7 Habits To Unlock Your Inner Strength As A Woman #263

Welcome to the Soul-Infused Monday Show.

Today's topic is empower yourself,

Seven habits to unlock your inner strength as a woman.

I'm your host,

Sonia Buonatella Torre,

And if you're new to the Soul-Infused Monday Show,

The Soul-Infused Monday Show is a weekly show that goes live every Monday at 9 a.

M.

Pacific Time,

12 p.

M.

Eastern Time,

And I've been doing this for over five years consistently.

And I'm passionate to help women and men and any other non-binary,

Any being,

Any person to connect within,

To peel off the layers,

To live the most authentic,

Meaningful,

And purpose-driven life.

Loving yourself,

Feeling alive,

Connected with your soul,

And making a difference in the world.

And today,

It's very focused on a woman,

As a woman,

And at the same time,

Anyone else is invited.

Men are invited,

More than welcome,

And also the habits that I'm going to share with you,

That is practices,

Are valuable no matter what.

However,

I feel very called to specifically help women.

Number one,

I am one,

And I know that we are so conditioned,

And in so many ways,

We are still holding back,

And we're still kind of like working through a lot of old and collective conditioning that is often keeping us small,

And we are not living to our fullest potential.

What can you expect today?

I am going to obviously share seven habits to connect,

Create,

And unlock your inner strength.

These are all habits or practices that I've been doing for a very long time.

I am going to suggest and invite you to actually take notes,

Have something to write,

Take a pen and a paper,

And dive in,

Take notes.

And I have a few suggestions also on how you can get the most out of the show today.

And invite your friends,

Invite any girlfriend,

Your sister,

Any woman in your life that is meaningful to you.

We'll share it later.

Anyone that you feel you want to support on this journey and can benefit from connecting deeper within herself and with her own strength,

And to create more confidence,

More authenticity,

And more healing in her life.

So I invite you to share this,

Invite,

And let's get this going.

A few tips on how to get the most out of this today.

Some of the habits or practices,

Things that I'm going to share,

You might already do or implement.

I would say write them down anyway,

And then you can check in.

Okay,

This one I have solid,

I'm consistent,

I'm doing it.

And then you pick one that resonates with you that you are not doing to add to your repertoire.

If you haven't done any of these so far,

Or you are not consistent,

Choose one to three,

Don't overwhelm yourself.

These are things that develop over time.

It's not something to put yourself under pressure,

Like,

Oh,

I have to do all seven right overnight and immediately.

No,

That's not going to work.

So take the pressure off,

But go into this with a very intentional mindset and choose whatever works for you that you know is realistic,

That you're going to do consistently and over a longer period of time.

None of what I'm going to share today is something that is just a quick fix that you do once.

These are things that you want to do consistently as a lifestyle,

Something that you implement,

Because living your,

Or connecting with your own inner strength,

Living it and walking your path,

Speaking your truth,

Being confident within yourself is not going to just happen by doing one thing one time.

So I hope this is landing for you.

So these are my tips for you today,

And I'm going to start sharing.

There is no one more important than the other.

I have like a little bit of a guideline here.

And then by the end,

I'm actually going to share with you a story,

A real-time story on how I actually use some of this,

What I'm sharing with you this morning,

Because I got triggered and something happened.

And instead of just,

Yeah,

In the past,

I was thinking I would have reacted a certain way,

But because I've implemented these practices in my life for over two decades,

I reacted very different.

So I'm going to share something so that you can also have something very tangible on how can you actually use this in your personal life.

All right,

Let's get this going.

Habit number one,

Habit or practice,

Whatever you want to call it.

The number one thing that I want to start with,

Because that is essential for all the rest and also essential for you actually being connected with your inner strength,

Being empowered,

Because without this one,

You are not going to be empowered.

So let me dive in.

The number one thing is to take responsibility for your own well-being and happiness.

Taking responsibility for your own well-being,

For your experience,

For your life.

That sounds easier said than done because that's not how we are programmed.

