118. Daily Renewal: 6 Ways To Seize The Moment For Change

I can say as a Virgo and becoming a change junkie,

The number one thing that helped me become and step into that which is a forever life choice was being flexible.

You know,

Equal parts discipline and flexible.

So I have an intention,

I have a plan,

I have a schedule,

I have goals,

I'll do my best.

If it doesn't work out,

Okay,

Right away my brain,

I've trained myself so well in that way that as soon as something happens and it didn't go the way I wanted,

I'm like,

Okay,

That's not an option anymore,

What are my options?

And it opens up everything.

There's so many options if you think about it that way.

Welcome to the first episode of Spiritually Hungry podcast in 2023.

Very excited to be back with our listeners and hopefully share some inspiration.

It feels like it's been forever.

It does.

Yes.

I'm sure our listeners' lives have been very busy and slightly distracted.

Excited for change,

Change,

Change,

And more change.

So let's make sure the change that we are seeking is the one that is manifested.

And then maybe we can have some tools to help us create change.

So.

.

.

Oh,

By the way,

What's the purpose,

What's the topic of this episode?

I think we just said it.

It's a new year,

So we thought it's apropos to talk about change.

At this time of year,

We always,

Right,

New Year's,

Everybody's thinking about out with the old and with the new resolutions.

But when you boil it down,

Really,

What is it?

It's change,

Right?

It doesn't sound as sexy because change,

Everybody I think on some level knows,

Requires consistent and continual work.

But change is hard.

Change is so hard that 40% of people would rather die than change.

That's a bold statement.

That sounds insane.

And like I made that number up,

Right?

I didn't.

I have a chart in front of me that you guys can't see.

But what it says is the percentage of premature deaths in the US is broken down by causes from an article in New England Journal of Medicine from 2007.

PRB,

A nonpartisan research organization,

Reports that the percentage of premature deaths in the United States that are caused by behavior was closer to 48%.

So premature death is defined as occurring before age.

Can you guess?

I hope it's 75.

86.

Oh,

86.

I know,

I was kind of excited about that.

That's good.

It's crazy.

When you get to a certain age,

You start to like say,

Okay.

The goal post-moodle.

How many,

I don't even,

Yeah,

I'm not going to talk about that today.

Luckily,

We're both very young,

So.

Yes.

It hasn't happened yet.

Forever young.

Forever young.

Genetic predisposition accounts for 30% of premature deaths.

But it turns out the biggest wedge in this graph,

40% are due to behaviors that can be changed.

And that's why I think this is really powerful.

So there's four primary causes.

One is diet.

Two is obesity.

Three is smoking.

And then the first three are behaviors that are linked to the fourth,

Which is high blood pressure.

High blood pressure,

Which is also caused by other behaviors like excessive drinking,

Alcohol,

Caffeine,

Too much stress,

Not enough exercise.

So no one should feel any shame about this.

It's not that people don't want to change.

They really,

Really do.

I'm sure that everybody wholeheartedly created their list.

They're still doing that first weekend,

What,

Four days in,

Five days in?

Well,

The other students listening to this about 11 days in.

Whatever.

It's not like they're not trying.

They are.

I mean,

Even if you think about this,

AA has an 8% success rate.

Yeah,

It's always crazy.

Also,

60% of people who completed opioid rehab relapsed in just one week,

With up to 80% relapsing in the first year.

It's crazy.

I can go on and on.

I mean,

If you want to hear about the highest gym revenues in the world,

In the US,

Germany,

UK,

It's tied between 6.

2 billion in revenue.

I mean,

People really,

Really want to.

.

.

We spend so much money,

Make a commitment,

Buy the first month,

And then you stop your membership,

And then you restart it.

Americans spend $35 billion a year on gym.

Well,

But how many of them don't use it?

I mean,

I don't know.

I would assume a very large percentage.

I would too.

I don't know that statistic,

But I want to tell you one other personal story about a friend of mine in regards to her mother.

My friend,

Catherine,

Her mother died unexpectedly.

She had heart disease,

High blood pressure,

And was overweight.

And doctors had admonished her for years to get on top of this.

Catherine spent her adult life watching her mother with this struggle.

And she tried one diet after another,

And then she'd fall back into her bad eating habits within five months.

She purchased stationary bikes,

Treadmills,

Stair stepper,

Rowing machine,

Elliptical trainer.

They all gathered desks.

