GF Live 7-1-23 Power To Part Ways With The Pain Of The Past

Did you know the only problems that you and I have in terms of psychological pain or suffering is because we have a relationship that we don't know we have and not with the world around us,

But with the world within us,

Which in itself is an important idea if it's true.

And I always have to leave it to you.

I never ask you nor should you believe in anything anyone tells you.

It must be proven by your own work.

But if the suffering in my life,

And I'm talking about the fear,

The worry,

The anxiety,

The regrets,

If the suffering in my life is because of a relationship that I have without knowing it in a world within me,

There's great hope in that.

At once there's a kind of,

I don't know about this world within me,

At least I can see the world outside of me and I can deal with Peter,

Paul,

And Mary.

I can get past the misery by eating or drinking something.

I can deal with that out there.

But when we talk about our spiritual life,

It's kind of important to understand we're talking about an interior life.

And don't discount it like you think you know it.

That's one of the biggest problems we all have.

What we wrestle with in any unwanted moment is not the moment itself.

What we are wrestling with in those moments is our own past.

I'll show all of this and tend to make it quite evident.

I mean,

Imagine for a moment,

If you will,

A couple of friends,

Maybe they went to college together,

I don't know.

And one of them is pretty much always complaining about something.

And the other guy says,

Look,

You know,

You talk about your life,

And with all respect I hear it almost all the time,

How every day you've got to do this and you've got to do that.

And then you've got to do all these things to make all this work.

And you're pleased.

Why don't you,

You know,

You're in a,

You're kind of in a rut.

Why don't you just,

You know,

Stop it?

And his friend looks at him like he's crazy.

And he says,

I don't think you understand.

What don't I understand?

At least I know what to expect,

He said.

Now,

That thought of his friend who was just complaining about the rut,

The repetition of his life,

The constant reminders and familiar reactions,

When he's complaining about that,

He can't conceive that there is a comfort in that for him.

Because when he doesn't want it,

He blames his pain on the conditions that he say,

He says creates that.

And then on the other hand,

When someone says to him,

Well,

Why don't you stop that?

Why don't you just give that up?

And basically saying,

I don't know what else would happen.

So sort of the fear of what may be outweighs the pain of the present.

And the only way there can be a fear of what may be is when our past sits behind us and looks out through our eyes.

And because of its conditioning,

And that nature that doesn't want under any circumstances to have to do what?

I don't want to go through that again.

I don't want to have that experience again.

How many times in your life have you heard a thought or a feeling come up and something happens and your mind goes,

Oh my God,

That's a bad sign.

What does that mean?

You can over here just at least let me know that we're still talking together.

Ever had that feeling?

Oh,

That's a bad sign.

What does that mean?

Many times says Gene.

Yeah.

I mean,

Try to follow that thought and the corresponding flood of anxiety or fear that comes up in that moment.

That's familiar to us.

And by familiar,

I mean that we think that having that thought and its corresponding anxiety or fear,

That that is the natural thing to happen when something we look out at the world transpiring seems to run against what it is that we expected.

So our resistance to that moment that appears in the form of a thought,

Oh my God,

Now what's going to happen?

We believe that that pain is necessary in order to figure out how to protect us from that moment.

But the moment that we are trying to protect ourselves from isn't our moment.

It belongs to a consciousness,

Asleep and in a dream that has carried over a host,

A legion of conditioned thoughts and feelings,

A legion of different conditioned eyes that don't know what to do in any moment when the images they are attached to and dependent on are threatened.

And then follow this,

If you will.

Then after my mind says,

Oh my God,

What does that mean?

The same mind resisting the condition that looks somewhat familiar to other unwanted moments in its past,

Then actually turns to itself to explain to itself why that moment is fearful.

It's kind of crazy.

It's kind of crazy because you and I in this unconscious conditioned nature that we live from actually believe that we don't,

Who else do I have to talk to other than myself about what myself is telling me my situation will be when it can't know.

And when that consciousness is looking at its own conditioned reactions to past circumstances,

And then it believes it's going to protect itself from what?

From its own dream?

From its own deluded state.

Let me move along here.

