Selfgentleness Step 11 Embrace Who You Are - Live Recording

Hi everyone,

Welcome!

And you know what?

I welcome you to my 175th Inside Timer Live.

How about that?

175 times I've been going live here on Inside Timer.

I remember that I started and it was,

I think,

In October 2020.

So that's a bit over four years ago.

And now it is 175.

And how do I know it?

Well,

I had this inspirational thought some time ago,

Like,

Let me count how many times I went live on Inside Timer.

And I counted and then I realized that today,

Which is going to be the last live of 2024,

Is going to be number 175.

So yay,

Party!

Welcome,

My name is Femke Bakker.

I'm a self-gentleness teacher here on Inside Timer.

And today you are at my self-gentleness live,

The last one of this year,

Yes.

And this year has been a self-gentleness journey.

If you've been following me here for every month,

You know that step by step we went into this self-gentleness journey.

And I'm really happy that you are here.

And if you want to share something about your own self-gentleness journey,

And how my lives might have inspired them,

What it brought you,

What are still your challenges,

I'm happy to hear that.

And while you are typing that in,

And let me know who you are and where you are in the world,

I will also tell you that for 2025,

Starting on the second Friday of January,

I will have a new series of lives.

Of course,

It is about self-gentleness.

It's going to be called Self-Gentleness in Action.

And if you go to my profile,

Not now,

But after the live,

You can see that I already planned the first five,

Up to May.

So I asked around in my meditation group on Inside Timer,

What topics would you like to hear about?

What topics would you need more self-gentleness?

And mind you,

If you have your topic,

You can put it here in the comments,

Or you can later on go over to my Inside Timer meditation group.

It's called the Self-Gentleness meditation,

Femke's Self-Gentleness group,

Sorry,

That's the name.

And there you can let me know what topic would be great for you to hear about.

I cannot promise that I will take it upon,

But until now,

I took all of them.

So in January,

It's going to be Self-Gentleness in Action,

And the topic is going to be highly sensitives in the world.

In February,

Which will be coincidentally on the 14th of February,

So I decided love is all around for everyone,

Whether you have a partner,

Whether you don't have a partner,

Whether you have multiple partners,

Love is all around.

Then in March,

Self-Gentleness in Action,

Procrastination,

Really great topic,

Because we might all do that from time to time,

To procrastinate.

Well,

There's a good reason for that,

But I will speak to you about that in March.

And then in April,

I will speak about delicate decluttering.

How can you let go of things?

How can you let go of things that you want to let go of?

But sometimes that's really hard.

So that will be in April and in May,

When empathy defies self-gentleness.

I know there are a lot of empathic people here,

A lot of empaths,

And sometimes that causes friction when you want to be gentle to yourself.

So I think these are great topics for the next coming year.

So I'm really looking forward to 2025 for multiple reasons,

But also for those.

So let me take a look.

Who is here?

Already a lot of comments.

I see.

Hi,

Annemiek.

Jannie,

Thank you for the congratulations.

Hi,

Petta.

Hi,

Mona.

Hi,

John.

Luanne,

Lovely to see you.

Hi,

Siri.

Lovely that you're here.

Guys,

Just check it out.

Siri is here.

She's also an Inside Timer teacher.

And if you have listened to my free tracks from recently,

You might have noticed that I've been co-creating with some other Inside Timer teachers who are composers of music.

So I created a floating track,

And I created not so long ago a daydreaming track,

But I also created a track which is called Ground Yourself with a Tree.

And the beautiful music that is supporting that,

Or actually that has co-created that track,

Because the thing that I do is I listen to the music,

I let myself be inspired,

And then just I put on my mic and I record something,

And then I put it together with the music.

So it's really something new for me,

And I really love it.

So that tree song that I used for that track,

Siri composed it.

So really check her out.

Go to her profile,

Follow her,

Because she's a really,

Really great teacher and creates beautiful things.

And she knows a lot about creating intuitive art.

So please,

Guys,

Check her out.

Hi Mari,

Hi Janneke,

Hi Peter,

Carmen,

I think I already said hi to you.

Janneke suggests a topic,

Detaching without losing connection with loving kindness,

Gentleness.

Oh,

That's a beautiful one.

Thank you so much for that one.

John says,

Femke,

Your three talks on handling anxiety,

Specifically aimed at US elections,

Helped me tremendously.

Oh,

John,

Thank you so much for that.

I'm really happy to hear that,

Yeah.

That's great.

That's also why I did them.

Great to hear that.

Thank you so much.

And thank you that you like my topics.

Hi,

Dora,

Lovely that you are here.

Yeah,

I can't sit here out without checking in with you.

Yeah,

Dora,

I'm so happy that you're here.

Thank you so much.

So yeah,

OK.

So enough talking.

Well,

I will continue to talk,

But not about the topic.

Self-gentleness.

It's been a year,

Right?

And today we are coming to the closing of this self-gentleness journey,

But it's only for this year,

Because in January we'll just continue on.

And why is that?

Well,

Self-gentleness never ends.

It is like I sometimes like to call it.

It's a lifelong work in progress process.

And then I generally add like,

Yeah,

I'm a master of self-gentleness,

But it doesn't mean that I'm self-gentle all the time.

By all means,

I'm not.

I think I'm a master of self-gentleness because I taught myself to recognize it when I'm not and then to deliberately consciously find my way back to being gentle with myself again.

And sometimes just awareness that I'm not gentle is enough.

Sometimes it takes me a few minutes or a few hours,

A few days.

