Riding The Wave Of Newness

27:18

27:18

Riding The Wave Of Newness

by Candice Alessia Berry

Rated

4.5

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

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78

Can you be with the discomfort when things are new and you're not yet awesome at them? This is definitely something I struggle with but am actively working on. In this episode, I break down the steps that you can take to help move you from a place of discomfort to acceptance to thriving in new situations. I hope this episode supports you in continuing to move forward and SHOW UP for your dreams!

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Wild Free Will podcast. Today I want to talk a little bit about riding the wave of newness and really allowing yourself to be uncomfortable when you find yourself in a situation that is new and different in that you're not fully you know comfortable with yes and then also that you're not really maybe an expert at. There's like a lot obviously I talk a lot about being an expert on the podcast and like how I think it's bullshit but anyways and yeah today I want to talk about this because I'm in the middle of this honestly that's kind of what inspired me. This whole week has kind of been like weird. The whole week for me has been really strange. I just have felt kind of I don't know not fully I don't know not fully grounded and not fully oh god I want to use the word stable but that makes me sound crazy but I haven't felt fully like I guess secure in what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I'm going through a lot of changes right now. I've made changes in my business and the admin side of things and I'm learning like a new system and it feels big and scary and confusing and it feels like if I make a mistake there's going to be quite like intense consequences. I'm not sure that that's actually true but it's definitely something that I have been kind of working through this week. Then I'm also right now I enrolled in a like six-week kundalini yoga program I guess I would call it and that has been really interesting really interesting very challenging and it's a lot but all of these things and just some other things that are kind of like up in the air in my life right now a lot of these things are what inspired this podcast because if I were to take my own advice I would do exactly what I'm about to tell you and I can tell you that in this week I really have not done any of these things. I think that I'm embracing them now but I mean sometimes when you're in the midst of that kind of like what's happening and this is so new and I don't know what to do and that's maybe never true it's never really fully 100% true that we don't know what to do and it's certainly not true that we can't figure it out of course we can we've done it a million times before and we will again but when you're in that moment sometimes it's so difficult to take a step forward and to kind of get yourself out of it and for me one of the things that I've noticed about myself looking back and it's really come to the surface this week is it's so important for me to understand like why I'm doing something I need to be connected with that why and if I'm not then I'm not going to really get any results out of whatever it is that I'm doing so like if I'm meditating and I'm doing it because Deepak Chopra tells me that I should that's not enough of a reason for me I need to understand why I'm you know Candice Alaysia why I'm doing these things not why someone else wants me to or why the greater you know population thinks it's a good idea there has to be some kind of emotional attachment to things for me and that's just been really it's been a really gift a really big gift there's been so much that's come up this week and as I'm talking to you even more is coming up which is interesting it's been happening a lot on the podcast because I've been talking about things that are so like fresh I guess things that are happening for me right now so I've nattered on enough let's get down to like what to do when this happens to you when you find yourself in this situation and you're feeling this discomfort how can you kind of go with the flow how can you ride that wave okay of something being new and you being uncomfortable with it being new okay the first thing that I would say is try to understand as best as you can why you're feeling discomfort so really try to like uncover what it is that's going on for you an excellent tool for this can be journaling if that's not a practice that you really have cultivated yet I can't encourage it enough just it's a great way to really converse with yourself and I mean that literally sometimes I actually ask myself questions and then answer them because it really helps me get a little bit deeper into whatever it is that I'm going through meditation can be another one too where you can really get silent and listen to your inner voice and and not just the voice that's like you know usually out in the world not the one that's making all the noise but the one that kind of whispers in your ear if that makes sense but yeah try to use some tools or strategies or just you know get silent and try to uncover why you're feeling discomfort in the first place is it just because the situation is new you've never been in this position before you don't really know what's happening are you bumping up against a limiting belief about having to do something or be a certain way like do something a certain way sorry or be a certain way is it because you're feeling like you're not good enough this one is probably the single most common like limiting belief that everyone everyone everyone experiences and it's probably the single biggest thing that holds all of us I think collectively back is just the feeling like we're not good enough like we don't know what we're doing like we don't have anything to offer that so on and so forth you could ride that story forever or maybe like me you have some perfection perfection man sorry talking is hard today some perfectionistic tendencies and that's making you feel like you you have to have things figured out right away so it really stops you from allowing yourself to be new at something shit at something you know really stops you from being a beginner so take a second and really try to understand what it is that is kind of causing these feelings of discomfort or what feelings you're bumping up against and whatever it is as always allow yourself to just feel it so if you feel like you are you know not good enough at whatever it is that you're trying to do and this could be anything like maybe you're wanting to post more on instagram or you're wanting to start your own podcast or you're wanting to apply