The Selfgentleness Journey 2024 - LIVE recording 01/12/2024

Hi everyone!

Welcome to my monthly live and happy new year to you!

I know it's already the 12th of January but still I want to wish you a happy new year because this is the very first live of this year and I want to tell you that this year I want to do something really special and it is to focus every live that I hold specifically on self-gentleness.

So if you don't know me yet my name is Femke Bakker.

I'm a meditation teacher and behavioral scientist but I'm also a teacher of self-gentleness and over the last years that self-gentleness journey became really important to me especially to teach this to others.

Self-gentleness started to exist in my life because it was a way for me to to get better at life and it was like a natural consequence of me starting to meditate many years ago,

Becoming a meditation teacher,

Starting to understand the power of meditation and how we can provide ourselves with tools to become self-gentle and everything that works around that.

So I will tell you more about that in a minute but let's take just one or two minutes to let people come in and welcome you.

So again my name is Femke Bakker.

I'm a meditation teacher here on Insight Timer,

A self-gentleness teacher and also behavioral scientist.

I do research in which I study leaderships,

Beliefs,

Democracies,

The impact of regimes on individuals,

How individuals matter and of course the impact of meditation on political behavior,

Social behavior and on stress management.

All right so hi Jos,

Happy new year.

Hi Denzel,

Lovely to see you.

Hi Akira,

Hi Erica,

Lovely that you are here.

Hi V,

Great that you're here.

Hi Jim,

Hi Catalina.

Hi Luanne,

A good sunny afternoon from Central Massachusetts.

I'm really happy for you that you have some there Luanne,

Great to hear that.

Hi Annemiek,

Best wishes for you too.

Hi Cherry,

Happy new year.

Hi Kesvan,

Hi Gilbert,

Sheila,

Mary,

Hi Mary,

Hi CP,

Hi Lizzie.

Lovely to see where everyone is coming from all over the world.

I so love that from England,

From the Netherlands,

From Switzerland,

From America,

Really really great.

Hi Mel,

Lovely happy new year to you dear Mel.

You are grieving your great aunt who passed away.

Yeah I saw it in my meditation group.

You wrote beautifully about her and I'm wishing you a lot of strength with that.

I really loved what Cherry wrote in our meditation group about she being the brightest star in the sky.

I so loved it and I so love Cherry for always being in that group,

Cheering everyone on,

Always having beautiful emojis and kind words for everyone.

And of course also Mel who organizes the weekly joint meditations in my meditation group.

I so love you both for being there,

Participating,

Supporting everyone.

And if you are not yet a part of my meditation group,

Then after this come over and join me.

You will find it on my profile page on Insight Time or under the tab About.

There you will find the teacher's meditation group.

It's called Femke's Meditation Group and people who you know love to hear more about my upcoming work,

To meditate together every Friday at this time,

You're really really welcome there.

So hi Wolfgang,

Hi Amberly from Australia,

Good morning to you.

Hi Maureen,

Happy new year from Canada.

Hi Slavena,

Happy new year.

Hi Jean from Chicagoland,

I see snow.

Yeah,

Janelle also from Australia,

Good morning to you.

Lovely.

So let's start.

Self-gentleness journey.

So this very first live is called the self-gentleness journey.

And why is that?

Because I just want to kick it off today by telling you about self-gentleness and how we can start a journey for ourselves.

And I know a lot of people that I see here,

You know me already,

You know my work,

You've been here a lot in their lives and you know about self-gentleness.

And I know that most of my lives are around,

Circling around topics that have to do with that.

But so this year,

Really the year 2024,

I just want to make it a little bit more structural and just take us through the different steps so that by the end of the year in December,

Everyone who is joining me during this year will have a sense of making progress on the self-gentleness journey.

So let me first start with defining self-gentleness,

If you don't know yet,

Here it's coming.

It's radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

I'm going to repeat that.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

So is it hard to be self-gentle?

No.

Because I think we all know those moments where we are gentle to ourselves.

When we are satisfied with something we did or achieved,

When someone tells us that they're proud of us or they love us or we just had a success or our kids just gave us a hug and we feel that we are good parents and you know all this kind of mechanisms,

We know that we can be gentle to ourselves.

So but then you hear my definition,

Right?

It starts with radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

What do I mean with that?

Well radically it means that you start a journey to be as often as you can self-gentle,

Gentle.

Radically.

So if possible,

Always.

Spoiler alert,

Always isn't possible.

I'm pretty good at self-gentleness and also I cannot be 24-7 self-gentle.

Also I trip and fall and suddenly notice that I'm tough on myself or I'm blaming myself for something.

All those kind of things.

But that's okay.

The key to self-gentleness is to know,

Recognize when you're not self-gentle and then find your way back to self-gentleness.

And sometimes that you can achieve in one second and sometimes it takes two weeks or longer and everything in between.

And that's okay.

Being okay with that it takes long,

That you forget to be self-gentle,

That it's hard sometimes to be self-gentle.