And when something is really tough,

You know,

Life happens.

Sometimes it even can take me a few weeks in relation to the topic.

So it is a process that sticks with you,

But it's also a process that I really learned to embrace because when you start becoming more self-gentle,

More and more,

And you find a way there,

Life opens up to you in such a beautiful way.

Because things are more easy,

Relationships become more easy,

Dealing with difficulties become more easy.

And the thing is,

I can tell you about it,

But only if you start to experience it for yourself,

You will truly know what I mean.

And that is also because I don't have a recipe that you can all use and it will be the same for everyone.

No,

I have created these tools,

These beautiful tools,

Actually for you to pick and choose from to find out what it is that can help you and then to find your own thread into that becoming gentle with yourself.

The core elements,

As you've been hearing me say a lot,

Are basically tuning in with yourself,

Then listening what is going on there,

Acknowledging that you might need something or you might not need something,

Which is also a possibility,

To really acknowledge that and then to honor it.

The best is in the moment,

But sometimes that is impossible.

Sometimes you cannot live up to your needs right now because there are too many expectations and demands and it would be not so self-gentle to have such a fight with yourself about that.

But then you promise yourself you will come back to this later.

So let me give you a concrete example.

For instance,

You wake up very tired and you realize,

You tune in with yourself,

I'm just really tired.

I had a tough week or a tough month,

I didn't sleep enough,

I need to sleep more.

But the alarm clock was there for a reason,

Because you have to get to work or the kids to school or you have that important meeting,

People are waiting for you.

So you have to get up.

When you start to become self-gentle,

You might feel a big friction there because you know you have to acknowledge that you need something else,

But there are also still demands that you want to meet.

So in that moment,

Then you decide,

Okay,

It's now the most self-gentle way to get up and do whatever I think I should do right now,

But I will now think of a moment that I can honor this fact that I'm tired.

So maybe I will stop working earlier today or I will cancel this beautiful date with friends tonight,

But I will reschedule this and I will go early to bed tonight.

Or maybe tomorrow I can take a day off or whatever it is,

Or maybe it's just an extra cup of coffee in the morning.

Whatever it is that you need to honor that in a later moment,

You just promise yourself and you stick to it.

Now tuning in is sometimes really hard,

Especially when we live life and we forget to actually listen to what our body is telling us,

What our mind is telling us.

And I don't mean all the worries,

But those worries are not there for nothing.

They are there because we are preoccupied with something,

So we have to consider what is going on in our mind to find the right thoughts again,

So we can find that ease again.

But we are not used to that anymore.

We think,

Oh,

I have to do this and I don't have time and I don't have money and people are expecting things from me and they will hate me if I don't.

You know,

We are so used to live life like that,

And that's okay.

You don't have to beat yourself up because you are living your life like that.

The thing is that you become aware of what is under that stream,

Who is truly you.

Because when you quiet down and have a moment to really listen to that inner voice,

That so wise inner voice of your intuition,

Of your soul,

Of your nature,

Of your spirit,

Whatever word you want to use for it,

And it whispers gently,

It never shouts to get your attention,

It will just whisper.

So when you become quiet and tuning in,

You will connect with that and it will tell you how you are doing and what it is that you need,

Then something magical happens.

So we have to teach ourselves that again.

And therefore the tuning in tools that I have developed are really important.

So I would love for you,

If you are more interested in really setting yourself up for a self-gentle life,

That you check out my Insight Timer course.

It's called Start Being Self-Gentle Today.

And it is only four days,

Four classes,

And I introduce you in the tuning in experience.

And then there are more three bonus tracks that you can use every day for 30 days.

And this will really get you started on that self-gentleness journey.

So it's tuning in in the evening.

And basically what you do in the evening is let go of the day to find gratitude for whatever went well,

Whatever is going well in your life,

Even if it's just the neighbor smiling at you.

And then you promise yourself that tomorrow is going to be a new day.

You're not going to pick up on all the worries and all the anxieties.

You will just start a day brand new.

And that's exactly what you do in the morning practice.

Even with your eyes still closed,

You will then tune in,

Greet yourself gently,

And then feel what is it that I need right now.

And then the third practice is one that you can do during the day,

Once,

Multiple times,

Which is really tuning in to create that sensitivity,

That connection with yourself.

So that in some time,

Generally after 30 days,

This really starts to work without meditation even,

That you become sensitive for what is going on and what it is that you need and how you can start to honor what you need.

So in this course,

Start Being Self-Gentle Today,

You can find the basic steps of this process plus the bonus tracks that will help you starting.

If you do not have a premium on Insight Timer,

Which I personally can really,

Really recommend you for about $60.

And I think at least in the Netherlands,

It's now 45 euros for a year.

You get access to,

I think it's now about 2000 courses of well over 20,

000 meditation teachers.

And there are some really,

Really great ones there.

You can listen also to premium tracks.

And most importantly,

You support the work of all beautiful Insight Timer teachers,

Because we create a lot for free,

Right?

We create all these free tracks,

The live streams.

We really put our heart and soul into all these beautiful things to give to you,

To make sure that everyone can find their well-being and meditate.

And by listening via your premium account to our courses and our premium tracks,

You support us especially.

So keep it in mind.

But if you do not want to take a premium account or you cannot take a premium account,

Which is also possible,

Of course,

I understand.

Then you can also check out my free tracks,

Because there,

If you look at the self-gentleness tracks,

You will also find their morning meditations,

Evening meditations,

And even a tuning in meditation.

So it's all there.