Yes.

And that's once you've been hurt,

It's hard to try again.

Yes,

I agree with you.

Why?

Why?

Why have I made fear my friend?

Believe me.

Why have I made anxiety my God?

Now you may not like that idea that fear and anxiety are present and acting God,

But who do I turn to when a thought comes,

Oh my God,

What does that mean?

Who do I turn to other than a consciousness full of fearful reactions that then tell me what I must do to be proactive to protect myself from a fear?

Where in the name of God did human beings come up with the idea,

A,

That it is natural spiritually,

Psychologically,

To live in a prison constructed from our own painful,

Fearful thoughts and feelings,

All projections of the past and hope that somehow by jumping into that prison cell,

We're going to protect ourselves.

Let me get into a story I want to tell you.

Two girls,

Sisters,

They grew up together and at a certain point they went to different colleges.

They corresponded all the time,

At least as best they could.

And then as the faiths would have it,

It turns out that one of them gets a job at the same place where other sister has been working.

So now they're going to work in the same place.

So it seems that the best thing to do is to move in together,

Get a place together.

It's like a dream come true.

So it isn't terribly long after they move in together,

These two sisters,

That one of them,

We'll say her name is Mary,

Is out having lunch with a friend,

Paul.

And he is starting to ask her,

You know,

Ever since,

I don't know,

Maybe the last month or so,

Something seems to be wrong with you.

I mean,

I thought,

And I remember you were all up and happy and all that because your sister was here.

You're going to live together.

You're going to start in a new place.

You were really upbeat,

But honestly,

You just seem kind of like in thought all the time down in the dumps.

Mary says,

Yeah,

I was,

But things have changed.

I mean,

There's a problem I have with my sister and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

Paul says,

Well,

We've been friends a long time.

Mary,

What's going on?

Tell me what's happening.

Well,

For one thing,

Mary says,

Samantha,

And I never knew it about this.

She just never stops complaining.

And even when things are going good and they are,

It was great when we set out,

Samantha will always find something that she doesn't like.

It's really grating on me.

Well,

He says,

You know,

People can be grating.

Is that it?

Mary says,

Not by a long stretch.

What else?

Well,

For some reason,

Samantha is always criticizing me.

I mean,

It's like she loves to point out my faults and then judge me for those faults as if she's perfect.

Paul says,

Well,

Look,

You know,

Mary,

We can't deny it.

We all have our faults,

Don't we?

Mary's getting a little exasperated.

She says,

Well,

Of course we do.

But it's like Samantha can't wait to remind me about them.

In the strangest circumstances,

We'll be sitting there having a glass of wine and she'll point out that I'm holding it wrong or that I'm just these things.

She finds these moments and then she'll tie them into our past.

Things I don't even remember.

I think she's hallucinating.

I mean,

I know we have different memories of the past,

But it seems that she can't wait to saddle me with all the things that I did when we were young and growing up.

I just don't know how to get around it.

Paul looks at her again and he says,

Well,

You know,

I get it.

It's tough.

But I mean,

Is that the whole of it?

Mary says,

Isn't that enough?

She's rushing me all the time.

She tells me to get things done that she's supposed to do.

I just don't know.

I'm at my wits end.

All right,

Says Paul.

I get it.

I get it now.

This relationship with her,

Obviously it's a bad deal.

So look,

Why don't you just tell her that she's crossed the line one time too many and maybe it wasn't such a good idea that you lived together under one roof and you ought to start looking for separate places.

Mary looks at Paul with bats her eyes,

Sort of disbelieving.

She says,

What are you,

Paul?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you kidding me?

I hardly have any friends left as it is.

Now we would call that a shift in eyes.

Do you understand it?

Here she is talking about someone who's never stops talking to her about problems and pains and unwanted conditions.

And then at the end of it,

She says,

I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

Now in this story,

Samantha represents my past,

Your past.

There is a steady stream,

Isn't there?

And maybe we've been so immersed in it for so long,

We're not even aware of it.

There is a steady stream of thought,

Isn't there?

Conversations that we have with ourselves when we're driving,

Having our coffee in the morning,

Sitting at our desk,

Caught in a daydream.

