The Perils Of "Being" A Lawyer

Hey everyone,

It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 339.

Today I want to talk about the perils of being a lawyer.

And I'm drawing from chapter 19 of the Dhammapada,

Which is called The Just,

And talks about all the ways that even though we may try to look the part or even act the part,

We can't call ourselves kind or good or awake if we haven't done the work.

So for example,

The chapter has several verses that offer reminders like,

One is not wise only because one speaks a lot,

Or gray hair does not make one an elder,

Or not through talk alone or by good looks does someone become a person of good character.

Not by means of a shaven head does someone become a devoted person.

And this last one I love,

Not by silence does an ignorant fool become a sage.

So maybe we could add on not by doing well in law school or getting a plum job or being sworn in does someone become a lawyer.

And there's an old joke from medical school that goes something like,

What do you call the person at the very bottom of the class doctor?

And yet graduating from medical school doesn't mean someone becomes a doctor because even though they have a degree,

It's this long,

Long road of practice.

And for many years after I was sworn in as a lawyer,

I felt queasy about being called a lawyer.

I mean,

At the ripe old age of 25,

I had no idea what that meant.

I felt like I had so far to go in terms of understanding,

Let alone mastery,

That I was reluctant to take on the mantle of the identity.

I mean,

If I was at a party,

If I was at a family gathering,

I wouldn't deny I was a lawyer,

But I wasn't taking it on.

It wasn't an identity I felt like I fully owned or was even fully entitled to.

And then by my middle 30s,

After I'd been practicing a while,

Good while,

And also after I'd been teaching a little bit,

It became easier.

And that's because I'd been practicing.

And it seems to me that in this way,

Practicing law is a lot like practicing mindfulness.

You know,

Calling myself a lawyer wasn't going to count for much without the practice in the same way that,

As the donopod,

It says,

Speaking a lot doesn't mean I'm wise and spending time in silence surely doesn't make me a sage.

So one point here I think is humility.

You know,

There are times when it's important to be able to say,

Oh,

Interesting,

Haven't done that.

Let me give it a look and let me know if I can handle that.

And in the classroom,

I remember that moment,

That very moment.

And I was a couple of years in and was finally comfortable saying in response to a student question,

Because the students can be super challenging.

I don't know.

Just,

I don't know.

Let me find out.

So to know that,

Yes,

I'm a lawyer,

But I have a ways to go,

Or at least on that particular topic.

And for me,

This isn't different than losing my temper or having a fight-freeze response or saying something unkind before I realized that's what's about to pop out of my mouth and stopping it.

And then remembering,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

And remembering I'm still studying mindfulness.

I'm no sage.

I have a little wisdom,

Definitely more than when I was in my thirties,

You know,

But there's a long way to go and there's a lot of people to learn from.

So this knowledge of these pieces,

Of this identity of being a practitioner or of being a lawyer,

Or we could even call it this recollection of how much there is to learn and how far to go.

And I like recollection because the word mindfulness comes from the Pali word sati,

Which can be translated as recollection,

To recollect the present moment,

To recollect where we are in the present moment.

You know,

This recollection that there's a long way to go,

A big mountain to climb,

Really at any stage.

And that in the best sense of the word,

We're not experts,

We're beginners.

You know,

This is something I think that's really priceless to learn.

And of course,

The mountain,

Whether it's a mountain of work or of learning or of practice or of all three,

It can feel insurmountable.

It can feel overwhelming.

And from there,

Anxiety and depression can take hold.

But approaching the mountain with beginner's mind,

That really treasured quality of mind,

That's the hallmark of a great lawyer,

As well as a dedicated mindfulness practitioner,

That open mind,

That don't know mind,

That not knowing mind,

You know,

That's a different story.

That points towards a dedication rather than to overwhelm,

A kind of commitment to continue learning rather than an exhaustion.

And that perspective,

I think,

Requires or invites another quality of mind,

Which is the quality of Miria,

Or that's sometimes translated as joyful effort.

Or energy.

And joyful effort or joyful energy,

I mean,

I know for me,

You know,

It can seem like a tall order,

And I know it does to someone who's,

You know,

Already burning the midnight oil night after night after night after night.

Now,

How is it possible to approach yet another night,

Yet another weekend,

Yet another case,

Yet another matter with a sense of joyful energy?

Miria,

When we're just dog tired,

And the future looks a lot like more of that,

More of that dog tiredness.

And mindfulness has a few colorful images to inspire us.

One thing that the texts say is practice like your hair is on fire.

And that's an image that works for mindfulness and for law.

Or practice as if there's a snake on your lap.

So I like that one.

But also with this quality of Miria,

Practice with gentleness towards ourselves.

Practice with joy,

Really cultivating the joy of the present moment,

Even when it looks like those moments are stretching out in front for what looks like forever.

Practice with perseverance and also practice with non-arrogance.

I'm not becoming an expert.

I'm practicing and I'm continuing to cultivate beginner's mind.

Find the balance between making too little effort and too much effort.

And practice right there,

Right there on the balancing point.

And practice staying in the present moment so that worry and regret don't suck up the time,

Because worry and regret are these huge time swallowers.

Practice without grasping when practicing mindfulness,

Not trying to get somewhere or become anyone.

And also practice without grasping for the brass ring when practicing long.

Practice as an act of service.

Practice as a mode of serving clients and students and the world.

Find the intrinsic rewards and let those call to the world.

Find the intrinsic rewards and let those call us forward into the hard work of the day or the night.

Instead of practicing by letting fear bite at our heels,

You know,

This is the invitation of joyful effort,

Of virya.

And also of humility.

And when we remember to do these things or even some of them,

Then I think we're earning the right to call ourselves practitioners of mindfulness.

And I also think,

Or at least it feels like it was true for me that when I was doing that and now even when I'm still doing that,

Then I have the right to call myself a lawyer.

So let's sit with that.

So just finding a posture for you that is upright and also comfortable and just feeling and also comfortable.

Connecting to the earth,

Whether it's just beneath your feet or many stories down.

Connecting with your own good heart.

The good heartedness that brought you to your practice today.

And connecting with this community of good hearted practitioners who've come together just for a few minutes,

Just to sit together.

Noticing that this quality of joyful effort,

It's already here because you're here.

You're practicing.

That's what brought you to this moment of practice.

Seeing if it's possible to touch into the gladness surrounding that energy that brought you to practice today,

If that's present and if not,

Maybe see if it wants to arise just by naming it.

Is there gladness just for being here?

And it's different from self-congratulation or any kind of conceit.

It's just,

Oh,

I'm going to take a few minutes and practice.

Practice with,

What today,

50 other people who are practicing.

And if that's true,

Then letting that gladness for that joyful energy,

Letting that energy itself increase.

Just right here,

Right now,

Letting it expand.

See if you can tap into the sensation of it in the body,

Just letting it suffuse your whole experience.

Support your awareness,

Right,

In this moment.

And then with that,

Becoming an expert in joyful energy or really even having to know too much about it,

But just the sensation of it.

See,

Is this portable?

What piece of this can I take into my day?

Or can I recall,

Recollect when the day gets difficult or when the day flows into the night?

Maybe like a little gift that you keep in your heart and you can give to yourself at any moment throughout the day.

Yeah,

If this is resonant for you,

Just try it.

See how it goes.

Thanks,

Everyone,

For coming to the wake up call today.

It's lovely to see you all.

Have a good Thursday and a great weekend.

Take good care.

And I'll see you next Thursday.