The ones in my course are really targeted at three minutes each.

So in three minutes,

Three minutes,

Three minutes a day,

Nine minutes in total,

Spread over three times,

You will have that self-gentleness stream flowing.

All right.

So embrace who you are.

That's the topic of today.

And I've been speaking about it all along,

Basically,

Because self-gentleness is,

In essence,

Embracing who you are.

You could even argue that self-gentleness is a different word to use for self-love.

But I don't do that,

Because the word self-love is a big word,

And we hear it a lot.

And it always sounds,

Even to me sometimes,

Like a big task,

Right?

To love yourself.

Whew.

That sometimes feels hard,

Especially if you do not know what love is exactly to you.

Because we see all kinds of love things around us on social media,

In the media,

On movies.

And we look around us,

And then we have a fight with our children,

And we still love them.

But how does that relate to each other?

So with self-gentleness,

I just took that word out,

Because I know that we can all relate to being gentle with ourselves from time to time.

You know,

We all do sometimes something we're proud of,

Or we feel good and gentle because someone says something nice to us.

It's not so hard to imagine that you can be gentle to yourself.

Way easier to imagine that than imagining that you can love yourself consistently.

Then I bring you my definition of self-gentleness.

Here it comes.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

So you imagine,

You know that you can be gentle with yourself.

And then I'm asking you to radically accept yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Also when you trip and fall.

Also when you make mistakes.

Also when you do not live up to your own expectations or the expectations of others.

Also when life is tough.

Also when things happen to you.

You can be gentle to yourself,

Especially when the things are rough,

When the going gets tough.

Especially then you need to be self-gentle,

Because it's the replenishing,

It's the power that it will give you to feel good again.

And with good I mean relatively better than how you felt before.

Self-gentleness is not about putting on a happy face and pretending to be happy and optimist and positive all the time.

Because I know almost nobody who is like that.

But when I speak for myself,

I know that every choice that I have,

Especially when things are hard,

Are about choosing emotions about fear or anger or pessimism or despair.

Or I can pick the other side of the coin and choose trust and connection and love and empathy.

Especially also for myself.

And when I choose that,

I do feel better.

And when I do feel better,

I empower myself.

And when I empower myself,

I start to radiate this gentleness,

Not just to me but also to others.

And then suddenly I have a different tale to tell to other people.

And I know that sometimes,

Especially also these days,

A lot of things are going on in the world that are excruciating to just see even at a big distance.

But still,

If we let these things take ourselves down,

If we think that we can only be useful when we suffer with whatever suffering we see,

If we think we will only have control over the situation by being angry,

Then we disempower ourselves.

When we show ourselves that we can be gentle in a situation and that we can still feel relatively good to take care of ourselves,

Then inspiration can flow.

Then the ideas can come.

And then you can see the solutions rather than the problems.

Because when you look at the problem,

It's really hard to see a solution.

You know,

For instance,

When you lose your key and you're looking for it and you do not find it and then you think,

OK,

Now,

Well,

I don't have to go now.

And then two hours later,

When you forgot that you lost your key,

Suddenly you see them on the table and you think,

Huh,

Those keys were there all the time.

When you think there's a problem,

You can often not see the solution.

And it works with everything.

So embrace who you are.

This is the essence of self-gentleness.

This is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Yeah,

I so love this definition.

I just have to share it with you because you have to hear it multiple times to really get how it can help you,

How it can support you in being gentle with yourself,

In embracing yourself,

Who you are,

Because in the end,

That is what it is all about.

When you can accept that you are a human being with flaws,

With beautiful things,

With failures,

With things you're ashamed of,

With things that you're proud of,

The things others might like and things others might not like.

It's all just being human.

As human beings,

We make mistakes.

As human beings,

We have ambivalences.

As human beings,

We are sometimes insecure or doubtful or experience really strong emotions about things that we actually know that we should not feel like that,

But we still do.

And that's all okay.

So if I have one wish for all of you,

Including myself,

It is that you will get to that point where you can tell yourself in the moment that you experience something,

Whether it's an internal experience or something that happens to you,

That you get that internal experience,

That you can tell yourself,

It's okay.

It's okay.

I am okay.

I am okay just like I am.

No matter how I look,

No matter how I behave,

No matter how I feel,

No matter what other people think of me,

I am okay.

Embrace who you are.

And that's basically it.

So what I want to do today is after this talk now,

I will take a look if there are any questions or maybe comments,

And then I will guide you in the meditation.

And together,

We will just start to embrace who we are and we'll do it together.

Earlier today,

I joined an Inside Timer live event from Tom Evans,

Also one of his beautiful Inside Timer teachers here that I was just speaking about.

And he had this really wonderful meditation where we were all connected with our hearts and seeing each other in the same place while sending love to each other,

To our own past,

Our own future,

To people that we want to send love to.

And it was a massive,

Beautiful experience.

So you could also check out Tom's work.

You might be familiar.

He's already on Inside Timer,

I think,

Since Inside Timer started.

But really,

Really beautiful things that he makes as well.

All right.

So I will scroll through.

That's not always that easy,

Because when someone types something,

It moves.

So I will start at the bottom.

Davy from Boston.

You listen to my morning meditation when you're forgetting to know what you need.

Yay,

So gentle.

Well,

Thank you,

Davy.

Thank you for sharing.

I'm so happy to hear that.

Elizabeth says it's difficult to believe that you are okay if you consistently receive messages that you aren't okay as you are.

Yeah,

Elizabeth,

That's a really tough situation.

And I can understand that it's hard.