Yeah that's also part of the self-gentleness journey.

It's frustrating sometimes,

Right?

I know.

I really know.

But you will notice that the more consistently you aim for being self-gentle and you train yourself with several practices,

It becomes easier.

And you become a master of self-gentleness.

Not in a sense that you're always like that,

But that you recognize it when you're not and you know how to find your way back to that self-gentleness.

All right.

So that is self-gentleness.

That is the aim.

Why?

Why would we be self-gentle?

Well,

Very first answer,

Very clear,

Is to make our lives easier.

You know,

We live our lives.

Many things happen.

We have a long,

Long,

Long to-do lists.

A lot of expectations from family members,

Spouses,

Friends,

Bosses,

Employees,

Employers,

Ourselves.

Let's not forget ourselves.

Society at large.

It is really hard to do so if you are continuously trying to be perfect,

Trying to do things right,

Trying to live up to expectations,

All those kind of things.

So when we start to apply self-gentleness,

We start to make our lives easier.

And I think that's the main reason.

That is just for you.

To make that decision,

To start a self-gentleness journey,

It's really,

Really important.

And it's not so easy sometimes.

If you are someone who is really good in beating yourself up mentally,

By criticizing yourself,

Blaming yourself,

Or feeling guilty,

You know,

All those kind of emotions that can really carry us away from that self-gentleness,

Then it's sometimes really hard to make the decision to actually start to do that.

And that is why we have to speak about how we're going to do that,

Which I will do in a minute,

Because I have more to tell you about why should we do it.

Because when we train ourselves towards more self-gentleness,

We get resilience.

We get resilience to deal with whatever comes our way.

It doesn't mean that life is getting easier when things are hard.

But we do start to trust that whatever is happening,

We are able to pick ourselves up and carry on.

And even more,

After carrying on,

To start being more gentle.

To start to find that ease again.

And there is some beauty in feeling really bad because things are happening in your life,

Or you're just having thought that you're really critical about yourself.

But also having that experience of knowing that you yourself can achieve that self-gentleness.

That is something that's really important for me,

That you know that you can do that.

I'm a teacher of self-gentleness.

I tell you about it.

I give you tools for it.

I guide you.

I point you towards where you can look.

And also that self-gentleness journey for Maureen is a different one from Catalina.

It's a different one from Mel.

It's a different one from Cherry.

It's a different one for me.

To find your own way there.

And that is really important.

So I'm your pointer.

I'm your guide.

But you are doing it.

I'm not doing it.

You,

In the end,

Will not need me to be self-gentle.

I'm just helping you to get there,

To start to understand what it is that you personally,

Uniquely need to do so.

So that resilience.

And then when we start to master that process,

By returning to the self-gentleness,

We start,

Beautiful things start to happen.

Because we start to inspire others.

At first you might get some,

You know,

Pushback from people who feel that you should be there for them and not for you.

Right?

That's a really hard thing.

That's the consistent part in my definition about self-gentleness.

So also when you meet expectations from yourself or others,

Where you have to cross your own boundaries,

Or where you,

Yeah,

You just exhaust yourself to be there for others.

It's really,

Really hard for most people to actually decide that you have to be gentle to yourself first.

And that's a process.

It's something,

One of the steps that we will speak about during this year.

But when you start to feel more comfortable in that process,

And when you start to notice that when you are gentle to yourself,

It becomes so much easier to extend that gentleness to others.

That when you feed yourself with gentleness,

That you replenish yourself.

And that suddenly you can be there for others in such a better,

Stronger,

More empowering way than you ever did when you were depleting yourself.

And I know you understand this,

Might understand this on a cognitive level.

This is something that you need to experience.

But when you start to experience this,

Then you start to inspire others.

People start to understand that also they can become gentle to themselves.

And that it is okay to be gentle to yourself first,

Because what it gives in the end to others.

To find a gentleness within,

To find a gentleness also for others.

So you will notice there,

There is way more reciprocation from the gentleness towards you.

That people start to give it to themselves and are able to extend that gentleness to you.

And in a core,

And that might be the optimist in me,

That is the core of people,

Human beings,

Being open for hope.

And I feel that when I look around in the world,

That hope is something that we need.

At least let me speak for myself.

Hope is something that I need.

When we look in the world these days,

It's really easy to become feeling down or angry,

Sad,

Helpless,

Feeling powerless.

And I understand it.

When you look around,

It seems like you are right to have those feelings.

And I don't want to deny that.

I don't want to put a happy sticker on all those feelings and pretend that we have to be optimist.

Because no,

That's not the thing.

But I do believe when we start to extend the gentleness to ourselves,

In the midst of whatever is going on,

Deal with,

Hey this is who I am,

This is how I feel now.

And that can be sad,

That can be feeling powerless,

Right?

But by allowing ourselves to be how we are right now,

Within giving that gentleness,

You find that resilience.

And there lies the hope.

