Investigating The Reasons For Holding On To Resistance

Yeah.

It's a sitting up straight,

Pushing the crown of the head up towards the ceiling.

Starting to settle in.

Start with three really deep breaths,

Good inhales person pretty pretend the breath below the navel.

Exhale,

And out the exhale.

And once again super deep breath in.

Pretend the breath below the navel.

Exhale.

One more time super deep breath in.

Pretend the breath.

And now exhale.

Okay,

So this meditation is going to be about working through parts of ourselves that are one,

Fearful of connecting with the perfect nurturers,

And another part that wants to connect.

Okay.

So bring up a part of you that does not want to connect with the perfect nurturer.

This is a part of you that is afraid.

This might be a part that knows that it,

That it will be abused by the perfect nurturer.

That it will just be more disappointment.

Maybe that will be abused,

That will be manipulated by the perfect nurturer.

Bring that part up.

Be clear only bring this up if this is real for you.

This is a part of you that knows that it is best to reject this connection to reject this closeness and vulnerability.

Feel into that part.

And now give that voice.

Say it out loud,

Oh like I know that it won't be safe.

I know that you'll abuse me.

I know the same old crappy pattern from my childhood will repeat.

And see the emotional truth of that.

There is a part of you that feels this way.

Imagine the perfect nurturers,

Very,

You know,

Maybe far off,

Maybe they're a mile away from you.

And then,

But then have them see this mistrust of yours.

They see that as entirely valid.

Of course you mistrust them.

Of course you expect manipulation abuse.

Makes perfect sense.

And now stay with this part that expects abuse that wants to that refuses and rejects connection with the perfect nurturers.

What other insights about this part come up.

What is this part concerned about how is this part trying to help.

Take a minute with that.

And now don't challenge anything that this part says we want to really listen first.

Is there anger there,

Disappointment,

Feel into that,

See all of that,

Give voice to that.

Then from a very far distance,

Have the perfect nurturers or some other figure,

See this and invalidate this course you're angry.

Of course you're disappointed.

Of course you expect a bad outcome.

You had experiences that taught you that.

What are the reasons why you know that it's better to not connect with them.

Go through those reasons.

Give voice to them.

This part knows that connection is not safe,

It is not worth it.

Let's give voice to that.

Why is it not worth it.

What does this part know that will happen if there's connection with the perfect nurturers.

Keep going.

And see how there is a good emotional logic to all of this.

You expect these negative outcomes.

Therefore,

Why the hell connect.

Therefore,

It's best to avoid or hide and not connect.

Want you to see how it makes sense,

Really give space to that.

Now have the perfect nurturers from a safe distance,

See that.

Of course you feel this way.

Completely valid.

Keep giving voice to what is unfinished.

What needs to be said here.

What needs to be expressed.

You have full license to express it now.

Also notice what this feels like in the body.

Might be grief or anger coming up,

Sadness.

Try to keep going.

Now let's look at another part of you that does want to connect,

That also wants to connect with the perfect nurturers particularly.

That knows that,

Oh,

In order for me to do this work,

In order for me to heal my attachment,

I'll need to do these meditations.

So there's a part of you that again knows this.

So now get in touch with that part that does want to connect,

That does want to heal,

That wants to do this work.

Bring that part up now.

Now give voice to this part,

And let's focus on how it does want to connect with others,

It doesn't want to be isolated.

And then this is very important,

We are not denying any of the arguments or any of the positions of the part that wants to isolate,

That wants to be away from the perfect nurturers.

Or rather we're giving voice to different parts.

So go ahead and give voice to the part that does want to connect.

What are the reasons that this part wants to connect?

Wanting to connect is completely natural.

What about giving voice to the importance of doing this work,

The importance of doing this meditation?

Review how,

Oh yeah sure,

In order for me to heal I'll have to do this meditation and that involves connecting with the perfect nurturers.

Go ahead and see that and give that voice.

We're not doing any shaming.

Just give voice.

Keep going.

And now,

Bring up your healthy adult part,

Your healthy adult mode.

Now notice how the healthy adult mode has a very broad and contextualized view.

And have the healthy adult mode see and validate both of these parts.

Let's start with the part that is fearful,

That does not want to connect.

Have the healthy adult mode say to this part,

Like oh yeah sure,

I totally get why you think it's not safe.

I'm never going to rush anything for you.

I'm not impatient with you.

Take your time.

We're all on a team.

We're going to work this out together,

Step by step.

I'm never going to rush you.

Really take that message in.

Like oh do you have certain conditions that need to be satisfied before you connect with others or with the perfect nurturers?

No problem at all.

We're going to meet those conditions first.

And now have this more fearful isolating part,

Really feel seen and known.

It is totally fine.

You have a lot of very important emotional knowings from the past that make it such that you know it's not safe to connect.

That's valid.

We will never rush you.

And now have the healthy adult mode turn to the part that does want to connect.

Now speaking to that part,

I totally get what you're about.

You just want to connect like everybody else.

Your desire to connect is a sign of health.

Totally valid.

You're going to make sure that we do the healing that is necessary in order to connect safely.

You can trust me.

And now imagine you stand up and you take an even broader position that understands the context even more.

And now let's give space to how there are these two parts and they're at odds.

We don't need to deny that they're at odds.

There's one part that wants to connect and another part that's afraid to connect.

That's afraid of abuse.

These two parts are at odds.

And that's totally fine.

Notice how you have the ego maturity to hold both of those views at the same time.

And now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene and maybe they need to stay a little bit further back or they can come close and now they reiterate the same message.

We are totally patient with you.

We're going to work in such a way that it's calibrated and paced to your needs.

We really get it.

And we're really happy to be here and help you work through this.

Now really take that in.

Now just for one minute,

See yourself moving through life.

Having a more consolidated sense of self and also being at ease with how that there are different parts and that they're not totally integrated.

See how you'll be able to manage just fine.

Over time,

These internal dilemmas will soften.

And now see yourself connecting with others more easily.

And now see yourself going out for what you want in life.

Go ahead and do that visualization for about a minute.

Good.

Now make a deep impression of that.

You'll count from five to one,

And when I get to one,

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.