So that takes a lot of courage to be self-gentle then,

Because I will tell you something.

The people that are telling you,

I don't know if it's you or you see people around,

But when people are telling you,

This is for everyone,

That you are not okay,

They're wrong.

Really,

They are wrong.

And a question that you might ask yourself,

It might go a bit beyond now this,

But I will tell you anyway.

A question that you might ask yourself is,

Why is it important to you that they think that you are okay?

It might be a really hard question and it might take you some time to really feel for the answer.

But imagine this,

Imagine that someone that you do not know,

Never know,

Someone you do not care about,

You've never seen them,

Would suddenly send you a letter and say,

I think you're not okay.

You would tear it up and throw it away,

Right?

Who cares?

Someone you do not know.

But when people in your environment that have a meaning to you tell you that you are not okay,

And they're wrong,

Right?

They're wrong,

Really.

They are wrong.

Something within you still thinks that you need to prove to them that they are wrong,

That you have to prove to them that you are okay.

And that is what causes the friction.

When you get to the point,

And I know that's not something that you can immediately jump to.

It takes a lot of self-consciousness to get there.

But if you can teach yourself that they can think about you whatever they want,

And they can find you not okay,

And that you are okay with their opinion,

Their erroneous opinion about you,

Then you relieve yourself.

And then you can start working on knowing that you are okay.

It takes some time,

But I'm just telling you,

I understand that when I'm saying this,

It's not something that you can immediately do.

I do not mean that.

But I do mean to give it to you as an insight,

Because when you discover for yourself why it is that you want to be okay for them,

You might there find something that you can maybe release or soften,

And thereby help yourself.

Okay,

For what it's worth.

Hi,

Simon.

You lived in Amsterdam for seven years.

My accent brings back happy memories.

Well,

I'm happy to do that for you,

Simon.

Lovely that you lived here.

Janneke says,

I love the gentleness here from heart to heart.

Thank you,

Lovely people.

Oh,

Absolutely.

The bunch of people that are here are so lovely.

Also,

In the self-gentleness group here on Inside Timer,

There's so lovely people.

I saw Cherry speaking about the group.

Lovely that you're here.

Cherry,

Welcome.

So happy that you're here.

You heard it's 175th life,

Right?

I think Cherry has been with now at least 165 of those 175 from the beginning on.

That's really,

Really great.

Oh,

It's moving again.

Davey.

I saw something that Davey said.

Wait.

I've been struggling for so long and I still don't have the words to effectively communicate.

This is where I am at.

Hey,

Look,

I said something that makes sense.

Yeah,

So it's OK.

Sometimes we don't have words.

Sometimes the communication and sometimes it's really hard to express what you feel inside.

So sometimes just making a sound that resonates with that feeling can be a great start for the expression.

Wanting to find the words is a really high expectation of yourself.

Because you expect that you completely understand what is going on within you and how to express it and all those things.

But that's OK.

If you feel something,

Experience something,

And you realize you don't have the words,

Then just be OK,

I don't have the words.

But I do have a ah,

Or a cry,

Or whatever it is,

Right?

Expression doesn't always have to be a rational thing.

It can be something else.

Maybe the expression of whatever you're feeling is the shivering on your skin.

Maybe it's the need to have your feet on the ground and just feel how they are connected.

And maybe that's it.

You don't have to give always words to things.

Don't be too strict for yourself,

Davey.

I hope that helps,

Too.

Sarah says,

I need to hear this again.

Wish I recorded your session.

Good morning,

By the way.

You're in Australia.

The good news is I am recording it.

And I will put it on Insight Timer as a free track later on,

Right?

So you can always re-listen to it.

Oh,

Yeah.

And that's what Dora just said.

Thank you,

Dora.

So Jamie says,

That's so helpful things.

I've gotten much better at being gentle with myself,

But still struggle with perceiving that others see me as a person.

And that puts me in a negative light,

Which makes me feel misunderstood.

I've been trying to challenge these perceptions,

But I think it will be helpful to focus more on not worrying what others think in the first place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really great,

Jamie.

And I think the realization is already a massive first step.

Just don't expect from yourself that you can be there immediately.

Because not caring what others think is hard.

I mean,

I just pronounce myself the master of self-gentleness,

But also I sometimes have that,

Right?

That I do care what others think of me,

Especially when people are important to me or when I admire people.

Then,

Yeah,

Of course,

It's part of being human.

But acknowledging that this is something to work on and then to small,

Small steps,

Baby steps,

Try to change that for yourself.

And it can be in very simple things that sometimes people think something about us that is really not so important,

Not so small.

You can start by not caring about that and then work your way up through that.

And the thing is also when you start with this process of tuning in and acknowledging what it is that you need,

You will notice a shift over time.

Because you also will feel the need to have healthy boundaries and do not wait until they're crossed over,

But to express what those boundaries are in a kind way,

Way earlier than people can cross it.

And that will change a lot already.

Because when people are pushing their opinion about you upon you,

Um,

And they keep on doing that,

Like in the example of the person before.

Sorry,

I forgot now your name.

That's not because of you.

That's because of me.

Now I lost my track.

Okay,

So go back.

When people are telling you all the time that it is.

.

.

Okay,

I lost the track.

Sorry.

And what I was going to say,

Let me try to get it back.

Okay.

I said it's good to start with the small things,

Because when the bigger things are there,

It is sometimes really hard to let go of that.

Okay.

Okay,

I will let it rest.

It will come back later.

Dora,

What others think of you is not really about you,

But about them.

