GF Live 9-3-22 Shatter The Chains Of Painful Addictions

Hello and good morning,

Everyone.

I was in a bit of a mad scramble with my ear pods just about 30 seconds ago.

They weren't,

I won't say they weren't working.

I just don't know how to work them,

I guess.

Anyway,

If you can hear me well enough,

Then at least we got that far.

And good morning to all of you.

Nice to see you here today.

Let's do what we always do before I speak,

Whether here on Insight Timer or online at the Foundation,

Which is to collect ourselves,

Come awake as best we know how,

Being present,

And if you will,

Sit there for a moment with what we are and what we see in ourselves.

Because that's the basis,

The beginning and the end in one respect of everything that we need to understand if we're going to and related to our topic for today,

If we're going to start understanding how we can bring an end to these painful addictions that all of us suffer from in one way or another.

So while we wait,

If you'll be patient with me for the rest of those who are going to join us to get logged in,

I would just set the stage a little bit with a particular idea.

It runs through everything we're going to look at together.

There is a kind of a golden rule,

Spiritually speaking,

Which really means it applies to all of the worlds that we live in,

Outwardly and inwardly.

I'm sure you're familiar with it.

Part of the teaching of Hermes,

The Hermetic teachings,

The ideas as above,

So below,

And then the next part of that was as within,

So without.

Some of these things are kind of difficult to grasp because we kind of get the sense of it,

But we need to make more than just the sense of it.

We need to see the truth of it as evidence from our own experience.

Basically the inner as within,

So without,

It means that the inner determines the outer and that it is what we are inwardly and what we understand inwardly about ourselves that really determines our relationship with the world,

Which means further that our pain,

Whatever it may be,

In this instance,

We're going to talk about a certain kind of addiction that runs the gamut.

Our pain isn't because of what we don't understand about the world around us,

Which is what so many of us think.

I don't understand him.

I don't understand why it's like this.

How come they have to do this?

All of its complexity and its conflict.

And as we look at the world outside of us and experience this complexity and this conflict,

Not knowing what to do with it because it seems so remote from us,

It drives us to seek ways to escape or otherwise console ourselves.

And that's where so many of our addictions begin,

Trying to reconcile the world outside of us so as to compensate for a whole host of thoughts and feelings within us we don't understand.

But our suffering is not the painful effect of the world we see.

It is the effect of a world we don't understand within ourselves.

And where,

If we're willing,

As we're going to do in our talk today,

We'll see that there is never a greater truth than when it comes to our addictions,

Then the fact is that we don't understand the nature of the self that is addictive,

That is addicted.

We're going to ask ourselves a couple tough questions today.

I hope you're up for it.

And you can just put yes or no in this chat box down there.

Let me know that you're following as we go along.

It's very helpful.

I don't usually have time to answer questions in the box there.

I try to,

But there's so much that I want to present.

Thank you,

Everybody.

Great.

So let's get started with something that should be pretty evident.

Anyone who's ever suffered from any kind of addiction,

And that would be every human being on the planet,

Has at one point or another asked themselves,

And I'll ask you yes or no,

What in the name of God is wrong with me that I keep doing that which I know I ought not do?

Even St.

Paul said that.

Why do I continue harming myself?

Knowing that after I've done that,

That I'm going to go through the same kind of pattern that I was in when I did it.

I mean,

Just to keep it simple,

And then we're going to get much deeper than this,

But I want to bring everybody on board.

How many of you have ever had a bad case of the binge blues?

The binge blues,

Where,

For instance,

We know that eating certain foods,

Particularly at certain hours,

And then you fill in the blank,

That doing that is always going to come at a certain cost.

It's just built into it.

But in the moment when we want those things,

At the beginning of the music called Let's Do This,

The desire outweighs any other consideration.

And blinded by the promise inherent in the temptation of that temporary pleasure,

Well,

One more cookie,

Well,

A little snack at nine or 10 or 11.

And maybe when you're young,

You don't worry about these things,

But I can promise you,

Be wise to develop good habits now,

Because downstream,

Certain things go on with your body and you're going to realize this was not a good idea,

What I just did.

