3 Best Reasons To Going No Contact With A Narcissist

So today we're going to be talking about three distinct benefits of going no contact with someone who is highly narcissistic.

We're beginning this conversation about what it is to go no contact and what are the benefits of going no contact with someone who's highly narcissistic.

It's important to point out that not everyone that we have trouble with is in fact a narcissist.

Sometimes we just meet people who just don't align with our values.

Sometimes we meet people who,

After a while of spending time with them,

We realize that we're just not on the same page,

That it's just not going to work.

And if that's the case,

The most mature thing to do is basically to accept that you're just two different people and decide to end things amicably,

Wishing the other person well,

Without so much resistance and negativity in your heart.

Because that's only going to weigh you down,

Literally weigh you down energetically and cause you to constrict and cause you to actually push away that which you desire,

Which is harmony,

Equanimity,

Peace,

Love,

And abundance.

When we're trying to figure out if we're dealing with someone who's highly narcissistic,

What you're going to be looking for objectively is a pervasive pattern of put-downs,

A pervasive pattern of lying,

A pervasive pattern of antagonistic,

Unnecessary antagonistic behavior,

A pervasive pattern of the need to make a grandstand,

Someone who is grandiose,

Someone who is always taking credit for anything that happens in their proximity.

You're looking for this pervasive pattern of someone who's gaslighting you,

Someone who's trying to get you to distrust your version of reality,

Someone who triangulates you,

Someone who smears your name or maybe the names of other people,

So we're looking for patterns.

When we are having issues with family members or people that we just met,

Co-workers or people that we're dating,

Not always is there a pervasive pattern of this really anti-social behavior.

Instead,

We're just not getting along.

So before we make any hasty decisions,

Before we go labeling anyone a narcissist or we allow someone to slap that label onto us,

Because that also happens.

You could have a narcissistic spouse who accuses you of being a narcissist simply because you don't agree with what they're saying or because you're calling them out on their lies.

You might be living with someone who makes a bunch of promises and never fulfills them,

And when you confront them you are the one who's slapped with the label of being a narcissist,

Of being difficult,

Always seeing the negative,

And so on.

If you've been there,

You know what I'm talking about.

So today we're going to be talking specifically about three incredible benefits of going no contact with someone that you have decided and have realized is highly narcissistic.

Going no contact is akin to stepping out of a pool that is so highly chlorinated that it's toxic.

Your skin is absorbing this chlorine and you're getting sick and you don't even know it.

And so going no contact with someone who is highly narcissistic is like removing yourself from this antagonist.

You are removing yourself from someone who is toxic,

Someone who is affecting your thinking in a negative way.

If your thinking is being impacted in a negative way,

You must understand that thoughts do become things immediately.

As we are speaking about neurotransmitters,

Every thought you think has a matching neurotransmitter.

When we are thinking negative thoughts,

We are feeling negative things.

These feelings can be understood as neurotransmitters that initiate an immediate response in our either our sympathetic or a parasympathetic nervous system.

So removing yourself from a narcissist,

Refusing to argue with them.

I've done many podcasts and videos on this topic where I suggest that it is to no advantage of yours to argue with someone who is highly narcissistic.

You actually cause them to dig their heels in even deeper.

And narcissists are people who are actually built for this type of arguing.

They're built for this type of conflict.

And so they're actually energized by the conflict and the constriction where someone who wants to expand and wants harmony and wants to be understood and wants to understand the other person,

You will be drained by this type of a conflict with a narcissist.

So it's better to just not argue with them.

So the first benefit is you get to remove yourself from a toxic environment immediately.

So it's no different than you stopping yourself from breathing,

Eating,

Or drinking something that is actually making the physical apparatus,

The spiritual,

Mental,

And emotional beingness that you are sick.

The second amazing benefit of going no contact with someone who's highly narcissistic is that the longer you stay away from this person,

The longer you choose to not engage with this type of aggressive personality,

This high conflict personality,

The better it is for your nervous system.

When you are in a high conflict situation,

You are in survival mode,

Which means that your nervous system is running in the sympathetic nervous system lane.

And that's when you feel anxious.

That's when your thoughts are racing.

That's when you're ruminating.

That's when you're hypervigilant.

That's when you can't sleep.