Yeah,

That's also a really true observation,

Dora,

That it's really about what other people.

.

.

Oh yeah,

Now I remember what I want to say to Jamie.

When people continue to push their opinion about them to you,

Sometimes it's really great to just take a step back and to not engage with people,

Or if possible,

To decide to not see them for some time,

Or to not to be in touch for some time.

That sometimes can really,

Really help in that process also.

Yeah.

Critical surrounding.

Yeah,

Emily.

When you have a critical surrounding,

Emily,

It is really good to realize that when you teach yourself to become less critical about yourself,

The critical surroundings change.

Because when you become less critical,

More gentle,

You change something within you.

And then the critics might still be there and say their things,

But they will slide off you more easily.

But sometimes even when you make that inner shift without consciously behaving otherwise,

Or consciously saying other things,

You do start to behave differently.

And then criticism very often weakens or even disappears.

So it really starts also with you taking so good care of yourself that the critical surrounding cannot hurt you anymore.

And we very often think that we have to fight against it,

But with pushing against something,

It generally pushes back by disempowering people by being gentle to yourself.

You don't expect them to be gentle with you anymore.

You are being gentle with yourself,

And that changes the whole ballgame.

But it takes some time.

It's not a magical formula that you apply one,

Two days,

And that's there.

But starting with the tuning in,

Like the four-day course and the bonus tracks,

If you do this for 30 days,

Then a real shift is going to happen.

It's well over 8,

000 people took that course,

And you can take a look at the reviews,

The things that people are saying,

How much it has helped them in that Self-Gentleness journey.

It's really amazing what I read back there.

It's really often bringing me to tears.

And I'm so grateful for the gift of creating these tools to really,

Really help people.

I think it's one of the most meaningful things in my life to create these Self-Gentleness teachings and give this to you guys.

Okay,

So Madeline says,

To feel you need to prove you are okay seems to be similar to the prove I am enough.

Maybe it's even the same,

Just other words.

That's another insight for me today.

Wow,

Madeline,

Yeah,

Beautiful.

Yes,

Yeah,

Of course.

I am enough.

I am worthy.

Are important words,

But they're also big words like love.

I'm okay.

That's way easier.

You know,

The words that we use and pick to describe others and ourselves are sometimes full of expectations.

And we're very often not so much aware of all those expectations because we have all kinds of assumptions about enough,

Worthy,

Love.

But it's okay.

It's okay.

That's very soothing.

It's okay.

And when you start to feel that's okay,

Then the ball gets rolling and you start to connect also to those feelings that are connected to those bigger words and the expectations are gone.

They are just there.

Yeah,

I'm happy you had that insight.

Thank you for sharing that.

Cherry is sleepy.

Good.

Go to sleep.

That's also really,

Really self-gentle.

Dora says it's all about boundaries.

Yeah.

Lilac asked,

What's the name of the course?

The course is Start Being Self-Gentle Today.

Start Being Self-Gentle Today.

You can find it in my Insight Timer profile.

And actually also there's a link in my bio where you can also find my Insight Timer course.

So.

Carmen says it's a little bit of a paradox.

Good question.

Being gentle makes you stronger.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So stronger is also a word with connotations,

Right?

Stronger,

We make ourselves hard and muscly and being able to fight off things.

That's a way of looking at stronger.

But stronger is in my book,

Embrace Who You Are with everything there.

And then there's this inner strength that guides you,

That you have the intuition to go left instead of right,

As you always do,

Because you just feel that's the better way to go.

And then it's right,

Because you just meet that person that you wanted to meet,

Or you just avoid that car crash that you didn't know was going to happen.

I do believe that gentleness empowers you.

Self-gentleness is all about self-empowerment.

It's about letting go of the expectations you have of yourself,

Letting go of the expectations that you think others have of you,

Or maybe they do have it,

But at least you think they have expectations.

And when you let go of that,

You do empower yourself.

And when you empower yourself,

You have the strength to have your own voice,

To follow your own intuition,

Your own path,

Your own thoughts,

Your own values,

Your own happiness.

Yeah,

That is strength to me.

So John just thanked me for the three days that I did around the US elections,

Because I also work as a behavioral scientist,

As a political psychologist at a university,

Where I study the impact of meditation on political tolerance and some other things.

And I have a course here on Insight Dharma,

Which is supporting people to cultivate tolerance when they are in a polarized environment.

And that's exactly the same thing,

Because you think you might have to fight with those that are very different from you,

That might be intolerant.

But pushing against something pushes back by disattaching yourself from all the feeling that someone might arouse to let them be who they are.

However,

You detest how they are,

And taking care of yourself,

You find your inner voice.

And generally,

If you,

In this subject,

If you want to do something about intolerance in a society,

You have to be tolerant with yourself first,

That you can be who you are,

And you don't need approval,

You don't need everyone to be just like you.

First,

And then you can empower yourself,

And you do find new ways,

And that's the strength.

And I know that it sounds kind of abstract,

Maybe,

Or too academic,

When I say it like this,

And I realize that,

And that's why I'm saying,

Take my course,

And you will experience for yourself.

Because I can tell you everything,

And you might resonate it,

Or you can wonder and think about it,

But in your own personal experience,

With that self-gentleness,

That will be the thing that will convince you that becoming more gentle is gaining a beautiful strength that will support you in your life,

And whatever is on your path.

Yeah,

Sleep well,

Janneke.

Have a lovely holidays,

And see you in 2025.

Sleep well.

All right,

Time to meditate,

Right?

