Why Your Body Says No When Your Mind Says Yes

So welcome everyone and thank you for listening.

So let me open by asking you this.

Have you ever said yes to something and immediately felt your stomach drop?

Or maybe agreed to plans and felt your chest tighten?

Have you ever been with someone,

Maybe in a relationship,

Maybe just dating and your mind is telling you all the reasons this is good,

You should want this but your body is saying something completely different.

Your body is pulling back,

Contracting,

Going numb,

Maybe even wanting to leave.

Or maybe it's work,

You take a job that looks perfect on paper,

Good money,

Good opportunity,

Exactly what you thought you wanted but from day one your body feels wrong,

Heavy,

Tight,

Like you're dragging yourself through concrete every morning.

Or it might be something smaller,

Someone asks you to do them a favour and before you can even think about it,

Your throat closes up.

Your body knows the answer is no,

But your mouth says yes anyway.

This disconnect between what your mind decides and your body knows,

This is what we are going to explore today.

In my experience,

Personal and professional,

I have learnt that your body is not wrong,

Your body is never confused and your body is not being dramatic or too sensitive or irritable.

Your body is reading something your conscious mind isn't picking up on and when you overwrite that signal over and over,

When you make your mind the boss and tell your body to get in line,

There are consequences.

So get comfortable,

We are just going to explore this topic first and then we'll drop into the body and actually listen to what it's trying to tell you.

Not to fix it,

Not to make it say yes when it's saying no,

Just to listen.

So let me tell you what's happening in your body when this disconnection occurs.

Your brain,

Your thinking rational mind operates on logic,

On shoulds,

On what makes sense according to the story you've been told about how life works and it thinks in language,

In reasoning and explanations.

But the body,

Your body operates on something older,

Something more primitive.

Your body is reading safety and danger at a level that's beneath conscious thought.

It's picking up on micro-expressions,

Energy shifts,

Tone of voice and the feeling in the room.

Your body is always scanning for is this safe,

Is this right for me,

Can I trust this?

And your body doesn't give you a logical argument,

It gives you sensations,

Tightness in your throat,

Heaviness in your chest,

A sinking feeling in your gut,

Numbness,

Sometimes the urge to leave,

Shallow breathing,

Clenching your jaw or your fists.

Now these are not random,

These are signals.

Your body may be trying to tell you something,

But most of us have been trained to ignore these signals.

We've been taught that the mind is more reliable than the body,

That logic trumps feeling,

That we should be able to reason ourselves into wanting what we are supposed to want.

So when your body says no and your mind says,

But this is a good opportunity,

Or,

But they are such a nice person,

Or,

But I should be grateful for this,

You override the signal and you push through anyway.

When we do this,

Your body starts screaming louder.

There is a cost of overriding your body's no.

When you consistently ignore your body's signals,

When you make yourself do things your body is saying no to,

Your body doesn't just give up and comply,

It adapts and then it starts to protect you in other ways.

Maybe you develop chronic tension,

Your shoulders are always tight,

Your jaw aches,

Your back hurts,

And this isn't just stress,

This is your body creating boundaries when you won't create them for yourself.

The pain is saying stop,

Rest and don't do this thing.

Or maybe you get sick,

You catch every cold,

You are exhausted all the time,

Your immune system is compromised because your body is using all its resources just to cope with being forced into situations it knows are not right.

Or maybe you dissociate,

You go numb,

You check out.

You are physically present but not really there.

And this is your body's way of protecting you from feeling the full impact of betraying yourself.

If you have to stay in that situation,

At least you don't have to fully feel it.

Or maybe you develop anxiety,

Where your nervous system is constantly activated because you are forcing yourself to do things your body reads as unsafe.

So your body learns to stay on high alert,

Trying to keep you ready to escape the thing you keep making yourself stay in.

Now let's discuss some examples to see if any of this lands or resonates for you.

In relationships,

Your mind may be saying they are kind,

They are stable,

They check all the boxes,

I should want this,

This is good for me.

And your body says I feel numb around them,

I don't want them to touch me,

My chest feels tight when they text me.