There lies the intrinsic knowledge that it is possible to move towards something else.

And I might be naive,

But I don't really give a beep.

I need hope.

And I believe that the more people are gentle to themselves,

The more gentle they will be to others.

And that will create hope.

And that is a movement.

It might be just a few people,

But that's important.

And I want to see that in the world.

And I'm looking for that in the world.

And I want to focus on that in the world.

And in that sense,

I'm also contributing to every one of you on an individual level,

But hopefully in the end also on a more aggregate or even community level.

And maybe even more than that.

But let's not go ahead.

All right.

So that is why we need self-gentleness.

For us to make life easy,

To be resilient,

For others to inspire them,

And then maybe in the end also for the interactions between others.

Okay.

Now,

Yes.

How,

Femke?

You speak so nice about that self-gentleness.

How are we going to do that?

Yeah,

Well,

That's something we're going to speak about for the rest of the year,

Right?

So there are a few beautiful things that you can do already.

So after this live,

You can go over to my profile on Insight Timer and click on the link there.

And then you find all kinds of links,

But there's also a link to a free download of a self-gentleness checklist.

I have it here.

And I know some of you have downloaded already and are using it and are really happy with that.

There are several practices on it and you just pick and choose.

You don't have to do all of them.

Just pick the one that you really like or the ones that you really like.

And then you can check for every day of the week if you did something with that.

So it's like a reminder,

A helpful tool for that.

So if you like that,

Then after the live,

Go over there and claim that for yourself.

It's free.

That's one.

So I will tell you a little bit about the next lives.

So on the February 9th,

It was going to be Self-Gentleness Step 1,

Tuning In,

Where we will focus on the practice of tuning in.

If you listen to my free tracks here on Insight Timer,

You will notice that there are self-gentleness tracks,

Short tracks.

There's also these recorded lives about this,

But there are a few short tracks.

And Tuning In is one of those.

And in the next live on 9th of February,

We will really dive deep into what is tuning in.

How do we do that?

Why is it important?

How can it help us?

What is the benefit over time from it?

And we will really dive deep into that lesson.

And then on March 8th,

It will be Self-Gentleness Step 2.

And then we will look at the power of daily practices.

And those daily practices can be meditation,

But it can also be practice that you create for yourself.

So here we will dive deep into existing daily practices that I've been offering to my students of self-gentleness already for quite some time,

And that we know that they are working,

But also how you can develop your own self-gentleness tools daily practices.

So then pay attention 29th of March,

Because the beginning of April,

I will not be able to give lives due to other obligations,

But instead their step 3 will be on the 29th of March.

And that will be step 3,

And it's going to be Letting Go of Perfectionism.

I know a lot about that.

I'm a previous perfectionist.

I spoke about it not so long ago in a live.

I will speak more about that,

But that is really a great one.

So the other steps up to December will be published soon also,

But we'll dive deep in many things like relationships,

Like work situations.

And actually when you're a part of my meditation group,

Now is the time to let me know if there are specific topics that you would like to address on self-gentleness.

But we'll go through all the steps so that by the end of the year,

If you follow these or you listen to the recordings later on,

You'll really have realized that you have made a start on the self-gentleness journey.

So the main problem when we try to be self-gentle,

And we don't get there so easy,

Is our effing mind.

Our minds create analysis,

Stories,

Narratives,

Explanations for all kinds of things that we are feeling,

Doing,

Not doing,

Having to do,

Must do.

And the way our mind responds to that can be really in the way of us becoming self-gentle.

So how we can release that mind.

So this is something that we're going to speak about during the whole year.

And of course meditation is one of the great tools to do that.

Because when we use meditative practices,

And other practices as well,

Which we will speak about in the step two part,

Meditation practice can really help us to release thoughts,

To relax the mind,

And to start to understand how we can deal with those thoughts,

With emotions.

Also an important topic that we will be discussing,

Emotions.

There will be also specific class,

Self-gentleness and emotions.

And beliefs.

The things that we believe about ourselves,

Ourselves in the world,

The world around us,

Other people,

And basically everything that we interact with,

And everyone that we interact with,

Those beliefs cluster together in belief systems.

And those can be empowering,

But those can also be not so empowering.

So meditation can really help you to start becoming aware of the beliefs that you hold,

And then slowly,

Step by step,

Start to override those beliefs by becoming self-gentle.

The best way to override beliefs that are hurtful for you,

Is by putting those first steps on the self-gentleness journey.

All right.

So in the end,

We want to be okay with who we are,

How we are,

How we feel,

Wherever we are in the world,

In our lives,

With whoever we are,

And to find ease there.

For me,

A very important first entry to that,

Is to pay attention to our bodies.

I know I was just speaking a lot about meditation and our mind,

And yeah,

That is the core,

That is where most of the work will have to be done.

But in my own practice,

And over the years,

Over the years,

So okay,

Let me start at the beginning.

I was meditating always,

And it was a mental thing.

