Embrace Your Healing Journey

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A Romano.

I am a life coach,

Best-selling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

Namaste everybody,

Lisa A Romano,

The Breakthrough Life Coach,

And today I want to talk about the law of attraction and why it matters and why you should care.

It's not a bunch of hippy-dippy,

Flighty,

Flighty-mighty,

Hoity-toity stuff when you break it down and you consider quantum mechanics.

And when you think about emotions being energy in motion,

Then it becomes really important and paramount for us to understand how consciousness can help us change what's going on in our lives today.

So if I don't like what's happening in my life today,

I really want to pay attention to what it is that I'm vibrating at,

What it is that I am feeling,

What it is that I am resonating with,

What is the frequency.

Let's say fear was on one end and love was on the other end.

Unfortunately,

Most of my life I was definitely in the fear pool.

I was definitely in the end of hopelessness and desperation,

Despondency,

Not feeling good enough,

Worrying about what other people thought about me,

Which is all fear.

I was resonating with shame.

I was resonating with this idea that I needed validation,

That I needed someone outside of me to tell me that I was okay.

And that was a mirror for growing up as a little girl and a child with parents who didn't get it.

Adult children of alcoholics who were very immature,

Who were lost in their own trauma.

My mom was super codependent on my dad,

So what mattered to her most was making sure that he was happy.

And what mattered to my dad most,

Sorry dad,

But it's true,

Was making sure that dad was happy.

And if dad was happy,

Mommy was happy.

And as long as dad was happy,

Mommy was happy.

And so therefore we weren't allowed to be unhappy.

And if you remember what it was like to be a child,

It's a very frustrating thing to be a child because people are in control of you and you can't control your environment.

And you are susceptible and vulnerable to what people say,

What people think,

And how they feel about you.

When you're a child,

You are strapped to a car seat against your will.

You are forced to eat things that you you don't want to eat.

You are forced to go to school for how many hours a day,

And it's so unnatural because children are all limbic and they need to express themselves,

Yada yada yada.

And if you factor in trauma,

If you factor in emotional neglect,

If you factor in some type of malevolent behavior towards a child,

It's really a recipe for disaster.

And so it makes sense for us to pay attention to how we feel because what happened to us as children does mirror in our adult relationships.

It has to because what happened to us as children develops neural pathways.

It is the reason why we think the way we think,

Why we feel the way we feel,

And what we believe.

It is also why we see what we see.

The fact of the matter is that the human eye can only see about 4% of what is actually happening in so-called reality.

That's a really sobering thing to think about,

Right?

Because it's like,

Well,

What else is happening that I can't see?

Tons.

What we see generally is what our ego or our mind has been designed to think is important.

And our brain,

The recticular activating system,

Actually filters out what the brain thinks or has been conditioned to think is unimportant.

Super,

Super useful information if you apply it to emotions.

Because if I am raised to believe that I am not good enough,

Then that's what I see in the outer world.

And unfortunately,

That's who I attract,

Right?

Because I can't attract in my outer world who sees value in me if I don't see value in me.

Just that fact that I am looking for someone to see value in me means that I do not see value within me,

Which means that I'm only going to be able to see in reality situations and people and dynamics and experiences that mirror what I see on the inside.

Now,

When this all started to come together for me,

It was like lightbulb moment,

Lightbulb moment,

Breakthrough moment,

Breakthrough moment.

And it was truly transformational.

Because aside from what my Catholic upbringing told me to believe,

Which was you are a sinner,

And I don't really,

I don't mean to insult anybody,

And that is,

That is not my agenda.

I think believing in a higher power is amazing.

I personally believe in a higher power.

I don't believe that we're here by accident.

What served me was believing that I'm an extension of the divine,

That I am worthy just because I exist,

And that there is potential in me as there is potential in the caterpillar who knows that it's time to go into the darkness to even create his own little cocoon or her own little cocoon.

And not even knowing,

Going into the complete unknowing,

Accepting the unknowing,

Right?

And how this amazing caterpillar accepts its death as a caterpillar and emerges this amazing butterfly.

So I use that as a metaphor to explain what I think is our journey,

That each of us has that potential in the first part of our life up until at least the mid-30s.

