The Critical Voice

The critical voice.

I think it's one of the or it's an area that cripples a lot of people in the West.

My sense is that they don't have quite so much in the East and other cultures.

But we're a very critical nation,

Very self-critical,

Not just nation,

Culture.

And I want to say just a few words about how we deal with it,

Basically.

I mean,

The first approach that we normally adopt is,

And it's understandable,

Is we just want it to go away.

This critical carping.

I've worked with inner critics before that actually wanted to do serious harm to the host,

To the self.

And see,

The critical voice,

It's got its place.

Just like every,

You know,

Most aspects of the human being,

They have their place.

But.

They come all too powerful.

You know,

The critical voice might start off when we're very young.

Normally does.

You know,

It's the voice of mum and dad,

Mainly mum and dad,

Family,

Schools and society.

But it's the voice that keeps us in check,

Keeps us from getting into too much trouble,

Which is not a bad thing.

But,

You know,

And that voice might have been appropriate when we were.

You know,

Young children like,

You know,

Don't answer back or,

You know,

Don't be cheeky to people or behave yourself and don't mess around too much.

And.

But that same voice,

Critical voice,

That keep us in check can just go on and on into adulthood.

And it's not.

It's not useful there because we're not three year old anymore,

Six years old anymore.

So the first thing we want to do when we come across the critical voice is to get rid of it.

We can't be just gotten rid of.

It's a deep habitual tendency.

And used to say that that critical voices is a strategy that we develop from that young age.

It's it's a way of being that we develop to keep us safe.

Now when I speak to critical voices,

Someone's critical voice,

I speak to them.

And what the critical voice is doing all the time is making sure that the person,

The self is safe.

That's its intention.

Now some of them have a real edge to them and they want to do,

As I say,

They want to do harm to themselves.

Most of you trying to protect us.

It's the protective voice.

We often work together with other inner voices like the perfectionist.

If we don't get things perfect,

The critical voice comes in.

And if we do get something perfect,

The critical voice comes in.

The critical voice has an edge to it.

So how we work with the critical voice with with mindfulness is simply a kind of neutral noticing.

So that's the first.

So we have the critical voice.

We've maybe said something at the dinner table,

For example.

And the critical voice comes in and says you're stupid.

People think you're deaf.

Or it says it before.

Say something similar to that before you have opened your mouth.

Try to keep you quiet.

One approach we can do is just to note it.

The critical voice.

So what we do,

We we surround it with awareness.

That's what we simply we just surround it with awareness.

We we just we've just identified the critical voice.

I'm watching it.

I'm watching.

So we're not feeding into it and we're not trying to get rid of it.

We're not making a problem out of it.

Another approach can be and this is done with the writing with what we call writing with the other hand.

So you take a pen in your dominant hand.

Mine's my right.

So you write to the critic.

Hello,

Inner critic.

How are you today?

You take the pen in your left hand.

And you just write back.

Now you don't think about what you're writing.

Write like a child.

Well,

You know,

This represents that part of you.

It just writes.

Get lost.

Don't speak to you.

Didn't realize you felt like that.

Don't say a little bit more.

I'm going to stay around for a few minutes.

I just write it maybe just a line or two.

It's not reams and reams of stuff.

And you respond to that response.

And it's like responding.

Like I could.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm just going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm going to say it.

I'm just going to say it.

The protector,

The perfectionist,

The saboteur,

Whatever,

The fixer.

And that's sort of outside of your daily life as it were.

But in your daily life,

Another approach is what we call thought labeling,

And we've talked about this in the past.

And I think this is really under used skill or technique.

So what we do is,

The critical voice has said its thing,

And all you do is you say to yourself,

Having the thought,

You repeat the thought back to yourself for the critical phrase.

You repeat it back to yourself,

Having the thought,

I'm a stupid idiot.

Whatever.

Or,

He's so pathetic.

She's such a witch.

Whatever it is.

And we just repeat it back to yourself,

But before it you say,

I'm having the thought,

Dot dot dot.

So what you do,

And this is really,

Really useful,

Is that it moves from being real right here,

Very close to us as it were,

To,

We see that it's not a truth,

It's a thought.

You can tell yourself,

Or you can be told by something or somebody,

That the earth is flat,

The earth is flat,

The earth is flat,

You can fly,

You can fly,

You can fly.

Now you might come to believe that,

But it doesn't make it any more true.

Now how many times you're told the earth is flat,

It doesn't make it true,

But you might believe it.

So if you're telling yourself,

You have a voice telling yourself,

That you are this,

That or the other,

You come to believe it,

But it doesn't make it true.

It's just a swiping statement,

You idiot.

It doesn't make it true,

But we can believe it.

That's the difference,

It's about that belief in it,

That's the fuel that keeps the whole thing alive,

Is the fuel,

Is the belief.

So we're going back to the second approach,

And they're not exclusive,

You can do all of these approaches.

The second approach where you get the pen,

It's like you're asking it what it wants,

You're entering into communication with it.

You want to know what it wants,

What does it really want,

What does it need?

So the first one is that neutral noticing,

You just identify the critical voice,

And you feel the bodily sensation,

That feeling counterpart.

The second one,

Which you can do anyway,

They're not exclusive,

Is the biting with the other hand,

Where you enter into dialogue.

And the third one is the thought labeling,

Having the thought,

And then you repeat the phrase back to yourself,

The negative phrase,

The critical thought.

Very simple approaches,

Guys.

Potency is that we want to just get rid of it,

We just want to smother it out of our life,

And it often just perpetuates,

That approach perpetuates it.

And a question that you can ask with the second approach,

The pen and paper,

The question's like,

Whose voice do you resemble from my past?

You might represent my mom or dad,

Or an uncle or an auntie or a teacher.

It might not,

It might be its own voice,

Just a blend of them all.

It might not resemble just one voice,

But it can do.

What do you look like if you stood outside of me?

What would you look like?

How old are you?

What's your purpose in my life?

What would happen if I didn't believe you?

So you enter into that sort of dialogue.

Okay,

Thanks.