From Self-Judgment To Self-Compassion

Hello,

This is Sylvia Stankova.

Welcome to today's meditation on self-compassion.

Self-judgment and self-criticism can be very ingrained thought patterns,

So much so that we don't fully realize they are present.

Many of us have a lot of conditioning that negatively impacts the thoughts we hold about ourselves.

And many of us are just starting to recognize the ways in which we talk to ourselves or how often we treat ourselves with unkindness.

It's also important to not start judging ourselves for judging ourselves.

We have been doing our best and self-compassion is a skill,

Like a muscle,

That must be practiced like any other skill.

This meditation is to support us in identifying our self-judgment and then bringing self-compassion to meet our truest,

Authentic,

Kind,

Compassionate self.

I want you to find a comfortable position,

Sitting down,

Laying down,

Standing,

Whatever feels comfortable to you.

Allow your eyes to do whatever they need to do for you to have the most awareness without being distracted by your surroundings.

You might want to close them,

Keep them half open,

Softening your gaze or focusing on one point.

Whatever is comfortable for you,

Comfort is queen within our practice.

Right now,

Softly and gently,

Let's tune into our breathing.

This is to help you come into contact with your body,

Feeling the now,

The present moment.

Our breath anchors us to the present because it is only ever happening now,

Not in the future,

Not in the past.

So just tuning in and noticing where are you feeling your breath.

Take a deep,

Mindful inhalation and long mindful exhalation.

Do you feel it more in your chest or the throat or around your nostrils?

If your breathing feels a little shallow,

What does it feel like to allow yourself to deepen your breath a little bit more today?

Breathing right into the bottom of your lungs.

Explore this gently,

Without force or without expectation or even judgment.

Are there any sensations or emotions that arise by doing this,

By deepening or feeling your breath?

Just take note of them,

Knowing there is nothing to change or fix.

All our sensations,

Emotions and experiences are welcome in this practice.

Whenever you drift away,

I will kindly invite you to come back,

Nothing to change or fix.

Take a deep,

Mindful inhalation and long mindful exhalation.

If it feels good,

Allow your breath to deepen even further right into your belly.

Again,

Notice how your body responds to this.

Notice if anything is coming up into your consciousness that wasn't there before.

If there are any thoughts coming up,

Just observe them,

Note them as thoughts and allow them to dissolve.

As you allow your body to be still and rest,

You might note that certain ideas or concepts are floating to the surface.

You might notice thoughts like I don't know how to do this right or I might have to this or that or I can't stop thinking about my emails or to-do lists.

Let everything go,

It will be there later and connect with your breath,

Your anchor over and over again.

You might also notice emotions arising,

Which is very normal.

When we slow down and are still,

We create space for things to arise.

It's like we are taking our feelings off mute and now we can hear them.

Conversely,

You might feel nothing at all,

Which is equally normal.

Many of us,

Once we start paying attention to what's happening in our minds and hearts,

Is a sort of nothingness.

So if you feel nothing,

Just allow yourself to have that experience too.

Whatever it is that you are experiencing,

See if you can just watch it,

Rest and relax.

And note whether there are any voices of self-blame,

Self-shame or self-criticism coming up.

Are you telling yourself you should be feeling differently?

Are you perhaps resisting this experience and telling yourself you shouldn't be?

Is there anxiety about the future?

Or a sense that this was a waste of time and you should be doing or getting things done?

Whatever the critical voice is saying for now,

You are just letting it speak.

You are just tuning into the radio in your mind.

If at any point this becomes too difficult,

Ground back into your breath or notice your connection with the earth beneath you.

Or your body,

The points that are touching the floor.

Feeling your body getting heavier,

Softer,

Relaxed.

Rejuvenated.

Do and feel whatever you need to care for yourself.

Once you are aware of what messaging you are receiving from your brain,

Sink back into your body.

Notice if there are any physical experiences that might be coming up.

You might notice a tightness in your shoulders,

A holding in your stomach,

A fluttering in your throat or a sense of tightness anywhere in your body.

Whatever you are experiencing,

Just witness it.

If your thoughts are like the part of the iceberg we can see above the water,

Our emotions are the much larger part beneath the surface.

Often we first have to witness the thought before understanding that there is a larger emotion beneath the surface holding up that thought.

Feelings that come up around self-criticism can be anything from anxiety to varying levels of fear,

Grief or anger.

See if you can notice and label what emotions are swirling around in your heart,

Your throat area,

Your stomach.

Can you recognize that any sensation attached to self-judgment is suffering?

That you are having a hard time with something?

Struggling and suffering are part of the human experience,

They are part of being a person who is alive.

See if you can try just in this practice to let go of the thought that is above the surface.

Sink into your body.

Offer some compassion towards the emotions or feelings you are having.

You can try placing a hand over your heart or stomach or around your collarbone area and then placing your other hand on top of the first.

And just experience the warmth and sensation of care and compassion that comes with touch.

You can allow your breath to deepen again.

Breathing into the sense of self-compassion.

Can you say to that emotion,

To this experience,

To any kind of feeling or thought,

It's okay,

It's okay,

It's okay.

Can you allow it to be in your body while offering it some kindness?

You can also deliver the message to your whole being,

Your spirit,

Your soul.

It's okay.

It's not your fault.

You're doing your best.

I am here for you.

Whatever feels right,

Whatever you might say to an upset child or pet,

See what it feels like to say that to yourself,

To the parts of you that are suffering.

You can also try placing a hand on your cheek or your arm and gently stroking with care.

Anywhere that feels right.

We are all doing our best in this life.

And while thinking critical thoughts about ourselves or our actions can seem like a motivating thing to do or a way to prevent us from getting hurt,

Being critical and judgmental of ourselves actually causes more suffering.

Paying attention to how we talk to ourselves can be a key in unlocking our patterns of thinking,

Then showing care and concern for the parts of us that are struggling can help us to positively transform the relationship we have with ourselves.

The more often we practice this,

The sooner we are able to recognize self-critical thoughts.

Upon this recognition,

We can remind ourselves that we are perfectly imperfect humans doing our best and that no matter what,

We are worthy of love,

Acceptance and encouragement.

So take just a few more loving breaths into and out of your body.

Reconnect with the surface beneath you.

Come slowly and gently back.

Start to wrinkle your fingers and your toes.

Maybe even stretch your whole body.

Whatever feels right and good.

And whenever you are ready,

Open your eyes and I will meet you in our next conscious session.

This was Sylvia Stankova.

Thank you for meditating with me.