Words Of Wisdom: You Can’t Delegate Self-Care

So the one thing you cannot delegate is your self-care.

You cannot delegate your self-care.

You also can't delegate the love that you give to your partner,

The love that you give to your kids.

There's no one else who can do that.

So the love you give yourself,

Your boundaries,

Your self-compassion,

And loving relationships with others cannot be delegated.

If you try to delegate your self-care,

You end up in an abusive relationship 100%.

There's no way someone else can do that.

If you say,

Here you go,

Here's my life,

Here's my self-care,

I trust you,

That will turn abusive.

When a child delegates their self-care to you,

That's fine,

That's normal.

You're here to take care of your child,

Young children,

Not your 20-year-old child,

Young children.

But as an adult,

That is only up to you.

What is self-care?

There's a lot of talk in the air about self-care.

People are talking a lot about self-care and that is wonderful.

And I want to give you a very complete overview of self-care as I see it.

For self-care,

Yes,

It's very important to eat healthy.

It's very important to eat as many vegetables as possible,

To eat fruit,

To eat grains,

And to limit processed foods.

What you eat is how you feel.

Food is a must.

Exercise is also a must.

I would say for self-care especially,

Do exercise that gives you a straight spine.

And do a variety of exercise.

Do cardio,

Do strength,

Do flexibility,

Do exercises for mobility at least five times a week.

That is self-care.

I would say at least five,

Maximum six.

Self-care is also sleep.

And the earlier you go to sleep and the earlier you wake up,

The healthier you feel.

So try to find a rhythm where you're in bed earlier and you wake up at five or six or seven,

But you're refreshed because you had a full night's sleep.

So those three build your life and build the quality of your life.

Self-care is a bigger landscape,

Though.

Self-care is having friends who you love,

Who you care about,

Who you want to spend time with,

And people that you want absolutely nothing from.

They're not your deal friends.

I was a Harvard Law student,

And on the first day,

The dean told us to turn around and look at each other.

And he said,

Well,

These are your future jobs.

Here's your network.

Here's who's going to help you make money.

Here are your future clients.

Be really nice to each other.

There's actually a great community at Harvard Law School.

Some of my personal closest friends are from Harvard Law School.

But that perspective,

Look around.

Here's money.

Here's deals.

When you look at a person,

Having friends like that works against you because your heart is not full when you're spending time with someone just because you're thinking of the deal you can make.

So have friends that are useless and they're good only for the heart.

They're good because they make you smile.

They're good because they're kind and they care about you.

And when you're happy,

They'll be happy.

And when things are going bad,

They'll still be on your side because they fundamentally like your spirit and you fundamentally like their spirit.

Self-care is also being with a romantic partner who you respect and who respects you.

It's not just love.

It's not a question of passion.

It's not just a question of common interests,

Common values.

Self-care is when you show respect and you receive respect.

Self-care is also how you find enjoyment.

It's also having time for play,

For the spontaneous.

Self-care is your happiness.

It's your growth.

It's balance.

It's rest.

And it's also good boundaries.

So self-care and the rest of these things are not possible without good boundaries and boundaries toward other people,

But also boundaries toward the harsh voice in our heads.

Boundaries toward our own inner critic is a very important part of self-care.

Practicing self-compassion is a very important part of self-care.

Looking at that person in the mirror in the morning and knowing that you are happy with how this person lives their life,

The values of this person.

You're happy with what you do daily as a work to contribute and you feel like it's your contribution that's important.

That's all part of self-compassion.

Being kind to yourself when you make mistakes.

Having a gentle voice in your head that's supportive to you.

So work you love is part of your self-care.

However,

Even if it's work you love,

You still need boundaries with that work.

Even if it's work you love,

There are pieces of that that you can probably delegate.

Some of the things that you absolutely love doing that you're good at,

Some of those things can be delegated to others.

It doesn't just need to be you.

And sometimes some of those things that you're good at,

When you delegate them to others,

There are even people who are better at it than you are.

There are people who can do that work even better.

And that's wonderful.

So there are many,

Many people who can do certain work in the world.

Like my biggest goal is to spread as much self-compassion and happiness to people as possible.

So that even very intelligent,

Very high achieving people who work very hard,

So that they can be self-compassionate.

And I do that in a variety of ways.

But some of the logistics,

Some of the planning,

Some of the administrative forms,

I of course delegate.

The way I look at it from a perspective of self-care is that protecting my boundaries,

I'm the only one who can do that.

Taking care of my own needs,

I'm the only one who can do that.

Making sure my heart is always aligned with what I'm doing,

I'm the only one who can do that.

I cannot delegate those things.

If self-care is hard for you,

Challenge yourself each day to be aligned and to be honest.

And once you are honest,

Things fall into place.

When you're honest with yourself,

If something hurts in your chest when you do it,

Do less of it.

If you feel joy,

Do at least one thing a day that brings you true joy and notice it and remember it.

And if you have a very hard time with self-care,

I recommend this practice.

Keeping a notebook nearby and as you go through the day writing down what gave you meaning,

What felt like a moment of joy,

What felt like a moment of fulfillment and their moments and write them down.

And then as you write these down,

You maybe have like a full notebook of them.

You'll be able to piece it together.

What does real self-care look like for me?

And your self-care can and will get better and better.

And the goal is not that you are a faster runner or a faster swimmer with every year.

The goal is that you feel stronger inside every year,

Which means the goal is that your self-care keeps getting better and better.

Year in,

Year out,

Step after step,

The goal is that you feel more like yourself every year.

You feel stronger.

You have better self-care.

You have more connection with yourself and saying yes to something like this,

Saying yes to a journey like this or saying yes to anything new.

You can't do that without saying no to something old.

So because we are not these angels or these nymphs flying around,

We're not these demigods who are outside of space and time.

We're within space and time.

We're within those limitations.

So saying yes to something always means saying no to something.

So we choose.

And if we don't choose well,

We end up in situations with bad boundaries.

Good boundaries truly free you.

When you say yes to the things you really want to say yes to and you say no to,

The no's are freeing.

The no's create space in your life.

So in summary,

It's your job to become the person you're to be.

Good boundaries will help you with that.

And your story,

Your life story,

Your path is always shaped by who and what you say yes to,

Who and what you say no to.

And there will be always things testing your boundaries.

Your boundaries will always be tested.

Listen to yourself.

Don't say yes or no out of ego.

Don't say yes or no so someone will like you.

Say yes or no because there's a resounding yes or no inside.