Holding Space For Grief: A Gentle Meditation

Even though loss is a natural part of life,

We're never quite prepared for it.

When it happens it can take us by surprise and feel overwhelming and disorienting,

And this leaves many of us unsure of how to navigate the emotions that come with it.

Grief is painful,

But in my experience it's a reflection of something beautiful and meaningful that we once had.

So if possible,

Today we'll try to honour both the grief and the love that gave rise to it.

I'm Chibzo Karake and I'm here to guide you through today's meditation.

I've experienced grief myself,

So I understand how intense and heavy it can feel.

Today,

We're not here to push the grief away or try to fix it.

Instead,

We're creating space to sit with it,

To acknowledge it,

And to allow ourselves to feel whatever comes up in our own time.

For many of us here today,

Our grief may have come from losing a loved one,

But grief can also arise from other kinds of loss like the end of a relationship,

A friendship,

Or even a significant change in life.

Even when the people we grieve are still alive,

The loss of connection can feel just as painful sometimes.

During our time together,

We'll begin by gently exploring our emotions by tuning into the breath and the body,

Using them to anchor and ground us.

We'll then move into a body scan,

Becoming aware of any sensation or tension or emotion we might be holding,

And we'll give ourselves permission to sit with whatever arises.

And if at any point sensations or thoughts or emotions become too much,

We're always welcome to press pause on this meditation and come back to it another time.

This meditation is about creating a safe,

Compassionate space for ourselves as we navigate our grief.

Okay,

Let's find a comfortable position.

Most people feel more relaxed by closing the eyes,

But feel free to leave the eyes open if that feels more relaxing.

For some of us,

Especially during difficult times,

Closing the eyes can make the nervous system more alert,

So feel free to crack open the eyes to let some light in if thoughts,

Sensations or emotions become too intense or uncomfortable.

If we are keeping the eyes open,

Just making sure that we have a soft gaze,

A soft focus.

Let's begin by connecting with the breath and the body,

Two things that are always here to support us,

No matter what we're feeling.

I invite you now to bring awareness to the breath,

Noticing your inhale and noticing your exhale.

There's no need to change anything about the breath,

No need to slow down or deepen the breath,

We're simply noticing how the body is naturally breathing.

Is it a slow breath or a rapid breath?

Is it a deep breath or a shallow breath?

Maybe we're breathing into the chest or perhaps into the stomach.

Is the inhale longer than the exhale or is the exhale longer than the inhale?

Just noticing.

And we're not so much watching the breath,

We're experiencing the breath,

We're feeling the breath.

So what does it feel like to breathe?

Perhaps we can feel the cool air coming in through the nostrils as we breathe in,

As the lungs and the chest and the stomach expand.

And then we might notice the warm air leaving the nostrils as we breathe out,

As the body softens and relaxes and sinks deeper into the chair or into the bed if we're lying down.

And if the mind starts to wander,

Whether it's thoughts or memories,

That's completely normal,

It's what the mind is designed to do.

Our minds tend to drift,

Especially when we're feeling strong emotions.

So without giving ourselves a hard time,

Just notice when it happens and gently bring your awareness back to the breath,

Back to that next inhale and that next exhale.

We breathe in and the body expands,

And we breathe out as the body softens and relaxes and sinks deeper.

As we settle into this moment,

Let's see if we can gently deepen the breath,

Inhaling through the nose,

With the air filling our lungs and the belly and chest expanding,

And then slowly exhaling,

Letting go of any tension in the body.

We're slowly breathing in as the body expands,

And slowly breathing out as the body softens and relaxes.

Taking a few more of these deeper,

Longer breaths at our own pace and allowing each inhale to bring a sense of calm,

And each exhale releasing whatever tightness or heaviness we might be holding.

Okay,

Good.

Now,

Allow the breath to return to its natural rhythm.

And noticing how the body is breathing now.

Is it a little slower?

A little deeper perhaps?

No,

It's not.

The breath is always here for us,

A home base to come back to whenever we need it.

Remember,

Even in the midst of grief,

There's a place of calm we can return to.

Now that we've connected with the breath,

Let's take some time to bring awareness to the body.

Grief can often show up in the body as tension or heaviness,

So we're going to gently scan through,

Part by part,

Noticing any sensations that are present and allowing the body to soften as much as possible.

Let's begin by bringing awareness to the feet,

Feeling the points of contact where your feet meet the ground or in the bed if you're lying down.

Without trying to change anything,

Just noticing how your feet feel.

The soles of the feet,

The top of the feet,

The heels,

The toes.

Are the feet tense,

Relaxed,

Warm or cool?

Whatever you find,

It's okay.

And now see if you can allow the feet to soften and relax a little.

Now,

Moving your awareness to the legs,

Relaxing the ankles,

The heels,

Relaxing the lower legs,

The calves,

The shins,

Relaxing the knees.

You might feel a gentle release of tension or a sense of heaviness as the muscles relax.

Relaxing the upper legs,

The thighs,

The hamstrings.

Letting go of any tension you might be holding in the legs and allowing them to soften.

Moving your attention now to the hips and pelvis.

Letting go of any tightness and allowing the hips to sink a little deeper into the surface beneath you.

Keeping the breathing relaxed as we do so.

Relaxing the lower back,

The middle of the back.

The shoulder blades,

The spine.

Relaxing the entire back.

Perhaps we're noticing feelings of relaxation spreading through the body.

Maybe feelings of warmth or vibrations or tingles.

Now let's move our awareness to the belly and the chest.

Grief often manifests in this area as tightness or heaviness,

So without forcing anything,

As best as we can,

Let's see if we can soften the belly as we exhale,

Allowing the breath to flow naturally.