That's when you're waking up at two o'clock in the morning wondering,

What is this person capable of doing next?

What is this person saying about me?

You feel like there is impending doom.

You can't control your thoughts.

And when you're in close proximity to this type of a person,

You have to understand they are constantly pulling you into that lane.

So your body really can't rest.

Your mind really can't rest.

You can't get in touch with source,

With a spirit,

Or your inner self,

Your inner child,

Or higher self.

You can't go within in a healthy and safe way because your relationship with someone who is highly toxic is constantly pulling you into this sympathetic nervous system route,

Which is anxiety,

Worrying about what the other person thinks.

You're also always being challenged.

You're also always wondering about what's going to happen next.

If you're in a trauma-bonded situation,

You've been convinced you can't leave.

You cannot leave the narcissist.

You cannot live without the narcissist.

You've been convinced that when they withhold love for you or when they punish you,

Everything's your fault.

So below the veil of consciousness,

There's been this conditioning happening.

And now you're being brainwashed to seek their approval and to fear their disapproval.

And that's when they've got you.

That's when this addiction to this other person has really taken root.

And you're not in a healthy neurological pathway.

You are in the sympathetic nervous system pathway versus the parasympathetic nervous system pathway.

The longer you go no contact from this type of a person who loves the chicken fight,

Who loves to bring people into the ring,

Who loves to antagonize them and box them and cause them to feel defensive or question what they think about you,

That's the type of person that's very toxic.

And that person will drag you into this sympathetic loop and you will suffer because of it.

Cortisol will be off the charts.

You can suffer adrenal overload or adrenal fatigue.

What happened to me was I blew out my thyroid.

I had adrenal fatigue also.

I had stomach issues,

Migraine headaches.

I ended up with asthma and rashes,

Eczema.

And it was basically an autoimmune response to all of this cortisol.

And there was antagonism happening outside of me and antagonism happening within me.

In my case,

It was rooted in childhood programming,

Faulty negative childhood beliefs about myself.

And it's exactly what I attracted in my adult life.

And with the collapse of my mental structure,

My emotional self,

Eventually my physical self and my marriage,

It was an opportunity for me to heal from the inside out.

And now I actually teach this to people who are interested in overcoming the pains of the past that caused them oftentimes to attract narcissistic personalities.

And below the veil of consciousness,

We as codependents,

Which is a survival strategy that we learned as children,

We remain in these loops unknowingly.

And until we awaken and we take this path seriously,

We can't get kicked out of it because we're actually stuck in this vibrational loop that keeps us bound to this type of relationship.

So going no contact,

The second really big advantage is that you'll be able to shift from the sympathetic into the parasympathetic sympathetic nervous system,

Where you'll be able to feel calmer in your body,

Cortisol will calm,

Your thoughts will calm,

And it will be far easier for you to focus on yourself,

To focus on your needs,

To self-care,

And to really take your healing,

Restorative,

And repairing journey,

The one that you need to live an authentic life.

It'll be easier for you to stay on that path.

The third amazing benefit of going no contact with someone who is highly narcissistic is emotional regulation.

We often don't realize when we are a codependent and we have been abandoned in childhood,

We've struggled with emotional neglect,

And even if we come from a home that has a white picket fence,

We may not realize that this emotional disconnect between us and our parents,

Even though they look perfect,

Maybe they were alcoholics,

Dry alcoholics even,

Where there was no alcohol present,

Or maybe they were workaholics,

Or maybe our parents were codependent and the children grew up feeling invisible.

There's this sense that you don't see me,

Or we grew up feeling like our emotions just didn't matter,

Or it was so hard to reach our parents that we tried to do good in school,

We tried not to create any problems,

We tried to be really,

Really quiet,

We tried to take care of our siblings,

We tried to clean.

We could find all sorts of ways to try to get the outside person,

The person that we love,

To say,

Good job Lisa,

Good job Lisa,

You are enough,

I love you,

I see you.

And so this is where codependency starts.

So if you are codependent,

Then it's really important that you realize that you were on track to attract those childhood experiences in your adult life.

You were on track to set yourself up,

Albeit unconsciously,

To think all I have to do is love him,

All I have to do is take care of everything,

All I have to do is jump in and make sure he's got nothing to worry about,

Or make sure she has nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna find as many ways as possible to not be a burden,

To show how much,

How responsible I can be,

And how useful I can be,

And this person will never leave me.