Automatically,

We are programmed to see what's wrong on the outside,

To blame the circumstances or people,

And it takes a lot to actually fully take responsibility.

However,

That's the number one super important practice,

Does not happen to have,

Doesn't have to happen overnight,

And it's not about being perfect 24-7.

It's okay to get triggered.

It's okay to first look at something that's not working on the outside,

But taking responsibility is one of the most important things for you to feel empowered and to connect to your inner strength or also get your power back.

And let me say a few more things.

That looks like stop blaming.

You can start by blaming or being in your emotions,

But blaming,

As soon as you blame something on someone or an outer circumstance,

You are not in touch with your inner strength.

We are losing ourselves,

Like we give power away.

That's one thing.

You want to stop blaming.

When we don't take responsibility and we don't stop the blaming,

We are going to stay in a victim energy.

And we all are in a victim energy at times in our lives.

There's nothing wrong.

There's no shame and blame and judgment to anything that I'm sharing here.

It's part of the human experience,

Part of your personal growth.

So it's not about rejecting it or judging it.

It's about having the awareness of it and then to make a conscious choice because if you don't take responsibility,

You will stay in a victim energy.

And when you are in a victim energy,

You are not empowered.

Also,

When you don't take responsibility for your own well-being,

For your own happiness,

For your own life,

Someone else will be dependent on you,

You will be dependent on someone else to get that for yourself,

Meaning you will either be dependent on someone else's validation or depending on what other people do or say will depend on how you feel.

As soon as you give up your own responsibility to the outside,

You are not empowered anymore.

And there's so much more to say about this.

However,

I'm going to leave it at this piece and continue.

And then also I'm open to answer any questions from your side.

But the number one practice,

The number one habit you want to cultivate over time,

And this one is a lifetime thing.

This is not something that just happens overnight.

Take responsibility for your own life,

For your own happiness,

For your reality and what's happening in your life.

Take a deep breath on that.

And maybe you even want to take a moment to check in,

Where are you with that?

Where are you when it comes to taking responsibility?

Is there any resistance?

Do you feel solid?

Just check in with you.

Take this moment because we are doing this in real time.

We learn,

We grow,

We heal in real time while you are on the Solitude Monday Show.

Number two,

You might do this already.

And again,

If something is already as a repetition,

Take it a step deeper.

Number two is doing the inner work.

Now that relates to the first one.

If you don't do the inner work,

It's very hard to take responsibility because the inner work helps you to understand,

To have compassion,

To see the truth,

And to peel off the layers that are actually conditioned,

Programmed,

That are not you.

Especially when it comes to deeper and generational conditioning,

Like the patriarchy,

Like things that we learn as women on a total unconscious level,

Passed on through generations.

If we don't do the inner work,

We won't break the chain and we're just going to repeat totally unconscious patterns.

And we are all in the same boat.

Again,

It's what we experience here as a human being.

But the inner work is crucial.

It helps you to deal with triggers,

So that you are not just again a victim of something,

So that you have something to respond versus just react.

And I give you a few questions that you can ask yourself to start this process,

Even if you're not working with someone at the moment.

Taking responsibility and doing the inner work means to check in with yourself.

Let's say you get triggered,

Something is off,

You are totally emotional,

You know,

You are in blame mode,

Something is terrible,

And we have all been there and we will revisit this.

Once you catch yourself and you put awareness into this and you step out of it,

And you are not caught in the trigger anymore,

Certain questions help you to take responsibility and grow,

And to be empowered.

One question,

And you might want to write this down,

How did I create this situation?

And if this is too much responsibility,

You can ask yourself,

How did I co-create this?

Another question is,

What's my part in this?

You see,

It's not what happened on the other side,

It's like,

How did I create this?

How did I partially create it?

What is my part in it?

What is happening inside of me?

It's another great question.

It's going inward.

Self-awareness.

What's happening inside of me?

And I'll give you an example in a moment.

Another great question is,

What am I learning here?

Even if it's uncomfortable,

Even if you're resisting it,

Even though you believe to the bone you are right and the other person is wrong,

It doesn't matter.