And you override your body,

You tell yourself you are being picky,

You are self-sabotaging,

You are not giving it a real chance,

So you stay.

You smile even though there is no genuine warmth and you force yourself to be present.

And eventually you get sick,

You start to shut down,

You may even end up having panic attacks.

Because your body may have been trying to tell you for months this is not right and you wouldn't listen.

In work,

Your mind says this is a good job,

Good money,

I should be grateful,

I am being lazy if I don't want to do this.

And your body may be saying I wake up with dread,

My stomach is tight all day,

I feel dead inside and I count the hours until I can leave.

And you override your body,

You tell yourself everyone feels like this,

Work is not supposed to be fun,

You just need to push through.

And then eventually burnout,

Illness,

Depression,

Your body is forced into shutdown because you wouldn't honour its no.

Do you see the pattern for yourself?

Your body knows before your mind figures it out.

Your body is picking up on what's not being said,

What's not,

What doesn't feel right and what is not aligned.

And when you override that wisdom repeatedly,

Your body finds other ways to say no.

Through pain,

Through illness,

Through numbness and through shutdown.

So why exactly do we do this?

Why do we override our body's signals?

Because we have been trained to,

From the time we were children,

We learned that our body's signals were not as important as being good,

Being compliant and not making waves.

You learned to hug relatives you didn't want to hug,

To say thank you when you felt uncomfortable,

To eat when you were not hungry and to stay in situations that didn't feel safe because leaving would be rude.

And if you were a people pleaser,

If you learned that your worth depended on making others comfortable,

You became an expert at overriding your body.

Your body's no didn't matter as much as keeping peace.

And if you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment,

You might have learned that your body's signals were not reliable because even when your body said danger,

You couldn't leave.

You were a child,

You were stuck,

So you learned to stop listening,

To disconnect from those signals because they didn't help you anyway.

Or maybe you were taught that the body is less important than the mind,

That you should be able to think your way through everything.

Feelings are irrational and shouldn't be trusted.

Logic is king and your body is just along for the ride.

Now as an adult,

When your body says no,

You don't even register it as valid information.

You think you're being too sensitive,

Too emotional,

Too difficult and you should be able to handle this.

But your body is not being difficult,

Your body is being intelligent.

Your body's wisdom is not less than your mind's logic and in many cases your body knows more than your mind.

Your mind can be manipulated,

It can be conditioned,

It can talk itself into things,

It can rationalize,

It can convince itself what's happening is fine,

Something you should be able to handle.

But your body is reading raw data,

Tone of voice,

Energy in the room,

Micro-expressions,

Things that are not being said,

The mismatch between someone's words and their energy.

Your body is connected to thousands of years of survival wisdom.

When your gut says something is off here,

That's just information,

That's your nervous system detecting a threat before your conscious mind can even articulate what the threat is.

When your chest tightens around someone,

Even though they seem nice,

Your body might be picking up on something controlling,

Manipulative,

Something that your mind hasn't even registered yet.

When your body reacts to a job offer with dread,

Even though it looks perfect,

Your body might be sensing that this environment will drain you,

That this culture is toxic,

And this will cost you more than the money which can compensate for.

So your body may not be wrong,

Your body is just reading information that your mind is dismissing.

So what do we do with all this information now?

We practice listening,

Actually listening,

Not overriding,

Not explaining anything away,

And not convincing yourself that your body is being dramatic.

Just listening to what your body is actually saying.

Let's try and do that now.

Let's drop into the body and see what it's trying to tell you.

Get comfortable,

However you need to be,

And you can close your eyes or keep them open,

Whatever feels right for you.

And just now take a breath,

And just notice your body right now.

Notice where you feel tightness or tension,

Where you feel openness or ease,

Or where you feel nothing at all,

Just numbness or disconnection.

Whatever is showing up for you,

Just notice.

There's no need to change anything.

Now I want you to think about something in your life right now that you said yes to,

But your body is saying no to.

Maybe it's a job,

A commitment,

Some plans you made,

Maybe a relationship,

Something you agreed to do,

Just let it come to mind.

