.

It can move anywhere in your body that calls to it.

And when it meets the barrier,

When it meets the container,

Feel the gentle boundary of that meeting.

So notice the edge of your breath.

Notice how it feels when you reach it.

And then the receding of the exhale.

As you exhale,

You might imagine how when the waves roll out,

They pick up little shells or rocks or bits of trash that might be on the shore.

Don't necessarily want to think about the trash,

But it's there in our oceans.

And so you might think about how with your exhale,

You might think about how you're going to be able to move your body around and so you might think about how with your exhale,

That exhale can pick up whatever stuff,

Flotsam is around.

And so this might be little pieces of feelings,

Little remnants of conversations or thoughts.

It could be some trash,

Some garbage that you've been carrying around for the last while and you're just done with it and you're ready to let it go on your exhale and release.

And because we are our own containers and our own content,

As you release and let go,

You might imagine that these items are just kind of dropping into the depth of your being.

And there is a stillness then that can kind of surround them.

And let's think long,

Long term here.

So beyond the span of our human lives,

Beyond the span of even the life of our current era,

Garbage takes a while to break down,

But eventually composition will change and balance can find its way back.

And so as you imagine just the flotsam of your own being settling,

See if you can let it settle with some kind of assurance in yourself that whatever needs to be processed will be processed in the time when it's ready to.

That part of the processing is supporting and infusing the whole with more health.

So sometimes we think about the exhale and releasing what we don't need,

But there is never any getting rid of something when it's there.

And all negativity,

All toxins,

Our energy that is harmful to us,

It's around just like plastic in the ocean.

And once something exists,

We can't make it not exist,

But what we can do is we can make it not exist.

But what we can do is put our efforts towards creating health and providing support to process the toxins.

And this is a really important part of our cleanup efforts.

Personally,

Interpersonally and environmentally,

We want to focus on feeling that there is health that can surround all of our dis-ease.

And just like the earth,

Our bodies are capable of absorbing toxicity and of neutralizing it,

Of moving it through our bodies,

But we can only do this with enough support and with enough health.

So as you inhale,

Can you imagine all of the goodness in your life?

So anything that you feel is good right now or has ever been,

Anyone who's ever shown you kindness or love,

Any support that you have,

The things and the places and the people that make your heart feel bigger,

Your hobbies and pastimes that make you feel vital and engaged,

Whatever it is,

That you know is healthy for you and around you,

You can just let those images kind of swim in and out.

And as you inhale,

Absorb them into your body and remember that there is health.

And as you exhale,

Let whatever is not healthy,

Whatever is ready to go,

Just let it go.

Ready to go,

Just let it sink.

Let it flow out.

Let it flow down.

So all water seeks the ocean.

And in this way,

You might imagine that anything that you're releasing is releasing into currents and rivulets and streams,

And that every single other person on the earth,

They're inhaling health.

And they're exhaling out their pain.

They're exhaling their fear,

Their insecurities,

Their violence.

And all of these currents are collecting.

And then they're picked up and absorbed into a greater body of health.

And so as you inhale,

Really feeling that inhalation breath,

That big,

Generous,

Compassionate breath that can hold whatever is arising.

And as you exhale,

You can feel whatever senses as negative,

Kind of flowing into some kind of current and being picked up by a greater sea of health.

Feel it dissolving and dispersing and then settling.

Feel it move into an inert state.

And then trust that this greater body of health,

Will be able to process when the time is ready.

So we're going to continue with this imagination and bring it a little bit more specifically into our bodies.

And what I'd like you to do now is bring your attention to the places in your body where you shed.

So our entire body is shed,

Our skin cells are shed,

Our body is shed,

Our skin cells all the time are flaking off of us and turning into dust in the air.

Your hair is falling out all the time,

You constantly have secretions coming out of your body.

The places that I'd like you to bring your attention to are your skin in general,

The outer layers of your skin,

The soles of your feet and the palms of your hands.

So feel that these are places where there is constant shedding.

Our feet are barefoot,

We're walking on the earth and so there is a sloughing off of whatever tissues are there.

Our feet are the place where energy leaves our bodies,

Where it pours down into the earth.

It's also the place where we receive support and where earth energy comes up into us.

And so this is a place in the body that's very permeable and porous.

And the same things with the soles or the palms of our feet.

And the same things with the soles or the palms of our hands.

So these are places where oftentimes you might get clammy hands or something like this or dry hands and so there's a feeling that the skin on the hands can shed probably more often than skin at other parts of the body.

We are using our hands constantly,

Touching,

Picking up,

Washing,

Etc.

So feel the way that the skin on the hands has a particular kind of absorbency to it,

Particular kind of membrane and boundary that allows us to touch and certain things to come in,

Sensations to arise.