And if you awaken before then,

That's really,

Really great and you're very lucky.

But I've seen in my own life and my children as well as my clients that around the age of,

Between the ages of 30 and 35,

Something starts to happen.

We're looking for a deeper meaning to life.

And it's around that point where we start wondering,

Like,

What is this all about?

So if we've been married really young,

We start to wonder,

Like,

Is this relationship all there is?

Or is this what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life?

Or is there more?

And I think that's really important.

And if a relationship can sustain that period of time and both people can manage to withstand that transformational period for both people,

I think that's amazing and I do think that can happen.

But sometimes what ends up happening is when we get married young and we fall into relationships young and we're unaware that we're unaware.

We don't know that we have this unknowing reality,

That we really don't know ourselves.

We really don't know about life.

We really don't know the things that we need to know to make life decisions that are based more on self-awareness.

Like,

I know who I am now.

I know what I want to do with my life.

I know what brings me meaning.

Without not knowing,

You don't know.

It was only because I didn't know myself that I now know myself.

And that's really important.

That's why I get kind of like,

You know,

The hair on the back of my neck stands up sometimes when I hear people talk about,

Like,

An ego death.

It's really not an ego death.

We need ego.

Ego is very necessary.

Ego allows us to figure out them and me and us and we and what I like versus what someone else likes.

It allows me to develop autonomy and individuality and it allows me to also transcend this idea of separation because I can't know myself as one with everything unless I first know myself as separate from everything.

So everything fits.

So there really is no need to kill the ego.

There's nothing wrong with ego.

But as you grow in self-awareness and as your consciousness expands,

Then you begin to understand yourself from different perspectives.

You're not your mind.

You're not your thoughts.

You're not your emotions.

You're not your fears.

You're not your trauma.

You're not your triggers.

You're not what the narcissist says you are.

You're not what your mother says you are.

You're not what your dad says you are.

You're not even who you think you are unless you've gone through the spiritual awakening process,

Unless you've done enough inner transformational work,

Unless you've gotten to the point where you can detach and become objective about what you're witnessing inside the mental mind and you're able to discern that's not me and you're able to look at it and observe it and no longer have this triggered emotional response to it because you are not your emotions.

And so while we're still triggered,

We're still in the transformational journey as far as I'm concerned,

But if we stay on the journey long enough and we develop ways to speak to ourselves which is very compassionate,

Which is always loving,

Which is always accepting,

When we harness the amazing ability to become non-resistant to what we think and to what we feel,

Being able to become non-reactive even to our emotions to the point where we can gain control over it,

When we're able to develop these skills which takes time,

You are mastering the self.

But the wonderful thing is that if you understand how the laws work,

How the quantum laws of the universe operate,

Then you understand the benefit of doing all this hard work.

We can sustain anything once we have a meaning,

Once we have a reason for doing this work.

I get up every day and I manage my emotional set point because I see the benefit.

I understand.

I have a why.

Why am I getting up every day?

What is my passion?

What's the purpose of this life that I have?

And because I know what those things are,

I know the answers to those questions,

Then the how becomes easier.

And so just for instance,

I wanted to show you,

I took out all of my journals.

These are just a few of the journals.

These aren't all of them,

Right?

Well,

These are all of them that are in this office,

But I have many more in another space in my home.

But these are my journals and these journals are full from cover to cover of things that I've gone through in my life.

Like,

What am I struggling with?

And I stick with it until I get to the core.

And some of those cores are,

What are you trying to control?

What are you in resistance to?

What do you not want to see?

What is the programming that's making this hard for you to let go of this?

What is the limiting belief behind all of that?

And this really is the self-awareness journey.

However,

Everything changes and becomes clearer when you understand how the law of attraction really operates.

Emotions are energy,

And I cannot expect abundance to come to me if I am focusing on scarcity,

If I am living in a place of fear when it comes to money,

When I don't think that I have the ability to manifest what I want to manifest,

Or I don't think that I'm worthy of manifesting that,

Or I think that I'm alone in this universe,

Right?

Which is so wrong because there are absolute laws that are governing everything.

I don't take care of the sun coming up in the morning or the earth spinning.

I don't take care of the seasons that are running the planet Earth.

I don't take care of the tides.