As long as you stay there,

You are not empowered.

You want to take it back to you.

How did I create this?

What's my part in this?

What am I learning?

What's happening inside?

And then more questions,

But I wanted to give you four so that you can use those.

An example of this is,

For example,

You are in a conversation with someone.

Someone does something,

You feel angry and you feel it's not fair and you are right.

Let's say you're right.

So let's say you're angry at someone or you are,

You know,

Upset with some situation.

It could be at work.

It could be with your family.

It could be with yourself.

It doesn't even matter.

Now,

As long as we stay attached to the outside and to someone,

We are not centered within.

You can turn this around and check in.

Okay,

So this happened on the outside.

I'm upset.

It's not fair.

This person is wrong.

But you want to let go of that attachment and you come in and you check in.

How did I co-create this?

What did I do that maybe contributed to the situation?

Because often it's very subtle.

Energy is everything.

If you're not aware of what you're doing energetically,

It's as if you don't see what you do.

Taking it back to you will make a huge difference.

So this is number two,

Inner work.

Responsibility first,

Inner work.

Number three,

One of the habits or practices that you want to do in order to really connect to your inner strength and to live an empowered life,

Is you want to take quality time with yourself every day.

Now,

This is not easy for everyone because sometimes it's what is quality time?

Quality time doesn't necessarily mean like you're getting a massage.

It's beautiful self-care.

But what I mean,

You want to take quality time where you are focusing on your own inner being,

Your emotions,

Your awareness,

Your breath.

You want to take quality time with yourself where you check in,

Where you're connected in.

May it be through walking alone in the park or being in nature,

Breathing.

Quality time.

Not listening to anything,

Not reading anything.

Quality time to check in with yourself,

Preferably in the morning because that's how you start your day.

So taking quality time.

My number one recommendation for that is meditation.

And if you have been following for a while,

You know that I sound like a broken record.

However,

I'm also talking about a very specific type of meditation that I'm not going to go into here today,

But I'm talking about energy-based meditation that has a certain purpose and four flows of energy to really connect you in and ultimately to help you connect to your higher self.

Because being connected deep within with your own inner strength and being empowered means to being connected with who you really are on a soul level,

To your soul being and from the energy and the higher vibration that comes from being connected to Source.

Habit number three.

Habit number four.

One that I'm super,

Super passionate about and I help my clients so much with it.

It's crucial for any woman to be able to do this.

Habit number four is saying no.

Saying no,

Being able and confident and courageous to say no,

Setting healthy boundaries.

Crucial.

And also this is often easier said than done because it's not only about the word.

No,

It's about energy.

How solid are you with it?

Are you being taken serious or not?

Is it a boundary that is respected or not?

It all comes from within.

This is something that you get to learn over time.

I was terrible with this when I started.

I was such a people pleaser.

I could not say no to anything or anyone.

I suffered obviously from severe depression in the past.

I come from a place of self-hatred,

No self-esteem,

Completely feeling worthless,

Not good enough.

I could not even imagine being empowered and saying no.

That's a long time ago and I came a long way and it is a continuous journey to learn and grow.

But you really need to be able to set healthy boundaries and say clearly no.

Anytime you say yes to something that is not in alignment with you,

You are saying no to yourself and the more you do it,

It will create resentment.

It backfires every time.

It will create resentment,

Struggle with conflict with other people.

It can create disease.

It can create so many unhealthy patterns in your life.

So you get to be able and have the capacity to say no and to set healthy boundaries.

And because we women are often so conditioned to put everyone else first and you are not putting yourself first,

Often setting boundaries is associated with guilt.

But it's also associated with not feeling safe to set a boundary.

So there's again coming back to the inner work.

You get to dig deep and see what's actually keeping me from being able to set healthy boundaries.

So that's where the inner work comes in again.

Number four,

I want to pause here for a minute and I want to check in with you.

Out of those four habits or practices,

What's landing the most?

What are you seeing already that is something that you want to cultivate deeper?

What are you getting out of it so far?

Take a moment,

Revisit what you maybe wrote.