Where the mind,

Again,

Unseen,

Is never endingly weighing things.

Please if you're following me,

Let me know over here.

I like to keep you engaged so you're not watching some YouTube video while I'm talking.

Chantal says,

How do you filter this out?

We're going to get to this.

We're not going to filter it out.

We're not going to cope,

Chantal.

This isn't about that.

This is about our recognizing that our mind and obviously our commensurate sense of self is always trying to figure out the lesser of two evils.

Now we don't think to ourselves that we're trying to figure the lesser of two evils,

But isn't that what Mary was saying?

That I don't like having this conversation with Samantha.

I don't like reliving these thoughts.

I don't like being reminded.

I don't like being told I should regret what happened.

I don't like all of that,

But I'm engaged in it deeply every day in one way or another.

On the other hand,

I don't know who or what I would be engaged with because behind all of this conversation with her,

Meaning with Samantha,

With my own thoughts,

There's this idea that if I weigh all of this carefully,

Then I can make the best of the worst.

I tell you,

That's what it is.

It seems like when we settle on how we're going to get by or live with this problem,

With this pain,

With these regrets,

With this fear,

It seems like when we finally get that settled each time,

And that's a key phrase,

Each time,

That at least we've managed to settle this and now we can get on with our life.

But you and I ought to know that we don't get on with our life.

What we get on with is being brought into the next conversation with ourselves about what to do with some pending moment or a problem in our past that's still causing us pain.

And that conversation,

Yes,

John,

It is fear of missing out.

It's saying to me something along these lines.

And this is,

We don't want to see this,

But I just ask you to see it.

If it's not true,

If you think I'm off base,

Just go away.

But if you're willing to look at this with me and see some truth in it that maybe you can start to recognize there are things going on in this consciousness I don't have a clue about,

And that's why this conflict goes on and on and on.

How many of you ever,

How many of you have ever,

Or if you haven't seen it on TV,

Maybe some of you are lucky enough to be over there in Spain,

During the running of the bulls in Pamplona.

Let me know if you know that.

The running of the bulls in Pamplona.

If you've never seen it or don't know what it is,

There is some tradition,

And I don't know what it is.

And I,

In some ways I respect traditions,

But,

You know,

Traditions become corrupted.

It's like bad Xerox copies of something that had meaning at one point and then becomes absolutely meaningless because people fall in love with the sensation of the ritual or the tradition instead of understanding it once upon a time it was rooted in something quite true.

So there's this tradition where a certain time of the year,

They gather all these bulls.

And I think they're running them to a stadium.

I'm not sure about that now that my mind is reflecting on it.

They're running all these bulls,

Big ones,

Young ones,

These bulls,

And they run them through a series of streets in Pamplona on the way to the stadium or a corral of some kind.

Now,

That would be kind of cool to see a hundred bulls running down the street,

Massive creatures.

I don't know if you ever,

I've been able to stand next to some of these big bulls.

What time I actually got into an arena with one many years ago after a little too much wine.

And somehow they decided that what would be fun is if men and women would get dressed up in these white uniforms and put a red bandana around their head to attract the bull,

I imagine.

And then when the bulls are released to try to stay ahead of the bulls as they run towards the stadium.

So here you've got,

And I don't know how many now,

50,

100,

Several hundred human beings running in front of a stampede basically for the thrill of seeing if they can stay out of the way of the bulls and manage to escape without being gored.

Now,

I don't know.

That doesn't sound like fun to me,

But maybe after you've had a few wine skins,

It's good.

So here they are,

And they're running ahead of the bulls.

This is a point to make connected to everything I've said.

Can you see that we are always running ahead of our own thoughts,

Trying to stay ahead of our own thoughts?

I've got this important meeting tomorrow.

And something in me is telling me,

You know,

You have to be,

You've got to be sharp.

You've got to be spot on.

And I'm not criticizing that.

You have a practical piece of business to do,

And it is right to be the best possible human being you can be in every single moment.

But if I am in fact running ahead of,

Meaning trying to get ahead of my own fearful thoughts and feelings,

So that I don't get gored tomorrow by somebody looking at me and saying,

That was absolutely horrible what you did.