for a promotion at work or you're wanting to like start dating again you know and you're just feeling like well you know i'm not really good enough who's gonna love me who's gonna hire me these are all these stories that we tell ourselves all of these limiting beliefs and they're one of the main things that kind of trip us up when we start something new because something new is always going to be a little bit scary it should be a little bit scary because if it's not scary it means that you don't have any skin in the game it means that you don't really have anything on the line or anything to like lose and obviously that's really sort of metaphorical we don't really have something to lose like posting on instagram applying for a job like there's nothing to lose except feeling maybe embarrassed or something along those lines but it feels a lot more life or death in the moment so just allow yourself to feel whatever it is and just allow it to come up and just acknowledge it and be like oh hey i see you i see this feeling of discomfort i see this perfectionistic tendency i see this limiting belief and isn't that interesting you know we're not beating ourselves up about it we're not like trying to necessarily change it or move through it we're just acknowledging it because when you can acknowledge yourself and kind of witness yourself you give yourself so much space to actually tackle the root of the problem and not get all like drawn sorry wrong word not get all caught up in the in the story that you're telling yourself about whatever it is so you're not getting caught up in the drama you're really dealing with what's right in front of you okay the second thing that i would suggest you do is to reach out for some kind of support so talk to a friend or a family member or whoever you trust and really allow yourself to be witnessed so tell somebody how you're feeling and just get it out of you it's almost like when we do these things and journaling can be this for me too sometimes maybe you feel the same way maybe that will be your experience if you try it if you've never tried it before but journaling can be almost like a sort of exorcism and i think it's incredible it's so powerful but that's not necessarily what i'm describing here here i'm actually saying to allow yourself to be witnessed to be seen by someone else it's the idea of like a trouble shared is a trouble halved so allowing yourself to be held and be supported by the people around you in the same way that you would hold and support them if they needed that from you because we all would right we would take care of the people who are around us and we deserve to also receive that care in return as a personal example the kandalini program that i'm in has a group chat and i reached out to the group and i kind of explained to them like everything that i was feeling because so many people are like i'm having this like amazing experience and i'm feeling all these things and you know i'm seeing things like i'm having like the like visualizing all these things i'm feeling a lot of like whatever seeing like auras or seeing light or whatever it is that people are whatever their individual experience is and i have been spending the last like it's only been six days today but i spent the last five days literally doing the practice and the whole time just being like what the fuck am i doing why am i doing this over and over and over again that was a story that was like going on in my mind and i really felt like i couldn't shut it off even though i'm a like a relatively i don't want to i sound so arrogant i'm a practiced meditator i've been meditating for many years um like on and off and you know you you dip in and out of practices and whatever but so i'm used to when i'm being guided to be able to like dive in and kind of get deep quite quickly and so this practice has been really confronting and really challenging because i haven't been able to do that um just because i've been like literally what am i doing and why am i doing this thing like why am i saying what i'm saying and breathing the way i'm breathing and moving my arms the way i'm moving them i don't understand and so i reached out to the group and i basically told them that like i just feel like my thoughts are running rampant and i can't seem to shut them down and i don't know where to place my focus so much is happening at once and like all i i didn't necessarily ask for advice um i just wanted to hear about what other people's experience of this was if anyone else had been through it as well and i received an outpouring of love and and just really being seen and witnessed by this group of women most of whom are way more advanced in their practice than i am because i have never done kundalini yoga before i mean a couple of things here and there a couple of breathwork practices and i think that i like really dove into the deep end with this program that i'm doing and it's so interesting um because like i think in the midst too of this kind of like what the f**k is happening there's also like this idea that wow i really challenged myself and like good on me for doing something that like i'd never done before and i have no experience with and that actually if i'm totally honest 10 maybe even more like 10 12 years ago was extremely confronting i remember because gabby bernstein is one of the people who's like an og practitioner of kundalini yoga and i remember trying it like a really long time ago and just being like nope none of that is for me it was just it was way too triggering the breathwork was too triggering everything about it was too too triggering too confronting um and it's interesting too because that just means that it wasn't the right time for me and like 12 years later here i am trying it and it's how i'm having a totally different experience and uh that was kind of sorry a tangent a relevant one like a happy one but a tangent nonetheless but asking for this support has really been helpful one it just makes you feel like you're not alone um and and it makes you see that there's like other people who experience this and that they got past it and so you can too which is an a really interesting thing right when we have somebody who has like a light and they're leading the way for us and they're saying you know it's okay if you continue on this path i've been there i felt what you felt i've i've felt what you're feeling and i i got past it and i know you will too there's so much power in that and so yeah reach out to somebody ask them for support and ask them to just listen to you it's not like you need advice you don't need to ask for somebody else's opinion in a lot of cases i would actually discourage you from asking for other people's opinions but allow yourself