It was even a transcending thing.

When I started to meditate,

I was transcending,

I was getting out of my body,

And my body didn't matter so much.

And over the course of the years,

Where I started to become more and more self-gentle,

Started to work with practices,

I started to become aware of the role of my body in this.

That by not allowing myself to,

First of all,

Be okay with my body,

To accept my body just as it is,

With the beautiful parts,

And the parts that I criticize,

That I stop criticizing that,

But just start embracing those parts.

But actually just feeling also,

Understanding that emotions are part of that body,

Because emotions are always experienced as physiological experiences in our body.

And starting to feel what our bodies need,

Is a really big step in starting to understand how we can deal with those thoughts,

Those effing minds,

Those beliefs,

Those emotions.

So today,

I would like us to start our self-gentleness by really becoming aware of our beautiful bodies,

And how we can let go and relax.

You see,

I'm already helping myself.

I'm speaking about my body,

And I feel the need,

You can see that I feel the need to hold myself tight,

To feel my skin,

To feel my muscles,

To be in this body,

And to feel it,

To feel that there is tension,

And become aware of that.

Now sometimes that's hard.

When you're experiencing hardship,

Especially emotional hardship,

That is in your body.

And when we are unable to let that flow,

To let that be in our bodies,

It can get stuck.

So what we are going to do,

Is just focus on relaxing the body.

You will become aware of those parts where you feel tension,

Or maybe emotion,

And just know that you are okay.

And whenever you notice that an emotion is coming up,

That you focus on the physiological sensation of that emotion.

So let's say you start to cry,

Then focus on feeling the tears on your cheek.

Or you become nervous,

Then focus on that pit in your stomach,

Or wherever you feel it,

Where there is some tension,

And see if you can relax a little bit by caressing your belly,

Putting your hand on your belly.

I will guide you through this.

If at any point in time you feel like,

Oh no,

This is too much,

Then just stop it.

But if you can,

Just try to allow yourself to relax,

To ease into your beautiful body,

Your soft body,

Your gentle body.

Because as Annemiek is writing here in the comments,

The body is very wise.

I'm asking you,

How many times you feel tired,

But you push through?

You feel that you want to take a quick nap,

Or just close your eyes,

But you're not,

Because you're pushing through.

How many times you feel there's a tension in your shoulders,

Because you've been too long behind the computer,

But instead of just taking 10 minutes of stretch and walk,

You keep on pushing,

And then you get pain in your neck,

Pain in your head.

How many times when you're walking,

You feel your feet hurting,

And you don't take the time to sit?

Your body is very wise,

Like Annemiek said,

And it's telling you a lot.

But we are used to not listen to our bodies,

To push through.

And if we learn to help our body to relax,

And to realize whatever is going on in that body,

We start to tune in to also other needs.

Because like Annemiek said,

Our body is wise,

And it tells us more than we think.

So Jean is just here quoting The Body Holds the Score,

Which is a really great book from psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk,

Who based it on a lot of research,

Showing that especially when we've had traumatic experiences,

And it can be as well really large trauma,

But also like what's sometimes called mini trauma,

So the grievances of our childhood,

For instance,

Who might not be severe,

But still had a big impact,

That if we don't release that from the body,

It stays there.

So when you look in my premium tracks,

If you have a premium account,

Which I would recommend to everybody,

It's $60,

If you have the means,

Then really take a premium account on Inside Hammer,

You get access to like 2000 courses,

And all kind of perks,

And also premium tracks.

Also this premium track is called Letting Go,

Self-Gentleness,

Letting Go.

And here I really work with understanding where something is in your body and trying to let it go.

It's not such a long practice,

But I really recommend you to do it.

By the way,

Speaking about it,

I also released last week two new tracks.

One is called Soothing Perfectionism,

Which is about 10 minutes,

I think,

Where I guide you with affirmations to soothe any feelings of perfectionism.

And also I Am Perfect Just As I Am,

Which is a practice of six minutes,

Where I also guide you with affirmations to really truly feel that you are perfect,

Just as you are right now.

You're always perfect right now,

Always right now,

Whatever is going on,

Whatever you're doing,

Whatever you were doing,

Whatever you find of yourself,

You are perfect just as you are.

So if you have a premium,

Please go there and listen to it.

And if you like it,

Then rate it.

There are a few people listened to it,

A few rated it,

There was apparently someone who didn't like it,

Which is okay,

You know,

That happens,

But gave it one star,

And that really takes everything down.

So if you like it,

Give me stars,

Yeah.

The stars are not so important,

But the fact is,

The better my work is reviewed by you guys and shared with people within Insight Timer and outside Insight Timer,

The algorithm of Insight Timer picks it up and shows it to others.

And especially with the premium work,

The premium tracks,

The courses,

These provide meditation teachers and Insight Timer with some income,

So that we can continue to create all this beautiful free stuff,

Like these lives,

For instance.

You can also,

Of course,

Always donate.