We'll fill in the examples here.

Then can you see that all the time I'm trying to stay ahead of my own thoughts?

I'm trying to,

I have a conversation with somebody coming up tomorrow,

Later this afternoon,

And I'm avoiding it.

I don't want to talk to this person about what's going on.

Just like Mary didn't want to talk to her sister.

So when I don't want a situation of some kind,

Then what happens to me?

I start trying to figure out what to say,

Who to be,

How to get through it.

And any moment that I am trying to get through is the same as me trying to run ahead of my own fears.

Fears that don't exist without my past reminding me of when I got gored by that bull of a man or that woman or that problem,

And barely survived,

Only survived enough to get to run again one more time ahead of what I don't want.

Yes,

Getting trampled by my own thoughts and feelings.

See,

I can talk about this,

Sorry,

Sorry,

Little pun.

I could talk about this till the cows come home.

But what difference does it make if I'm not present to the fact that when I'm trying not to get trampled by an event I think is coming,

A moment I don't want,

What is it in that moment that I'm actually being trampled by?

It's not the event.

No moment can trample me.

Yes,

It's the past,

Anne,

But it's a past that I'm not present to as it appears,

So that I don't realize in those moments that what I'm trying to stay ahead of is my own negative imagination.

Because when my negative imagination comes up with what I say,

It says I need to do so I don't encounter that pain again.

What this consciousness is trying to do is somehow or other to avoid having that experience again.

Just like Anne said,

I think it was earlier about having been hurt by love.

Once I've been hurt,

My mind brings into every possible relationship,

No matter what the level is.

Maybe I tried to paint.

Maybe I wanted to write a book.

Maybe I thought I should take a new job.

Maybe I should get rid of that man or woman that's in my life that I live with in a codependent relationship because I don't know who I would be without them.

You fill in the blanks.

That's not my job.

But the possibility exists that a person can start to understand,

Wait a minute,

The experience I don't want doesn't exist without the one I had that is now telling me I'm about to go through it again.

And the beauty of what I'm telling you is that when you don't want what is coming,

You are already going through what you don't want.

Aren't you?

So the experience I don't want,

And how,

By the way,

Would I know that I need to run ahead of it or to get away from it?

That experience I don't want doesn't exist for me without something similar that's transpired.

So what I'm really trying to stay ahead of is my own past.

And please listen to me.

When I say my own past,

I am not talking about guys' past,

Meaning my own past.

Because if you can see it in the broader scheme of things,

That's what humanity collectively,

Individually has been trying to do for millennia is outrun their own past.

But you cannot outrun something that you fear.

You cannot outrun something that divides itself up into the me who's going to get somewhere and the me who's trying to get away from someplace.

So the me that's trying to run ahead of the bulls doesn't exist without me looking behind me at the bulls and going,

Oh no,

This is terrible what's going to take place if they catch up.

And that's exactly right,

Mary.

Those thoughts,

Those feelings that are telling you who you are and what you have to do are in fact a stream of thought that is the conditioned past.

So that when I'm engaged in listening to something,

Telling me,

You know,

You've got can't let this go on like this,

What's going to happen?

What does that mean?

When I am caught up in that stream,

I am not in my own life.

I am in the life that was past and the life that was past does not exist outside of the thoughts and the reactions that have incorporated those unwanted moments into literal bodies of energy,

Into literal creatures.

So that when I am afraid of what may be coming,

I am already looking,

That consciousness is already looking at the content of itself and trying to figure out how it can escape the content of itself and it cannot do it.

It needs it.

It wants it.

It's an unseen line of psychological time that never stops spelling out what your job is in the present moment.

It is an unseen line of psychological time with its corresponding identity that never stops telling you and I what our job is given what it is telling us is going to happen.

And no,

Steve,

It isn't to not think at all.

You bring any form of resistance to the appearance of this unconscious nature and its activity and you are in the hands of that unconscious nature because it's telling you that if you just resist or deny or try to escape this circumstance,

Then you'll be free.