There's lots of nerve receptors in the fingertips and palms because it's important for us to know what we're touching.

And so in this way feel how information comes in through your body here and in this way feel how information flows out of your body here in your touch,

In your gesture.

Let's bring attention to the scalp and feel that this skin layer around the dome of your head,

Whether or not it's attached to hair follicles,

Some of us are losing those,

Or maybe never had them to begin with.

Feel that this part of the skin,

This crown area,

Is a space where our nervous systems tend to be specifically acute.

We are open to certain kinds of information coming into our head and this information is sensory as well as kind of electric.

So all of the frequencies that are out there for us to pick up on through our minds,

Through our eyes,

Through our ears,

Through our nose,

Through our mouths,

What you see is constantly flooding images into your brain.

How many of them do you actually remember?

Very few.

But feel the area around your eyes and the area around your ears,

How much do you hear every day?

Are you even aware of the constant hum of human noise,

This white noise that we live in?

How do you tune out what you don't need to hear?

And how do you remain just kind of in an open field of awareness so that whatever needs to come in can come in and everything else can float by.

In the scalp covering,

Feel the sensibility of your brain and this quite astounding organ in the body,

Part of our organs and also our nervous system.

So it has kind of a jelly-like substance to it,

It's squishy and it's very liquid in some ways.

But of course the brain is electric as well and so synapses and neurological currents are constantly running through,

Finding different pathways left to right between the hemisphere,

Traveling all the way down the root of your brain into your spinal cord,

Out into the nerves that innervate your skin in its entirety.

So you might feel how the brain and how the skin are linked and you might even feel the threads of the brain and how the skin is linked.

And then feel the threads of conscious awareness floating up out of your scalp and into the space around you.

Those threads of awareness also picking up and bringing back in.

And then finally bring your attention down into your genitals.

And in this part of your body incredible merging that happens and kind of shedding or seeping that can occur.

So we release fluids through this part of our body,

We release waste,

But there is also membrane here and so we pick up a lot in this part of our body.

And of course we absorb through sexual content,

But we also absorb emotional content here and this is the part of our body that most readily receives information about basic safety and danger.

And of course these are the parts of our bodies that originated our lives and as we are replicas of the past continuing to incarnate itself,

This is the space that we came from and being the place in our bodies where everything exits,

It also is the space that we'll return to.

One day our bodies will compost and rot and become food and nourishment for other beings.

Hopefully that's my plug for a natural burial and not using formaldehyde getting cremated.

Allow your body to go back to the earth from which it came.

And so feel this place in your body as both receptive and releasing.

So in these spaces of our bodies let's feel the incredible sensitivity that's there.

In our feet we pick up these kind of micro climates and different fluctuations and patterns of stability and instability.

In our hands we pick up qualities,

Consistencies,

Textures.

Through our skin and through our scalp we pick up all kinds of information.

Through the genitals and the skin of the genitals we absorb fluids and we release life energy.

And then you can feel the other openings in your body,

The holes in your ears and your nose,

The kind of weird space around your eyeballs,

Your tear ducts and the way the eyes shed.

Of course your mouth.

Feel the way that your body is absorbent and sensitive and takes in.

And feel the way that your body is porous that whatever is contained within you is constantly seeping out.

And then we'll come back to our earlier meditation.

And so now with this somatic awareness we're sensation remaining in these spaces,

Feel the movement of your inhale as a growing sensation that swirls around your body and into all parts of it.

And feel the current of your exhale that releases from your inner body that moves through all of your tissues,

That moves into the space around you and is settling.

And now what I'd like you to imagine is the feelings,

Maybe the very particular images or words of whatever your ego is holding onto and you know probably what it is.

The feeling of ego sacrifice is we have to go into the spaces where we feel the most right,

The most conviction that actually you know we're the ones that have the answer,

That we're the ones that are correct.

If there are places in you right now that are feeling deeply wronged,

This is not devalidating the pain that's there,

It's simply pointing to the hardness of the ego that when we experience pain and suffering the natural response is to create an other and to cast something outside of ourselves so that we can blame,

So that we can push and argue.

So feel the places in your being and in your body where you're holding this and for everyone there's going to be at least a few.

The tender arguments that still have not been resolved because we just can't bear to let go of our own stake in it.

The places where we've convinced ourselves of our own superiority,

The places where we've convinced ourselves of our own inferiority and both of them being unable to unlatch from our emotional threads.

These are probably long-standing relationships as well as current or present arguments.

These are the ways in which we resist looking at our own shadow material,

Where we see that others make mistakes,

That they are selfish and violent,

But we can't bear to look at those things in ourselves.

