Welcome to Between Breath and Sea.
I'm Kimberly Escamilla.
Today's meditation will give us an opportunity to process grief.
For you,
This might be a major loss,
Like the passing of a loved one or friend.
It could be the end of a relationship,
Or a tragic accident,
Or just really bad news that something has occurred that has left you feeling vulnerable.
The word vulnerable actually means the ability to inflict pain.
Therefore,
The greater the loss,
The more pain that could potentially be experienced.
Instead of pushing the painful memories or loss away,
It is important for us to metabolize our grief,
At least some of it.
Other aspects of it,
Never leave.
The Jack Gilbert poem,
Machiko Dead,
Captures this point perfectly.
Machiko Dead,
He manages like somebody carrying a box that is too heavy,
First with his arms underneath.
When their strength gives out,
He moves the hands forward,
Hooking them on the corners,
Pulling the weight against his chest.
He moves his thumbs slightly when the fingers begin to tire,
And it makes different muscles take over.
Afterward,
He carries it on his shoulder until the blood drains out of the arm that is stretched up to steady the box,
And the arm goes numb.
But now the man can hold underneath again so that he can go on without ever putting the box down.
We carry grief's weight regardless,
But sometimes when we make a shift,
We can feel less impacted by it.
Of course,
Grief holds some beauty too.
Reminders that we're still here.
Grief throws us into art,
Nature,
Rituals,
Or down to our knees to find or redefine meaning,
Honing our sense of self and longing for the small future the rest of us have together.
I invite you now to close your eyes and get into a comfortable position,
Maybe lying down or sitting upright,
But supported.
When we are processing grief,
We need to allow the weight to be supported by our bodies.
Okay,
Now let's take a deep breath in and exhale slowly.
Again,
Inhale,
Shifting your thoughts to just your breath for a moment,
Exhale.
And continue breathing.
As you focus,
What bodily sensations do you notice?
Do you feel grounded?
Maybe you feel tight or hollow,
Or maybe this grief has you feeling edgy or dull.
What do you notice?
Don't interpret,
Just feel.
What is your body saying to you right now?
Bring yourself to your heart in the middle of your chest and simply feel the heart holding the grief.
Being filled and heavied by that grief,
Your raw,
Tender,
Loving,
Vulnerable beating heart.
Continue to breathe and rest with that.
Now,
Move to your throat center and rest your attention there.
So often the throat is connected with grief and it wells up in tightness and has a kind of ache that can arise when we're about to cry,
When we're shocked or have a sense of loss.
Notice where else your grief is being held in your body.
It could be your heart,
Your throat,
Your stomach.
They all hold something.
They are processing something without words,
Without direction.
Naturally,
The body knows.
Continue to breathe.
Now direct your attention to what emotions are arriving.
It could be deep sorrow,
Anger,
Equality of love,
Disappointment.
There could be a sense of intensity or a sense of just being dull.
Note what emotions are arising.
Don't be embarrassed or afraid to feel whatever you are feeling.
Don't judge what you are feeling.
Just breathe and feel.
Breathe and feel.
Let your emotions manifest.
Let them come up.
Welcome them.
Don't suppress them and don't also feed them.
Emotions are the energy of our grieving and they change.
They're always changing like life itself.
Be gentle.
If you start to feel overwhelmed,
It's okay to take a break and rest and breathe and resettle.
Allow yourself time in your present moment bodily emotional experience.
Rest,
Feel and be.
Let grief do its work.
Let it heal you.
Don't push.
Don't be impatient.
Let yourself grieve.
It's okay to have tears now.
This is how you process this change in your life.
Let it teach you.
Continue to breathe and for a moment,
Reflect on grief in your life,
On the losses you've had and how your losses connect you with so many others.
Just bringing your attention to that fact can be so healing.
It happens to everyone.
We all have a loss.
It's hard to accept change.
It's hard to say goodbye.
But when you stop fighting the inevitability of loss and change,
A new deeper love and appreciation is possible.
We no longer take our friends,
Our loved ones,
Our life all together for granted.
We liberate our love,
Liberate our joy and appreciation in a very powerful way.
Through this difficult journey,
Through loss,
Through grief,
Through sorrow,
With a vulnerable and tender heart,
We move forward.
Continue to breathe and come back into your body.
Bring your awareness to the room you're in.
Start to move your body slowly.
You can open your eyes.
In the coming days and weeks,
If you are in the thick of grief,
Your body may feel heavy,
Disoriented or unstable.
As you breathe,
Remember your body is capable of feeling intense pain and loss,
But also deep healing and peace.
Love pulls us from heartbreak to healing.
It may feel like a thread,
But each day we can walk towards healing.
Thank you for spending this time with me and with yourself,
Giving yourself the opportunity to process grief.
Be well.