We wind up doing what we know we ought not,

And then completely forget that we're going to pay the price for that indulgence.

That's what I'm calling the binge blues,

Which is that we're going to pay for that pleasure with some kind of unavoidable pain,

Whether it's in 10 minutes after we do the binge,

10 hours,

Three days later,

Perhaps even over a lifetime,

We're going to pay the cost long term of that short term pleasure.

And to be clear,

Because I want you to understand,

We are not just talking about the psychological,

About the physical aspect of this addictive nature.

We're talking about the fact that our addictions are not just limited to substances,

But applies equally to any form whatsoever of some compulsive thought or feeling.

So we're not just talking about binge eating,

But how about binge fear,

Binge anxiety,

Binge anger,

Binge self-pity,

Binge rushing.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

We go on a binge,

We eat a lot of cookies,

We eat certain foods that we know our body can no longer digest or that weren't good for us to begin with because the desire to get it done,

Get through it,

Get the pleasure,

We do that binge action and then we pay long term for that short term pleasure.

The same thing is exactly true when it comes to this desire that appears in us that tells us you know what,

Look,

You need to be afraid here,

You need to worry about this,

Binge worrying.

Binge control,

Where we remand ourselves one way or another over to a certain sense of our self that we're addicted to because we've been identifying with its appearance for so long that just like binge eating when we get involved in these binge eyes,

Capital I,

This binge sense of self that's so familiar to us given certain circumstances that we forget we're going to pay for that too and we always do because when we become identified with one of these very strong eyes,

One of these particular sense of self that jumps up in the moment and tells us here's what we need to do,

Where do we go,

How are we going to handle this,

The minute we identify with that we are going to and why do we identify with it because it's going to save us.

We are suddenly in the hands of something that has shown up,

Thank God,

To get us through this moment and we identify with it,

We give ourselves to that sense of self for the short term sense of being saved only to find out that it didn't save us but in fact just like binge eating for that binge identification we're going to pay the cost in our relationships with people not to mention our health far more than the foods we eat that destroy our health are the levels and states of sense of self,

These negative emotions,

These compulsive thoughts that we identify with for the short-term pleasure of suddenly feeling like we've got the power only to find out later that we don't have that power.

Is everybody following me?

I hope because we have to make a transition now.

The question if you've understood what we've laid out so far and I'm going to go a little deeper than this so just listen,

Just prior to these acts of binge whatever,

Just prior to the moment where I become identified with a sense of self that promises that now you've got the power this anger is your power just prior to that having seen a hundred million times that when I identify for instance with an angry state looking for some kind of strength to get the other person straightened out or get something done that needs to get done why can't I remember before that act?

Why can't we remember the long-term pain that we're going to go through for the short-term pleasure for the temporary sense of power that we've been promised?

Look I try to slow down just for a second because we have to kind of grab our scuba gear and about to go deeper into waters.

How many times have you ever lashed out at someone,

Said something cruel,

Been impatient?

We all know what that's like and then after we've done the evil we would not do we're full of recrimination we wish we weren't like that and then we take the sense of regret for having been what?

For the binge sense of self in that moment that just was there.

It was like literally in a manner of speaking you imagine you're in a situation and someone says something or you see something on the news and we don't see it and I'm going to explain all of that.

It's like a table appears right in front of us filled with goodies.

Here's the goodness of let them know they're not going to get away with that.

That makes you powerful.

Judge them.

Straighten them out instantaneously.

The plates filled with psychological states then each plate relative to the condition that produced its appearance in us so that we sit there without knowing it and we binge we take in that sense of self with whatever particular sense of strength or power or righteousness it involves we take it in and as we take it in suddenly yes that's what we are and then we act from that because it lent us a temporary way to get through a condition we didn't understand or that we thought we did which is part of the problem and then what happens?

Then comes the pain.

Here comes the pain.

Here comes the sorrow.

