The Heroines Journey Part 7: Tests And Temptations

All right,

Ladies,

Are we ready to talk about temptation today?

Who wants to talk about temptation?

Yay!

Stage seven of the heroine's journey.

My name is Marcella,

Marcella Friel.

And I help women like you heal the spiritual and emotional roots of yo-yo dieting,

Binge eating,

Sugar addiction,

And body shaming.

And I am the founder of the Women Food and Forgiveness Academy,

Which is a 12-month intensive program to help you do precisely that,

What I just said,

Heal the spiritual roots of your food and body love struggles.

And what I'm doing here on Insight Timer is a 12-part series on the heroine's journey as the archetypal path of spiritual transformation.

So today,

What I want to talk about,

It's a very juicy topic.

And that is the tests and temptations of the heroine.

We all know this experience of temptation,

Don't we?

We all know the experience of craving,

Wanting something,

Feeling like,

Oh,

It would be so good to have it,

But I know I really shouldn't.

Let me know if I'm speaking your language here.

Just give me a little thumbs up or hearts or however you want to acknowledge this.

So this is the essence of temptation.

Temptation is the archetypal tension between what feels good and what feels right.

They are not always one and the same.

And in thinking about this stage of the heroine's journey of temptation,

Temptation is an opportunity for character building.

So when most of us think about the kinds of lives we want to lead,

We tend to think in terms of comfort.

We want to live comfortable lives,

Right?

We want to be financially comfortable,

Whatever that means for us.

We want to live in a home that feels comfortable and safe,

In a comfortable,

Safe neighborhood.

We want to have a certain measure of comfort in our career path,

Where we know,

Like,

OK,

Here's the progression.

I'm going to work in this position for a certain number of years,

And then I'm going to go here,

Here,

And here.

And comfort,

You know,

I've talked a lot about the relationship between comfort and growth.

And if we don't have comfort in our lives ever,

We don't have any place to kind of let our nervous system rest.

You know,

If things are just totally uncomfortable all the time,

Then it's kind of like we're constantly on edge and there's no place to really come home to and just feel a sense of safety and a sense of belonging.

However,

If our lives are only comfortable,

Then we never really get a chance to grow.

And again,

Thinking about the kinds of lives we want to lead,

Most of us don't say,

Well,

Gee,

I really want a hard life.

I really want to be neglected as a child.

I want to be abused.

I want to go through a million divorces,

And I want to gain a million pounds.

And obviously,

The hardships of our lives are not things that we choose to have.

However,

It is through the hardships of our lives that we build our character.

And character building is where the satisfaction of our life comes from.

Now,

I know I'm giving you like a really high-level view here,

And we're going to get down into the chocolate chip cookies in a little bit.

So a friend of mine said to me several years ago that trauma is a catalyst of evolution.

Trauma is a catalyst of evolution.

Isn't that incredible?

So if you think about your own life and you think about the hardships of your life and the things that have been really,

Really difficult,

The hardships of our lives give us opportunities,

The opportunity to make a choice to build and refine our character and to hone our spiritual evolution.

All of this can be found in a chocolate chip cookie or a piece of the thing I've been craving lately is pumpkin cheesecake.

Yeah.

Hey,

Tanya.

Thank you.

Lynn is saying,

I know cravings all too well.

Mm-hmm.

OK.

So if you know cravings all too well,

You know that cravings are,

There's a push and a pull.

There's a tension.

I want it.

I know I shouldn't have it.

And I want it anyway.

I know I shouldn't have it.

And I want it anyway.

We tend to think that when we have these cravings,

That something is bad or wrong with us.

However,

I want to suggest to you,

As I have said all along in all these talks so far,

That cravings and temptations are encoded in the heroine's journey.

They are part of the archetypal path.

And the best mythological representation of this that I am aware of comes out of Greek mythology and the story of Odysseus with the sirens.

So we have the Odyssey.

And there's a certain point in Odysseus's journey where he encounters the island of the sirens.

And the sirens are these creatures who are half woman,

Half bird.