The treadmill supported piles of books and magazines.

The stair stepper was draped in scarves,

And a trunk in the corner overflowed with exercise DVDs,

Hand weights,

Jump ropes,

And elastic exercise bands.

I mean,

It's really heartbreaking because I think a lot of people could relate to this.

I think we all can.

We've all.

.

.

On to some DVD or other.

.

.

.

Either in the past or in the present are trying to make some changes.

The most troubling were the 15 self-help books on her shelf,

Ranging from motivation to discipline to tips on recipes and walking your self fit.

She never doubted that her mother hadn't read every single volume of every book that she owned.

And no one can question Catherine's mother's deep desire to change her habits.

She obviously invested a great deal of time and money into different solutions,

Hoping that it would stick.

And it's a sad tale,

But it's a reminder of a sense of urgency.

Life is happening right now in this moment.

It doesn't begin tomorrow or next week or next resolution.

Life is finite.

We do all of our work to make it change in some way.

But how many years do you think Catherine's mother told herself,

Tomorrow will be better or next week or I'll start again next month?

Or just be down on herself because she couldn't get it.

She couldn't do it.

I mean,

That happens as well.

Exactly.

And she probably had these conversations with herself daily until she ran out of days.

So it's scary and it's sad,

But I think that it puts things.

.

.

And it's universal.

.

.

.

In perspective,

Exactly,

For how we really want to be clear about what we're willing to do to.

.

.

And honestly,

It's not,

Again,

Lack of desire.

Hopefully the tools we're going to offer is going to help create that change.

Yeah.

And I would say that I would begin the thought process on this because we know it all begins in the mind.

There's a very important capitalistic teaching from the czar that says,

Everything begins in the mind.

Which is basically the same as consciousness.

Consciousness,

Thought.

And unless the thought is strong,

Then the actions can never be stronger than the thought.

So would you say thought and consciousness is the same as intention?

Yes,

But it's deeper than that.

Thought is an encompassing way that I view.

So for example,

Where I would begin the.

.

.

And every one of our listeners probably has different or similar ways and things that they want and need to change.

I would say,

How do I strengthen my consciousness around this?

And I can give a personal example.

We've mentioned in previous podcasts,

One of our favorite holistic doctors online that we enjoy listening to,

Watching as a podcast,

Mark Hyman.

His new book,

His new book out,

Which I haven't read yet,

But I'm sure it's going to be great.

So I would recommend it already to our listeners.

He says,

How to stay younger.

I think it's called younger,

Longer.

And the point is,

And he says he wants to be the strongest 100 year old man.

Which is completely possible.

Of course it's possible.

And for myself,

I've always struggled with sort of going down to the weight that I need to be at.

The thought that changed,

And this came from a lot of listening to Mark Hyman,

And I'm not there yet.

But is that,

Again,

And this is just one example.

For me,

There are certain things that are poison.

Now it doesn't mean that I don't eat them,

Or I don't drink them,

But I know what they are.

And what it does for me is it gives me the strength to limit their intake.

Maybe,

Hopefully one day I don't intake any of them at all.

But I think for me,

That's where it all began.

So it's not my desire to be healthy,

And therefore the need to lose weight,

For example.

But rather it begins with the thought,

Okay,

This is poison.

How much poison do I want to ingest today,

Tomorrow,

Or the next day?

I think that's a really powerful example.

It's interesting though,

Because I think I'm much more extreme,

I think,

On a lot of things.

Also much more disciplined,

Yeah.

But,

And I think what you're saying is a great tool,

And I think that's helpful.

For me,

Knowing it's poison,

Even if I ingest a little bit,

Which I do,

Right?

We're all human.

And then I already think,

Oh my God,

I put,

For me it works as a negative.

All thoughts,

Right.

Interesting.

The thought with it as I'm eating it or drinking it is like,

Oh my God,

What is this doing to my body?

Which,

What I really believe,

Right,

Because consciousness,

I'm probably hurting myself more with the smaller amounts I'm taking because the way I think about it,

Right?

Interesting,

Interesting.

That's definitely true.

But all this was just to say that as I think about myself and the changes that I want to make in my life,

And I think our listeners and the changes that they want to make in their lives,

I would focus deeply,

Deeply on your thoughts around it.

Meaning,

What are the thoughts that you can strengthen on a daily basis around whatever it is that you're trying to achieve?

For me,

It was thinking about certain things as poison.

For our listeners,

It would be different things.