I'm going to share the other three habits in a moment,

But I want to check in with you.

What's landing?

Do you have any questions?

And is there something that you would like to share?

So leave the comments here.

Time with my soul self.

Yes,

Taking quality time.

Fantastic.

Yes.

What else is landing for you?

It's also very empowering,

By the way,

To speak up or write up,

To express and show it.

When we are not connected with our inner strength,

We have the tendency to hide,

To feel shy,

And there's nothing wrong about being shy.

But if there's something that you feel that is something you could share,

But usually that's not your go-to,

I invite you to break out of that and share.

Just also for the sake of being seen and for speaking up and to sharing your voice and your truth.

Because we're doing this,

You want to be connected.

So with and being in your inner strength to be able to speak up,

To be able to feel safe,

To speak up,

Confident,

Walk your path and live authentically.

If you're not connected with your own power,

It's very hard to protect yourself.

It's very hard to protect others.

And it's also nearly impossible to teach this to your daughters if you are not able to do this within yourself and also your sons.

You know,

Again,

These habits are as valid for anyone.

I'm going to share a few more and then I'm going to share the last few.

So doing the inner work,

Biggest takeaway.

Yes,

Jessica,

Fantastic.

Love it.

If that's even the one thing you take away,

That's so crucial,

Crucial,

Crucial.

Another takeaway,

Asking how I created this situation.

Great takeaway.

Oh my God,

This is so empowering,

Will change your life.

Meditation is the easiest for me.

Saying no,

The hardest.

Okay,

There you go.

Then you know what you get to work on and where you get to dig deeper.

Fantastic.

Last one I'm going to share.

How can one separate taking responsibility versus making self feel guilt or blame?

Okay,

This is a question.

Great question.

The question is,

How can I separate taking responsibility versus making myself feel guilt or blame self?

So I'm not a hundred percent sure I get the question because it's written in self.

Do you mean like how can you separate you taking responsibility versus you feeling bad about it and feeling guilty?

Or someone else to blame someone else?

So there's a few things in one question if you can be more specific,

But I'm going to talk into it just for a moment also for time purposes.

It's not about separating it.

Okay,

I got the question right.

Yeah,

It's not so much about separating it.

It's a process.

You will still feel maybe guilty in the beginning.

It's okay,

But you will feel bad either way.

If you don't take responsibility,

You will feel like a victim.

You will feel powerless.

You will feel helpless.

You're going to not be connected in an alignment.

Now taking responsibility in the beginning is uncomfortable period.

So embrace it and don't separate it.

Just keep doing the work and see.

Okay,

What's the next little step I can do to take more responsibility?

What's and you can even ask the same questions that I asked before what in you gets to shift?

What are you learning through this?

How are you creating it?

So the feeling bad or guilt or blame is part of the soup.

So to say the inner work suit because if you are feeling bad when you take responsibility is because most likely it triggers a limiting belief or a conditioning that you are supposed to do something else.

There's so much more but I hope this helps just to keep a few pointers to continue.

Let's continue with number five and I'm going to repeat all of them real quick towards the end.

Number five is great and maybe not something that you necessarily would expect but one habit something that you want to cultivate that will make a huge difference in your life.

I've been doing this for the last few years now and I'm still kind of trying to not trying but I'm working on it.

It's not an easy one.

However,

A super powerful one ready.

Habit number five stop assuming to not assume.

I will give a few example because it sounds like yeah,

No,

Especially with women.

Let's be very clear.

We assume constantly.

We assume and most of the time we assume the worst or the worst for us.

Simple example.

Someone doesn't respond to you for whatever reason.

We assume they're not interested or we said something wrong or we immediately look into what did we do wrong.

Also assuming generally I would say 95% and I'm making this up but out of experience is not true.

Our assumption is not true.

Assuming and thinking about what the other person might think is not only fruitless.

It's usually not true and it creates total disconnection.

Instead of assuming ask be curious because you do not know.

We don't know.

We just usually don't know and often the assuming gets us into a negative state of being.

This is something that takes a lot of intentionality.

