Welcome to the Stuck Stops Here,
A podcast devoted to cycle breakers.
We want to celebrate and empower those who have woken up and decided that toxic,
Generational dysfunction can end with you.
My name is Tammy Atman and I hit rock bottom in 2014.
And during those moments of despair,
I decided change was my only option.
Emotional abuse,
Both covert and overt,
Is contagious and leaves invisible scars.
The next generation deserves better than what we got.
Join me and my amazing co-host and producer,
LW,
As we have raw and real conversations infused with bad words and humor,
Designed to inspire awareness,
Acceptance and strength.
We are not therapists and have no clinical training.
You are not alone.
Healing does not happen in isolation.
Together,
All of us can break the familial chains of shame,
Guilt,
Fear and blame.
Our Stuck can stop here.
The most profound personal growth happens not while reading a book or meditating on a mat.
It happens in the throes of conflict when you are angry,
Frustrated and afraid.
It happens when you are doing the same old thing and you suddenly realize you have a choice.
Quote by Veronica Tugaleva.
Ten things I learned the hard way.
I cannot perform,
Achieve or force peace or happiness.
Everything to me was a competition.
I was addicted to moving goal posts.
I bulldozed anyone that appeared to stand in my way.
There was never a finish line and my definition of happiness literally changed hourly.
Number two,
Thinking five steps ahead,
Walking on eggshells,
Anticipating other people's moods,
Over apologizing and overreacting,
Eventually crushed my spirit.
Number three,
My entire family going back 100 years wore adult clothes,
Had adult responsibilities,
Repressed vulnerability,
Dispensed rage like candy,
Lived in survival mode and acted like toddlers.
Number four,
Setting boundaries with toxic parents is almost as painful as continuing to let them control you.
But it is still the right thing to do.
Switching roles from golden child to scapegoat hurt.
But it was my path to freedom.
Number five,
Being unable to live up to my family's ever changing,
Unrealistic expectations made me desperate for validation in my adult life.
This desperation fueled bad behavior and poor choices.
Number six,
There are so many subtle ways to make yourself look good while making someone else look bad.
Before I hit rock bottom,
I excelled at this behavior that I learned from my parents and I deeply regret it.
Number seven,
Nothing about giving birth is easy and that includes new ways of thinking and seeing the world.
Number eight,
Misery does love company.
My toxic parents do not want me to be happier than them.
They unconsciously tried very hard to get me to value things instead of truth.
Number nine,
Loyalty to my mother's suffering never saved her or fixed anything.
All it did was leave me perpetually exhausted,
Spiritually depleted and it ruined my chances of living an authentic life.
Number 10,
Awareness and acceptance strengthen the roots of resilience and that eventually became more powerful than the toxic roots of my family tree.
Too many of us are trapped inside a world of should and supposed to and never even realize that they live there and die never knowing who they really are.
I could not let this be me.
I have read that a hero is someone who heals their own wounds and then shows others the way.
While I firmly reject that title and anything that implies thrones and pedestals,
I am firmly committed to spreading the word.
I hope I have empowered my daughters to know themselves better than I did as well as give them the ability to accurately and realistically define success on their terms.
Ten hard ways I unlearned generational toxic survival skills passed down from my parents and from their parents.
One,
Observing instead of absorbing.
Brene Brown defines this as getting curious instead of defensive.
All of her books have resonated with me.
Number two,
Responding instead of reacting.
I now avoid getting sucked into somebody else's chaos.
Like I said before,
Misery loves company.
Three,
Realizing that I can do anything that I authentically want to do but I don't have to do it all at the same time.
Number four,
Enjoying and celebrating the silence and the ordinary.
Now that I am no longer addicted to busyness,
Outcomes,
And proving myself,
There is now warm space in my head instead of demons.
Number five,
Taking responsibility for my behavior,
My emotions,
And my perspective.
I no longer blame anyone else for what was wrong with me.
Number six,
Accepting that these newer,
Healthier patterns that chip away at fear-based comfort zones.
I no longer stand in hell and call it comfortable.
Embracing my brokenness and feeling compassion for my broken parents who also came from wounded people.
This does not mean spending a lot of time with them.
Number eight,
Learning to tell the difference between my intuition and decisions motivated by fear,
Guilt,
And self-loathing.
Number nine,
Understanding that anger is a mask for grief and love is not measured by how much shit you take.
Number ten,
Recognizing that the world is filled with traumatized people,
Hiding in tortured,
Neglected inner child,
Trying to be seen and heard in the most outrageous,
Misguided ways.
I no longer judge them.
I was them.
I was a slave to should and supposed to and have to.
I am compelled to share what I have learned.
It actually pains me now to keep what I have discovered to myself.
There is no way I can not be a part of the breaking the cycle of generational trauma.
Shipwrecked,
Lost at sea,
Crashed hard,
Found my faith.
No brews or cuts that bleed.
It ain't love and it ain't free.
This much I know is true.
Only way out for us is through.
It ain't love and it ain't free.
A war we fight but cannot see.
Swallowed hold,
So much we missed.
Riding straight into the abyss.
Bigger than the fear we run on the edge with everyone.
This much I know is true.
Only way out for us is through.
It ain't love and it ain't free.
A war we fight but cannot see.
This much I know is true.
Only way out for us is through.
It ain't love and it ain't free.
A war we fight but cannot see.
You have been listening to The Stuck Stops Here.
This is LW No Lie.
Join us again next time where we continue to dig deep and dive in so we can stop the stuck.