So already the mind projecting freedom because of a captivity that it has projected.

We are not we are not looking at any form of resistance.

What we're looking at here is learning to recognize that when we think we're running toward what we want,

We are running away from what we don't want.

You cannot serve two masters,

Your loved one and despise the other.

I've been speaking about this at length now for the last few weeks.

There is no such thing as I've got to get there.

I've got to get through this.

Well,

I'm so glad when this moment is over.

I'm so tired of having to do this.

Any wish whatsoever that you could get through a moment is you running from the bull of a consciousness that is forever telling you this is going to happen.

Let's get done with it.

Then we can get on and have our life.

And you and I ought to know by now,

The only life that we keep finding running into time and time again is the same life.

Think with me properly.

Can anything that is an extension of any line of thought be the same as a new beginning,

A way to start over?

I'm sitting and I'm thinking about a problem I have with somebody.

How many of you have problems with people?

You know,

You don't have problems with people.

You have problems with ghosts.

Because that's what these people are that we keep reliving and trying to figure out how to control them or change them.

They're the ghosts of some experience past.

And that ghost,

When it appears,

Brings with it the projection of all that carried forward from that.

And we want to escape a haunting that is born out of our own wanting not to have to deal with that again.

So over and over again,

Let me reiterate,

Can any extension,

My thoughts says,

Well,

You know,

Here's what I need to do with this person.

Or,

You know,

That's a good question.

Or,

You know,

That's how I'm going to handle this.

Now,

I'm not saying throw away thought.

In one respect,

God help us.

It's one of the only ways we presently know how to deal with the torment of the past,

But we must start to understand that the thoughts about the past and how to deal with the past are in fact,

The past tormenting us.

Just presenting themselves to be other than ourselves.

Here's the problem.

Here's you.

There is no problem outside of a consciousness that is a captive of the past.

There are things that we have to deal with,

But you tell me,

Why do I have to be negative,

Afraid,

Or try to avoid any particular moment if I understand it thoroughly?

So this line of thought that comes up carries with it this identity that is trapped on that line.

And it's quite accurate.

I don't know if you know the story of Lot and his wife.

It's an old Old Testament story.

And they are warned that they need to leave a certain city.

And I can't go through all the Aramaic translation,

But in the old languages,

The idea,

The cities had names and the names always corresponded to a certain level of consciousness,

A certain kind of consciousness.

Every city,

Its name,

Every river,

This is all lost nowadays.

They all pointed to psychological states.

And they were told to leave this city,

To leave this population of thoughts that were interconnected in certain negative ways.

And when Lot told his wife they had to leave,

She didn't want to leave.

Symptomatic of you and I,

Symptomatic of Mary with Samantha.

But Lot says,

We have to,

The city is going to be destroyed.

And by the way,

What that means essentially is that everything that is of the past has no possibility of being reborn unless it becomes aware of itself.

And the past can't be aware of itself.

It has to be shown itself,

Which is what true teachings are about.

We have to be able to be awakened to this consciousness of ours and its proclivity to be a captive of this thought,

This stream that has this identity,

This me that's so well-known.

See,

It's so hard to explain this.

If you could see yourself and God willing,

You will more thoroughly,

You would see that every one of these moments that happens,

She said this,

I got that phone call.

Here's this email.

The deal got threatened.

You fill in the blanks.

I look in the mirror.

I look at my face.

I look at what I have to get done somehow in the next two days.

Every last one of those moments is a thought that comes up and reminds me of something in passing time that needs to be done in time.

We have responsibilities,

But if we could see it,

Every last one of those thoughts has a very definitive identity connected to it.

It seems like it's just me.

It's not me.

It's a series of individual conditioned parts of myself that respond to any moment of threat and that appear and bring with them this entire line of associations,

Of conditions,

Ideas,

Things that it knows to do to deal with that particular moment.

And so it seems like I'm always there dealing with the moment,

But the I that's there dealing with this moment or that moment is not the same I,

Not the same me.

It is a familiar sense of self connected to the past.

And that past brings forth that particular I that promises,

That is promised if it just accepts the guidance of this fear,

Worry,

Or doubt,

That it'll be free.