But my point is,

Unless that's done,

And to the degree that that is done,

Change will be almost impossible.

It will be almost impossible,

Like you showed with all those statistics.

So where I would begin the first tool that I would really stress,

And this can't be a decision that you make on January 1st or December 31st,

This has to be an internal conversation that you have with yourself every single day.

So for example,

What I try to do,

And I would again recommend this in whatever area our listeners are desiring to make a change,

Don't just start thinking about it when you're struggling with it,

Right?

Think about it every day.

Start your day off,

Or at least throughout the day,

Have that internal dialogue.

I don't want to eat these things because they're poison.

And I say that to myself not just when I'm about to have a cup of sugar,

But in the morning,

Throughout the day,

And I listen to podcasts that give me a deeper understanding,

Just reiterating the same idea over and over again.

Because again,

To the degree of our consciousness,

To the degree of our thought around any change that we want to make,

That's the maximum that we'll ever achieve.

And if the thought isn't strong,

You have to find new and interesting ways on a daily basis to make them strong.

And supportive and positive.

Yes,

Exactly.

To your point,

There are people I know like you are very diligent and sometimes make a little mistake.

And that's the other side of it,

Right?

Where a person is really on a positive path,

And this is something that a lot of the experts on change speak about,

That there's this voice in our head that says,

You wanted to do X,

Y,

Or Z,

And you fell a small step,

It's all over.

Go all the way,

Forget it,

Forget about all of it.

There's an internal battle,

And if I can share a story,

There's.

.

.

Basically we're saying too much rigidity is the enemy of developing good habits.

Right,

And when the thought comes,

I've made a mistake,

I've done something I didn't want to do,

I did something that was against the change that I wanted to make for myself and my life.

The shame,

The blame,

The guilt that follows that is the thing that truly,

You'll never,

You'll be here again next year at New Year's.

Exactly.

So what you want to try to do is say,

That's not true.

I'm on my path,

And the path is never going to be a perfect line,

It's going to have its ups and downs,

And I'm still on the path.

That's interesting,

There was this story I read years and years ago that stayed with me.

It's a man that was in his 70s,

And he never changed his weight his entire life.

Why?

Because if there was a day that he overate,

Which he did,

Then the next day he was strict.

He didn't beat himself up,

And why did he eat that,

Whatever,

He just course corrected the next day.

And then if you did the math,

You had too many calories day one.

Day two you had maybe too little,

They balance out.

It's all the emotions and feelings we have around our shortcomings,

Our failures,

Or the goals we've set for ourselves,

Which by the way,

Might have been completely unrealistic in the first place.

And usually they are,

I should achieve this by this age,

I should have done this by this time,

I should have blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

And we definitely do that with resolutions.

Which brings me to what I think is very interesting and very illustrative,

And really even though it's about sports,

It's a deep concept that really supports everything we just said until now.

So Andre Agassi,

Who was a great tennis player,

In the relative early part of his career,

He had the natural talent and ability.

He was a great tennis player,

But he was always underachieving,

Always underachieving.

So one day his manager decided that he was going to hire Brad Gilbert,

Who was also an older but very successful tennis player,

To be his new coach.

Brad Gilbert has a lot of idiosyncrasies,

A very interesting guy,

He wrote a book,

Which is interesting.

So they go for lunch.

What kind of it is?

I can't speak today.

Idiosyncrasies,

What kind?

For example,

He wouldn't sit outside because he has a terrible phobia for mosquitoes.

When he came to the restaurant- He would never sit outside?

Almost never.

I mean,

At least when he was in his first meeting with Andre Agassi,

As it's told,

He didn't want to sit outside because he has a terrible phobia of mosquitoes.

They didn't have his favorite beer at the restaurant,

So he went out and brought a six-pack.

And he brought it back to the restaurant.

And he's clearly an interesting character.

But that's an aside from the story.

They're at lunch,

And Andre Agassi is listening to Brad Gilbert,

Because his manager suggested him,

And Andre is trying to decide whether he wants to take him on as his new coach.

So he tells him,

He says,

I've seen you play.

He says,

You are the most talented natural tennis player I've ever seen.

He says,

If I had your talent,

I would never lose a match in my life.

He says,

But your problem is,

Is that you're trying to win every single point.

Every single point.

Interesting.

His dad,

Apparently,

When he was growing up- That's profound,

By the way.

Yes,

It is.