Here comes the feeling that boy look at you look at here comes the judgment of ourselves that we just keep listen that we just keep identifying with as if the judgment of ourselves for being someone who is addicted to those default dark thoughts and feelings as if somehow or other judging ourselves for that changes that you and I both know judging ourselves changes nothing which by the way is my topic for tomorrow the online talk tomorrow and so if you don't know about that go to my profile but if you do join me we're going to talk about judgment.

So here we have to make a transition and I'm going to ask if you're following me it should be at least somewhat clear that this pain this long-term pain that's always there after the short-term pleasure that somehow other that pain is inseparable from the pleasure in which it hides.

That pain is inseparable from the pleasure in which it hides.

It relates to a certain passage one of my very favorite of that Christ spoke that we can't serve two masters we will love one and despise the other when we serve the binge we are also serving the feeling of being broken afterwards for our weakness it's just built into it.

So if we can begin to understand that the pain that follows the pleasure is obviously built into the pleasure.

We how do I say that we see this as something that is separate and I'm asking you if you can look at it with me that this pain that follows the pleasure are not separate states at all.

They're actually one thing.

This is the heart of all true teachings and if they're actually one thing and we've yet to see it obviously it means we don't understand ourselves yet because not because we can't just because we haven't and this is quite accurate taken the pains the conscious pains to do so where does this addictive nature hide?

How can it hide?

Where is it hidden in us?

So this is where we're going to take a very deep and slow look at something that is very profound not because I'm saying it been profound since the first human being was graced with the significant awareness enough to recognize that the consciousness that he or she had always taken as being him or herself is not him or herself at all.

It just belongs to a certain level of self.

So here's what we're looking at.

There is no separate self,

No pressing immediate sense of some I that wants pleasure.

There is no separate self.

There is only in that moment a sudden unconscious relationship that we again have yet to understand that what has happened is that something has triggered the content of our consciousness who and what we have been,

Our conditioning,

All of the beliefs,

Opinions,

Memories,

All of this sitting in this deep dark unconscious nature something triggers it.

It could be anything.

Someone says something I look in the window of a store,

I'm browsing online,

I watch a news story and if you'll follow me you can see that that all of a sudden I was in one frame of mind to use those words.

I was looking at this I was thinking about that and then just like that a certain triggering takes place and all of a sudden I want something.

All of a sudden I need something.

All of a sudden I have to do something.

Now that I that needs to do that wants that has to do something that sense of self was not there.

We were just sort of floating downstream in whatever we were doing and then something triggers a certain sense of need,

A certain sense of something's missing,

An immediate kind of desire appears for the pleasure of knowing what to do or the pleasure of what I can distract myself with,

What I can eat,

What I can buy,

Where I can go and when that desire for pleasure is triggered again and that's key.

You have to see this it's the same desire.

We don't we think of ourselves as being so sophisticated we're about as sophisticated as a block of cement.

We have the same desires over and over and over again but with different objects,

Different states,

If you will,

That we can identify with to reconcile the appearance of that desire.

But the point here is that that desire and the sense of self that appears with it is already built into that particular pain that appeared because there is no sudden wish so need for a desire for control,

For power,

For pleasure,

There's no such thing as the need that appears with that and the sense of self that comes with it that isn't already a part of whatever that pain was that was triggered in our consciousness.

Now we may not recognize for instance that suddenly feeling alone is a kind of pain but it is because in the moment we feel lonely we feel separate.

The minute we feel separate we don't want to be separate so a desire that's built into that fear of loneliness or being left out,

The desire is built into the appearance of that sense of being incomplete and what's the sense of self built into being incomplete?

Let me complete myself,

Let me go eat this,

Let me go buy this,

Let me go do this.

So the pain is built into the pleasure and that I,

How do I say,

It has no awareness of itself at all because that I,

That part of us only exists for as long as the particular pain desire,

Pain pleasure,

That'd be a pretty good way to start thinking about this.

You see our mind always separates pain pleasure,

Want not want,

It always does that.

I guarantee you in the old languages the idea of pain pleasure were not separate.