And then when that moment passes,

That I disappears,

That part of me disappears,

Goes back into the darkness,

And then the moment's gone and that self is gone.

And I think,

Whoa,

This is great.

I got through it.

But you didn't get through it because that I lives on,

That consciousness continues itself.

And there can be no rebirth as long as that consciousness keeps us a captive of that line of time,

Of that line of time,

Collectively and individually.

And I better get on with this.

So with all this in mind,

And I trust you're following me,

Can my past change my future?

Can my past bring about anything that is new?

Or by the very nature of the content of that consciousness,

What I call myself,

By the very nature of the past,

Does it mean that I'm going to be free?

Not create the future in its own image.

Follow me.

So that my future without knowing it is a product of the past,

Because the past is what I'm running to escape.

And it tells me to get to where I need to get away from the bulls so I can have the promise of a new tomorrow.

And there is no new tomorrow when it comes to fear.

There is no new tomorrow when it comes to taking anxious thought.

What man taking thought can add one cap cubic to his stature.

Take no thought for tomorrow.

On and on it goes,

Eastern and Western scripture alike.

Pointing out the fact that the attachment isn't really to the thing or the possession.

The attachment is to the identity derived from it.

And the identity derived from anything in our life is an identification with the past that pushes us to protect it,

That pushes us to pursue to get more of it,

That pushes us to escape anything that threatens it.

And the real moments in our lives and any of our lives,

And by the way,

They should be every day and more than once,

Is when you and I have realized that I have a new life.

That I somehow or other,

I know that this moment is going to repeat itself unless somehow or other I become conscious enough of it and conscious enough of what is being spilled out of it to say to myself,

No more,

Not resisting it,

Just simply no more.

I need to step out of that line.

I need to step off of that line,

Not because I know what I'm stepping into.

Anytime you think you know what you're stepping into in terms of spiritual life,

You are stepping into the past.

Our faith must not be in things seen,

But in things unseen.

So the only time it's possible,

For instance,

Here I am,

I catch myself complaining about my life,

Complaining about people every day.

Jesus,

You'd think men and women would be so tired of complaining.

Talk about a useless activity,

Talking to yourself about what you don't want.

One day,

God willing,

You catch Samantha.

She's talking about what's wrong with life,

Why people are.

.

.

And you go,

You know what,

Samantha,

Time to have different places.

And I step off of that line of complaining.

I don't know what I'm stepping into.

What I'm actually stepping out of is my identification with it.

So for the first time in my life,

I become as conscious as I can be,

Deeply aware as possible of this nature that I always thought was me.

But now I know it can't be me because I don't want to listen to any more complaining.

And I certainly don't want complaint to promise me a new future where I just have something new to complain about.

Something's criticizing you,

Judging you.

You know how that goes.

Self-loathing,

Telling you,

You should do this.

You're a bad person.

One day you hear yourself talking to yourself about,

Oh my God,

I hope this was going to happen.

I had these expectations.

And now it doesn't look like it's going to go that way.

And we're caught instantly in a riptide of thoughts and feelings.

And they're telling us we need to,

We need somehow to fight this current.

No,

We don't need to fight the current.

We need to get out of that wave,

Step off of that line of thoughts.

Into what?

Into the unknown experience of being aware of myself in that moment,

Instead of being a captive of the known experience of myself that leads me nowhere other than to try and stay ahead of the bulls.

And they always catch up as you want to know by now.

When Saul,

When Lot told his wife,

We have to leave.

And Sarah looked back.

She turned to a pillar of salt.

What that means is that by her inability to recognize,

Let alone realize the danger of living from and in the past,

Her entire possibility as a human being became crystallized.

Because that's what resistance does is crystallize the potential,

The possibility of the soul to transcend this nature,

To use it to be reborn instead of relive.

Catch it,

Catch it,

Step out of that line,

Step off that line,

Step off that line.

Don't let fear tell you where fearlessness lies.

Fear lies.

You see it as a lie.

You will step into an order of consciousness that has no fear in it whatsoever.

In the truly present moment,

In the presence of the divine,

Step off the line.