Okay,

I'm taking off my glasses.

So,

Just make yourself comfortable.

You can lie down,

Lean against the back of your chair,

Feet on the ground,

Or if you like to sit cross-legged,

You do that.

Whatever feels good to you.

Make sure that you're in a comfortable position.

And before we really start,

I want to ask you to think of something about yourself that you so love,

That that part of you you love to embrace.

You don't have to overthink it.

The first thing that pops up,

That's it.

Yes,

That one.

All right.

And I want you to also think of something,

Some part of you,

That you are not so happy to embrace.

Yes,

That one.

Don't overthink it.

You can always come back to the recording later,

And do it again.

Okay,

So now you have part of yourself that you love to embrace,

And a part of yourself that you do not like to embrace so much.

We will work with this later on,

So that when in the meditation I ask you about this,

You will not have to think about it.

You have it ready to go.

Okay.

Now,

Let's first close our eyes.

And take a moment to tune in with your body,

To feel how your body is doing.

Do you feel tension somewhere?

If you feel tension somewhere,

Then just make the tension first a little bit bigger,

And then just let go.

So I have tension in my shoulders.

I've been way too long behind the computer today,

So I pull up my shoulders,

And I'm going to drop it,

And I will sigh it out.

I'll do it again.

Pull up my shoulders to my ears.

You can join me if you like.

And I will drop them.

Ooh,

That feels good.

Now,

Bring your attention to your feet.

We'll first do some grounding work here.

Now,

Imagine that from your feet,

Roots are growing into the earth.

Beautiful,

Strong roots,

Just like a tree has.

And they're growing wide,

And they're growing deep from your feet all the way into the earth,

All the way down to the core of the earth.

This beautiful,

Fiery core.

And when the roots are entering the core of the earth,

This beautiful,

Grounding,

Warming,

Motherly energy of Mother Earth is shooting up into our roots all the way up,

Up into our feet.

And they're entering our feet.

The energy is going up in our ankles,

Our shins and calves,

Our knees,

The thighs,

The buttocks,

The pelvis,

Filling your whole belly,

Up through your spine,

Filling your lungs,

Your shoulders,

Your upper arms,

Your underarms,

It's now flowing out of all your fingers,

And you bring your attention up because it also flows up to your neck,

Filling your whole head,

And then like a fountain,

It's coming out of the crown of your head.

Now,

Use your fantasy for a moment to imagine how all this grounding,

Loving,

Nurturing,

Feeding,

Motherly energy of the earth is flowing up through your whole body,

Filling your whole body with this sense of Mother,

A caring,

Loving Mother that is supporting you,

That is carrying you,

Loving you,

Filling you with all her love.

All right,

That's beautiful.

Now,

Imagine that above your head is a big light.

You can imagine it's the sun,

Or you can imagine another light,

And this light is now trickling down into the crown of your head,

Filling your head,

Filling your neck,

Your shoulders,

Again into your arms,

Flushing out of your fingers,

Filling your chest,

Going down your spine,

Filling your whole belly,

Your pelvis,

Your buttocks,

Into your thighs,

Your knees,

Your calves,

Your feet,

And then it shoots into those roots,

And it goes all the way down to the core of the earth.

And now again,

Use your fantasy for a moment and be aware that the energy of Mother Earth is still flying up through you,

And then this beautiful light of the universe,

The cosmos,

Or source,

The sun,

Nature,

Is flowing down through you all the way down,

Also connecting with that grounding power of the earth.

It's all flowing through you fluidly,

Gently,

Kindly,

Harmoniously.

There is no struggle,

There is no fight.

Where it needs to blend,

It blends.

Where it crosses each other,

It crosses each other.

No worries,

It is just so delicious.

Can you feel that grounding power,

The supporting nature of the earth below you,

And then this sense of you being more than just you here,

This light that shines from above,

This light that puts you in a spotlight,

A spotlight that you deserve.

Not that everyone needs to see this spotlight,

Especially when you're an introvert,

It's just your spotlight,

But from this light from above,

You can feel you can feel in your body that this is just love for you.

This is an uplifting support of love,

Of worthiness,

Of being okayness.

It's like feeling the sun shining on you after a long winter,

And just knowing that spring is coming,

And everything is going to be so good and beautiful.

This same power you feel now,

This is the inspirational power,

This is the uplifting energy,

And it mixes with this grounding.

All right.

That was our warm-up,

To ground a bit,

To become in the here and now,

And to feel this sense of belonging,

Because let me tell you,

My dear friend,

Every one of you,

You are so worthy.

You are enough.

You are okay.

You are perfect,

Just as you are.

You are perfect.

Even when you feel you are imperfect,

Then that imperfection is perfect,

Because you are you.

Now,

Let's take a little trip.

Together,

We will walk on this beautiful small path into a wood.

It's kind of an open place through the woods,

And we walk together,

And you can look around,

And you can see the beautiful trees.

You can hear their leaves rustling.

There are some birds.

You feel the sun on your skin,

Some wind.

It is exactly as you like.

It's not too hot.

It's not too cold.

It's really,

Really pleasant.

There might be some animal that you love.

I see some foxes from Dora running around us.

It might be a pet,

A horse,

Whatever you like,

And everything is so beautiful,

And pleasant,

And easy.

That's the word.

It feels easy to be here while we walk,

And we enter a big open place there,

And there's a big fire,

And it's beautiful,

This fire,

And there's a small bench,

And you decide to sit on the bench while you look at this beautiful fire.