It takes a lot of awareness.

It makes a decision.

But if you stop assuming and every time you check what's actually true,

What do I know for sure and what is my assumption and because you don't know you ask instead of assuming.

For example,

You could say the story in my mind right now is that you didn't respond to me because you're not interested.

Is that true?

And then the other person can say,

Hey,

Yes,

It is true or no,

I caught totally busy.

So sorry,

I didn't respond,

Whatever it is.

But you take responsibility.

You not assuming and you asking instead will put you in a very empowered state versus just imagining something and creating a story around something that isn't even true most of the time.

Be curious about it.

Discover.

See it as a discovery and stop assuming.

That's one of the best habits that you can start creating today.

And it's not going to be an easy one,

But it's a fun one.

And it's going to create so much more joy and freedom in your life because assuming is energy put somewhere that we don't even know it belongs.

Does that make sense?

I'm curious about the assuming one.

That was a big one that I still love working on.

Number six,

And you might have heard this before if you've been following me.

And even though I know that many know they still do it.

But here's one habit that I urge you to implement and to work relentlessly with towards you,

Towards it because it will make a difference.

Habit number six is not saying I can't.

Removing I can't from your vocabulary.

Remove the phrase I can't from your vocabulary.

This will take time because it's an automatism and we're so used to say I can't all the time.

I don't.

I don't use I can't anymore.

And I'm going to give you a few substitutes.

I spoke about this many times.

There are other shows where I go deeper into this,

But instead of saying I can't,

You can say I will.

I want to.

Well,

I don't want to.

I get to.

I choose to.

I choose not to.

Example,

You get an invitation for dinner and you say,

No,

Sorry,

I can't come.

It's not true because you could.

You can.

You can,

You have to feed,

You can cook there,

You have another commitment or you it's not your priority or you just don't want to.

Every time you say I can't,

The energy,

Because number one,

It's not true,

Is obviously not good energy.

And it puts you often in a limiting energy bubble.

But if you say I choose not to,

Just feel the difference for a moment.

Say I can't.

I can't is like,

Oh,

I'm not able to.

I,

You know,

I can't.

You obviously can.

And even if you think you can't,

You could also use as a transition phrase to say,

Well,

I don't know how.

Right.

If someone would want to argue with me that I'm not going to go into that because it's,

You know,

It's not about.

Oh,

Yeah.

But there's one one incident where you can say I can't.

You can say,

Well,

I don't know how if someone would say,

Hey,

I can't fly.

Well,

I don't know how.

I still wouldn't say I can't.

But that's me.

You know,

Like I'm kind of like can't is just not something that I want to use in my life.

But it's not about the few times that you can actually use it.

It's about the principle about saying I can't is also because it's not true.

And also it comes back to taking responsibility.

Of course,

It's more scary to say thank you for the invitation.

But the truth is,

I want to stay by myself tonight.

I do not want to go out or thank you for the invitation.

I have another commitment.

I'm not available.

Of course,

You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings sometimes,

But that's also only about us.

It's the truth is kind,

Is liberating.

And you can phrase it in a way that empowers you versus disempowers you.

Gosh,

There's so many things that you say.

And I know this for sure,

Because first of all,

I've been this person.

I've worked with this with my clients and it takes a long time.

And most of the time you don't even hear yourself.

But now that you have the awareness,

Pay attention to how often you say you can't.

And if this is a habit that you feel that you want to practice,

Put it on your list and start saying different things instead.

I can't sing.

Yes,

You can.

It might sound terrible.

Maybe you don't want to do it.

Maybe you're ashamed of it.

Maybe it's no fun for you,

But can as long as you have,

You know,

A voice and you can make a sound,

You can sing.

Yeah,

Just to make a point.

Can't say so much more about this,

But this show is already longer than usual.

But these are just really good points.

Last but not least,

Habit number seven,

Practice that you want to do and a lot of people really struggle with this.

You want to ask and get help when you struggle.

Especially women.

We are so used to do so much for everyone else.

And sometimes we are in a situation where we think we've got to do this ourselves and it's hard to ask for help.

