What Other People Think Of You - Practice Staying At Home

What's going on when you're not at home?

What's going on when we're not at home?

Depending on what kind of personality you've developed,

There's a tendency to be less home and more out in other people's thoughts about ourselves.

We might not be aware of it,

But we spend quite a lot of time if we are the kind of person that really thinks a lot about what other people think about us.

It's very natural.

It's a way of making sure that we're not excluded from the community,

From the tribe.

But it comes at quite a high price because we lose ourselves in the long run.

Depression for me,

The best definition is that we've moved so far away from ourselves that we lose ourselves.

So what better way?

Of course there's many ways,

But one of the very important and powerful ways for me personally has been to understand my mind,

Understand my emotions,

Understand my body,

And most importantly understand my spirit,

My soul.

Really come to develop these different sides of me.

So today's meditation is about really noticing how much do you actually spend time away from home and how can you start moving your attention back where it's actually most needed in your own house,

In your own heart,

In your own body,

Mind,

And soul.

So let's just start by deciding whether to close our eyes or keep our eyes open.

Either is fine.

And also decide whether to inhale,

Exhale through the nose or mouth.

Either is fine.

I usually recommend to meditate,

Breathing through the nose,

Inhaling and exhaling through the nose,

But just feel what's the best for you and really make yourself comfortable.

Just start breathing naturally.

If some deep breaths arise,

That's just fine,

Just go with it.

And together with the breathing,

Just see if you can create a small smile,

Just a really small one.

If you don't feel in the mood for smiling,

Just go with as small a smile as possible.

Relax your shoulders.

Just notice if there's parts of your body that you need to stretch or move,

Maybe rolling your shoulders back.

And also notice what's going on with your emotions.

Not going into it,

But just noticing what's going on.

Notice what's going on in your mind,

Just looking at it,

Not going into the thoughts,

But just doing a check in.

So just really slowly do your breathing,

Small smile.

Let the smile spread to your eyes.

Really relaxed eyes,

The muscles inside the eyes really expand and just relax.

Let that spread into your neck,

Your upper back,

Your heart.

Take a deep breath,

Exhale.

Let's just take a moment of silence before we move into the first of two steps in the meditation.

The first step is based on your experience with yourself,

Your life,

Your mind.

If you imagine a birthday cake,

How much of that time that you've lived so far have you spent away from home in what other people think about you?

And use the birthday cake to like,

Percentage wise,

How much of the cake are you giving away to thoughts,

Emotions based on what other people might think about you?

Just meditate on that for a little bit.

Be honest,

As honest as you can be.

It's only you and me right now.

And if the birthday cake doesn't work for you,

Just go for a little medium or very much.

So while you're breathing,

Small smile,

Relaxed body,

Mind,

Soul,

Emotions,

Just ask yourself that question.

How much time do I spend away from home in what other people might think about me?

Get out of here.

Okay.

So you might see it as a part,

A portion of the birthday cake.

You might see it as a percentage or you might just feel whether it's a little medium or much.

But whatever it is,

Ask yourself the following question.

What is the price that you are paying for being that much away from home?

What is the price that you're paying?

At what cost?

Relax breathing,

Small smile,

Relaxed body,

Mind,

Soul,

Emotions.

What is the price that you're paying?

At what cost do you spend that amount of time out on what other people might think about you?

What's important now is that you acknowledge that this is what it is.

But don't be knocking yourself in the head.

Usually we have this inner critic.

Don't be harsh to yourself.

Don't be,

You know.

There's a reason why you do this.

There's a reason why you might do it a lot.

And despite that there's a positive intention by doing it,

It comes at a high price.

And the highest price that we can pay is that we lose ourselves if we've been doing it for years and years.

But just answer the next question and be super honest.

Might come as an easy answer.

But really be true to yourself because,

Well,

I'll explain afterwards.

The question is,

Do you want to change it?

Do you want to change it so you are more at home with yourself,

Less occupied with what everybody else thinks about you?

Really feel and notice what the answer is.

Really hold on to that answer.

It doesn't matter whether it's a loud yes or a quiet yes or a maybe or a no.

We have reasons for being as we are.