I don't take care of energy.

I don't take care of the trees giving off oxygen and my body breathing out carbon dioxide and my body breathing in oxygen.

I'm not responsible for the natural rhythm of my lungs that are supported by some quantum laws that are governing time and space.

I'm not responsible for gravity.

To think that we're not supported is a complete fallacy.

However,

When you come from trauma,

That is your base emotional set point.

You feel abandoned.

You feel unworthy.

Remember,

What you feel is a vibration.

Consider it a resonance.

We all want abundance.

We all want prosperity.

We all want to meet the divine person that is supposed to come into our lives.

We're going to run off on the beach and have this amazing life with this person.

This person is going to be able to see us and hear us and validate us.

We're going to do the same for them.

It's impossible to manifest those things long-term and to keep them in our lives when our base emotional set point is one of fear.

I personally believe that that is how human beings are controlled across the board.

It's through fear.

Whether it's a corporation,

Whether it's a government,

Whether it's a narcissistic boss,

Whether it's a warden in a prison,

Whether it's some type of a religious organization,

Whether it is a hospital situation,

Whether it's a marriage,

Whether you're in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse or a sister or a daughter-in-law or a mother-in-law,

It doesn't matter.

When you think about it,

The energy of fear is what is corrupting our ability for moving our lives forward.

How do we attract peace,

Calm,

Clarity,

Prosperity,

Joy,

Happiness,

Fun?

How do we attract that into our lives if we don't have that energy active within our being?

It's really impossible.

Even my own self,

One of the things that I hear Anthony say about me is,

You work too much.

You're a workaholic.

That is probably true.

I really love what I do,

But certainly I can put the computer away.

I can schedule my time better so that I am enjoying things more outside of work.

I have to actively work on that.

As a matter of fact,

Right before I sat down to create this video,

I took my bike out.

I went for a short bike ride.

I had my phone going,

Listening to a meditation.

I wasn't meditating,

But I was listening to the words of the meditation,

Feeling really inspired,

Looking at the sky,

And just being grateful for the ability to have this bike that I've had for a number of years.

It's not the best bike,

But it works.

It gave me the opportunity to move my muscles around and feel my legs pumping all the blood and the oxygen around.

It gave me an opportunity to feel free and to be thankful to be alive.

That was the whole point of it.

Doing that more and acting on that.

Feeling like,

I want more fun in my life.

Then I have to go after more fun.

I have to schedule that fun.

In the acting of doing it,

I'm asking for that fun.

I'm believing that fun is going to come to me.

I'm doing that fun,

And then I experience that fun.

It's important that if you are someone,

Especially if you're on the healing journey.

I know it's not easy because when you have trauma in your background,

Your base emotional set point could be so heavy.

That's valid.

It really is valid.

I'm not coming out at you to invalidate what you're feeling.

What I'm trying to do is inspire you to believe and hope.

What you do have control over is what's going on inside of you.

When I was first going through the recovery process,

I was so tormented by fear,

And so tormented by shame,

And so tormented by the fear of the unknown and self-doubt.

I had three little kids.

How was I going to take care of them?

I walked away from a marriage that was very financially stable,

From a business that was financially stable,

From a beautiful custom-built home.

I walked away from it.

I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do.

I just knew that the dynamics at play between me and my ex,

That we were all dying a slow spiritual death,

And that was not going to end well.

Even him,

He was unhappy,

But he didn't care that we were unhappy.

Staying with me being unhappy was,

To him,

Better than being alone and without me.

I think it had to do with a control issue.

That's just me personally,

But when I realized the quantum piece of this,

Like,

Oh my gosh,

He's not changing.

If he doesn't change,

Then it's going to change me,

Because he's my partner in everything,

And this is just not healthy.

I already began to see the patterns in my mother's life had affected me,

Which is neuro-programming.

It's like,

This is not hokey-pokey stuff.

How we feel affects our neurology.

This is neurology.

It affects our psychology.

It affects our behavior.

It's all connected,

But for me,

What made so much sense when I pieced it all together was it could be no other way.

It wasn't me.

It was my programming,

And in the awakening of my own mind,

Giving birth to my own mind,

Being able to confront my mind from a higher state of awareness,

And then to see my marriage and know it was so toxic,

And it was so sick,

And to feel the resistance of my ex.

