Relieve Your Stress By Accepting Your Emotions

Hello,

My name is Kris McDonald.

I'm a licensed therapist.

I'm here to talk to you today and provide a little meditation and breath work to end our talk on relieving your stress by accepting your emotions.

So let's start with acceptance.

Why is it hard to accept our emotions?

They often feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes they can be overwhelming.

It can be a challenge to move towards something that doesn't feel good.

So often this can be an instinct that's deep in your brain that says,

Oh,

This is dangerous.

If I'm having this anxiety,

It must be dangerous.

So we step back and maybe push it down.

It's not always consciously pushing it down,

But saying this must be bad,

So I'm not going to stay with this.

But unfortunately,

What happens if we keep suppressing emotion,

Not allowing space for it,

It can build up and build up over time.

And if it's not expressed,

It may come out at a time that's inconvenient for you.

If you've ever exploded in anger or had a panic attack,

Oftentimes that can be the buildup of these emotions,

Because we're not allowing them space or presence.

So that's why it's important to think about,

How can I react differently when a difficult emotion comes up?

How can I move towards acceptance?

And if you're still not sure,

That's OK.

But just remember,

Is it helpful for you right now with what you're currently doing?

Have you noticed an impact of not accepting your emotions?

Has it impacted you negatively in any ways?

And in my experience,

Personally and with my clients,

I find that it often makes it worse if we're not accepting it.

It causes a whole other level of distress.

So moving towards acceptance can actually be relieving and bring a little peace.

That might sound counterintuitive,

But it really can make a difference in your overall mental health.

And accepting it doesn't mean you have to like it,

And I love my anger or love my upset today.

Or that you have to stay miserable all the time,

Or just wallow in that negative emotion.

Instead,

Accepting it is about seeing the negative emotion for what it is.

It makes you human.

We all have a wide range of emotions,

And that's OK.

And coming to that belief that all emotion is OK,

That makes you human.

That makes all of us human.

I see a lot of clients who come to me and they tell me,

I don't want this emotion.

And again,

That's rejecting a part of themselves,

A part of what makes them human.

So we can change how we pay attention to the emotion,

Reacting in an accepting way towards it.

This can change the effect the emotion has on us.

We can do this through mindfulness.

This is where we are in the present moment,

Watching whatever happens to us,

Just bringing curiosity without judgment,

Without saying to ourselves internally,

Oh,

How can I allow myself to get stressed again?

Why am I angry again?

Because then you're pushing back on the emotion,

Causing yourself more distress.

So becoming the watcher of the emotions,

And imagine stepping outside of yourself being the observer.

Notice what is happening like a third person,

Observing,

Watching,

With a little bit of detachment.

So you don't get too caught up or create other stories.

Because a lot of times that's where the distress comes,

When we make stories about the emotion.

Oh,

I have this anxiety or sense of doom.

Something bad is going to happen.

I wonder if I'm going to fail that test today.

I wonder if I'm going to lose my job,

And so on and so on.

So we go off on these anxiety spirals that do not serve us in any way.

It's a shift moving to the state of just allowing,

Observing,

And making space for the emotion until it passes.

We can also label or describe it.

So when we're a watcher of our emotions,

You might find it helpful to label it or describe it for yourself while you're experiencing it.

Think of being like a commentator for your emotional experience.

So it could sound something like,

There is fear.

I can feel it with my heart beating fast.

Or there is sadness.

I feel a heaviness in my chest or shoulders.

Or there's anger.

I can feel it with my hands clenched,

Tightness in my jaw.

So think about the labeling describing as that sense of detachment.

Or we can bring curious mind and be nonjudgmental.

Again,

Being that third observer,

Just noticing what is there.

Not labeling good or bad.

It is what it is.

Not right,

Not wrong.

I see the emotion.

There it is.

Another thing you can do is use imagery that can help allow this detached observer perspective.

You could imagine an ocean wave,

Maybe seeing it as the sadness,

Brushing upon you as a wave at the beach.

Feeling yourself treading water,

Thrashing against the wave.

But gradually noticing the wave getting smaller and smaller until it's calm again.

Or imagining emotions as clouds in the sky.

Seeing it,

Noticing it,

But following it across the sky until it disappears.

And then move on to the next one.

Seeing emotions as temporary,

As a passing part of life.

There it is.

And let it go out of sight.

Moving on.

Or imagining emotions as leaves on a stream.

Emotion comes up,

Imagine it as a leaf on a tree,

Floating down to a stream on a mountain.