But you get to ask for help if you are stuck,

If there's something that is blocking you,

If you are not moving forward,

If you're keeping your repeat,

Keep repeating the same patterns over and over again,

Ask for help,

Get help.

Best case scenario,

You want to work with someone.

You have a coach,

A mentor,

A therapist,

Healer,

All of them and all of them.

But if you choose not to,

Not because you can't,

Because you choose not to,

If you choose not to,

There are ways for you to still ask for help and get help versus staying stuck.

You can talk to a trusted friend,

Someone that is able to hold space for you,

Someone that helps you to talk things through.

You could go online.

There are so many free materials.

You can listen to a teacher that resonates with you to help you shift the energy.

But a habit that you want to cultivate is ask for help.

Don't just try so hard to do it all yourself because we are not meant to just do everything ourselves.

And together you are stronger.

So ask for help,

Get help,

That you can actually move forward quicker and you don't stay stuck.

Great.

So these are the seven principles,

The seven habits that I have for you today.

I'm going to briefly repeat them.

And because I've taken so much time already today,

I am going to share the story that I wanted to share how and how you can apply these next week.

OK,

So come back because then you can take this a little bit.

And while I'm sharing those,

Tune in.

Which is your biggest takeaway?

Which is your number one takeaway from today?

This is one question.

What's your number one takeaway?

And leave a comment.

Send me a message.

Leave a review.

Show yourself,

Empower yourself by speaking up,

By sharing,

By expressing yourself.

What's your number one takeaway?

The other question that you can ask yourself is,

Which one of those seven habits are you going to take on?

Not too many,

Just one.

Which one do you want to master?

Not overnight,

But over time.

While you do that,

And I'm waiting for your comments or any other questions,

Here are the seven habits.

Number one,

Take responsibility for yourself and your life.

Number two,

Do the inner work.

Number three,

Take quality time,

Real quality time with yourself every day.

Number four,

Say no and set healthy boundaries.

Number five,

Stop assuming,

Ask instead.

Number six,

Erase I can't from your vocabulary.

And number seven,

Ask and get help when needed.

Take a deep breath.

I'm going to take a moment to check your comments.

And I hope this has been inspiring,

Empowering.

And I truly invite you to not just listen,

To take action,

To implement something.

One of these habits that will,

They will all change your life if you do them consistently.

Consistency is key.

Keep on it.

Keep doing it.

Even if you fall one,

Like fall off the wagon or you don't do it every day.

Consistency is key.

I don't promise things lightly and I usually don't,

But I promise you at this point,

If you do this consistently in your life,

You will be more empowered and you will connect to your strength more and you will live in more authentic life.

Again,

It doesn't happen overnight,

But that liberation,

That transformation is for me the most worthwhile thing to do and the biggest contribution to the world.

Another few takeaways here.

How did I create the situation?

Powerful question.

Wonderful takeaway.

Today was amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Therese.

You are amazing.

I like the question.

How did I co-create this to help me take responsibility?

Also the reminder to stop assuming.

Great takeaways.

Love it.

My number one takeaway,

Stop assuming.

Ask.

So good.

I don't ask for help enough.

Then I always feel overwhelmed.

Yes.

Great takeaway here.

Ask for help.

Another takeaway.

Erase.

I can't from my vocabulary.

Love it.

Love it.

Love it.

I will take a piece of paper and make a list with these seven habits.

Thank you so much.

My pleasure.

My pleasure.

My pleasure.

I have a bonus habit.

I have a bonus invitation.

Habit number eight,

Join the Soul-Infused Monday Show every Monday.

Because there's always something valuable to take away.

And even just joining this community,

Tapping into you,

Learning something will help you create and connect with your inner strength.

So as a bonus habit,

Habit number eight,

Join the Soul-Infused Monday Show every week and bring a friend so that you can learn and grow together.

Thank you so much for being here today.

I love you.

I appreciate you.

Feel empowered.

Implement,

Apply,

And come back next week for a new episode of Soul-Infused Monday.

Much love.