to be witnessed in all that you are including the sort of warts in all scenarios right allow yourself to be witnessed even when you're not this bright shining light because we aren't all the time we're human and we have these waves and these ebbs and flows right of like feeling really good and then you know having a bit of a setback and like moving 10 steps forward and taking one step back that's life that's the game of life and so today this is something my partner always says uh you know today it's me and tomorrow it'll be you or today it's you and tomorrow it'll be me you can take it whatever way you want so today i might be struggling and tomorrow it'll be you know your best friend or your mom or whatever your sister your brother whatever it is and so if you ask for support there's nothing wrong with that there will come a moment where you will be able to offer that support back to the person so really allow yourself to receive that support really be open to that support and be willing to ask for it right that's probably the hardest part but definitely be willing to ask your ask for it um so my third kind of step here to like move through this newness and i say move through not get past it's not something that we're rushing through right we don't want to like she said having tried very hard to rush through it this week but we don't want to rush through it there's so much beauty in being in these moments of like newness and like life especially as an adult this is something that i've found life can become really quite monotonous where you're working the same job and you're doing the same things and you know cleaning the house and dinner needs to be made and you need to find time for exercise and you need to take care of the kids and it can kind of become this sort of routine and so these moments of newness as uncomfortable as they may make us they're actually just like a bright light in what is our like regular life right like it's a routine and so doing something new if you're willing to see it that way can be really exciting a little bit scary a little bit exciting right that's how you know that you're on the right path when you feel a mix of those things it should make you a little bit nervous because it means that you're stretching right but you do want to be like excited so really try to embrace the newness and allow yourself to like celebrate it and enjoy it because life is not made necessarily of newness it's made of more like routine and so when we do get these kind of reprieves that's like a really big deal and it's something worth like enjoying because once we master whatever it is that we're working on it will become the the norm right like it'll become regular for us so that was like a step that I didn't mean to that I had not intentionally added but yeah embrace the newness so so far we have uncover why you're feeling discomfort reach out for support embrace the newness and then what was number three but is now number four is go gentle on yourself so something I say to clients all the time something I try to remind myself and my friends and something I've said a million times on the podcast in fact I have an entire episode just about this is you're just a little human you are just a little human doing the best that you can and this is something that we just need to constantly remind ourselves so we can cut ourselves some slack and really accept who we are because we are pretty much always doing our best we're rarely ever showing up at like 70 percent or like 10 percent or whatever we're almost always giving 100 percent of whatever it is that we have in that moment and 100 is going to look different day to day right but we are always trying to do our best and to just show up and and do things however we can and there that is the beauty of anything when you attempt to do something that is enough it's not about doing it perfectly it's about showing up and doing it at all right that is perfect it is perfect when you show up messy and uncomfortable and you know maybe a little bit grumpy because you don't want to be doing whatever it is that you're doing or you know feeling a little bit frustrated because it's not going the way you want it to go but you're still there that's the win right so try to go gentle on yourself when you're not doing things like quote unquote perfectly and really understand that the showing up is the battle for whatever habit it is that you're trying to incorporate or whatever new thing you're going through the more that you show up the better it is but usually the biggest battle isn't doing the thing once you're there it's actually getting there in the first place so like for me with the kundalini like I felt especially the last two days I felt so much resistance in fact I didn't do it the practice in the morning because I was tired and I was grumpy and it just wasn't the right time but then in the afternoon I was like okay let's just let's just do this and as soon as I sit on my mat I'm like okay I'm here and I have a conversation with myself because the the practice that I'm doing has two parts so there's like the breath work part and then there's a meditation part and so the past two days that I felt kind of off I've just been like okay I'm just going to do the breath work part I'm only going to go halfway and then if I want to I'll stop and I didn't stop either day because the problem isn't doing the thing once we're there it's getting there so really allow yourself to move at your own pace and just show up however you can but show up because once you show up once you're already there once your butt is in the seat or you know you're you're doing the podcast you're sitting down you're recording it or you're writing the instagram post or you're like refreshing your cv for the job promotion or whatever it is that you're working on you know you're doing your dating profile on bumble or tinder or whatever it is that you're doing or you tell your friends you know I'm looking for a partner um can you hook me up with anybody once you've started that process it all becomes so much easier and there's a build up of momentum and you are able to just keep going so showing up is the single most important thing that you can do but really approaching that showing up with gentleness not forcing yourself to show up although there is a time and a place for that as well but we really need to be mindful that we're not punishing ourselves that we're not beating ourselves up we're not bullying ourselves but really just showing up sorry that was my dog that you heard there she just came into the room um but yeah just showing up is is enough and the last and most important thing I think out of all of these tips is really embracing the idea of a beginner's mindset