And you realize that you feel good,

That you feel relaxed,

And grounded,

And inspired,

And you feel okay.

You just feel okay.

You are okay to be here right now.

You're okay to be in this body right now.

It might be a body with flaws,

Whatever flaw you see in it,

But this is your body,

And you are okay.

This is you,

And that's okay.

You're here with a beautiful big heart of yours,

And it might be that you feel some scars on it,

Or maybe it's broken,

Or maybe it's just happy,

But this is your heart.

Whatever is going on with your heart,

It's just okay.

This is your heart.

You can put your hand on it,

And just tell your heart,

Hey heart,

I love you,

You know?

I love you just as you are.

Whatever's going on,

I love you.

And then the things that are going on in your mind,

Maybe now a little bit less,

But you know sometimes you worry about the past,

Or you worry about the future,

And that's okay.

Our heads are made to think,

And we know how to deal with our heads.

We know how to find the right thoughts,

Because there's this moment,

Just one thought that is prevalent,

One thought that is the one that is the priority,

And that is,

I'm okay.

I am okay.

I am truly okay.

I'm okay.

Right now,

Right here,

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

You can even say it out loud if you dare.

I am okay.

I am okay.

Yeah.

Well done,

You guys.

I'm so proud of you.

You are so okay.

All right.

Now,

Imagine that that part of you that you would love to embrace.

Imagine how this part of you looks,

And don't overthink it.

The first thing that pops up is generally to work with.

You might see just yourself with this beautiful thing of you that you love so much,

Really prevalent,

But you also might yourself in the shape of a fantasy being,

Or an animal,

Or a plant,

Or a tree,

Or maybe it's a song.

Whatever your fantasy brings up,

That's okay,

Because that's your unconsciousness telling you that this is how you want to see it.

So whatever comes up,

Try to visualize,

Try to embody this part of you that you like so much.

And if you have a hard time visualizing,

Then that's okay.

Not everyone has visualization as the prime way to fantasize.

Use your fantasy like you always do.

Right.

All right.

So this part of you that you like to embrace comes really close to you.

Maybe if they can sit,

They will sit next to you.

And I would love for you now to look at them and to tell them what it is that you love so much about yourself.

Express that.

And if you do not have the words,

Then maybe you have a sound,

Or you just have a way of looking.

Just express in your personal way that feeling of love that you have for that part of yourself.

Right.

Go ahead.

And can you see that they are receiving this?

Oh,

It feels so good when you see that they receive because you are receiving this now.

There's a sense of connection between you and that part of you.

So you know what?

Just embrace it.

Embrace it.

Hug it.

And feel what happens.

Maybe you just keep hugging it.

Maybe you feel how it becomes part of you,

How you melt together.

Or maybe you just keep it at a little distance so you can just look at it and send your love to yourself in that way.

Whatever it is,

Just feel how good it is to give yourself this feeling,

How to give yourself this sense of being so very okay with yourself.

All right.

Really well done.

And now we'll do it again.

But now you will bring to life with your fantasy.

You visualize it or you just know it,

That part of you that you are not so eager to embrace.

You just thought of it.

It might be hard to bring it up now because you probably feel quite okay about yourself.

But then just imagine it's being in front of you.

You might see it as a part of yourself,

As yourself,

Or as a fantasy being or something else.

It doesn't matter what.

And if you now suddenly feel differently,

An emotion,

Different emotion,

That's okay.

That's okay.

It will be okay.

You are okay.

Now have a sense of the presence of this part of you that you don't like and just let them sit next to you.

And now rather than telling them why you don't like it because you know it already,

You've been thinking of this already a really,

Really long time.

I want you to listen to them.

They're going to express how it feels not to be fully part of you.

They might tell you something.

They might make a sound.

They might cry.

They might laugh.

They will not be aggressive because they are not.

They're just sad because they want to be part of you.

So listen to them.

Listen why it is,

But especially listen what it is that they need.

Most of them just want to be embraced.

Most of them just want to be hugged.

Some of them might ask for you to tell them that you are sorry.

But if you cannot,

That's also okay.

You're not here to make a lot of effort or to work hard.

You're here to just take a look at that part of you.

Now remember that part of you that you like to embrace.

Now suddenly see them next to this less desirable part.

And see how much love,

With so much love.

Because these loved parts of you are so filled over the brim with love.

So they can just give love.

And they now embrace that part.

And if you want,

You can join them.

You can embrace both.

But if that is still too hard,

That's also okay.

Then you just watch how this loving,

Admired part of you just tell this less admired part of you.

You are okay.

You are okay.

And if you feel emotions that are not so pleasant,

That is okay.

Caress yourself,

Hold yourself,

Hug yourself.

You're doing it really well.

You are healing a part of yourself.

You are okay.

Just like this part of you that you admire,

Also this part of you that you love.

Admire this.

It makes you okay.

The fact that you embody both these parts makes you more than okay.

It makes you human.

It makes you human.

And being a human means that you are everything.

You have the capacity to love and to hate.

It's all within you and it is okay.

It's the conscious choices that you make about yourself that determine how you feel about you.

You are okay.

Now,

You see them embrace.

If you can,

Then join them.

And see if you can embrace both of them and just feel how they merge with you again.

Melt with you,

Hold you.

I feel a big sense of gratitude.

The gratitude of all those lesser parts of you that are not lesser than you,

But you feel that they are,

But now they are so grateful for being embraced.

And if it's too hard for you,

Then just keep on watching how this part that you admire does the job for you.

That's enough for now.

It's okay.