Noticing the rise and fall of the chest,

Allowing the chest to expand with each inhale and soften with each exhale.

As we focus on the chest and belly,

We might notice sensations of tightness,

Heaviness or even emotions beginning to surface.

Whatever we're feeling is okay,

Whether it's sadness,

Relief or even nothing at all.

There's no need to hold on to anything that arises.

If it feels right,

Allowing emotions or sensations to gently release with each exhale.

And if nothing arises,

That's okay too.

Simply being here,

Breathing is enough.

Moving our awareness up to the shoulders and neck.

These areas often carry tension,

Especially during times of emotional stress.

Seeing if we can relax the shoulders,

Letting them drop away from the ears,

Softening the neck,

Relaxing the arms,

Relaxing the hands,

Keeping the breath relaxed as we move through the body.

Now bringing our attention to the face,

Relaxing the jaw,

The cheeks,

The lips,

The tongue inside the mouth,

The eyes,

The forehead.

We're feeling the whole face soften.

And now,

Let's expand our awareness to include the entire body,

From the top of the head down to the tips of the fingers and the toes.

Perhaps we're noticing a sense of softness or relaxation spreading through the body.

Maybe there's a warmth,

A tingle or maybe some heaviness.

Still remains.

Whatever we're experiencing is perfectly fine,

There's no need to force anything,

We're simply resting here,

Allowing the body to be as it is.

Knowing that there's no rush,

No need to force anything,

Just allowing whatever is here to be here.

Grief is a deeply personal experience,

And it expresses itself differently for everyone.

Some days it can feel like it's all consuming,

While other days it might come in waves.

Grief can be unpredictable,

Showing up in moments when we least expect it.

You might feel okay one minute and overwhelmed the next,

That's normal,

Our emotions don't always make sense,

And it's okay to let them be as they are,

Without needing to explain or fix them.

Grief might express itself in our body through tightness in the chest,

A lump in our throat,

Or even a feeling of exhaustion,

And sometimes it can leave us questioning who we are without the person or thing we've lost.

All of this is part of the process.

Grief doesn't have a set timeline,

And it certainly doesn't follow any rules.

So in this meditation,

And in the time afterwards,

We're simply allowing space for grief,

Whatever form it takes.

We don't need to do anything with it,

Or even understand it,

We're just going to be with it,

Gently.

And as we come to the end of our practice,

Taking a moment now to notice how the body feels,

And how the mind feels.

Perhaps there's a bit more calm,

A little more ease in the body and mind.

And even if you're not feeling more relaxed,

That's okay too.

Sometimes,

On particularly difficult days,

There may still be tension,

Or there might be more thoughts or memories running through the mind.

That's completely normal.

By bringing awareness to how we're feeling,

We're already taking a step towards self-care.

So if today is feeling especially challenging,

You might consider taking it easy,

Doing something gentle or nurturing,

And leaving the heavier tasks for another time.

Grief can take many forms,

But it always asks us to slow down,

To notice and to appreciate the beauty in both what we've lost,

And what still remains.

Before we end the meditation,

I'd like to share a poem that invites us to reflect on life,

Beauty,

The ways we honour ourselves,

And the connections we hold dear.

This poem is called In Lieu of Flowers by Shauna LeMay,

And in the midst of grief,

It offers a gentle reminder of how we might honour the moments and the people that matter most.

Although I love flowers very much,

I won't see them when I'm gone.

So in lieu of flowers,

Buy a book of poetry written by someone still alive.

Sit outside with a cup of tea,

A glass of wine,

And read it out loud,

By yourself or to someone,

Or silently.

Spend some time with a single flower,

A rose maybe.

Smell it,

Touch the petals,

Really look at it.

Drink a nice bottle of wine with someone you love,

Or champagne,

And think of what John Maynard Keane said,

My only regret in life is that I did not drink more champagne,

Or what Dom Perignon said when he first tasted the stuff,

Come quickly,

I am tasting stars.

Take out a paint set and lay down some colours.

Watch birds,

Common sparrows are fine,

Pigeons too,

Geese are nice,

Robins.

In lieu of flowers,

Walk in the trees and watch the light fall into it.

Eat an apple,

A really nice big one,

I hope it's crisp.

Have a long soak in the bathtub with candles,

Maybe some rose petals.

Sit on the front stoop and watch the clouds.

Have a dish of strawberry ice cream in my name.

If it's winter,

Have a cup of hot chocolate outside for me.

If it's summer,

A big glass of ice water.

If it's autumn,

Collect some leaves and press them in a book you love,

I'd like that.

Sit and look out a window and write down what you see,

Write some other things down.

In lieu of flowers,

I would wish for you to flower.

I would wish for you to blossom,

To open,

To be beautiful.

And keeping our eyes closed,

I invite you to tune in to any changes in the body and mind.

What's different now from the start of the meditation?

Maybe we're feeling a bit more grounded or perhaps there's a sense of stillness that wasn't there before.

Whatever we're noticing,

Know that it's okay.

There's no right or wrong way to feel right now.

Just allowing ourselves to be present with whatever's here.

I invite you now to bring awareness to sounds.

Sounds inside the room,

Sounds outside the room.

We can gently wiggle our fingers and toes.

And shortly the meditation will come to an end,

But you're welcome to rest in silence for as long as you like.

And whenever you're ready,

You can gently crack open the eyes and come back to the room.

Take your time.

Congratulate yourself for taking the time to pause today,

For honouring your feelings and for being here with whatever came up.

And remember,

We can always come back to this place of rest whenever we need it.

Whether we're navigating grief or simply feeling overwhelmed,

The breath is always there for us.

We can return to it again and again.

No matter where you are in your journey,

Know that you've got this.

Have a wonderful day.