Don't do it right now.

If you have an iPhone,

Wait till afterwards and just go to my profile page,

If you want to donate.

If you have an Android,

You can donate just as now,

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Unless you make it through my profile page on Insight Timer.

So don't donate now with your iPhone,

But do it later,

If you want,

Of course.

All donations are really,

Really appreciated,

Of course,

Because,

Yeah,

I create all these things with your help.

All right,

Let's meditate.

This is a great meditation to lie down,

If you like.

You don't have to,

You can also just sit,

But if you have the possibility and you would like to lie down,

You can lie down.

It might be that you will fall asleep,

But that's okay.

I mean,

Whenever you fall asleep during a meditation,

It just means that your body is tired and thinks,

Oh,

This is my chance to relax and sleep.

So never blame yourself for that.

All right,

Let's start,

And let's just start by becoming aware of how we are sitting or lying.

So you can feel your buttocks on the seat,

Your back against the mattress or the chair or the sofa,

Whatever you're sitting,

Feeling your feet also touching the ground.

If you're lying down,

It's just the heels.

If you're sitting,

It's the whole soul on the ground,

And I really love myself to become aware of the touch points of our feet on the ground,

Because then I always realize that I'm connecting with Mother Earth,

With the beautiful planets that we're living on.

It's such an amazing,

Beautiful planet with the most amazing nature and the most amazing beings,

Including human beings.

This beautiful atmosphere that makes sure that we have oxygen to breathe,

With trees that take out the bad stuff for our lungs from the air and give us clean oxygen back,

The beautiful plants that feed us,

Beautiful flowers that give us joy and beautiful fragrances.

And then this beautiful rock that this planet is.

I always have to think of that series from,

What was it,

The 90s?

The Third Rock from the Sun.

Yeah,

We are on this rock and we're going with tremendous speed.

We're circling around our own core,

Around the sun,

Through this enormous space with all the blue water and the green plants.

And when I think of it,

It all looks just so perfect.

And when I feel my feet on the ground,

I realize that I'm connected.

I'm supported.

I feel fully supported just by putting my feet on the ground.

That's such a beautiful realization that by just bringing your attention to your feet on the ground,

You can feel supported by Earth,

By life.

Let's close our eyes.

Let's just use now our five senses to become aware of how we are right now here.

So bring your attention to whatever you are hearing right now.

Well,

You hear my voice.

That's the most prevalent sound.

But do you hear any other sounds in your environment?

Can you hear sounds that are far away?

And can you hear the more subtle sounds just surrounding you?

Maybe you hear the clothes moving over your skin.

Maybe you hear your own heartbeat or your breath.

Just bring your attention to whatever you're hearing right now.

Now bring your attention to whatever you are seeing with your eyes closed.

Yeah,

Even with your eyes closed,

You see things.

Maybe you see pitch black.

Maybe you see some light shimmering through your eyelids.

Some people see colored dots or swirling colors or their mind's eye start to project images.

And whatever you see or not see,

You don't have to change it.

Just observe whatever it is.

It's okay.

Whatever it is,

It is okay.

Now bring your attention to whatever you are feeling with your with your sense of touch,

Your skin.

So yeah,

Prevalent,

You feel your buttock on the seat.

You feel the socks sitting on your ankles or your shirt on your shoulders.

Can you feel somewhere subtle like the hair in the back of your neck or if you have a beard,

The hair on your face?

Can you feel how the air touches your skin?

Yeah.

All right,

Now bring your attention to whatever you are tasting.

There's always some taste in your mouth.

Maybe you just ate something or you drank something.

Maybe you kissed someone and you taste them.

Maybe you haven't eaten or you didn't drink something for quite some time and it's some kind of a dry,

Acidy taste.

Maybe you're imagining what you're going to eat later today and you already can taste it.

Whatever it is,

Just bring your attention to your taste.

All right,

Now bring your attention to whatever you are smelling.

We generally pick up on the most prominent smells,

The aromas that are clear,

Like your perfume or aftershave,

Maybe some smoke or coffee.

Someone might be frying an egg and you might smell that.

Can you smell some more subtle smells like the fabric of your clothes,

The quality of the air,

Those flowers on the other side of the room?

Bring all your attention to whatever you're smelling right now.

Lovely.

All right,

Now just sit for a moment and be aware of how you brought your attention to the here and now,

To your senses,

To your sense of hearing,

Your sense of sight with your eyes closed,

Your sense of touch,

Your sense of taste and your sense of smell.

There is a quality of peacefulness and quietness relative to how you started when you bring your attention to whatever your senses are observing,

Picking up right now,

And realize that in any moment you are able to do this.

So whenever you have a not so quiet morning,

You can take yourself to a quiet place,

And that can be the restroom,

Right,

And just take a few minutes just to pick up what your senses are picking up.

And you don't have to do all of them,

You can just focus on one,

What you're hearing or what you're seeing or what you're feeling.