And they sing songs that are so seductive and so enchanting and so alluring to the sailors who go past the island of the sirens that the sailors would notoriously get pulled in to their song and then just crash their ships and just be destroyed.

Odysseus knew this.

And as they were approaching the island of the sirens,

He said to his crew,

You have to tie me to the mast of my ship.

And no matter what I do,

No matter what I say,

Don't let me down.

He gave his crew beeswax to put in their ears.

So everybody was like plugging up their ears so they couldn't hear the song.

And Odysseus gets tied up to the mast and they go past the island and the songs start going and he's freaking out and he's weeping and he's screaming and he's just like moaning and I have to get up.

They don't take him down and they sail past.

I wonder what you're hearing in this story that relates to your own experience of temptation and craving.

Just let me know in the chat.

There are a couple of elements here that are really germane to the hero's journey or the heroine's journey.

Two weeks ago,

We talked about the crossing of the threshold and this is the place where the heroine makes her decision.

I am committed to my self-care.

I am committed to healing my relationship with my body.

I am committed to reducing this inflammation.

I am committed to getting to sleep at a regular hour so that I can lose this weight.

I am committed to having a better relationship with my husband and my family,

Whatever it happens to be.

So we cross the threshold,

We make a decision,

There's a resolve.

Then last week,

We talked about meeting our allies.

Mm-hmm.

And these are our peers,

You know,

Like the mentor provides the wisdom,

Guidance and so on,

But the allies are,

We share our experience.

We actually walk the road with them.

Okay,

Now we're in the land of temptation and cravings.

So if you think about the story of Odysseus and what this has to teach us,

Okay,

Number one,

His resolve was such that he anticipated where he was going to be vulnerable to temptation and what the potential consequences of that are,

Okay?

Then number two,

He had to have the support of his crew,

His allies to overcome the temptation of the sirens.

Odysseus could not tie himself up by himself to that mast.

He had to kind of survey the lay of the land and chart,

Plan his self-care,

So to speak,

Chart his way through.

When it comes to temptation,

I am a big advocate of self-love,

Self-compassion,

Be gentle with yourself,

Be easy with yourself,

But sometimes when it comes to something like temptation,

We simply have to say no and we have to build a muscle.

We have to build strength to be able to say no.

I know that chocolate chip cookie is delicious.

I can just imagine the big chunks of chocolate in my mouth and how sweet they taste and the texture of the cookie and I know it would be wonderful,

But it is not ultimately in my best interest to eat this and so for however tempting it is,

I am going to say no.

If that is something that is,

You know,

That muscle isn't developed for us,

We tend to blame ourselves,

But an important thing to remember is that we are living inside of a processed food culture and a whole consumer culture that doesn't want us to build our character,

Doesn't want us to be able to have the ability to reference that sanctuary of resolve and self-love and self-compassion in the center of our hearts and build the strength of that that says no.

This isn't your fault.

This is,

It's a natural human experience.

You can look at like the Buddha was tempted by the Maras and Jesus was tempted by Satan and temptation happens all the time.

It's the universe's way of testing our resolve and saying like,

Are you sure you're really committed?

Here's something that looks beautiful,

Wonderful,

You know,

It's the song of the sirens,

Piece of chocolate cake,

Chocolate pleasure.

We have to put the beeswax in our ears.

We have to ask our allies to tie us to the mast and we have to resolve,

I'm not going to crash my ship over this.

You know,

I want to keep my vision for what I want on the other side and be strong enough to say no here.

Okay,

I feel like I've been talking for a long time.

What are you hearing in what I'm saying?

That the antidote to addiction is not abstinence per se,

As much as it is coming out of isolation and coming into community.

Yeah,

Okay,

So what's resonating?

Becky's saying all of it,

Yay,

Okay,

Good.

And Martha's saying the ability to create agency,

Yes.

Tanya,

Does it have to be a struggle?

Well,

That's where tapping comes in.

When I talk about this stuff live,

This topic of temptation,

I have women bring a food that tempts them.

