How + Why RAIN Self-Compassion Meditation Rocks

RAIN stands for Recognize,

Allow,

Investigate,

And Nurture.

It's a self-compassion meditation practice that in my book is the,

I don't actually have a book,

But like in my opinion is the,

I will have a book soon,

So it'll be a book,

It's the Capotituti Capi of tools,

Of meditation tools,

Which means boss of all bosses in Italian because there's so much goodness in each of these steps that equips us for healing,

For healthy self-relationship,

For self-love,

For self-compassion,

For surrender.

So I want to explain each of these steps and what you're cultivating with each of them and then we'll practice together.

So the point of RAIN is to,

Is the point of self-compassion and I like to say that self-compassion is the secret sauce.

I think it's the thing we are missing so desperately in this life right now.

We're not,

Again,

Equipped with the tools to be able to deal with the difficulties of being a human being.

Like being a human is so beautiful and yet so fucking tragic and hard and difficult and in this culture and day and age,

In any day and age,

It's just tough.

What do we do with it?

We don't,

No one taught us,

No one taught us,

You know,

Maybe you're learning,

Now we're here,

We're trying to figure it out and we need tools,

We need practices and the beautiful thing about RAIN is it's a practice that really changes your relationship to yourself.

And to life and to difficult feelings and sensations and thought patterns.

We get to learn to approach them and rework the way that we approach them such that we can treat ourselves with kindness,

With care,

With curiosity and move a lot of the stuff that gets stuck.

So the R stands for recognize.

So the first thing we're going to use,

We already have gotten into the body a little bit,

We'll do a little bit of mindful movement before we do a RAIN practice.

We're going to scan the body and or even before that.

So what we're doing here is we've kind of conjured up,

Okay,

What's going on for me?

What's here?

What's present?

I'm angry or I feel really anxious or I'm exhausted or I have this story.

It might be cognitive,

You might feel it emotionally,

You might feel it physically,

Any of the above categories can be addressed with RAIN.

We're going to scan the body and we're going to recognize where is my attention being called?

Whatever's going on for me,

What's happening in the body?

This is a somatic.

I'm sure you've heard of the body keeps the score and all of the studies and the way that psychology is changing to understand how much of our psyche and subconscious and emotional body exists within the body.

This is primarily a somatic practice.

But it links really beautifully the cognitive stories that we get wrapped up in as really an avoidance tool to avoid what's happening in the body where we really need to do the healing.

So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to recognize where in my body am I feeling something that needs to be felt?

And for some of us when we're starting,

It might not be very clear what's going on in the body.

I don't know.

I just,

I got fingers,

I got toes.

I don't know.

I want you to just trust your intuition as you're playing with this.

Some places that we can check that tend to carry a lot of tension and emotion,

Chest,

Tight chest,

Tight jaw,

Tight shoulders.

But you may feel other sensations.

You may feel a sharpness in your knee or in your shoulder.

It could be anywhere.

You know your body and the point of this is to get curious and to get to know,

Get to better know your body and to explore and find where your body is calling for your attention.

So we're going to recognize.

Almost simultaneously,

We're going to allow.

This is where we're bringing in the energy of compassion.

This is where we bring in the energy of acceptance.

And the key question here,

And if there's anything that you leave tonight with as something to just pay attention to as a practice,

A reflection in daily life,

Can I be with this?

So you might feel some tension in your chest.

So we recognize and then we're going to allow.

Can I be with this?

Can I just let this be here?

Our bodies are so intelligent.

I really love the analogy that our brain and our nervous system is like a digestive system for trauma,

For energy,

For difficult emotions.

And we have just gotten so disconnected from it.

So as we reconnect to our body and we allow it to do its job,

It will do its job.

And a really key distinction here is that we're not trying to push away.

Because what many of us are sort of subconsciously living our daily lives with is an adversarial,

Avoidant,

Resistant relationship with our body,

With our emotional experience,

With the difficulties,

With the pains,

With the stories.

We're riding around not wanting to fucking deal with it.

And we have so many responsibilities and so much going on.

We're trying to deal with all this shit.

We can get dopamine from any press of any number of buttons.

Why deal with it?

And when we turn towards it and we're with it and we're paying attention to it,

It can be uncomfortable.

It can be tense.

And so essential here is this allowing.

Can I be with this?

And you can hear the gentleness in my voice.

And that can be difficult at first.

It can be difficult for big emotions,

For big feelings that want to be felt,

Haven't been felt,

Haven't had the opportunity to be digested by your body,

Your brain,

And your nervous system.