A person plays situation in my life where my body says no,

But I'm doing it anyway.

And whatever surfaces first is probably the right thing.

And as you think about this thing,

Situation,

Person,

Commitment now,

Notice what happens in your body.

Does your chest get tight?

Does your stomach clench?

Does your throat close down?

Do you feel yourself pulling back,

Wanting to escape?

Maybe you go numb,

Or maybe it's something else.

Just notice.

Now this is your body's language,

And these sensations are how your body says no.

And I want you to just be with these sensations for a moment.

Don't try to talk yourself out of them.

Don't explain them away.

Just let them be here.

Your body is trying to tell you something.

It is not positive,

It is not negative,

It's just information.

Staying with whatever sensations you are aware of,

I want you to ask your body a question,

Just dropping these words into your head.

Drop your body into your awareness.

What are you trying to protect me from?

What are you trying to protect me from?

What are you trying to protect me from?

Once you have said these words,

You might get some words.

You might be guided to a certain part of your body.

You might get images.

You might just get a deeper sense of the feeling or any emotions around it.

Or you might get nothing at all.

Whatever comes,

Just receive it.

Your body might be saying,

This is not safe.

This is not right for me.

This will drain me.

This person doesn't see me.

Or something else.

Now,

I want you to place your hands somewhere on your body.

Maybe your heart,

Maybe your belly and maybe wherever you feel that no most strongly.

And let's offer the body this acknowledgement now.

I hear you.

I've been overriding you.

I've been making you do things you don't want to.

I've been telling you that you're wrong.

That you're too sensitive.

That you should be able to handle this.

But you're not wrong.

You are just trying to protect me.

You're trying to tell me something important.

I don't know if I can honour your no yet.

I don't know if I'm ready to leave this situation,

To change this commitment or to actually start listening to what you're saying.

But I'm open to hearing you.

I'm starting to listen.

I'm starting to listen.

I'm starting to listen.

Just notice what happens when you offer this to your body.

Does anything soften?

Does anything shift?

Or does your body stay tense because it doesn't believe you yet?

Either response is okay.

Your body has learned not to trust that you'll actually listen and it might take time before it believes that you're honouring its wisdom.

Take a few more breaths here.

Just being with your body.

Not trying to fix anything.

Not trying to make yourself do anything differently.

Just practicing the radical act of actually listening.

And now,

Begin to bring yourself closer to your body.

Breathe back.

If you had your eyes closed,

You can gently open them.

Just gently now,

Moving your fingers.

Just focusing on the breath.

Now,

Before you fully come back,

I want to offer you this.

You don't have to do anything with what your body told you today.

You don't have to immediately quit your job,

Leave your relationship,

Cancel any commitments.

And that is never really what your body is asking you to do anyway.

In different situations in your life,

Some parts of your past,

Some parts of your childhood,

Some other experiences you didn't fully feel,

May be showing up to be healed,

To be seen,

To be listened to.

So when we start listening to the body,

And we stop overriding our body's know,

We slowly start to tell the body that whatever it's holding on to is now safe to come up,

To be seen,

To be honoured,

To be held,

To be understood.

Learning to honour your body's wisdom doesn't mean your life will get easier.

You might have to say no to things you said yes to previously.

You might have to disappoint certain people.

And you might have to admit in certain situations that something isn't working,

Even though you convinced yourself it was.

The alternative,

You continue to override your body,

Continue to force yourself into situations where your whole being is rejecting.

Start small.

Start just by noticing when your body says no and your mind says yes.

And simply by acknowledging this no,

Drop into listening.

And maybe slowly,

You start to honour your body's wisdom.

Not perfectly,

Not all at once,

But gradually you learn to trust that your body is not your enemy.

Your body is only trying to keep you safe,

Keep you aligned and keep you connected to what's actually true for you.

Take just one more moment now just to orient back to the space around you.

Whatever you brought in today,

Whatever you took from this exploration,

You'll fully integrate it over the next few hours,

Days,

Weeks.

And thank you for listening,

Not just to me,

But to your body.

Namaste.