459: Six Ways To Move Into Your Adult Chair Now

Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show,

The next evolution of the Adult Share Podcast.

I am Michelle Chalfant,

And my goal is to help you to awaken to your true self.

Together we will break through your barriers so you can find your purpose and live a soul aligned life.

Each week,

I'll bring you powerful conversations with thought leaders,

Spiritual teachers,

Healers,

And change makers,

Along with actionable insights to help you to transform your life from the inside out.

Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show.

Hello,

Everybody,

And welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show.

I am Michelle Chalfant,

Always happy to be here with you.

You know,

This is a big month.

For those of you that do not know this,

It's May,

And May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

It is a month where we truly look at and honor those that are dealing with mental health issues.

We want to put a focus on mental health issues.

We want to even look at our own mental health.

How are we doing?

How are we navigating the world?

What is happening within ourselves?

This is a month that we really want to look at self and other and see how everybody's doing.

Have you reached out to anybody that might be in crisis or having a hard time or grieving?

Anything at all.

We all need each other.

We all need each other.

Humans need other humans.

If you know of somebody that's alone or that's suffering,

Please reach out.

People have asked me for years,

What do I say?

You just say,

Hey,

I'm here.

I'm thinking about you.

Is there anything I can do?

May I help?

Is there anything I can do for you?

I'm just here to listen.

So,

Yeah.

So I even said to my team the other day,

I said,

You know,

We should make the month of May the Adult Chair Month because it's such a way to honor our mental and emotional health.

That's what this whole model is about.

That's,

I mean,

My gosh,

I had the podcast 10 years with the adult chair.

That's what I'm all about is really living from the healthiest place that we can live because it is hard.

You all know this.

You all know this.

It can be freaking hard to do,

To live as a healthy,

Emotionally balanced human adult in this world.

It's hard work.

But when we have the right tools,

It becomes easier,

Does it not?

When you have the right tools or path or framework to help us to do this in a healthy way,

It's easier.

So that's what I'm all about in every single thing that I put out into the world.

I'm hoping that anything that I do helps you in some small or big way.

So today is no different.

I had a lot of people ask me,

So is it really that simple?

How do I live in my adult chair?

How do I know if I'm living in my adult chair?

The adult chair is just when we're living in the healthiest adult version of who I am myself,

My healthy adult.

How do I know if I'm living there?

How do I know when I'm not living there?

How do I get in my adult chair?

What does it even mean?

So today,

That's what I want to talk about with you.

How do I live in my adult chair?

How do I get there if I'm not there now?

What do I need to do?

Here's something that I live with,

I swear it's on a daily basis.

Sometimes I have to reach for this.

When we are in our adult,

We're first of all living in the present moment.

We don't live in the past or the future.

So if you find yourself spending a lot of time looking in the past,

Obsessing on the past,

Daydreaming about the past,

I mean,

It's okay to daydream about the past.

I have fond memories from some things in my past.

That's fine.

But when we're looking in the past and then projecting out in our future,

Well,

The future is going to happen because of what happened in my past.

I want you to understand how limiting that thinking is,

That limited thinking,

Because that's coming from ego.

So our ego can only point us in the future of the past that it experienced.

That was really big.

I want to make sure you heard that.

Our ego can only provide for us an idea of what our future is going to look like based on the past that we've had.

It doesn't know there are other options.

So it limits us.

It's very limited thinking.

It's very narrow.

It's like looking through a telescope.

It's like this little,

Little,

Tiny,

Oh,

I realize not all of you are watching me.

I've got my hand around my eyeball.

It's tiny,

Limited,

Narrow thinking.

That's living from our ego.

Ego is not bad,

Everybody.

Ego is not bad.

That's the adolescent.

It's not bad.

It's doing what it knows.

It only knows how to project into the future based on our past.

Our adult does not do that.

When we're in our adult,

We're able to sit in the present moment and we get the idea about what to do next from our heart when we are in the present moment.

And no,

That's not airy-fairy.

It's from the body the ideas come from versus the head.

So you guys have probably heard me say living chin up or chin down.

When I'm in the body,

I'm able to live chin down,

A more embodied perspective.

And that's where soul lives.