It is.

He was,

I think he was a boxer,

And his sort of teaching to his son was always,

You have to punch him out with one shot.

And so every time,

As a five-year-old kid,

His father's telling him,

Hit it harder,

Hit it stronger.

That's how he grew up.

So at this lunch,

Brad Gilbert tells him,

He says,

Listen,

You're playing as if every point is the end of the match.

And because of that,

You're overhitting,

You're making a lot of mistakes,

And that's why you're not really fulfilling the talent that you naturally have.

And this is the point.

He says,

You have to realize that you're not fighting against yourself.

You're fighting against your opponent.

You're playing against your opponent.

And what you need to do is find out what his weaknesses and play to that.

He says,

Brad Gilbert himself said,

That was my strength.

I was not as naturally talented as you,

But I always knew that I wasn't playing against myself.

I was playing against an opponent,

And my goal was to find what is my opponent's weaknesses,

And that's where I played to.

Long story short,

He took him on as coach,

And he became one of the greatest tennis players ever.

For us,

That's,

I think,

A twofold lesson,

Some of which we've touched upon before.

First,

Don't try to win every single point.

To your point,

Again,

We're talking about diet,

But it's really about anything.

It's about removing anger.

It's about removing a lack of appreciation in a relationship,

Whatever it is.

It's even about starting something,

Starting a business.

Not every choice you make,

Not every decision is going to be the right one.

And don't expect it to be.

Don't expect it to be.

As you were speaking,

I got the chills because— Is it too cold in here?

No,

Because before I ruptured my tendon,

Every workout had to be as good as the day before.

Every workout had to be to the point where I walked out,

And I was soaking wet and exhausted.

Every workout had to be like the—if not,

It was almost as if I did nothing.

Then I ruptured my tendon.

I couldn't walk.

I had to learn to walk.

I had to do so many—go to,

You know,

Physical therapy.

Then it became more about like,

Wow,

I can walk,

And I can jump,

And I can stand.

And then I looked back at all the years,

Like years,

Like my entire life of being an athlete was that.

And then it just became about,

You know,

You can move,

And you can use your body as you need to.

And some workouts are going to feel better than others,

And some are not.

But you know what?

They're all good.

It's all about your state of mind.

But it was really that—I was fighting against myself for years.

And I think for our listeners,

It's important to realize,

And this is a very important spiritual teaching,

That your opponent is never you.

It's that voice in your head which is not you.

And that perspective begins the process of really facilitating real long-term change.

So when you're trying to do something and you fall,

That voice that's saying,

Oh,

It's all over,

There's no point in continuing,

That's not you.

That's that separate voice in your head.

When you're trying to achieve change and the voice in your head says,

You're not going to be able to do it in one day,

You're not going to be able to do it,

It's unaccomplishable,

That's the voice in your head.

And to really separate out,

I think it's so important,

So important,

To really—there's the part of us that's beautiful and amazing and powerful and able to make changes in all things,

And there's that other voice.

And my opponent is that other voice,

And I have to find ways to strengthen my inner,

What I would call consciousness and thought,

And realize that all those other thoughts,

Those negative thoughts,

Those defeating thoughts,

Those are the opponent that I'm battling.

By the way,

I was speaking with somebody today,

And I say this often.

People say,

Oh,

Well,

I'm afraid of failing,

I'm afraid of this.

We talk about fears a lot.

And so I gave her some tools,

And then she wanted to get clear.

She said,

So when the negative thoughts come,

Then I should just push them away and fight them.

And I said,

No,

Absolutely not,

Because fighting something,

Right,

Whether it's positive or negative,

Whatever it is,

Is effort.

It's hard.

It's difficult.

I said,

Bring them in.

Welcome them.

Sit with them and say,

Okay,

I challenge you.

Are you something that I believe?

Is this a belief system that I actually created in my adulthood,

Or is it from my childhood that belonged to somebody else entirely,

And I just watched it and I believed,

Or they impressed it upon me and said I should be this way or that way?

Sit with it,

Challenge it,

And then choose something else.

So I think in this whole thing,

Whatever it is that you want to create,

Don't fight any negative thing you've done.

Don't fight the lazy habits you might have.

Sit with them and say,

Okay,

Do I want this?

Is it serving me?

Is it mine?

And then choose something else.

What was her reaction when you were telling her?

No,

I think real change is actually going to start occurring for her in the ways that she wants.

That's beautiful.