So whatever it is,

It could be your vegan cashew cream cheese or it could be your Pringles barbecue chips or it could be the thing that you feel like you've got this kind of push-pull relationship.

So,

You know,

If you can imagine like a bunch of women,

We're all sitting in a circle and everybody's got their food or their drink or whatever it is.

And,

You know,

There's like this shyness of like,

I don't know if I can show this to anybody.

But then we do some tapping.

And invariably when I do this exercise,

I keep like a trash can handy because by the time we're done the tapping,

Most women will say,

Oh,

I don't even want this anymore.

Like it doesn't even smell that good.

Like it kind of smells like cheap gasoline or something like yuck.

And then it just goes in the trash.

So tapping,

Tapping can help make it easier,

Tanya.

And the reason why that is,

Is because with cravings,

This push-pull I want it,

I'm tempted by it.

I know I shouldn't have it and I want it anyway.

This is connected to the limbic system of the brain and the fight or flight response,

You know?

And the tapping helps to calm down that whole limbic system midbrain response.

Tapping can make it easy,

Easier.

And,

You know,

The other thing that I'll say,

In my own experience what I've found doesn't have to be a struggle.

It can be as much of a struggle as you decide for it to be.

The challenge when you are in the craving is to be able to stop yourself.

And what I like to say to my women,

And I'm saying it to all of you,

Sit on your hands.

If you don't want to do some tapping,

This is the way you can tie yourself to the mast.

Sit on your hands for five minutes,

10 minutes,

Put a timer on,

Put your hands underneath your legs and just sit there,

Breathe.

And even if you're not physically tapping with your hands on all the tapping points,

You can sit there and breathe and just say,

Okay,

I'm feeling tempted.

I want to have my mocha latte.

I want to buy this pair of shoes.

I want to call this person.

I know I don't really,

It's not a good idea for me to call them.

Whatever your temptation is.

So you sit there with your hands underneath your thighs and just acknowledge the temptation,

Just breathe.

And you can say to the universe,

Please help me make the right decision here.

Please give me the strength to make the right decision.

And then just see,

Almost invariably,

The heat,

The intensity of the sensation of the craving and the temptation will subside.

And then what happens is you feel stronger.

You know,

Like,

Wow,

Okay.

I don't have to be a slave to every craving that surfaces in my body just because I want it doesn't mean that I'm supposed to have it,

Okay?

So Marjorie is saying the challenge is interrupting the behavior before indulging it as it can happen very quickly.

Yes,

We'll see that's the fight or flight.

Yeah,

It's the fight or flight.

And you know,

In the 12 step world,

I'll just say this right now is progress,

Not perfection.

You're probably not ever gonna get a perfect track record.

You know,

Like I've been doing some,

I've been having conversations with some of my women who have been with me in the academy for a while.

And they've been saying like,

You know,

I still don't make 100% perfect food choices,

But I love myself.

I understand myself.

I forgive myself.

I have compassion with myself much more than I used to such that when I do go off the rails,

I don't have to beat myself up.

I just bring myself back.

So the going off of the rails happens much less frequently.

It's much less severe when it does.

And the rebound is much quicker.

Carol is saying,

I think it is common to replace one addiction with another.

It happens.

Absolutely,

Absolutely.

I have a 12 step friend who said,

Addiction is like putting an octopus to bed.

So,

You know,

You've got this octopus with its eight arms.

You know,

You try to get it all tucked in under the covers and one arm comes out and you put this arm in and the other arm goes out and you put this one in.

Yeah,

Addictions absolutely migrate.

And you know,

What can we do?

All we can do is just,

Again,

The antidote isn't necessarily that we have to control every single addiction that we have.

The antidote is coming into community and recognizing that we're not as alone in our experience as those addictions would have us believe.

And also that the challenges that we face while we experience them very personally and very intimately,

They are archetypal and shared in nature.

And when we share in community,

You know,

That's when it's easier to be able to say no to whatever the addiction du jour happens to be.

