Good night lover!
You're here again and I'm so glad that you are.
If you have visuals you can see that I am in a different position.
I turned myself around because I felt like it was wrong to keep this amazing view all to myself.
So I'm sharing with you my view of the Indian Ocean.
So,
Now you know if you can hear ambience sound in the background.
It is the waves.
Nothing that I can do to quieten those down nor would I want to.
So this is day three of good night lover.
And today I wanted to talk about this need or expectation to be perpetually strung.
If you're here tonight feeling numbed out,
Flat,
Tired,
Then stick around.
That numbness,
It often comes from this feeling that many men have that they need to be strong all the time.
They need to be the ones holding everything together.
Steady,
Dependable,
Reliable,
So that everything else can continue.
Things can ebb and flow.
And of course,
Maybe you are in a family or a partnership where you are both working hard but it doesn't take away that responsibility that we often feel that men shoulder or should shoulder.
The ultimate bug stops with you.
That's how it often feels,
Right?
You're just expected to know it all.
And when you don't know it all,
It can leave you feeling like you're not meeting the standards that you should.
But all of this is unspoken,
Silent pressure,
Silent weight,
Maybe in your own mind that you think you're failing or you think others are doing better than you.
But the truth is,
We're all figuring it out as we go.
And I know on some rational level,
You might already know that.
But deep down,
You may still have these heavy expectations of yourself to always be strong,
To always be available,
Showing up,
Hard,
Right?
On demand.
And sometimes carrying all of that pressure can feel so heavy that it is easier to numb out than to feel it.
But feeling requires mental capacity and space.
It's inconvenient,
Right?
And we have this myth that men shouldn't feel or they shouldn't express their feelings.
But I want to invite you to consider that it is not weak to feel.
It's okay to tap into that side of yourself.
And right now,
It is okay to put down that burden.
If you can,
Just take some time and just feel the back of your neck.
Oh,
It's carrying so much,
So much tension held right there.
Can you set it down for tonight?
Whatever you feel you should be strong for,
Can you release it this evening?
Can you let your shoulders drop?
Can you let your eyes water?
Can you let yourself relax?
Relax.
Just breathe as you massage your own shoulders and your neck and just let yourself have this moment.
I don't know if you have ever listened to the Huberman Lab podcast.
There was an episode on the vagus nerve.
I'm not going to try and teach you all of that science stuff right now,
But the biggest takeaway from that episode was how we can help our bodies to relax,
To feel with a very simple tool,
Something you can do every single day.
I think they said you should do it eight to 10 times a day.
It is so easy.
Lengthening your exhale so that it is longer than your inhale.
It is a surefire way to let your body know that it is okay,
That you are not in danger,
That you are not stressed,
That even if you are on some level,
It is like a reassurance.
So I invite you to do that.
We're going to take a deep inhale through our nose and a longer exhale through our mouth.
We're going to do it twice.
You can do it as many times as you like through the day.
Aim for eight.
Okay,
Let's do it.
As long as you can,
Exhale completely.
You maybe have a bigger lung capacity than me.
Let's do it again.
Inhale.
It doesn't have to be some magical change,
But know that on some level you are doing good.
This is good.
This is going to help you feel good.
Try it eight times a day.
Listen to that Huberman Lab episode.
It is quite scientific,
But it is very interesting.
So I had a couple of notes that I wanted to share with you today.
I wanted to say that being strong doesn't mean feeling nothing.
It's okay for you to have emotions.
It's okay for you to express them.
And I wanted to remind you that you do not have to be strong tonight.
There's nobody to impress.
Are you already impressive?
You don't have to make sense of it all.
Truly.
Can you ever?
You know,
We often live in this state of believing that next week will be easier.
Next week,
We'll take care of that thing.
Next week,
We'll look after ourselves.
Next week,
We'll start running again.
Next week,
We will start eating healthier.
When it gets easier next week.
I'm guilty of this too.
But you know,
As well as I do,
Next week is going to bring its own challenges.
And meanwhile,
You deserve to do all of those things to take care of you now.
You deserve that.
You deserve to start doing that from tomorrow when you wake up.
To do the things that you know will support you physically,
Mentally,
Psychologically,
Spiritually.
Even if it's as simple as having a glass of water before your coffee.
It doesn't have to be complicated.
But you do deserve that.
You do deserve to be taken care of.
And it's okay if it is you doing the taking care.
If it is you who starts that ball rolling,
Who knows better than you how to take care of you?
Right?
It doesn't mean that it's less than.
It doesn't invalidate the care because it's coming from you.
It's important.
So right now,
You don't have to do anything other than just be here.
And let it be okay that you're tired.
It's okay.
It's okay to admit that,
Yes,
This is a lot.
You've been carrying a lot.
You're tired.
You're fed up.
You don't know the next step.
That is okay.
You're not supposed to.
Nobody can be strong every single moment of their lives.
So I just want to remind you of that.
You are still wonderful exactly as you are,
Showing up exactly as you are.
You're a human.
Don't forget.
You can be as kind to yourself as you are to the others around you.
So with that thought in mind,
That releasing of the mask of being ever strong,
I invite you to just let your guard down,
Allow yourself to relax and slip into a deep,
Restful sleep to restore and nourish you ready for a new day.
Sleep well,
Lover.
Good night.