Can you repeat that,

Because I think it's just so powerful for our listeners.

Because it is counterintuitive,

And it's not what that opponent voice in our head wants us to do.

What it wants us to do is get tired from fighting those thoughts.

It's kind of like this,

And I had this realization actually myself this past week.

If you think about a bully,

The number one rule if you encounter a bully is don't engage,

Because that's what they like.

They like that argument.

They like that back and forth.

Don't engage.

But of course,

When a bully comes into your space and is attacking you,

The first thing is you're going to fight it.

The more you fight it,

The more they push back,

And it becomes this tug of war.

Instead,

You can identify something.

You can ask yourself,

Is this really about me,

Or is this something that is lacking in that person,

Using that example.

And then you can choose to be an observer.

It's the same thing with any negative emotion,

Any negative experience,

Any negative thing that comes into your space.

Let's say you bought that membership for the gym,

Right?

You try it.

You go on a Monday,

A Tuesday,

Wednesday.

You're too tired.

You don't go.

I'm a failure.

I told myself I was going to go seven days a week,

At least for the first week,

And I haven't done that.

Stop fighting.

All the things you've just said about yourself,

Stop and sit with it.

I don't like the choice I made today,

But now I know better.

It's going to inform my tomorrow.

Anything that,

As Eckhart Tolle said,

Anything you fight,

Persists.

Just learn to be comfortable to sit with the things that make you uncomfortable,

And then choose a different response.

Which leads to another very important tool.

There's a very interesting book.

It's called How to Change.

Yeah,

I was going to quote it too,

By Katie Milkman.

Do you want to show it?

Maybe you share it first,

And then I'll share it.

It's interesting.

The part about too much rigidity,

She did.

I don't know if you were going to talk about this,

But she did.

Sorry,

She's a Wharton School professor,

Very well-known and regarded.

Really,

Her focus in life is about change.

She wanted to test a hypothesis.

She took two groups.

Group one was encouraged to go to the gym at a consistent time.

Group two were also told to go at their ideal time,

Let's say 9 a.

M.

The researchers reminded them to go at that time,

But also encouraged them to go whenever it was convenient for them.

Less rigid,

Right?

The second group was given a less rigid framework.

As a result,

Group two went about the same frequency,

But in a more varied manner.

Half of their gym visits were at a consistent time,

And the other half were whenever they wanted to.

Which group do you think had more lasting habits?

I would assume,

According to the story,

That number two.

Absolutely.

They had gone at the same frequency,

But in more varied ways.

People who had formed routines that were consistent were more rigid.

If they didn't go at the usual time,

They didn't go at all.

I can say,

As a Virgo and becoming a change junkie,

The number one thing that helped me become and step into that,

Which is a forever life choice,

Was being flexible.

Equal parts discipline and flexible.

I have an intention,

I have a plan,

I have a schedule,

I have goals.

I'll do my best.

If it doesn't work out,

Okay.

Right away,

My brain,

I've trained myself so well in that way,

But as soon as something happens and it didn't go the way I wanted,

I'm like,

Okay,

That's not an option anymore.

What are my options?

It opens up everything.

There's so many options if you think about it that way.

Beautiful.

Very,

Very important.

It really dovetails with what we were talking about before,

That don't allow the rigid voice of the opponent in your head to say,

No,

You didn't go at 9 p.

M.

When you said you were going to go,

Or whatever,

No point in going.

That is,

Again,

Where we keep going back to,

Maybe because it's one of your favorite things,

The exercise,

But again,

This is around any change.

I think it's probably number one of what people .

.

.

Yeah.

I would hope.

For myself,

For me,

It's not number one.

For me,

There's a lot of internal changes that are .

.

.

No,

For sure.

For sure.

I think for many of our listeners,

Maybe it's their relationship,

Maybe it's their work,

But I'm sure many of our listeners have different areas where they want to make a change.

It's more fun to be kinder to yourself,

To be kinder to others.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

What I was actually going to share from the book,

How to Change,

Is something else.

She writes,

Really,

Her career began this way.

Again,

As I said,

She was a professor at Wharton.

She was invited by one of the Google vice presidents in the HR department to help them solve a problem.

They had created so many programs to help people,

Health,

Finances,

All kinds of great programs.

That's,

Of course,

What they want to do.

He was very frustrated that .

.

.

His name is Prasad Oshetti,

That almost none of the employees were using these great tools that they prepared for them.