That is where we connect with soul.

And that's where more ideas come from than from the ego mind.

The ego doesn't have the ideas.

It's only basing it on the past from my heart.

It's like,

Oh,

Well,

Maybe this is going to happen.

There are unlimited possibilities when we are living from the heart space.

That's where the soul lives.

That's where our adult is.

So if you want to start living more from your adult,

You got to drop your attention down into your heart,

Get out of the head where it's limited,

Drop into your heart and ask from there,

What's my next step?

That's the other thing.

It's not about projecting way out into the future and going,

Well,

What's coming for me next year?

Again,

The ego is going to go,

Well,

Based on what you've done in the past in your life,

Only these options are what we have.

Very,

Very narrow,

Very narrow.

Here are the two options.

When I'm in my adult,

I don't need to know what's coming way out in the future.

What I do know and will feel is when to take the next step forward.

And I call this living on our illuminated path.

We all have a path.

It's illuminated when you pay attention.

On the illuminated path,

It teaches us or tells us what's my very next step.

Feel the difference between what's my next step versus what's going to happen in a year or two down the line.

I don't need to know that.

My heart or my soul will lead me to the next step.

Maybe it's to the left,

Maybe it's to the right,

Maybe it's forward.

And my heart will tell me,

Oh,

This is when I need to take a step forward.

I always say to people,

You will feel moved when it's time to take your next step forward.

Let me give you some examples.

I remember people asking me,

Well,

How do I know when to sell my house?

I don't even know when to put it on the market.

You'll feel moved.

You'll feel it in your body.

It's time to put my house on the market.

It's not going to come from your head.

It comes from,

Again,

It could come from your head if you're living more from the ego perspective,

Which is the adolescent chair,

But it'll come from your heart and your body when it's coming from your adult,

Because that's where the soul lives.

The soul is going to go now,

Put the house on the market.

How do I know when to end this relationship?

It's not going to come from your head.

It's going to come from your body.

If I tell you how many people came to me and said,

When should I leave my partner?

When do I leave my husband,

My wife,

My girlfriend,

My boyfriend,

My whomever?

And my answer was always the same.

It's not something you'll know.

It's something you will feel.

You will feel when the time comes for you to leave or end the relationship.

So we spend all of our time in the head trying to figure it out.

I got to figure it out.

I got to know.

Do I do it now?

Do I not do it now?

All the things spinning around in the head,

Feel it.

I love taking,

I remember even taking my kids on their college tours way back when,

And my friends would say,

Oh,

Did they like that?

I'm like,

They haven't had the feeling yet.

They'll have the feeling when they're on the right campus.

And if you've ever looked at like a new apartment or condo or house,

You know,

When you walk in and you go,

This is it.

I know this is it.

How do you know this is it?

It's because you feel it.

So when we live from our adult,

We live from that place.

We live from the heart.

We live in the present moment from the heart and we're living in the heart.

We're connected to the soul.

That's what our healthy adult does.

It lives from that perspective.

Okay,

The neck and we trust.

That's the other thing we do in this adult.

We trust everything.

We trust that it's time now to list the house,

To move,

To leave the partner,

Whatever.

We trust and we trust that it's not time now.

So people,

I remember,

I have a memory of one woman in particular coming and going,

I'm leaving my husband.

This is it.

He's driving me crazy.

He's not nice to me.

And I'd say,

Okay.

And then she'd come in the next week and go,

I'm leaving my husband.

And I say,

Okay,

Whenever you're ready.

And she'd say,

Why can't I leave?

I said,

Because you haven't felt it yet.

You'll feel it.

And then you'll leave.

And there will be no question.

You will not have a doubt in your mind.

Of course,

There would be some second guessing sometimes,

Not all the time,

But man,

When your heart's online and you're lined up with heart and soul,

You make a decision.

It's like,

Oh,

I'm clear.

It's done.

Moving on,

Moving on,

Moving out,

All the things.

Same thing.

I'm buying this house.

I'm buying this car.

I'm doing this.

I'm doing that.

I'm living from that perspective and I'm trusting all of it.

Another thing that we do from our adult is we live with fact and truth.

What I mean by that is we get out of what I call story and assumption.