um god I'm so bad at this I can't really tell you all the ways in which I am bad at this because I think one of my biggest limiting beliefs just outing myself lately on the podcast but one of my biggest limiting beliefs is that I absolutely in all circumstances every minute of every day in every single thing that I do must be perfect I must do things perfectly I must say things perfectly I must show up perfectly um I have to be the perfect girlfriend daughter friend everything I have to be the perfect coach I always have to over deliver it is really quite bad honestly it's something that I'm actively working on it's really it's it's something that I definitely struggle with so you can imagine how for somebody like me who feels that they need to do something perfectly when they start something new how much resistance there is and how much there's you know bumping up against that kind of perfectionist boulder because it really is perfectionism is a boulder that stands in the way of you moving forward on your path 100% and you're just going to keep trying to run at that thing and it's just going to constantly get in your way because when you are a beginner it means you don't really know what you're doing and you don't really know how to do it and you don't necessarily fully understand the mechanisms or like why you're doing something and it takes time to learn all of those things it's totally normal right babies learn to walk and they fall down constantly and they fall down and they fall down and they fall down and they get up they get up they get up so when you first start doing anything playing an instrument learning a new language it's normal to be absolute shit at it at first right nobody starts off learning a language and all of a sudden they're fluent no baby learns how to walk and all of a sudden they're running like they learn to crawl and then they start getting up and then they fall down so having a beginner's mindset is really about embracing the okayness of being really exceptionally bad at something really really bad at something and allowing yourself to again going back to the previous the previous point really allowing yourself to show up even though you're bad at it so not expecting this perfectionism from yourself not expecting that you're going to do things great the first time and you may find something on earth that is what the universe put you here for that the first time you do it you have these magical results maybe you're a prodigy at the piano maybe you're you know a polyglot and you just love languages like there's there are things that we are naturally good at where the beginner process is lessened but if you try to do something different outside of your wheelhouse you're still going to bump up against this thing so it's really important to be able to recognize that no one is good at something right away we all have these kind of awkward you know like kind of ugly duckling moments of learning to do something and taking the steps to get better and part of how you do that is through the practice it's through the showing up it's through the doing it even though it's messy even though you're bad at it even though it sucks and just really trying to move forward and so that's like I mean I guess if we had to pick one piece of advice that was the single most important thing it's like even if something's new and it sucks and it's hard you just need to show up if I was to synthesize this like now 25 minute podcast then that's exactly what I would say but I think there is so much nuance in life and there's a lot of nuance in what I've shared and it's important to take all of these things into account because if we can do all of these things if we can allow ourselves to be bad at something at first and be really gentle with ourselves as we take our baby steps forward and we can ask people for support we can embrace the situation and embrace the fact that this is new embrace the excitement of it being new and then kind of talk to ourselves about why we're feeling uncomfortable in the first place like what limiting belief we're bumping up against then we can work to also change the limiting belief like rewrite it and reframe it completely so into something that serves us better but all of this stands to make us really good at something over time if we practice these steps this is how you move towards mastery is by showing up even though you're shit at something right and just show up and show up and show up over and over and over again and even when you get better at it and then you have a bad day you remember like it's okay to be not great at something beginner's mindset and you know I had a bad day maybe I'll ask somebody for support or maybe I'll share this like kind of trip up with somebody so I don't have to carry the weight of this by myself there's so many ways that we can like play and and move through life with these with these things these suggestions that I've made to you today and it's not just about being new you can use so many of these in other areas of your life other situations basically any situation that causes you discomfort and just really trying to understand why like really unpacking that these tips apply to many many many different areas so yeah I hope that this podcast was helpful I hope that it resonated with you and that you feel like supported honestly that's I think my biggest intention I hope that you feel really supported in whatever it is that you're going towards whatever it is that you're moving towards and whatever you're moving into reality whatever you're trying to create because so much of this is tied to the creative process as well right whenever we're making something new that can be really like you know really scary and a little bit sticky and we might feel like we're not worthy of doing it and so on and so forth and I think that a lot of these steps apply to that too so whatever it is that you're moving through or moving towards or birthing into the world I really hope that this supports you in making your dreams a reality and if you'd love to if you'd like to share sorry if you'd like to share what it is that you're working towards or what new thing you're conquering or working on I would love to hear it so yeah just please reach out to me and if you liked this podcast please like leave a review or rate and if you love it you can subscribe too so that you get notifications every time there's a new episode and I would love to walk this path with you for a little while so thank you so much for your time and your attention and and being here with me I see you I witness you and everything that you're moving towards and everything that you're bringing into the world and I can't wait to see it unfold so yeah have a beautiful day!