Let's do some tapping.

So if you're new to tapping,

Please just say as I say,

Do as I do,

Just follow me.

If my words don't resonate with you,

Then feel free to choose your own.

Okay,

So let's just start by bumping the sides of the hands together.

Even though I really struggle with cravings and temptation,

I want to be kind to myself about this struggle.

Even though it can be really hard for me to say no to cravings,

I can be so easily tempted.

Okay,

And the truth is I'm not alone with this.

I'm not the only one who feels this way.

And I choose to give myself grace with this difficult issue.

Good,

Let's take a little inhale,

Exhale here through the nose.

Okay,

Perfect.

One more time.

Even though I struggle with cravings and temptation,

Okay,

And sometimes I'm really hard on myself,

Okay.

And I tell myself that I'm really weak.

Maybe I'm just human.

And I really would love to get stronger.

Okay,

And I really love myself for wanting to be stronger.

Okay,

Lovely.

Let's go up to the top of the head,

Tapping around the points.

So starting right up at the top of the head.

All these cravings and temptations that I face.

Okay,

Good,

Inside the eyebrow.

I really would love to eat better.

Side of the eye.

I would love to make wiser food choices more easily.

Good,

Under the eye,

But it's much easier said than done.

Okay,

Under the nose,

Because when I am faced with a trigger food,

Just call it a trigger food,

Call to mind whatever your food happens to be.

Okay,

Under the mouth.

When I am faced with that food.

Collarbone,

Sometimes it can be lightning fast.

Good,

Under the arm.

Before I know it,

That food is in my mouth.

Back up to the top of the head.

And part of me says,

Ooh,

I know I shouldn't be eating this.

Inside the eyebrow.

And another part says,

Who cares?

I want it anyway.

Side of the eye,

My rebel takes over.

Okay,

Under the eye.

I go into a kind of blackout,

Right?

Okay,

Good,

Under the nose.

And then the next thing I know,

I'm diving headlong into a binge.

Okay,

Under the mouth.

And then I feel terrible.

Collarbone,

And I tell myself I'm so weak.

Under the arm,

I tell myself it's hopeless.

Back up to the top of the head.

Oh,

This whole weary cycle.

Inside the eyebrow,

Craving and binging and then beating myself up.

Good,

Okay,

Side of the eye,

See how this feels.

I'm sick of it.

Mm-hmm,

Good,

Under the eye.

I really want to find a better way.

Good,

Under the nose.

Just taking a nice in-breath and out-breath.

What if I could resist my temptations?

Under the mouth.

What if I could build the strength?

Good,

Collarbone.

To slow down and say no.

Mm-hmm,

Under the arm.

Asking my friends and allies to support me.

Good,

Top of the head.

Asking the divine to support me.

Okay,

This is our last round.

Here we go,

Mm-hmm,

Inside the eyebrow.

Sitting on my hands and breathing.

Good,

Side of the eye.

Simply not giving in and just waiting for the temptation to pass.

Good,

Okay,

Under the eye.

I don't know if I can do it.

Under the nose.

And I know I won't do it perfectly.

Good,

Okay,

Under the mouth.

But even if I try and fail and try and fail,

Mm-hmm.

Good,

Collarbone.

If I keep trying,

Eventually I will succeed.

Good,

Okay,

Collarbone.

So I'm curious and I'm interested and I'm inspired to give it a try.

Good,

Okay,

Let's shake it out.

Take a drink of water.

How is that tapping for you?

What came out of it for you?

Good,

Tears,

Mm,

Marjorie.

I love tapping.

Carol is saying,

I love tapping.

It reinforces the concept you present,

Doesn't it?

Isn't that good?

Yeah,

Tapping is quite miraculous.

I love it too.

Feeling understood,

How beautiful.

All right,

So I'll see you all next week.

Thank you all very much.

Lots of love.

And when you come back next week,

Let me know how it went with the temptations.

Yeah,

Let's keep the conversation going.

Okay,

See you all.

Bye for now.