It's not out of the blue.

Just feel that response that you have created inside of you.

And if there is a yes,

Just sit with that.

Just feel the yes in your body.

That's all we're going to do today for the rest of this meditation.

Just sit with the yes.

Just notice what that yes does to you.

If it was a no,

It's fine.

Just sit with that.

But if there's a small or a big yes,

Just sit with that.

Just notice what it does to you,

What you were doing to yourself with that yes.

Just breathe in on yes.

Exhale on yes.

Small smile spreading to your eyes.

Relaxed eyes,

Neck,

Body,

Mind,

Soul,

Emotions.

Yes.

Yes.

We're about to finish off.

But before doing that,

I'm going to give you two things that you can practice.

Very simple things,

Very easy things.

So because there's a yes,

Either a small or a big one,

And I'm also talking to you,

Which has maybe a no inside of you.

The first thing is that when you notice,

Just like when meditating,

When you notice that your mind starts drifting,

Just come back to your breath.

So when you notice that you're having thoughts on other people's behalf about yourself,

When you notice that you're thinking negative thoughts about yourself,

Just come back to your breath.

Come back to your breath.

And remember the small smile,

Remember the relaxed eyes,

Remember the relaxed neck,

Body.

Just practice that really.

Let's use this,

What we might call bad habits or low self-esteem or whatever we might label it,

Just let's use it for developing.

Let's use it to become very strong practitioners of meditation.

The second one,

The first one being coming back to your breath.

The second one is that for every negative thought that you might have,

Because usually it's not that we think that everybody else loves us,

It's like the contrary that we think that other people have negative thoughts about us,

Makes us contract and go into either a victim role or villain role,

Or we start eating chocolate for that matter,

To just get away that feeling,

Watch Netflix or whatever.

I'll go into that kind of constellation,

That kind of pattern in another meditation.

But the second thing is that when you notice having negative thoughts on other people's behalf,

Create one positive.

So if I'm having a thought that they are laughing at me or because of me,

They're having negative thoughts and they're laughing,

The positive thought would be they are actually laughing because they've thought of something which was really funny yesterday.

And they're looking at me because they actually want to share it with me.

Use your imagination.

This might not have been a very good example.

You know what I mean?

So just flip it.

Whatever negative thought you might have,

Just flip it.

If it's something you be in,

Not very pretty or something that has to do with your body,

Just flip it to the positive side.

The magical thinking that we're using to create the negative part is just as valid as doing the positive thought.

One is not real and the other one false.

Both are just as real or just as false.

Unless you've gone over each time that you have negative thoughts on other people's behalf and checked,

Reality checked,

Whether they were thinking that about you,

Which you probably haven't because that would be too terrifying.

Unless you've done that,

Then what you're thinking is just as magical as thinking the positive thing.

I hope you follow.

This is important.

And I know that it's also quite difficult because you might be so accustomed to thinking negative thoughts about yourself.

Just practice it.

I mean,

We eat the elephant by taking really small bites.

Be patient.

You know,

Look at yourself with caring eyes,

Loving eyes.

Just take small steps.

So the first thing,

Come back to your breath.

Come back to your breath.

Relax.

Second thing,

Flip it.

Flip the thought.

Practice that again and again and again.

And just notice what makes you feel better.

And most importantly,

Based on this meditation,

Did it make you come back home?

Is this training practice helping you to come back home?

Personally,

And with all the people that I've worked with,

I know that it does with time help.

And I so much hope for you that it's going to help you too.

So before we finish off for today,

Let's just let go of all the mental,

Emotional,

Conscious.

Go back into calm,

Easy breathing again.

Small smile.

Smiling eyes.

Rest muscles in the eyes.

Relax body,

Mind,

Emotions.

To finish off,

Just place your left hand on your heart,

Your right hand on top of your left hand.

Just as an acknowledgement for you doing something good for yourself,

And that it's beautiful that you do so.

Because you and with time other people will benefit from it.

And let's take a couple of deep breaths before finishing off.

Thank you so much for being here with me.

Thank you so much for listening and practicing.

I do believe that we contribute to a better world doing this.

So thanks a lot.

Thank you.