So,
With meditation,
Sometimes there's this idea that if you're meditating properly,
It should always be a blissful,
Ecstatic experience.
And sometimes it is,
Right?
Sometimes we get that great sense of peace or consolation or freedom.
Also,
Other things can arise and that's not wrong.
If that happens,
You're not meditating wrong.
Because meditation basically is,
We're sitting with ourselves,
Right?
We're facing ourselves.
We're opening up to who we are,
Which includes the ground floor of our divine being.
It also includes all of our humanity,
Right?
All of these floors in between that can be pretty cluttered with a lot of stuff.
So when we sit with ourselves in this kind of radically open,
Honest way,
Then the deeper we go in our consciousness,
The more bandwidth we have to allow things to arise.
And that's not wrong if something difficult or uncomfortable arises in meditation.
It's an opportunity,
Actually.
Because sometimes things can get lodged in us.
We all know this,
Right?
Like we have an experience that's just too big to process or a loss or an upset or a fear and it's too much to process in the moment and it just lodges in us.
And it kind of circles looking for its freedom and then it finds similar triggers to re-up itself.
So when we meditate,
We're just allowing stuff to surface and free itself without resisting it,
Without judging it,
Without denying our own experience.
So I once did a Vipassana retreat and I had a friend who had done it with a lot of ecstatic experience,
Enlightenment,
And what was coming up for me was just tremendous sadness.
And I was really doing it right.
I was like dotting the I's and I was really showing up and I felt like I was doing something wrong.
And it took me quite a while to realize,
Oh,
It's just this is old sadness in me that just needed to be lived and accepted and released like birds.
So whatever comes up in your meditation,
It's fine.
It's not wrong.
So when we encounter these things in meditation or in life,
The idea is that we're not endeavoring to be free of them because that sort of implies we're in resistance to them or opposing them.
The idea is not to be free of them,
But to free them,
To allow them to be free,
To allow those energies to free themselves,
To reintegrate.
Really it's like our own life energy splintered off.
You know,
It's something we have suppressed or not been able to welcome into our whole body mind.
And so it becomes splintered off as shadow energy,
I guess is what Jung would say.
So now we're welcoming that back into the whole system and it's a return of life energy then we're embracing all of it to reintegrate into our whole body mind.
So that's what we're doing here tonight.
And it takes a little courage to be so open to what's there,
Right?
But we can meet it all with compassion.
So you can begin by just settling into whatever meditation posture has been working for you.
It helps to have your heart area open,
With your spine upright in a kind of regal posture,
But also relaxed,
Relaxed.
And just letting your breath move into its own natural rhythm.
Not trying to control it,
Just letting the breath be totally at ease.
Simple,
Fluid,
Rhythmic breaths.
And then gently call to mind some emotion that's negative or difficult that is present for you these days that either pops up on a regular basis or exists below the radar in a persistent kind of way.
So this could be a frustration or anxiety,
Sadness,
Envy.
It could be irritation toward others or towards yourself.
So whatever is very present for you these days,
Just call it to mind without any judgment.
Just notice.
And then see if you can call to mind some triggering narrative.
When does this emotion arise?
It could be a trigger as recent as this morning or it could be from years ago.
And notice the way your mind talks to itself to recreate that emotion,
Whether it's replaying a scene or an argument.
And if you can't find the narrative,
Just keep listening and be patient.
Some narratives are conscious,
Some are subconscious.
But if you're present non-judgmentally to the emotion,
Eventually the narrative will arise.
And if it doesn't,
That's fine too.
It's enough to just feel into the emotion.
So noticing where it is in your body.
Is it in your chest?
Is it in your gut?
Your back or your shoulders?
And just gently let yourself feel its energy.
Feel the raw energy of the emotion.
It's overwhelming.
Just back off a little bit.
Just titrate,
Be gentle with this.
And now let go of the storyline behind the feeling.
Just completely release that narrative so that you can be intimate with the energy itself.
Letting yourself be very still in body,
In mind,
In spirit.
So you can really notice this emotion.
Is it subtle or intense?
Is it hot or cold?
Does it feel heavy or light?
Is it contracted or afraid or defensive?
Just meet the emotion with great stability and love.
Very grounded.
Very compassionate.
And once you're in touch with this emotion and where it is in your body,
What it feels like,
Notice if there's an energy or emotion that's layered beneath the first one.
Most conscious emotions are just the tip of the iceberg.
It's the part we allow ourselves to see.
And often there's another emotion that we might be less willing to experience that's layered just beneath the first one.
It might be a softer or more vulnerable feeling beneath the initial one.
And allow yourself to experience that underlying emotion to whatever extent feels right to you.
Noticing it,
Just bringing great love and care to your experience.
Remember you're not trying to get rid of it.
This is the old default program that created the problem to begin with.
You're simply allowing the emotion to exist,
To unfold as it wishes.
Not forcing,
Not pushing,
Just inviting the emotion into your field of awareness.
And if at any point you feel overwhelmed,
Just simply return to your breath.
Feel the floor beneath you,
The earth holding you,
Supporting you.
Feel your safety here in this circle of love.
Stable,
Protected,
Safe.
Remember that emotion is letting your compassionate heart embrace it,
As if your heart and the emotion are in a dance,
Soft,
Tender dance.
Eventually,
The glow of your awareness,
The warmth of your acceptance,
Your loving gaze will allow the emotion to let go,
To free itself,
And to reintegrate into your body,
Into your nervous system,
Restoring your own life force.
As you do this over time and be radically open to your experiences,
To your emotions,
The capacity of your heart will deepen,
And your ability to hold and process your experiences will become more solid and more stable,
Leading you to a deeper sense of calm,
Deeper expanse of freedom and wellbeing.
Letting that emotion completely release itself and be free,
And letting your attention relax,
Noticing if you feel perhaps a bit lighter,
More clear.
Some emotions in us require many such dances before they are completely freed,
So be patient with yourself.
Thank yourself for your courage,
And let your whole system just receive a sense of clarity,
Peace,
And gratitude.
This is a meditation that's meant to be integrated right into life,
Right into your day.
So when a difficult moment arises,
Tomorrow or the next day,
You can acknowledge the feeling,
The storyline behind it,
Then you can let go of the storyline and focus on the felt experience of the emotion itself without any judgment,
But with curiosity and great tenderness.
When you give your feelings permission to exist,
They don't need to lodge in you.
When you hold them in your loving awareness this way,
Accepting,
Then these feelings are free to release themselves and integrate back into your own life force,
Restoring your power to you,
Delivering you right back into your heart.
May all of us who struggle with difficult emotions find self-acceptance,
Radical self-trust,
Freedom.
And may all beings near and far be safe and free and protected from inner and outer harm.
May they be happy and contented.
May they be healthy and whole to whatever degree possible.
May they experience ease of wellbeing.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be at peace.
May all beings be free.