And most of the time we know that they're there,

But most of the time we also turn away.

And so this is the content now that I want you to call up on your inhale.

I want you to feel it swelling inside of you.

Feel the hardness and the distrust and the discomfort and the grossness of ego.

Feel what it is.

I'm right.

It's all about me and all about me can be deeply,

Deeply insecure as well as bombastic.

As you inhale,

Feel those sensations pushing into the permeability of your container.

And now as you exhale,

What I want you to imagine is all the health in the container around you flooding into your being.

So as you inhale,

You might fill with the sensation of your own ego.

And then as you exhale,

Imagine that you're feeling the health of your being.

And then as you exhale,

Imagine an ocean emptying into you.

And those ocean waters are omnipotent.

They are incredibly vital and alive,

Full of minerals,

Full of nutrients.

And they're going to pick up these hardened,

Lodged places in your being,

This ego detritus,

And spread it out,

Bring it into a current.

It's going to float around you.

It'll continue to float within you.

It'll float away from you.

And it'll turn into tiny,

Tiny,

Tiny,

Tiny little particles.

And I want you to keep imagining the health of this greater being,

This greater body around you.

That as these small particles of toxicity are released,

They're gently absorbed by the health of the greater system.

And your awareness right now is in the vast expanse of time.

And so there is not concern here of,

Oh,

I need to get over this in my lifetime.

There is no way that I can get over this in my lifetime.

There is trust.

There is a basic trust and knowing that whatever it is you need to release will be absorbed and will be returned to neutral,

Will be returned to health,

Will be returned to a place of fertility and possibility.

And then we'll begin to wrap up this meditation.

You're welcome to pause and stay with it longer if this is useful and if there's more content that you want to work with.

But in these last couple of breaths,

Let's bring in an intention or let's bring in a prayer.

And so in our sacrificing of ourselves,

As we inhale,

We want to pray that we can see where we have accumulated what is excessive.

And as we exhale,

We want to pray that there's support in letting go.

And the excesses of ego where we get really lodged and convinced of our own rightness and our need to exist and exert,

Always this is coming from some place in our beings that at one time it was useful.

At one point in our lives we needed to defend ourselves.

We were put into a survival position probably and this might be in a cellular memory,

Something that happens to a parent or great-great-great-grandparent that still lives in you.

But the initial instinct of ego is not a bad thing.

It's a self-identifying function.

It lets us know how to preserve what's important.

What we want now is wisdom to feel where the essence of preservation can withstand.

And where all the other junk and accumulation and residue of hardness and conviction and belief and hurt and blame and all the other explanations that we make for all the things that can all release.

And in the self-preservation essence,

Whatever it is that remains,

Feel that this part of your being is intrinsically and completely,

I can't remember the word,

Intrinsically,

But it's a self-preservation.

Completely,

I can't remember the word,

Completely absorbed with and influenced by and unseparable from the health of the everythingness around you.

And so the instinct to preserve is the instinct to hold health,

To hold life.

And everything that does not support health and does not support life and does not support love and peace within you is ready to go.

It's ready to get washed away and to dissolve and to return to a neutral state.

So then as you're ready to end,

Begin by feeling your body again and using your hands now and maybe even your feet to touch your skin.

And you can rub your hands across your scalp and over your face and over your whole body.

You can touch your genitals and your pelvis.

You can go all the way down your legs and touch the soles of your feet.

And then you can feel that there is a container for all that you are right now.

If it feels good to you to bring your hands together in a gesture of prayer,

You can do that.

If there's another gesture that feels more intuitive,

Do that.

And in whatever names or ideas or imaginations describe the feeling of God,

The feeling of divinity to you,

Connect.

And ask that the wisdom and the health and the capacity of that greater being can come in and support you to cleanse,

To shed,

And to release and to trust that whatever it is that you are giving away and giving up will make space for more light and healing to come into you.

Trust that whatever you're ready to give up,

Though it might be scary and though it might be painful and though you might not know what to do after you've given it up,

Trust that it's ready to go and that something else is ready to come in.

Taking a deep breath in and out.

And in whatever way it feels good,

Releasing your prayer.

Well,

Thanks so much for practicing with me.

This is a hard time on earth.

Maybe all times are hard times when we're dealing with the human ego.

But this is definitely something that we're all dealing with all the time.

I hope that this meditation can serve you to clearly define the spaces in your life that are ready to release and can help you create a lot more space inside to receive the goodness that is around you and the health that is available.

Thank you for practicing.

Please share these meditations if they're important for you.

Please consider donating to me to support my work and the continued offerings of these meditations and podcasts for free.

Until the next time,

Much love and be well.