It doesn't matter,

Just as a tool to come back to yourself,

To get a sense of that peacefulness within.

All right,

Now imagine that your attention is like a big fat laser beam.

So rather than being all over the place,

You bundle all your attention as if it is a big fat laser beam,

And you are going to focus that laser beam on your right big toe.

Yeah,

You heard me right,

All your attention like a big fat laser beam to your right big toe.

And if you're someone who is sometimes suffering from some pain in your toes due to arthritis or something,

You suddenly feel that pain.

That's wondrous,

Right?

That by bringing your awareness to a specific place,

You become aware of what it is telling you.

So my toe is telling me,

Femke,

Wear your walking shoes,

Be kind to me,

Your right big toe,

Be gentle with me,

And only walk whatever you can walk,

And rest whenever I tell you to rest.

Whoo,

That's such beautiful information,

That's such wisdom from my toe,

And still I tend to ignore it sometimes.

But now I'm bringing my awareness there,

And I realize that my toe has a story to tell to me.

And it's up to me if I want to honor that or not,

Because sometimes you have to walk,

You cannot sit.

But then I know that if I do so,

I will find another way to relax it,

So I will not wear high heels,

I will walk on walking boots,

Climbing boots.

I don't know the word in English,

But you understand what I mean,

Right?

So all your attention to your toe.

This was just an example of the wisdom of your body.

Maybe you will encounter somewhere some tension or pain in your body,

Which will tell you something.

It will tell you what it needs,

It will tell you what kind of gentleness it needs from you to feel relatively a little bit better.

And I know that some of you have chronic pains,

And I know that some of you have even worse things going on in their body,

Which is terrible.

But still,

I'm not suggesting that by bringing that attention that you will heal those pains,

Or that you will take away whatever is going on.

But I do tell you that you can start to listen to your body and honor what it needs,

In whatever shape it is,

Whatever the outcome is.

Whether you cure yourself or not,

If that is at all possible,

It doesn't matter.

It matters is how you treat your body right now.

And especially that goes for emotions that are in your body.

So let's check our bodies and just go along with whatever we are feeling.

So our attention is on our right big toe,

All right.

So now that big,

Big laser beam is going to shine on all the little parts of your foot.

So from your right big toe,

It goes to the next one,

The second one,

The third one,

The fourth one,

To the little pinky toe.

And then it moves from the side of your foot to the heel and back to the front.

And it shines on the whole foot,

Little bones,

The tendons,

The ligaments,

Everything in your foot.

And now you're going to take that attention up to your ankle,

Up to your shins and calves,

Up to your knees,

A sensitive place for a lot of people.

If you notice that you feel pain or tension,

Just keep your attention a little bit longer then and really ask your body,

What is it that you need?

And your body will show you a picture,

Give you a word,

Give you a song,

Give you a sense,

Give you a feeling.

And you can honor that now or later on.

From your knee,

You go up on your thigh,

Moving more upwards,

Caressing your pelvis,

Your beautiful,

Beautiful pelvis,

Your buttocks,

Your sex organs,

Everything there resting in a beautiful pelvis,

Going to the left buttock,

Going to the left thigh,

Going down to your left knee,

Touching your shin,

Your calves,

Your ankle,

And your foot going from the heel next to the side to your little toe,

Fourth toe,

Third toe,

Second toe,

Big left toe,

Moving on to the side,

Focusing now on the whole foot,

Shining the light on all the little bones,

The tendons,

Ligaments.

Now for a moment,

Be aware again of how grounded you feel now,

How this lower part of your body is now more relaxed than when you started,

More connected to the beautiful earth,

That practice that we just did.

You feel it is as if the earth is sending its beautiful green energy into your feet,

Connecting you as if you are a tree that is shooting roots into the soil,

Being fed by mother earth.

All right,

Let's take that laser beam of attention and bring it to our lower belly.

Lower bellies,

Those are notorious places to have tensions,

To have pain,

To have all these stored feelings of not feeling safe,

Not feeling loved.

Put your hands on your belly if you have any tension there.

If you don't have tension,

Then just move around over your belly.

But if you have tension,

Then just put your hands on your belly and make some circles clockwise over your belly.

Don't pull your belly in.

You have a beautiful belly.

It doesn't matter if it's really flat or it's really round.

You have a beautiful,

Lovely belly.

Just caress it,

Touch it.

You are so beautiful.

And if there's any tension in your belly,

Then just know it's really hard to let go of the tension.

But by you now loving and caressing your belly,

You are giving yourself some gentleness that your belly can relax in.

Holding your belly,

Rocking yourself a little bit from the left to the right is also a really great one.

All right,

Now let's move up that laser beam light to your stomach.

The stomach is this other place.

Whenever I feel tension or whenever I am triggered in some old stuff,

I get a knot in my stomach.

I cannot eat.

It's painful.

It's hurting.

It's making me feel itchy.

Restless and insecure.