Today tomorrow were not separate,

Want not want,

Our mind needs to be able to begin as it's already capable of doing through another order of awareness to see pain pleasure is not two things but one.

That want not want is not two things,

One thing and that self that wants and self that doesn't want is not two things,

It's one thing.

I'm deliberately holding a certain thought and wish in my mind for you as I'm speaking for the world really that can be born in us at least the beginning of the need for this birth to have a mind,

Another order of mind that understands pain pleasure are not separate things right because here's pain,

I need pleasure.

Here's what I don't want,

Here's what I do want and the I that doesn't want thinks it's different than the I that wants to fix it and the I that wants to fix it thinks it's different than the fact and I'll get to the next part that what happens is that in the next moment and I'm asking you again to see this with me,

The next moment when comes inevitably the suffering,

The regret,

The remorse,

The feeling of it being inadequate when comes that suffering from the very thing that we were sure we had to give ourselves,

What happens?

Here I am,

I really want this,

I'm going to fix this,

I'm going to do that,

I'm going to go there,

What happens in that moment when the temporary pleasure is offset by the long-term pain?

And talk about a long-term pain,

Oh God,

How long do you think not you,

Not me,

Not them,

Not those humanity,

How long do you think the consciousness of humanity has wished that it wasn't its consciousness,

That I wasn't like that?

You see,

When we think,

Geez,

I wish I wasn't like that and it isn't followed up by the wish to understand that consciousness,

The consciousness just goes on,

Nothing changes in it.

You and I are the extension of a sleeping consciousness that doesn't know it's asleep,

That doesn't know that want not want is one thing,

That doesn't know pain and pleasure are not separate,

That doesn't know you can't love one thing without despising another because the very identification with the thing,

The pleasure,

Whatever it may be,

The very identification with that sense of power,

As sweet as it seems temporarily,

Blinds us to the fact that there is a payment required for every last one of these temporary identities,

The sense of self derived from what that nature has imagined,

It needs to free itself.

Chantal,

Is this where self-discipline is the in between,

In a manner of speaking,

But we're not going to try to discipline ourselves in the form of what?

The me that needs to be disciplined and the me that's going to discipline me.

See that's an illusion.

That's why it never works.

Me without the will,

Me who's going to overpower the old will.

You can't overpower yourself.

It's a contradiction.

What self in me is going to overpower the self in me I don't want to be?

And it appears all the time the attachment to some imagined new self,

I've got a new religion,

I've got a new this,

I'm going to turn a leaf over and all the rest of that and then I'll be free of these addictions.

No,

You can't be free of the individual addiction without understanding the nature that doesn't exist apart from what it is attached to and identified with.

So let me keep going.

In those moments what happens when we start experiencing the long-term unavoidable pain of having answered that desire?

And the answer is what appears is another desire.

So this consciousness answers an incomplete or painfully fulfilled desire with the desire that will answer what didn't answer the desire.

I'm a shopaholic.

I'm addicted to thinking about my work.

I'm addicted to thinking about myself because in the end,

Believe me,

All of this is nothing but narcissism.

And then one day I see,

You know,

I'm paying a terrible price for this addiction.

My relationships are shot to hell.

My health,

My adrenals.

So I see I've been the victim of a certain conditioned desire and the only thing that occurs to me is another desire.

And the desire is always predicated based on an image that if I can acquire this,

Then I'll get rid of that.

You cannot get rid of this with a desire for that.

This and that are not separate things.

They are one thing,

But not in our present consciousness that must divide them so there can always be a me with a new desire to get rid of what I no longer desire.

Everybody still on board?

I can't see attendance.

I don't know if people are falling way wet like leaves,

But.

.

.

So my new desire is to free myself from the painful result of my last desire.

Have you ever,

And here's a pretty good evidence,

I speak personally,

Have you ever,

You know,

Binged something,

Maybe you ate a lot of something or you ate something you know your body doesn't like but by God I wanted that pleasure.

You just overeat,

You do something.

Now you would never do that if you knew you were doing it.

That's given.

I hope it's given.

So I do that and then I'm sitting in my chair,

I'm laying in my bed and I'm thinking to myself,

I swear to God I'm never gonna eat again.