Who wouldn't want,

If you're being told,

If you take this lesson,

If you take this course,

You'll learn how to save more money,

You'll learn how to be healthier,

And so on and so forth.

He couldn't understand why,

With so many tools being given to the Google employees,

Almost none of them were using them.

She comes to that visit at Google.

She says,

You know what,

I have a hunch,

But I want it to be really science-based,

So let me think about it.

What she realized,

And this also brings us to New Year's,

Is that .

.

.

She used this really study or historical fact as an example.

Up until the 1990s,

Sudden infant death syndrome,

SIDS,

Was the largest,

But a very high rate of children deaths in the United States.

It was crazy,

The numbers.

And then in the early 90s,

The scientists discovered that one of the ways to cut by 50% the chance of a child,

Of a baby dying from SIDS,

Is laying them on their back when they go to sleep.

And they started a campaign,

And it was called Back to Sleep.

It was called Back to Sleep.

And again,

If you look at where .

.

.

It's cute,

Catchy.

Yes,

Exactly.

If you look at most campaigns,

Whether it's against smoking,

Or whatever,

Against over-drinking,

Or eating sugar,

Whatever it is,

There's so many campaigns that go on,

They never have high rates of success.

This campaign went .

.

.

Only 17% of people were putting their babies to sleep on their back before the campaign.

73% at the end of this campaign were putting their babies to sleep on their back,

Which again,

Raised for her the question,

Why is it that throughout the rest of life,

It's so difficult to make important changes,

Even as you said,

Life-saving changes.

40% of us,

Of the people in the United States at least,

Are still making choices that you know will kill them.

And they want to change,

But they can't.

Why was this different?

So she came up with a concept that she calls the fresh start effect.

The fresh start effect.

Parents,

The children,

They didn't have a child the day before,

The mom goes to the hospital,

She gives birth,

It's a new,

It's a fresh start.

So when you're starting fresh,

And the pediatrician at the hospital says,

By the way,

Here's a pamphlet,

Don't put your child to sleep on their stomach,

Always put them to sleep on their back,

You're much more open to it,

Because you haven't done,

It's not that you have a whole history to fight,

A whole history to go against,

You have a fresh start.

That's one of the things she found,

That's why it's often people use,

And thoughtfully,

And successfully use New Year's as a way to start,

To have a fresh start.

Because it's a calendar.

They always think it's nine months of investment,

Of growing a child,

I mean,

I don't know what's that.

All of us have years and years of investing in life and family and friends and love.

But the baby has to come out,

And the assumption is the baby will be healthy,

And the baby's healthy.

So you want to protect this thing that you put investment in.

Who do you want to protect more,

Your baby or yourself?

Your family and friends?

Why don't we take ourselves for granted?

Well,

Anyway,

You can write a rebuttal to her study.

I know,

I'm not disagreeing with her,

I just don't think it's that simple.

But anyway,

Go ahead.

Well,

It worked,

It worked,

And this is why she believes it worked.

Which brings us back to what we were talking about before,

And brings me to a very important Kabbalistic teaching.

That voice in our head says,

You wanted to stop being angry,

Having angry outbursts,

And you just did it again,

You're never going to succeed.

And this might be a deep concept,

But I think it's a very important one.

Most of us look at our lives as a continuum.

You know,

I was born on this day,

And a person leaves this world on that day.

But in reality,

If we look at the soul,

And life,

And energy,

I am alive the next second,

Not because I was alive the second before,

But I'm actually being imbued with new life force today.

This second.

There's a beautiful teaching from the Kabbalists,

It says,

For every breath we thank the Creator,

Because every breath is a new gift of life.

So when we exhale,

The fact that we are able to take the next in-breath is not a given.

It's actually not just a physical breath of life into our lungs,

It is a spiritual infusion into our soul.

When you look at your life as these constant moments of renewal,

To the next,

To the next,

To the next,

It begins to give you,

And I know this won't be easy for many of our listeners to really make their own right away,

But I do strongly recommend this,

It works for me.

That when you view your life as a constant renewal,

The next breath is a new me.

The next breath after that is a new me.

And therefore,

It doesn't matter that I made a terrible mistake one second ago with my last breath.

That was an old person.

The new breath is a brand new person.

And if you're able to have that inner dialogue and belief about yourself,

It will become easier,

Especially because we know that change is not going to be a direct line,

But ups and downs and failures and growth that really start looking at yourself as a new life every second.