And this puts us,

Like I said,

On track to attract someone who is highly narcissistic,

Who lacks empathy,

Who plays the game of grandiosity.

So their feelings are always going to trump your feelings,

And their perception of you is always going to trump your perception of you.

So it's important that you realize that.

Those of us who are not codependent,

And we have high empathy,

And we've attracted someone who is highly narcissistic,

We could really get caught up in thinking that I just have to try harder.

If I say it this way,

Then he'll understand it,

Or all I have to do is understand where his emotions are coming from,

And be more empathetic towards him,

And then this is going to work out.

Really classic for highly successful women and men who use that strategy at work,

Where I'm not going to give up.

I'm going to push this through.

Every problem has a solution.

We can adopt that strategy at work,

And at work it's going to work.

It's actually going to prove to be beneficial.

However,

When you're dealing with a narcissist,

That strategy does not work,

Because by definition,

Narcissists don't change.

Narcissists aren't able to have empathy for how hard you're trying.

They don't see anything wrong with them,

So the only problem in the relationship,

Dear one,

Is going to be you.

So while you're trying to focus on how to be better for them,

Or how to get through to them,

The narcissist is just thinking,

You're just not doing a good enough job at keeping me happy.

That will cause emotional dysregulation,

Because your happiness will be tied to trying to help this narcissist emotionally regulate.

So you can't have emotional regulation,

And when you see them get upset,

And they're blaming you,

Or they're frustrated,

Or they're not talking to you,

Or they're gaslighting you,

In your head,

You're responding to this type of behavior,

And you don't even realize that you are being trained according to how they move this carrot in front of your face,

Either up or down,

And you're just following it,

Because you want so badly to be on the same page with this person.

This will cause you to feel very off-balance.

You will lose yourself in this relationship.

If you add hobbies,

They're going to go out the window.

If you like to read self-help books or spiritual books,

You're going to stop doing that.

If you add a gym membership,

You're going to stop going.

If you went to a yoga class once or twice a week,

You're probably going to stop going.

If you went to see your friends or your family once a week,

You're probably not going to do that anymore,

Because you will be obsessed with trying to regulate this other person.

And this is how we have two people in one relationship,

And two people are focusing on the emotional wellness of the one person.

Very unhealthy dynamic.

As you separate from someone who's highly narcissistic,

In time,

It will take a little bit of time,

But if you commit to going no contact,

You will discover that it is far easier for you to experience emotional regulation.

Your emotions are not being pulled all over the sidewalk anymore.

You are not being accused every day of cheating on someone.

You are not being interrogated because you didn't say hello the right way,

Or you didn't put the keys in the right drawer in the kitchen cabinet.

So without this constant antagonism,

Without this constant passive aggressiveness,

Without this constant criticism,

Without this constant withholding or stonewalling,

Your body,

Your mind,

Your brain,

Your spirit,

Your emotional self,

You're going to find a new set point.

And if you stay away long enough,

You'll discover that it's far easier to emotionally regulate without a spur in your side,

Without an antagonist looming over your head,

Without feeling like you're walking on eggshells.

And so I really hope that these quick tips have really helped you realize there's a great benefit to going no contact.

And certainly there'll be difficult times when you start to doubt yourself,

When the narcissist might start to hoover you back in again,

When you're struggling with healing from codependency,

For example,

And you're doubting that you have the right to trust your feelings and trust your instincts because codependents often think,

It must be me,

Maybe I'm the narcissist.

What I encourage the students to understand is that narcissists don't question whether or not they're narcissists.

They think that their arrogance is actually confidence.

They think that berating you is them standing up for themselves.

So they always find a very clever and neat way to justify and rationalize antisocial behavior,

Behavior that hinders the ability to see eye to eye and meet in the middle.

And so I really hope these tips have encouraged you to remain no contact or to consider going no contact if and when you feel that it's necessary to do so,

So that you can find the way back to the divine self and you can feel empowered emotionally,

Spiritually,

And cognitively.

Thank you dear ones so much for being here.

I bow to the love and light that is absolutely in you.

Bye for now.