Welcome to day 22.
We are in the waning gibbous phase where we are sharing our fruits,
Where we are sharing what we're learning and practicing moment to moment with the lessons that are seeping their way into our lives and into our awareness the more we practice.
Today we're going to be talking about forgiveness.
The lectures on forgiveness come from this mindfulness meditation teaching certificate program with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brock.
Jack gave a lecture on forgiveness and many of these teachings and this meditation that I'm guiding is based on his work.
What is forgiveness?
Take a few moments and just tune into how this word resonates for you.
Tune in potentially to how this word feels just to hear simply.
And I'd like to start this talk by first and foremost saying that there's no rush to forgiveness and being kind and gentle with ourselves is one of the best places for us to start.
And the forgiveness over time when we work with it can start to slowly unfold.
Jack Kornfield shares that there's a kind of human tenderness that we all share simply from the fact of being human that we actually betray one another individually and we betray one another collectively.
And in there there's some understanding that this is part of the human journey.
It leaves the heart in some ways tender and sad knowing that we hurt each other and yet at the same time there's also this sense of wonder that we survive it,
We get through it,
We've all been betrayed and there's a tenderness of heart for those who can forgive when it's time.
It says in the Bhagavad Gita,
If you want to see the brave look to see those who can return love for hatred.
If you want to see the heroic look to those who can forgive.
So without forgiveness we as human beings chain ourselves to the past and when we're living in the past we're not right here,
We're not in this moment,
We're not leaving life up to the possibility of right now.
We're looking at how others have hurt us and we're allowing for that to continue to be our experience,
For that to continue to be our present reality.
So let's ask ourselves these questions,
What kind of world do we want to live in?
What kind of world do we want to create for ourselves and for our children and for our children's children's children's children's children?
Now let me be clear,
Forgiveness does not mean that we condone what happened.
It doesn't mean to forgive and forget.
In fact,
Jack Kornfield reminds us that you may find it necessary to stand up and prevent what happened or you may make the inner determination that you will do everything in your power to prevent this suffering from continuing for yourself and for anybody else.
And there's sometimes a misconception around forgiveness that it's a weakness or that it's ignoring or forgetting what happened.
It's not condoning what happened.
It's saying,
I will not let this happen again and I will do what's necessary.
So why do we forgive?
What's the point of forgiving?
What does this do for us?
Well,
It releases us.
It releases the world around us from this grip of fear,
Hatred,
Hurt,
Anger.
It shifts us as human beings from being in our reptilian brain,
The must stay alive brain,
The primitive brain that lives often in the fear response and allows for us to see and rest actually in the wisdom that's here,
In the wise heart that's here.
So we can see with kindness.
We can see with tenderness and it allows for us to move from being exiled to somehow feeling a connection or a trust in ourselves and in this world.
And when we don't forgive,
How is that for you?
How is it in your body,
In your nervous system?
Ultimately,
Who is forgiveness for?
So when we ask who is forgiveness for,
We can really see when we zoom out that forgiveness is primarily for ourselves.
Jack Kornfield says,
What's true is that we do not necessarily have to talk to those people again who've betrayed us if they're dangerous to us.
We don't have to continue that relationship.
All of that has to be done in a way that protects us and protects others.
And we forgive not for their sake,
Because it may or may not support them in changing,
But we forgive for the sake of our own hearts,
For the sake of our own well-being and for our own freedom.
And to have a forgiving heart is liberating and it's a process.
It takes time.
We cannot always just jump straight to forgiveness right away.
If we have this idea of forgiveness and jumping in too quickly,
We might actually skip over the process of what it means to work with our own hearts and the feelings that arise from being hurt,
From being sad.
And we actually have an opportunity in mindfulness meditation to work with those emotions,
Those thoughts,
Those feelings,
Those sensations.
And then when we work with them,
That makes them embodied.
That makes them actually here now in our breath,
In our bodies,
In our minds,
So that true forgiveness can happen when we're ready.
Like anything else,
We can't rush the process.
So as we move into this meditation,
This forgiveness meditation,
Be gentle and kind and see where you are in the process of forgiveness.
Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of yourself.
Let's drop in.
You'll hear three bells to begin and three bells to close.
I'll mind the time.
Taking a few slow,
Deep breaths with yourself,
Letting yourself be comfortable and allowing for your eyes to soften or close and allow for your breath to be natural and easy.
See if as you settle in,
You can let your body and mind find a sense of openness,
A sense of relaxation,
Breathing gently into the area around your heart and let yourself feel all of the barriers that you might have put in place,
The emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven,
Not forgiven yourself,
Not forgiven others.
And with kindness,
Perhaps you might be interested in letting yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed.
Then breathing softly,
See if you can begin asking and extending forgiveness,
Reciting words that resonate with you,
Letting images and feelings that come up grow,
Letting them get deeper as you repeat phrases of forgiveness of others.
See if you can let yourself remember and visualize the ways that you have hurt others.
When we start with ourselves,
There's a way that we can start to see and feel the pain that we have caused out of our own fear and confusion.
And sense into if you can finally start to release this burden and ask for forgiveness.
You might simply just repeat to yourself,
I ask for forgiveness.
I ask for forgiveness.
I ask for forgiveness.
See if you can feel your own body and your life and your consciousness,
This human incarnation right now.
And with gentleness,
Let yourself see the ways that you have hurt or harmed yourself.
Picture the moments,
Remember the moments and feel what it's like having carried this.
And perhaps you'd like to sense in to see if you'd like to release any of these burdens and extend forgiveness one by one.
There may be many things we need to forgive for ourselves.
You might repeat a phrase that's simple,
That's,
May I forgive myself.
May I forgive myself.
There are many ways that I imagine you've also been hurt by others.
Noticing the emotions that you have carried from the past and sense in to see if there's any room for you to release this burden of suffering and extend forgiveness when your heart is ready.
Notice the process for yourself,
There's nothing to force.
To those who have caused you harm,
You might just say,
I offer my forgiveness or I'm working to offer forgiveness,
I'm moving in that direction.
Letting yourself gently repeat these directions for forgiveness.
I forgive myself,
I forgive you.
I forgive.
For some great pains,
You may not feel a release,
But only the pain and suffering and the anger.
And see if you can touch in to the sadness and to the emotions softly.
See if you can even be forgiving of yourself for not being ready to let go and move on.
It's okay.
This is a process,
It's not to be forced.
Noticing your breath.
Simply continue the process and let the words and images and memories gradually make their way through your thoughts and through your mind,
Through your awareness.
As you breathe out,
Perhaps you can notice your heart,
Noticing,
Watching,
Observing tenderness,
What's arising.
Thank you sweet friends for practicing with me,
For practicing with us.
In time,
Maybe you can make a forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life,
Letting go of the past when you're ready and opening your heart to each new moment with a wise,
Loving kindness.
See you tomorrow.