I think this is the actual definition of mindfulness.

Yes,

Yes.

Which leads again to what I think is maybe one of the most powerful,

I might have shared this on a previous podcast,

But it's definitely worth repeating.

One of the great Kabbalists said the following,

If you do not believe about yourself,

Then after having done the worst thing in the world,

That in the next second,

You can be the most elevated soul that ever lived,

You haven't even begun your spiritual journey.

And it relates to this point,

Because if I truly believe,

If I truly internalize this thought,

That my next breath,

I'm a brand new person.

So it doesn't matter that I was terrible a second ago.

That was an old me.

That me no longer exists.

This is a new me.

Or in the words of Hathaway Mildman.

.

.

You need to clarify that,

Because you can't go around acting like a jerk.

Of course not.

Of course not.

Of course not.

But we're talking about the challenges of change.

The fact that we know that every single one of us,

As we made our decisions or make our decisions about those areas of our lives,

That we need,

We need and want to change.

One of the things that science tells us,

Which is very much backed up with the spiritual understanding,

That if you can be in a state of mind of a fresh start,

And now I'm saying that you can be in a fresh start mindset every second,

It gives you the ability of renewal,

Of getting up from the previous failure,

Knowing that,

Okay,

I made,

This was my goal,

To become less angry,

For example,

And I just got terribly angry,

And I can't believe that happened.

But new breath,

It's a new me,

It's a fresh start.

This new me is not going to be angry.

Well,

I often have said this,

That you can restart your day at any moment.

Often people wait until the next day is going to be better,

Or until happy hour,

Or they just can't wait to go home and write it off.

No,

You can't waste days.

We're not meant to waste anything.

You want to experience every day to the fullest,

Even if you feel like you've failed yourself in that day.

You can restart any minute.

And I think that reminder of breathe in,

Breathe out,

It's like wax on,

Wax off.

I think,

Hopefully,

A little bit deeper.

The Karate Kid,

But 1,

000%.

I think I've saved one of the best for last.

That is,

There's no cure.

Change is a chronic condition.

Meaning that,

I think,

Again,

As we've said,

The number one reason that people fail to make changes and form better habits is because we don't think about change in the right way.

So,

For example,

Think about this analogy.

A person who are diabetic,

Right,

And they go to the process of getting tests done,

Being diagnosed,

Speaking to a diabetic nutritionist,

And starting a medicine to help control their diabetes,

Would they ever stop taking their medicine after three weeks and thinking they were cured?

Of course not.

That would be crazy.

So why do we think that once we've made change,

It's changed?

It's forever.

It's immediate,

Automatic.

It did the work,

And now it's permanent,

And I succeeded at the end.

Never going to happen that way.

Change is like diabetes.

It's chronic.

No,

But,

No,

Think about it like that.

It's not like a cold or a rash,

Right?

Change requires persistence.

Good habits need to be reinforced.

The best way to make our changes stick is to do things consistently and continuously through our lives,

Make those habits pleasant,

And change can last.

And there's an author,

Ross Ellenhorn,

Who wrote the book How We Change.

He says,

To the degree that you want something is to the degree of fear you have of not getting it.

Say that again,

Sorry.

Say that again.

To the degree that you want something is to the degree of fear you have of not getting it.

You can't force anyone to change.

You can't force yourself to change.

I have to change.

I should change.

That mindset just doesn't work.

You can set up an environment that supports change.

Have mercy for yourself is key in forming lasting change,

Nonjudgment.

So often,

And I really fundamentally wholeheartedly believe this,

I tried to change things about myself before I understood this.

You cannot fully change the parts of you that you know you need to change,

Whether it's physical,

Mental,

Emotional,

Spiritual,

Or all of the above,

Unless you first fully love yourself completely and wholly.

You have to love yourself so much that you are so self-invested and interested in the growth and the betterment and finding that perfected self that you are willing to do anything.

When you love yourself completely like that,

From that place,

You can create change,

And that change lasts.

Beautiful.

And if I could leave our listeners with this idea,

We are in this world for only one thing,

And that is constant change.

Change can either be proactive,

Or,

As we often experience,

If we're not changing,

There will be external.

.

.

Pain.

Well,

That's an unfortunate word,

But it's true.

You cannot remain static.

Lack of change catches up to you.

And therefore,

For myself,

And I know for you as well,

Change junkie,

This is probably the guiding star of our life.