And you're saying,

Hey,

Body,

Brain,

Nervous system,

It's OK.

I'm going to let you do your thing.

Dropping the expectation to try to move it away,

To push it away.

Can I be with this?

So there's immense value just in reconnecting with our somatic experience and reconnecting with our innate capacity to heal.

I'm going to guide you in this meditation.

There are guided meditations that you can practice with this.

And of course,

It's helpful to have a guide.

But this is teaching you how to do it.

This is helping you heal yourself,

Helping you digest difficulty.

And it's something that you can build as a skill and bring with you.

It's incredibly valuable as a tool for building resiliency that we are inherently equipped with.

We've lost track of.

Recognize,

Allow.

Now we're moving into an inquiry process.

Investigate.

So I'm going to offer some questions.

And there'll be a few rounds of them.

And as you go on and if you continue to practice this,

You'll have different questions depending on what's going on for you.

But this is where we're starting to explore the thought processes and the subconscious beliefs that are keeping us in suffering,

That are keeping us stuck.

If you've ever heard of Byron Katie and the work and the questions that she offers,

There's a lot of different processes,

These inquiry processes.

Because we walk around thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking all day and believing every fucking thought.

And so our reality is created by these unconscious thought loops that until we start to question and build a different relationship with,

They run the show.

So here we're starting to explore and get to know what's going on here.

Is it true?

Do I want to really believe this?

So I'll ask some questions.

And the key component of this is with each question,

For example,

You know,

What here am I believing that's keeping me stuck?

Might be a question.

So you're feeling this tension in your chest after recognize,

Allow,

And then we go and investigate what's keeping me stuck here?

What am I believing that's causing me this suffering?

And you might come up in the head and start to think,

Well,

You know,

This,

This,

And this,

And I believe this about,

And this,

You know,

And this asshole,

And yada,

Yada,

Yada.

And then we say,

Where is that in the body?

And we come back to the body.

So we'll go up into the head.

There'll be cognition,

And that can be helpful.

There can be a lot of insight and realizations there that can help guide us.

Then we're coming back to what's happening in the body.

So we do that with each round of inquiry.

It's okay if there's not super clear answers.

It's okay if this is a little foggy as you're going along.

It's a process of reconnecting that in the beginning can feel a little uncertain.

But even just by taking these steps,

You're bringing back online something that's really brilliantly intelligent and supportive in the long run.

Finally,

We go into nurture,

Which is such a beautiful self-love practice.

It's akin to reparenting your inner child.

There are different ways that in this step you get to give the part of you that is hurting and most needs love and attention the attention and love that it needs.

So this can be through loving touch,

A hand on the heart,

A hand on the cheek,

A little bit of gentle touch that feels good,

That's nourishing to your nervous system.

It can be through words of affirmation,

Speaking to the part of you that's hurting or your inner child.

It's okay,

I'm here for you.

Or just the current version of yourself who's struggling because it's hard sometimes.

Starting to offer,

Cultivate,

And create this self-compassion within ourselves for ourselves.

It's self-sufficient,

Self-sustaining.

You have that source within you.

It can be through visualization,

Imagining your inner child on your lap,

Got you,

Giving them a hug.

Imagine them doing their thing or whatever helps you connect with a sense of offering yourself the nurturance that you need.

Finally,

We practice after the rain.

And this is where we drop the stories,

We drop the body,

And we settle back into just a wider awareness,

Consciousness itself,

The universe,

Whatever you want to call it.

If you're spiritual,

You can connect with it in that way.

But what's beautiful about this is it's a surrender practice.

It's just stepping back and letting go of control,

Which is what causes us so much suffering.

We're trying to control and change and avoid,

You know,

The Dalai Lama said human beings are simple.

We want to chase what's good and feels good and avoid and push away what hurts and doesn't feel good.

And so we're constantly controlling,

Trying to control life.

And that's where we suffer a lot in our resistance to the discomfort and in our craving for what we want.

So as we go through this process and start to be with and allow the things that are uncomfortable,

Then we can kind of settle back.

And there's a really beautiful piece that comes from this part of the practice.

So it's five steps.

It's a lot.

You don't need to be perfect.

I want to give you a backdrop because I want to express what each of these steps offers to you.

And trust that it's a practice.

And trust your intuition and trust that you're learning.

If you're not really sure,

Oh,

Where's the sensation?

Just trust your gut.

Go with what's there.

Focus on the body in general.

Sensations might move.

Follow them.

You're learning to trust yourself.

You're learning to let your body,

Your nervous system,

Your brain do what it is actually really good at.