Watching it,

Observing it,

Seeing the colors,

The shapes of it,

Allowing it to float on down the stream.

Until you can't see it anymore,

Letting it go.

You could also bring yourself back to the present moment.

One way we can do this with mindfulness is noticing anything with your senses.

Maybe noticing something in your hand,

Like a pen.

Feeling the texture of it,

The shape.

Feeling how heavy or light it is.

Or noticing sounds in the room,

Sounds outside of the room.

Noticing any smells.

What colors do you see in your room?

Any shapes?

Any pictures that bring a calm energy?

So we can always come back to the present moment through the external world.

Maybe even looking out the window,

Noticing the trees,

The wind blowing through the trees and the leaves rustling.

And then come back to the emotion,

Noticing it as the observer again.

So from today's talk,

Just know there's lots of different ways to bring awareness and acceptance of our emotions.

And it takes some time and practice.

So maybe give some of these a try a few times to see what works best for you.

We're going to move on to some breath work and a meditation of mindfulness of emotion to put this into play.

So get yourself comfortable.

Settle in with feet on the floor,

Arms placed comfortably on your lap or on the chair,

Allowing your spine reaching up towards the sky.

You're welcome to close your eyes or leave them gently open,

Looking softly at the floor.

Let's start by just paying attention to your breath.

Feeling sensations of the breath as you inhale and exhale.

Feeling the chest rise on the inhale,

Fall on the exhale.

And let's take some slower,

Deeper breaths.

Take a slow breath in through your nose,

Filling up your lungs.

And exhale.

Nice,

Long,

Extended exhale,

Releasing,

Letting go.

Try that again.

Inhale.

And exhale,

Releasing,

Letting go.

Good.

One more time.

Inhale.

Pausing at the top.

And exhale.

Now allow your breath back to its natural pace.

Back to noticing breath.

Maybe noticing in the chest or belly,

That rise and fall of the breath.

Now guide your attention to how you're feeling emotionally.

What is coming up for you as you've listened to this talk today and started this meditation?

What is there?

Is there more than one emotion?

Or is there a couple?

Can you just accept it?

Whatever is there is okay.

And whatever is feeling is coming up,

Maybe notice if it's positive,

Negative or neutral.

Whether it's strong,

Or is it more weak in intensity?

Is it just a whisper of emotion?

Knowing they are all just emotions.

Just feelings to be felt.

Whatever feeling is coming up for you,

Remind yourself it's okay to allow yourself to feel it.

It's okay.

Remember,

You are not your emotions.

You are the watcher of your emotions,

The observer.

Take some time just to observe your emotional experience,

Making no attempt to change how you are feeling.

You might label the emotion,

Oh,

There's my calmness.

There's my boredom.

Or there's my anger.

You might describe where and how you feel the emotion in your body,

Feeling any tension,

Or maybe some relaxation.

As the observer,

Watch the emotion change in intensity and nature.

Bring whatever image to mind that helps you be the watcher of the emotions.

Seeing it as an ocean wave,

Or as a cloud floating down to the stream.

Do what works best for you.

And as a reminder,

You don't have to buy into the emotions and get too swept up in them.

You don't need to change them,

Fight them or get rid of them.

You are just here to watch,

Observe,

Experience what is going on right now.

See if you can make space for it,

Sensing it as part of the broader landscape within you.

Knowing that you are more than just emotions,

You have thoughts,

Memories,

Body sensations.

Your emotions are just emotions.

It's just a feeling,

Nothing more,

Nothing less.

And when you notice that you fully experienced whatever emotion is there,

And it's run its natural course,

Redirect your attention back to your breath.

Notice each inhalation and exhalation.

Checking in with the back and forth of the movement in the belly as you breathe in and out.

Notice the sensations in your body as you draw the breath in and then out again.

Take your time.

Allow your breath to be your anchor to the present moment.

Bring that mindful awareness.

If your mind wanders away from the breath,

Maybe to an emotion,

Or it's tugging at you to a thought,

That's OK.

That's what our minds do.

Congratulate yourself for noticing.

Give your mind the time to again observe and watch what you're experiencing.

And once again,

When the observation runs its natural course,

Again gently bring your attention back to the breath,

To your anchor to the present.

Try to continue your mindfulness practice for the next 10 minutes or so after you listen to this.

And when you're ready,

You can gradually bring your eyes open,

Bringing this mindfulness practice to a close,

Taking time for you.

Blinking your eyes open,

Looking around the room,

Noticing how you're feeling.

And I hope you can take these practices with you and be able to relieve your stress more by accepting your emotions.

Thank you for listening tonight.