In the quiet hours,
When the world softens,
The voices in my head come to meet me in fetal position at the edge of my bed.
A heaviness strikes,
A tingling in my chest,
A flutter in my heart.
A weird void that has a gravitational pull,
Sucking me in,
Pulling me in,
Pressing me down,
Feeling the emptiness like a weighted blanket draped over my body.
A pit in the stomach,
Numb and tingly.
Grief comes to sit beside me.
It arrives not as thunder,
But as a whisper,
A soft whisper,
A shadow resting at the edge of my breath.
I feel it in the hollow of my chest,
In the ache of remembering what once was,
What will never be again.
As tears stream down my cheeks,
I bawl into the palms of my hands.
I remind myself it's okay to cry,
To let it out like the flow of a river.
I remind myself it's okay to feel sad.
I remind myself how deeply I loved,
And how I wish it didn't have to end here.
In the stillness,
I realize grief is not an enemy.
It is the bridge between what I lost and the love that endures.
And so I know.
It is heavy.
And so I know.
I sit with it.
I breathe with it.
I let it rest in me,
Like the night sky holding the stars.
I hold it close,
This impossible feeling.
If you haven't already,
I invite you to find a comfortable seat,
Allowing the sit bones to ground into the floor or the mat,
Allowing your shoulders to soften away from the ears.
If the eyes are closed,
Allow the top lid to gently rest on the lower lid.
The eyes are soft.
The jaw is soft.
The shoulders are soft.
The tempos are soft.
Allow the whole face to be tension-free.
Release any tension you may be carrying in your shoulders.
Let the heaviness dissipate and fade away.
Allow your arms to be light,
Arms to be long.
Let the fingertips be soft and allow them to unravel.
Allow the hips to open.
The upper legs,
The lower legs to just be.
Let the toes soften and relax.
Whole body is nice and still.
Now bring the awareness to your breath.
Firstly,
Just notice.
Notice what your breath is like.
Notice the pattern,
The intensity,
The speed.
Is it slow and deep?
Is it long?
Is it shallow,
Quick or fast?
Notice how the body feels when you breathe.
Maybe you still feel a little bit heavy or a little bit tense.
Just reassure yourself that that is okay.
Wherever you are,
Just sit,
Just be.
No need to change or to fix.
Now noticing the thoughts in your mind.
Notice the quality,
Notice the intensity.
Whatever thoughts that come into mind,
Just let them.
Just noticing without fixing or changing,
Second guessing,
Questioning.
Or dwelling.
Just notice.
Put that thought into an envelope and allow it to fade away.
Right now it's just you and your body.
You,
Your body and your breath.
Remember that you have this to come back to at any time.
Take another deep breath in and a full breath out.
Another deep breath in and sigh it out.
Keep on going like this.
Just noticing how this breath pattern feels in your body.
Remember as thoughts come and go,
Remember there's nothing to fix.
Simply allow it to pass.
Start to tune into what you're feeling right now,
The emotion,
The feeling.
If you can,
Try to put a name to it.
Whether it's anger,
Frustration,
Whether it's sadness or a stage of grief.
Allow yourself to feel,
Feel how this emotion feels like.
Notice the body sensations that this emotion gives you.
Notice where you may be holding on to more tension.
Notice how your breath feels when you feel this emotion.
Slowly coming back into this space,
You can wiggle your fingertips or your toes.
Take a deep inhale in and a full exhale out.
One more time.
When you are ready,
You can slowly come back into your environment.
When you are ready,
You can slowly come back into your environment,
Opening the eyes.
Thank you for joining me today in this meditation and I wish you a great day ahead.