He didn't want to work with me.

He resented trying to work things out.

He didn't know how to work things out.

All he knew how to do was to huff and puff and try to get me to be afraid of leaving,

Which did not work.

Even though I was afraid,

I jumped.

I jumped,

And I just said,

I'll figure it out on the way.

I just can't stay here,

And I'm so grateful for the laws that govern time and space.

I'm so grateful that I embraced them,

And I added them to my toolbox,

Because they are absolute.

So the laws that men create are,

They're always changing.

Emotions are always changing.

Opinions are always changing.

What I think is always changing,

But what is never changing are the laws that govern time and space.

So emotions are energy in motion,

And the law of vibration is real.

The law of causality is real.

The law of action and reaction is real.

It really is true.

What I think,

What I feel,

I become,

And so I have to change the way I think,

And when I change the way I think,

I change the way I feel.

Now here's the thing.

Momentum matters.

We live in a time-space reality on planet Earth,

And so I have to be willing to appreciate time.

So if I'm leaving a narcissistic relationship,

If I'm in a trauma bond,

It's going to take time for all of these processes to work themselves out.

It might happen over years.

Some of us,

It takes time for us to heal in years and maybe even a decade.

That's okay.

I just want to inspire you and let you know that there is light at the end of that tunnel,

And once we understand that we can really at least begin to change the way we think,

And once I change the way I think,

Then my life must change,

As long as I don't give up.

It's really interesting,

You know,

All these years after,

And again,

You're talking to somebody,

Or I'm talking as someone who's been out of a very,

Very toxic marriage for over 20 years now,

Right?

So yeah,

It'd be 24 years.

That's a long time to be out of it,

And I can tell you that I keep growing,

And I keep expanding,

And my consciousness keeps expanding like this sponge.

It's just like,

Woof,

You know,

I get it now.

More and more is revealed,

But I just want to come at you as someone who is out of this.

Like,

24 years later,

It does get better,

But it doesn't get better all at once,

But I can tell you that if you don't give up,

If you stick at this,

What you will notice in time,

As I have,

Is that the person that I was in a relationship with didn't change.

There was a time where I was so afraid of him,

Where I thought I could never live without him,

And that it would be so wrong,

Like my family would never survive without us being together.

I had all of these ego constructs and limiting beliefs that had some had to do with my religion,

The religion that I was raised in.

Much of it had to do with what my parents thought about me,

And about marriage,

And about me personally,

And that,

You know,

I was just a pain in the butt.

I was a drama queen.

Nobody could ever make me happy.

I was selfish.

I was this.

I was that,

And feeling tremendously misunderstood.

So a lot of that,

I had to work through my head and believe in myself,

And really detach from this toxic conversation that my own parents were having about me.

That's not the way you talk about your children,

And so when I began to just honor myself,

And honor myself,

Which was so hard,

It was like ripping my skin off.

It was like me facing all of my abandonment fears,

All of my trauma,

And saying my whole life,

All I've ever wanted was to be loved and accepted by you mom and dad,

And I know that's never going to happen,

And I know when I walk out this door,

And I begin divorcing this person that you love so much,

Here it comes.

You're going to use it as validation to say,

See,

We always told you she was too much.

She was a drama queen.

She was this.

She was crazy,

And they were going to use it as ammunition,

But I faced that fire,

And I started to believe in myself,

Because I started to understand,

And on a very deep level,

That until I believed in myself,

I was never going to be happy.

That I had to get back in touch with my own guidance system,

And I couldn't let the people that I love jack with that anymore.

I couldn't let childhood programming jack with how I saw myself.

I had to get back in touch with my own guidance system,

And what that meant was that I had to face all of the dragons within myself,

All of the fears,

The little child inside of me that begged me,

Please don't let go of mommy.

Please don't let go of this fantasy.

Please don't do this.

Daddy's going to get mad.

Your sister's going to walk away.

Your brother's going to walk away.

Everybody's going to hate you.

I had to face all of those fears,

And essentially tell my inner child,

And I really,

It's amazing that we can do this,

But I was able to do it from a higher state of awareness once I understood I was not my programming.