How can I change?

And always look.

.

.

One of the Kabbalists said,

If you look inside and don't see anything that you really need to change,

It's simply because you're not spiritual enough.

You don't have enough vision about it and truth and knowledge about yourself.

But if you're truthful and have enough depth of knowledge about yourself,

You will see,

Oh my God.

And that's,

By the way,

That's not a terrible thing.

It's why we're here.

That's why I'll rescind those words,

Oh my God.

Wow,

There's more for me to do.

That's actually why I'm here.

I'm not here because I've become such a great person and now I'm going to coast for the next 50 years or 100 years,

Whatever that number is.

If I'm here,

That's a sign that I need to be changing.

And you will change.

We spoke about this before.

The question is,

Are you going to be proactively enjoying the change,

Or will there be external forces and situations that force you to change?

And maybe on the more positive side,

If there's something you don't have in your life,

A relationship,

Money,

Joy,

There's only one reason.

You haven't changed enough.

So it's my hope and blessing for myself and for Monica and for all of our listeners this year that we have the vision and excitement to see.

I feel like we need to unpack that a little bit.

Which part?

Because that's a really broad statement.

People are like,

No,

What do I need to change?

I think the idea is you have to understand to be a person that can experience joy,

That can manifest wealth,

That,

I remember the third thing you said,

You need to be able to see.

Relationship.

Create the relationship you want,

See all things in your life,

Good and bad,

Challenging or not,

As something that is an amazing opportunity for you and that you need to become the person that can see it that way.

It can experience it.

Hence,

Change,

Right?

Because it could be right in front of you,

Right?

It almost always is.

And you just can't see it from the space that you're occupying and the space that you're holding.

Right.

To the point,

Any lack that we have in our lives,

And we all have lack,

And lack doesn't have to be a negative thing,

I want more,

I want more.

That is the only path to get there,

Is by looking inside,

Finding those parts of me that need to change,

Transform,

Become better,

And acting upon it.

And I promise you that if you do that consistently,

Consistently,

Consistently,

You will see that those areas of your life that you are lacking become fulfilled.

So before we let our listeners go,

I'd like to share a letter from one of our listeners,

And it's a great time to remind all of our listeners to please share with Monica and myself all your inspiring stories and lessons that you've received from this podcast.

We both find it very inspiring,

And I've heard,

By the way,

From so many of our listeners that they find these sharings of stories and inspiration very inspiring to their own lives.

So please continue to send all of your,

And this comes up sometimes in the letters,

Don't hold back.

If you have the thought to write something,

To share something,

Please do it right away.

So,

Hi Michael and Monica.

This is my second email to you.

I love,

Love,

Love your show.

I share it with all my friends and my family,

Especially my young adult children who I hope listen to your wisdom.

Today I experience a very challenging emotional state,

And I left work early to nurture myself with self-care to navigate the difficult predicament I now find myself in.

Awareness around my own self-care has really taken a new level for me,

Particularly this year.

To start shifting my mood,

I focused on what I could do to support myself.

Firstly,

I released emotions by allowing myself to cry.

Once that passed,

I visited the store to buy some healthy food for dinner,

Ran a few errands and spoke to some close friends.

These seemingly teeny tiny little decisions really helped me.

To move my mood further,

I decided to go for a beach sidewalk,

And I popped on my headphones to listen to episode 107.

Episode 107 was speaking to me like something from beyond.

The timing was impeccable,

And I spent the time smiling and nodding in agreeance,

Saying in my mind,

Oh yes,

I do that,

And oh yes,

I could do that.

As I walked and listened,

I felt so blessed to have found your podcast and the opportunities that it has provided to my soul to grow and develop.

You both made a difficult afternoon much more enjoyable.

Bless you both.

Amanda Lee.

Thank you so much,

Amanda Lee,

For sharing the story.

And as I said,

These stories really inspire Monica and myself to continue spreading this podcast.

So please,

All of our listeners,

If you have a story and inspiration,

We love hearing from you.

It inspires us and inspires our listeners.

Send all of your comments,

Questions,

To monicaandmichaelatcabala.

Com monicaandmichaelatcabala.

Com And as always,

Share this podcast with everybody you know,

Friends,

Family,

As Amanda Lee did,

Children,

Husbands,

Wives,

And so on and so forth,

So that they as well can be inspired by this wisdom.

And we hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Stay spiritually hungry.