I'm never gonna do that again.

I'm never gonna drink like that again.

I'm never gonna say things like that again.

I'm never going to,

I never want to be depressed like that again.

I never want that kind of anger again.

Have you ever said that?

I never want that again.

And then the very next day,

There I am or there it is again,

That's better.

Not I,

Not I yet.

It is a certain level of I but it's not I yet,

Not true I.

That's what we're talking about.

So I'm right in the middle of thinking to myself,

I never want to do that again and then something triggers a certain level of consciousness and the only way that consciousness knows how to respond to what has brought it into that sudden sense of being empty,

Incomplete,

Alone,

Insufficient,

Ignorant,

Whatever it calls itself and feels itself to be in that moment,

The only thing that consciousness knows to do is to turn to itself,

To answer itself,

To free itself from the content of itself.

You know the old saying that you can't change a tiger's stripes,

You can't teach an old dog new tricks,

Do you know what that refers to?

Those are old axioms,

Long,

Long ago old,

Where the men and women who had realized what we're describing and talking about together here realized that I am not going to,

You can't change this consciousness by trying to change this consciousness by what it doesn't want about itself.

I have to realize the need for something else and let me be quite clear,

I have to realize that these old,

How shall I say that,

That this usual sense of self and I have to repeat this and I wish to God I didn't but I know that I must.

See that old sense of self,

When that old sense of self appears,

Its appetite,

The pleasure it wants,

The rushing it's going to do in order to get someplace so it can be free of the pain it is,

Where it is,

All that business,

That sense of self doesn't know itself at all.

That I,

That sense of I has no knowledge of itself.

It actually doesn't know it exists and the reason it doesn't know it exists,

Let alone that it is powerless to do whatever it is being prompted to act out,

Is because that particular sense of self,

That I is a momentary player,

Something that a part of a seamless stream of unconscious identities,

That as part of that stream and ceaselessly being replaced by yet another part of that stream,

Another identity that doesn't know itself or what it's doing either,

It doesn't know that as soon as it appears it's going to disappear and doesn't it?

When I indulge the pleasure,

When I indulge myself with that self-pity or that worry,

When I indulge myself with the fear and how to protect myself from it,

The minute I've done that now I am indulging in the answers that I was given to get rid of that ache.

So that sense of self is gone and it's been replaced by the new one that says it knows what to do and here's how it's going to work out and things are going to be great and then when things aren't great and I'm paying the cost of that temper identity then the next stream,

The next self in that stream of identities appears and it has no recollection that it's there in the absence of the self that was going to get everything right and didn't.

I know it's hard to see but experience validates all this,

It will do it.

That surely is one,

You go to the ocean,

One wave in the ocean washes over the place where one was before and if you wave,

Wave,

Wave,

Wave,

Each one replacing each other you can't see where one ends and one begins because they're all born out of this,

Out of the ocean.

These individual identities are born out of the dark waters,

To use the metaphor,

Of a consciousness that's asleep to itself.

So wave,

Wave,

Self,

Self,

Self,

Self,

Each one believing that it exists independently has independent power or prowess and can do something and it can't.

Yes Isabella,

A me of the moment.

In one of my books I call it the temporary person in charge.

Dean put up with the crisis.

No,

We're not going to put up with the crisis.

Putting up with the crisis means that I'm going to sit here and suffer something that instead of suffering it by doing what I always do now I'm just going to wish that it wasn't there.

We're not going to try to put up with anything.

That's what we should be tired of is putting up with things.

We need to rise up,

Not put up.

Let me keep going,

Got a few minutes left.

I want to get to the next major point.

If you're following me,

I've been describing our present level of consciousness that is essentially asleep to itself.

It is asleep to itself.

It has no idea what comes up from within the darkness of that self-ignorance that appears as it always does just like that to reconcile whatever has come along to seemingly wreck the moment.

The moment can't be wrecked.

Go wreck the moment.

Go outside and yell at the sun.

Can't wreck the moment.