This little bit of space showed up in my consciousness.

I was like,

I have to be the parent to my inner child.

I have to be the Alpha and the Omega.

I have to be the person,

The thing,

The entity,

The entity,

The essence that my inner child knows is here for her.

This entity that I am has to be enough,

And I have to let my inner child know that even though I don't see the path,

I don't see the path,

But I can see the doorway.

I don't see the path.

We're going to be okay,

And I relied on this fact.

Well,

I believe it's a fact that I'm an extension of the divine,

That whoever and whatever created all that is created me,

And so that must mean I have value.

It doesn't mean that I always saw value in myself,

And it doesn't mean I always saw value in other people.

It didn't mean that my ego was sort of like running the ship,

And I didn't know what the heck I was doing,

Because that was the case,

And I think that's the case for all of us until we awaken,

And we really do the deep dive,

And we have the inner transformation journey.

We have one breakthrough after another,

And that's something to be ashamed of,

Because that's the way it is for everybody.

Even the Bible says man in their birth is actually asleep.

We're all born into a sleep state,

And we remain in this dream state until we awaken,

And we can transcend the ego or the mental constructs that make up the ego.

We can live in a higher state of consciousness despite what's happening around us,

But that takes time,

And understanding that the law of attraction works in either direction,

So you can align with good,

Or you can align with not so good.

You can align with health,

Or you can align with something that's very unhealthy,

And both will manifest.

The goal really is to,

If you are a truth seeker,

If you are someone who resonates with this message,

If you are really looking to empower your life and get the narcissist's energy out of your life,

Then maybe this message will resonate with you.

Maybe you'll believe in the power of your thoughts.

Maybe you'll believe that there is a why.

Like,

What is your why?

Why did you want to leave?

Why do you want to change?

For me,

It was what the most empowering thought that came up for me was,

My reason for leaving and doing this work is because if I don't,

I'm not going to leave my children a healthy blueprint,

And that's all on me,

Because I've already done enough damage with teaching them,

Or resonating with,

Or modeling for them an unhealthy blueprint for how to live their life.

Seeking validation,

No bueno.

Thinking that you're not good enough,

Living in fear,

See PTSD,

Having someone react to everything that you say and everything that you do,

Living in fear of what other people think about you,

No.

I already done enough damage,

But when I began to awaken,

My why for walking through that door without the path was,

I have to take a chance to teach my children something else.

And to this day,

I'm 58 years old,

My kids range from 25 to 34,

And my stepchildren are 31 and 36.

When we get together,

We usually end up having some conversation around the law of attraction.

Why?

Because when you cut through all the nonsense,

And you think about yourself as an energy being,

You are worthy to receive.

But if you don't think,

And you don't feel,

Because of your upbringing,

Or because of a toxic relationship,

You've been beaten down in your head so much that you don't think that you're worthy,

It's really important that you know.

It's really hard to believe that you are worthy,

And then to act in a way that suggests that you are.

And you should know that.

It's not your fault if that is what's happened to you,

But you should have a key to knowing that you can still transform your life,

Despite of what's happened in your life,

And to you,

Which is not your fault.

You need to know what the key is,

Because if you don't know what the key is,

You're not going to reach for it,

And you're not going to see a door,

And you're not going to have a reason to get up and try something different.

You're not going to have a reason to push past the fear,

Or to confront the fear.

But if you know that you can,

If you know that you are enough,

If you know that you can overcome the fear,

If you know that by overcoming the fear,

By believing in yourself,

If you know there's a light at the end of the tunnel,

If you know that you can transform your life over time,

And like I said,

You know,

I am NOT somebody who comes at the healing journey thinking like,

Oh yeah,

You're going to be able to do this in two weeks or less.

And you want to make sure that you're doing everything that you can to control your mind.

Why?

Because programs have been controlling you,

Because your parents have been controlling you,

Because of your spouse,

And your siblings,

And the world outside of you have been controlling you.

And you're an individual,

And you don't have to live that way.

You really can become more in control over your current reality,

And obviously your destiny.

Not easy,

But at least,

Dear one,

You should know that there are keys.

Namaste.

Until next time,

As I bow to the love and light that is absolutely in you.