A Guide To Gentle Grief - Self-Compassion For The Hundreds Of Little Losses That Coronavirus Has Caused

This is a self-compassion meditation to honour the hundreds of little losses that coronavirus has caused.

It will begin with a spoken section and then go into a period of gently guided seated meditation.

There is a subtle form of grieving that is being asked of many of us at this time.

It is hard to get our heads and our hearts around the changes that have been brought about by an invisible small thing that has had such a big effect.

It's not the grief of the loss of family or friends that fully floors us,

But a subtle sense that although things seem normal they are somehow different,

Like an impoverishment of possibility or a gratefulness for how good things were while simultaneously wondering what will happen next.

We don't really have the right words in English for all the subtle shades of grief that are arising right now.

We don't have a specific word for possibilities that are on pause.

We don't have a word for the normal lives we live that are now not quite there anymore or a word for missing our ways of working or the groups that we'd gather in.

All the other things that have been subtly shifted by coronavirus,

These tiny small griefs,

These changes in our routine and our day-to-day lives.

Yet just because we don't have the right words doesn't mean that that grief isn't there for so many of us.

Of course we've had the big griefs too,

The death,

The divorces,

The losses of those we love.

Many ways those big losses are socially sanctioned as the ones it's okay to be thrown by.

Yet today I'm not speaking about those.

I'm speaking about these new nuances of grief,

Smaller,

Softer,

Stranger than those big griefs that we may be used to.

I'm speaking to honour a subtle sense of how much has changed these past few months.

There is much that you may be grieving.

Maybe a sense of how lucky we used to be.

Maybe it's time alone.

It can be hard to be stuck in the house for prolonged periods with other people,

Even if it's those that we love the most.

Maybe we're missing being able to see a grandparent or certain members of our family that we're showing our care for by not coming into contact with right now.

Some of us simply haven't had a hug in months.

Some of us have lost our jobs and are facing financial fears.

Others are working non-stop at home whilst tending to a thousand other things at the same time.

We may feel that we've been shut in and shut down for too long and missing our freedom to travel.

Maybe we're missing the free time we had when our kids were at school.

We're now trying to homeschool them as best we can.

We may even be grieving intangible things.

The plans and dreams and hopes that we had that will now need to look very different from what we thought they might a little while back.

There are those yearnings that lived in our hearts that we didn't dare speak of to many people.

And the most precious things to us,

Sometimes the things that never even came to pass.

And the death of a dream can be a tricky thing to honour.

I don't know what it is for you,

Yet I do know that suffering is a human universal,

Particularly so in a pandemic it seems.

Yet we tell ourselves we mustn't grumble,

We're luckier than most,

We must make the best of things.

To a certain extent it's true.

If we're here,

We're here to meditate and the technology to connect in with,

Then we are indeed lucky.

Yet I believe that it's important to make the space to honour our own hearts.

When we can stay still with our own feelings and meet them with care and compassion,

We'll be able to show up and do the same for others too.

There is much that is tender in these times and many who are struggling.

These times are tough.

Struggling is a sane and sensible response to that.

Our futures are considerably more uncertain than they used to be.

It is okay to gently grieve the many subtle things that have shifted in these past few months.

Self-compassion is an act of caring.

We can take time to recognise the things that are tender and that our hearts sometimes hurts.

We can allow that tenderness to move through us and find a good way forwards.

So today we will take time to honour our own heart.

Settle yourself in here.

Feel the surface that you were sitting on.

Hear the background sounds in your room.

The air on your skin.

Your temperature.

Find yourself here,

Sitting still in this moment.

Wiggle your toes and feel into your feet.

Feel your ankles,

Calves,

Knees,

Thighs.

The weight of your legs,

Your hips,

Your pelvis,

Your sit bones.

Feel your belly breathing.

Feel your spine.

Wiggle it if you need to.

Find what feels comfortable.

Feel your shoulders on the back of the body.

Feel your ribcage on the front of the body.

Breathe a little deeper.

Breathe into your ribs.

Feel the breath entering and leaving the body.

Feel your neck.

Again wiggle it if you need to,

To release some tension.

Feel your jaw,

Your cheekbones.

Soften your forehead if you can as best you can.

Your scalp.

The weight of your arms.

Your hands and whatever surface they're resting on.

Come into your physical form.

Come into your senses.

Keep coming back to the felt sense of having a body as best you can.

Sitting.

Breathing.

Taking the time to listen in.

To drop in.

Feeling your physical form.

And a sense of your feeling body,

Your emotional body.

Of how your heart is right now.

We're just going to be here with what is.

So simple,

So difficult.

Body and breath and being still with it.

Settling.

Softening.

Sensing.

Healthy.

Listening in and letting it be.

Listening in and letting it be.

Coming into contact with yourself.

Mindfully meeting this moment.

Feel the subtle sensations of being in a body.

Tingles the heaviness,

The lightness.

Whatever is there.

Turning towards our own experience.

Turning towards our inner world.

I want to tell you that it's okay to feel tender,

To feel touched,

To feel like it's a little tough at times.

I want to tell you it's okay to feel a little lost right now.

I want to tell you that it's okay to feel fearful.

Or to feel no fear at all as actually there's so much of it stuffed under the surface somewhere that we can't even begin to be with it.

All of these are part of the human experience.

It is hard to be with something as invisible as a virus.

And yet our lives have changed so much.

Place your hand on your heart and feel whatever it is that you're feeling.

Whatever is there.

Anger is a stage of grief as is denial and sadness and acceptance.

All these may pass through our heart.

In no particular order.

It's part of the grieving process.

If we dare to let ourselves feel all of these things fully,

Then we come into closer contact with life.

By grieving we actually make way to let more life into our lives.

We get to listen in,

Discover what we might need to care for ourselves in this moment.

Sit still with your grief.

It will season you,

Insult you.

You'll end up deeper and richer for it.

Let your heart break a little for what you've lost.

Sometimes the only way out is through.

Follow your own feelings.

To tell the truth to ourselves is to set foot on a healing path.

Acknowledge how you feel,

Feel it in your physicality.

Sense the somatic sensations.

Breathe.

Give this space.

I promise you that by coming close to your grief you're working with it in a good way.

Stay still with it.

And if it's too much to touch into then that is okay too.

Feeling things bit by bit is a good way.

If tears come,

That's a good way.

And if they're not ready,

That's a good way too.

The psyche is clever at not letting us feel things fully unless we have the support to do so.

Feel the supports you.

Feel the surface underneath you.

Feel the lungs breathing for our body.

Feel the furniture which you're sitting on or the floor.

Gently open your eyes and look out at something beautiful that nurtures you or inspires you.

Think of the friends who are there for you.

Or a pet.

Or a place in nature.

Feel your connection.

The webs we all have between us even though sometimes we feel so alone.

We get to hold it all in heart this thing called life.

The grief of it,

The grace of it,

The great mystery of it.

We get to live the peculiar paradox as best we can.

So have a york on a stretch.

Place your hand on your own heart.

Thank you yourself for taking the time to touch in today.

Thank yourself for taking the time to feel,

To honour your heart.

To make space to gently grieve these subtle losses we are all sharing.

Thank yourself for taking the time to touch in.

I acknowledge the bravery of being with what is in these times.

I acknowledge the bravery it takes to do a sitting practice,

To stay with it.

Thank you for showing up on your practice today.

I wish you so much wellness.

Take a nap.