But the moment that we say has been wrecked is due to an unconscious reaction we have to an identity,

An attachment that we took with us into that moment based on the last desire that we felt would actually save us.

So in this instance,

I have this new identity.

I'm going to not let people talk to me like that.

And I'm pretty sure about it because I read this book and I felt strong.

And there's my identity.

The desire that produced the identity has been fulfilled until someone talks to me like that.

And then suddenly I'm filled with rage and anger.

And then the desire to punish the person hides from me the fact that the fact that I'm angry at all is weakness.

Everything that takes my life from me proves I have no life at all.

And that's what these various identities do.

But they don't actually take them from us as much as we give them up.

We give ourselves up for the sake of a temporary sense of self that will get us through the moment.

There is no temporary self that is going to get us through any moment because the moment we're trying to get through doesn't exist without that sense of self that is afraid,

Worried,

Lonely,

Or just pure hungry for something else to complete it.

We must wake up,

Not put up Dean.

We must wake up to the consciousness that is forever bringing about,

Taking part one moment after another in some kind of crisis.

And instead of acting from that sense of self,

This is crucial.

We have to actually be there in our life,

Not be the individual sudden appearance of every sense of self that responds as the result of a reaction.

We must be there prior to the appearance of these eyes.

So that rather than being one little eye after another,

All part of that seamless stream of identities,

We're aware of the fact that out of this consciousness is coming these identities,

Is coming this and that and the other and this desire.

Because if we'll begin to do that,

We can at least have a chance to recognize that it isn't a stronger will we need.

That's what we think when we think about our addictions.

I need a stronger will.

No,

You don't need a stronger will.

You need to wake up and realize another order of will.

Not imagine what it means to be strong,

But to align yourself with the strength of an intelligence that will not let you harm yourself because it's already in there.

Think of it.

Instead of trying to be strong,

I can align myself with the light of an awareness that shows me that what I call being strong is secretly a weakness and it always proves to be so.

It is we who must work,

Not me who must work for you,

Not those people who you think will help you understand.

With the honest to God,

Moment to moment diligence of recognizing I have been serving this addictive nature since the beginning of time.

And I serve it because I don't understand it and I don't understand it because I'm not there when it rises up and usurps from me the possibility of recognizing that this is not I.

This is not who I am.

Not I hate myself for having been like that,

But in the moment to actually experience directly that sense of being incomplete.

The direct experience of being angry,

Not thinking about anger,

But the direct experience of anger itself because in the direct experience of the anger of that nature that has been thwarted the direct experience includes seeing the appearance of something that comes up and judges itself or that tells itself what to do about that anger so that there's no longer any separation between the consciousness and its content.

Between the consciousness,

Its content and our awareness of it.

A singularity,

Not this anymore,

A unity that the light of awareness makes possible.

But to have that means that I'm going to have to do what?

Part of our forgetfulness is that I,

How do I say,

Part of that forgetfulness is that there's a part of me that doesn't want to sit in any kind of pain for any longer than two seconds.

Because by mechanical habitual conditioning I have been taught the minute of pain appears seek a pleasure and it is an eye,

It is an eye,

Do you understand?

That's what the consciousness does,

Discomfort,

Comfort,

Worry,

Security,

Just like that all the time.

So it's mechanical and it's mechanical because it is resistance driven,

Pain doesn't want to know,

That consciousness doesn't want to know itself,

It can't.

So it produces an opposite and it seeks itself through an opposite that can't reconcile itself.

The awareness of the machine is the beginning of freedom from it.

Yes,

Laurie,

But we're not accepting the flawed self,

The fallen self,

We're not accepting it in the sense of I am going to accept this.

Awareness accepts everything that appears within it and the same awareness reconciles everything that appears within it by the act of an intelligence that understands there is nothing separate from the awareness in which these things appear.

I got to go,

42 minutes,

I don't want to go longer than that.

Join me tomorrow if you can,

I hope that you understood some of what we talked about today.

You can listen to this program again on Insight Timer if you want.

Be safe,

Remember this,

Not that.

Bye.