You don't have to make big quantum leaps.

Sometimes really hard to do that.

You can always come back here and do it again.

And then step by step you will get there.

All right.

Now,

This part of you that you admire has a really,

Really great idea that you can do together now just to have some fun.

And I don't know what it is because you are all different.

But take a moment to listen what they're suggesting.

Maybe they want just to throw pies at each other.

Maybe they want to go dance.

Maybe they want to go shopping.

Maybe they just want to watch the sunset.

Just let them suggest something that you can do with the three of you,

Those three parts,

You and those two parts.

And then just do it.

And I will be silent for a minute or so to let you go there.

So don't overthink it.

The first thing that pops up,

That's the thing that you're going to do.

Use your fantasy.

Go ahead.

That feels good,

Right?

That feels okay.

So now,

For a moment,

Tune in with yourself and acknowledge if anything changed within you.

It doesn't have to be big.

It might be a sense of relief,

A little bit more relaxed.

Maybe you got a beautiful insight or a thought that you can work with.

Whatever it is,

Just let it be.

It's okay.

And even if you think,

Well,

I did this,

But I don't really feel a change within me.

That's also okay.

It's a first step.

You're doing it really,

Really well.

You are okay.

There are no expectations.

There are no rules or what you have to achieve.

You're doing it exactly as you should do this.

And if you feel any unpleasant emotions,

Be kind to yourself,

Hug yourself.

It's okay.

It's okay.

You're doing it so well.

You're okay.

Let me tell you something.

You are lovable.

You are lovable and worthy.

You are enough.

You are everything.

You are loved.

Because you are lovable.

You are okay.

Now,

Last thing before we get out of the meditation.

I have a question for you and don't overthink it.

The first answer that pops up,

That's it.

This is the question.

What is it that you can do today that will make you feel that you are okay?

What is it that you can do today to make yourself feel that you are okay?

And it doesn't have to be big.

It can be really small.

It can be,

After this meditation,

I'm going to make myself a nice,

Hot cup of tea with honey.

That can be enough,

Right?

But whatever it is,

Now honor it and tell yourself that you will live up to this need after this meditation or tomorrow or later today.

But you will.

And you set that intention to yourself.

You promise it now to yourself.

Well done.

All right,

Now bring your attention back to your body,

To your feet,

To your buttocks on the seats,

Your shoulders.

You can wiggle your fingers and toes,

Move your spine,

Stretch it a little bit.

And then you're going to take a deep breath.

Take a minute or so to slowly open your eyes.

Don't go too fast.

You've been in meditation for quite some time.

Take your time.

And I will be here till you're all back to say goodbye and take your time to open your eyes.

I love what Jean wrote here.

It's okay to not be okay and I'm okay with that.

I love that,

Jean.

Thank you so much.

Cherry says it takes time,

But it's a journey of a lifetime.

Yeah,

So you have all the time in the world,

Right?

That's beautiful,

Cherry.

You learned to be kind for yourself.

You touch your heart when you need it and you give yourself a hug.

That's really,

Really beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you,

Emily.

Thank you,

Hans.

Thank you,

Matt.

Sarah.

Oh,

Thank you,

Lauren.

It means a lot to me.

I love it.

Thank you,

Mary.

Thank you,

Phil.

I'm so happy that you liked it.

I went quite some overtime,

So let me just say a few closing words.

This was the last live of 2024.

It was my 175th one.

I really enjoy being with you guys once a month.

I really,

Really love that.

I really love being here on Insight Timer.

I really love your support here also.

If you have a premium account,

Please listen to my courses,

My free tracks.

Come back every day and then you support my work.

If you like to and you can have the means to donate me,

Then I also would love that.

It all supports my work here on Insight Timer.

I will be back second Friday of January with the very first Self Gentleness in Action live where we will focus on highly sensitives,

How they're relating to the world.

So I'm really looking forward to that.

Bev said you really needed many tissues.

So dear Bev,

Make sure that you stay really gentle with yourself today,

Right?

So you've touched upon some things of yourself that are sensitive.

So you now need your gentleness.

Be kind to yourself.

And if it's hard,

Then reach out to someone that is also kind to you so they can help you with that gentleness,

Right?

You promise me you take good care of yourself,

Right?

Okay,

Good.

Thank you,

Mary.

Suzanne,

Totally drawn to you today,

Femke.

You are wonderful.

Thank you,

Suzanne.

You're also really wonderful.

Thank you so much.

Madeline,

It was a very first time.

Well,

I'm happy to hear that you were here and that you liked it.

Thank you,

Dora and Christina.

Thank you so much for the donations.

I really appreciate it.

Cara says learning to be gentle with myself helped me to accept my sad,

Hurt inner child.

You're most welcome,

Cara.

Yeah,

Happy to hear that.

Hi,

Liz.

Yeah,

Thank you.

You too have a nice holiday.

My cockatiel enjoyed it too and spent the whole meditation on my feet.

Oh,

That's also really great.

I'm so happy to hear that.

Oh,

Thank you,

Dora.

I'm really,

Really happy with whatever you donate.

Thank you so much for doing that and I appreciate you being here.

Yeah,

Thank you so much,

Madeline also.

All right,

So don't forget you are okay.

Don't forget to honor whatever you can do now,

Right now or a little bit later or tomorrow and every day after that,

Actually,

To let yourself know that you are okay.

I wish you happy holidays,

A really wonderful New Year's Eve,

And I will see you in 2025 when we will get self-gentleness into action.

Thank you so much.

Bye-bye.