So also now put your hands there and rock yourself a little bit.

Just move your hands over your stomach.

You can tell your stomach it's okay.

You're safe.

You're good.

I'm here.

I've got you.

I've got you.

It's okay.

You can be as you are,

But I've got you.

So many nerve ends are in our stomach.

So many triggers can be there due to stress hormones when they're released in our body.

So being aware of the tension,

Helping yourself to relax it relatively to how you started is already a really great gift of gentleness to yourself.

All right,

Now let's get that laser beam up to our hearts.

In the middle of your chest,

You can put your hands there.

I always imagine the big light there in the middle of my heart.

Beautiful light.

It's so powerful.

It makes me smile and it almost makes me cry when I bring my attention to my heart.

I don't know how it is with you,

But connecting to your own heart is one of the most beautiful things you can do.

There's such a power of love within you.

The power to love others.

The power to love you.

And if that sounds and feels like a step way too far,

Then just know that caressing your chest,

Your heart with gentleness is a perfect start because you are right where you are and you're doing it so well.

Now bring that laser beam to your back for a moment.

Let it start all the way down just above your buttocks and just pull it up over your spine.

Shine it there.

Ooh,

Our backs,

Our spine.

I feel immediately like making these movements,

Rocking myself,

Trying to make this spine a little bit more soft,

A little bit more gentle.

I immediately feel how much tension I have in my back from working behind the computer,

From holding my shoulders up when I have tension,

From whatever tension is in my body.

Yeah,

My back.

I feel my back.

And when I move like this with attention on it,

I feel it becomes more softer and it really,

Really feels good to just gently move a little bit.

Now I bring the attention to my shoulders.

My shoulders always have a lot of tension.

I tend to pull them up to my ears when I don't notice that I'm doing it and then suddenly I notice and you can help yourself by just pulling them up and dropping them.

Oh,

Do you feel how good it feels to pull up your shoulders and then to just drop them?

Oh,

This is so good.

Oh,

Oh,

I'm so happy with the gentleness that I'm extending to myself.

I don't know if you share that sentiment with me,

But I feel that my body is so much more soft now,

So much more willing to be open,

To let that gentleness flow.

And you know what?

It doesn't have to be a big feeling.

Just a tad compared to how you started is enough.

It's exactly where you could be,

Exactly where you are.

It's exactly right.

All right,

Now I've shined a light on my right arm and I feel the need to shake my arm a little bit.

Shaking can be really,

Really good when you have tension in your arm,

Tension in your legs,

Whatever.

Shake them,

Shake them a little bit,

Shake them.

Feels really good.

And this light goes over my upper arm,

My elbows,

My underarm,

My hands.

I'm so grateful for my hands.

The things my hands can do,

They can grab things,

They can feed me,

I can write with it,

I can type with it,

I can caress my loved ones,

I can caress myself.

I'm grateful for my hands,

So I shine a light on every finger from my thumb to my index finger,

Middle finger,

Ring finger,

Pink to my left pink,

My left ring finger,

Middle finger,

Index finger and thumbs.

I can put my hands together and feel the power of these hands meeting,

A meeting of energies.

Beautiful.

Now I put the light up again to my left underarm,

My left elbow,

My left upper arm and I shake my left arm also a little bit.

It feels so good to shake sometimes,

To let go of tension.

Yeah,

All right.

Now I shine a light upon my throat.

It's an important part because our throat is a great symbol for being able to speak,

Being able to express how we feel,

Being able to express what it is that we need,

Being able to express love,

Being able to express who we are.

To shine a light and if you feel that it's itching a little bit or that you have to cough,

Then just put your hand there.

No,

It will soften when you bring your attention there.

It's okay.

You can speak.

You can be you.

You can speak.

Now put that light on your head.

It will move to your left ear,

Left cheek,

Your mouth,

Your right cheek,

Your right ear,

Moving behind the back of your head all the way up,

Going to your forehead,

Caressing your temple,

Left temple,

Right temple,

Your right eye,

Left eye,

Your nose,

Going to your lips,

Putting his attention on your tongue,

Your teeth,

Going to your brain,

The source,

The working source of our mental capacities,

Of our thoughts,

Our beliefs.

So many things are happening right there.

Let's just pledge now that we will be kind towards our heads.

Whatever we're thinking and doing,

We will be kind.

All right.

Now again,

Be aware of a moment of how relaxed you are,

How it feels when you compare it to how you started.

More relaxed,

More in the present,

More here and now in your body,

Being aware of the support under your feet,

Being aware of your empowerment to bring attention to whatever is going on in your body,

To honor the needs that are communicated to you.

And I know sometimes we cannot live up to them right now because life is expecting things from us,

But that's okay.

You can always come back and honor it in a later moment.

Now keep your eyes still closed while you are in this beautiful,

Relaxed place,

This beautiful,

Relaxed body,

So gentle,

So soft.

And I would like you to imagine that you are now laying in your favorite place.

It can be on the beach,

In the woods,

In your bed,

Your garden,

Your favorite chair,

Your old bedroom as a kid,

Wherever you want to be.

Imagine that you are lying down right there,

Being aware of how the air touches your skin.

The air is perfect for you.

It might be warm if you like warm,

It might be cooler if you like cooler.

If you like sun,

You feel the sun on your face.

If you like rain,

You feel the raindrops on your head.

All is well.

And while you're here relaxing and you're taking the surroundings around you in,

If you're at the beach,

You see the ocean,

You might see a dolphin far away.

If you're in the woods,

You listen to the rustling of the leaves of the trees.

If you're in your own bed,

You can imagine how this beautiful warm blanket is covering you and while you're resting on this really gorgeous mattress of yours.

So wherever you are,

You are okay.

You are relaxed with ease.

Which part of your body feels most self-gentle right now?

Which part of your body feels most self-gentle right now?

Bring your attention there.

You can even put your hands there if possible.

This is the place where you feel most self-gentle.

It means that this is the place where everything flows,

Everything is open,

Everything is just love.

Really register how this part of your body,

Most self-gentle part of your body feels right now because this is the feeling that you want to achieve in the rest of your life.

As many times as possible,

While knowing that you can never be there all the time in that way but that you will help yourself to find it again and again and again.

Notice how good it feels wherever you are.

You don't have to be really there.

It can be in your head like I said.

You can imagine but really immerse yourself in that experience as if you are there and then lean back with ease and trust that whenever you are extending self-gentleness to yourself,

You will get this feeling.

We're anchoring this feeling right now in your awareness so that whenever you are choosing self-gentleness,

You will be rewarded with this feeling.

This is an intention you set right now so to come back to this feeling as often as you can is a really,

Really great practice.

Before we open our eyes,

I would like to speak some sentences that I would love for you to repeat after me.

All right.

You can repeat out loud but you can also repeat just mentally.

Whatever suits you right now.

These are the words.

I am starting my self-gentleness journey because I want to know that I am okay.

I want to know in every moment in time that I am okay.

I want to know in every moment that I am loved,

That I'm cared for,

That I'm worthy.

I want to know that and I start to understand that right now I am learning the way to get there.

I'm learning these tools to get there.

To live my life with more ease.

To live my life with more ease.

That would be wonderful.

So that's why I'm here starting this self-gentleness journey and I will help myself.

I vouch that I will help myself.

That's a beautiful pledge guys.

That's a great start of this self-gentleness journey.

So let's bring your attention back to being in your body here and now.

You can help yourself by wiggling your fingers and toes or stretching your spine.

And then I would like for you to really,

Really slowly open your eyes.

Take your time.

If you open them just like that now,

It might be too harsh of a transition.

So really take it easy.

Slowly take your time.

You can take one or two minutes to open your eyes.

That's okay.

Take your time.

Just reading some more of the comments.

Beautiful.

I really like how you guys engage with yourself and thank you all for signing up,

For getting the checklist,

Signing up for the email.

Jim asked,

Can you speak to allow yourself a cozy going-to-be ritual?

That's a great idea.

I'm going to note that down.

I will be working on that.

Might be also a great one for a premium track or just a track actually.

Thank you so much.

Great.

Mel says the new tracks are wonderful reassuring.

I like when you tell me to open my eyes and see everything in my room is okay.

Oh thank you so much Mel for that feedback.

I really love that.

Thank you so much.

Hi Evie,

Happy to see you.

It's okay that you missed a lot.

It's recorded and it will be published again on Inside Timer so you can listen back to everything.

I hope you're doing well.

So Gary says,

Ouch wow that laser is hot.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Watch yourself.

But when it's too hot then just dim it down a little bit that it will not hurt you because that's also not the purpose.

It doesn't have to hurt.

Mary,

Thank you Femke.

That's really precious.

You're most welcome Mary.

Luanne says I would definitely like this on the track.

Oh thank you so much Luanne.

Well we'll make sure it's recorded and I will make sure that it will get in my track list of course.

Yeah all right.

So thank you all for being here,

For all your beautiful comments,

Sharing whatever is going on with you.

I really love being here with you guys.

I will slightly edit this track and then publish it.

I will work on it next week so that's somewhere by the end next week or the week after it will be published.

If you are part of a meditation group I always communicate there that new stuff is going on.

If you are following me as a teacher and you put on the bell you will get notified of the new lives,

New tracks,

Whatever is going on.

I'm working on a lot of things and I want to remind you that the 9th of February it will be my second live of this year.

Self-Gentleness step two.

Tuning in.

So I would love for you to be there and wish you all a beautiful weekend,

Self-gentle weekend.

I'm so glad we started this self-gentleness journey together and I hope you stick with me over the course of the year and really can say to yourself in December,

Whoa I'm so much more self-gentle than right now.

Sending you all so much love.

Have a beautiful weekend and see you in February.

Bye bye.