So let's talk about,

For example,

Someone that has a child and that kid has applied to college and the kid is so excited about a certain college and they don't get in.

And as a parent,

You are imploding.

You are more stressed even than your child because you think now your kid's going to have a horrible experience.

This happened many times in my practice.

This is why I know this well.

Your kid's going to have a horrible experience.

It's going to ruin their whole college career.

They're never going to get a good job.

All the things,

Right?

Those are all stories and assumptions because we have no idea what's going to happen.

There's no trust in it.

You're projecting way out in the future.

You have no idea what's coming for your kid.

They don't get into the college that they want.

So what we want to do,

And that's all a story or an assumption that we're making.

That's just not true.

And believe it or not,

Like over 90% of our stories and assumptions never come true.

They're false.

So instead,

What we want to do is sit,

Feel,

Okay,

And then ask yourself this question.

This is so powerful.

What's fact and truth for me right now in this moment?

Fact and truth.

That doesn't mean fact and truth in a year,

Fact and truth in a month.

It means what's fact and truth right now in this very moment?

So what would be,

Let's just use this as an example.

My kid did not get into the college of their choice.

Okay,

What's fact and truth?

If I'm the parent,

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm sad.

I'm in grief.

My kid has talked about this college since they were young and now they didn't get in.

I feel horrible.

Great.

Fact,

Fact,

Fact,

Fact,

Fact,

Fact and truth.

Those are all true.

Secondly,

My kid is upset.

They're sad.

List all the things,

Fact and truth.

When you write it down on a piece of paper,

It's so helpful because you're pulling it out of the ethers and pulling it into 3D reality.

So bring it down,

Write it on paper,

Make a list of all the things that are fact and truth.

So you write down what's true,

In fact,

In this moment.

Next,

I'm worried that they're not going to have a great college experience.

Is that fact and truth?

Yes.

Write it down.

Okay.

What else?

What you're going to find is there's nothing else.

There's not much else to say because you don't know what's coming in the future.

So when we live from our adult chair,

We live with fact and truth,

Which pulls us in the moment.

And we don't know what's coming in the future because I'm just sitting here in the moment.

So all we know is this happened and I don't know the outcome of this kid going to this college instead.

I don't know.

But if I'm in my adult,

The one we just talked about,

Is trust.

I'm going to trust that they have a soul that is leading them on a path.

And I may not know as their parent,

I may not know that that's the best college or the worst college,

But I'm going to know this.

I'm going to trust that their soul knows.

That's why they got into that college and didn't get into that one.

So I have to let go and trust that that's the right process.

Yep.

So live in fact and truth over anything,

Anything at all.

Anything at all.

I've had so many people that I've talked to over the years that have said to me,

Oh my God,

I'm so worried about this.

And I'm so worried about that.

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And it's like,

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

What's fact and truth?

Oh,

None of it.

Or one thing or no things,

Right?

Think about it.

Whatever you're worried about right now,

Whatever's stressing you out,

Whatever's overwhelming you,

Whatever's giving you anxiety,

Drop into the moment and ask yourself what's fact and truth about this very thing that I am so stressed out about.

And the moment you go into the future and you think you got to say to yourself,

Hold on,

That's tomorrow.

That's not today.

That's not in this very second,

In this moment.

That's tomorrow.

I got to pull myself back in the moment.

Okay.

There's power in living with fact and truth in the moment.

Okay.

Next one we kind of talked about,

Which has been a story buster.

So when you find yourself lost in thought and you're just going through,

Oh,

I'm worried about this and that and the other thing.

And this is all,

This always happens.

We start using those absolutes always and never.

We have to pop that reality and bust it because it's just a story that may never happen.

Remember 90?

I think it's more like 97% of the time.

It's more than 90.

It just doesn't ever happen.

It doesn't happen.

So all the worrying that we do over something that,

That may never happen.

It's just a waste of energy.

So again,

How do we bust a story?

We recognize first of all,

That we're in a story about the future.

And then number two,

We come back to present moment into fact and truth again.

And we say,

Hold on,

What's fact and truth right now?

Oh,

It takes it away.

It takes away all the anxiety,

All the stress,

All the fear,

All the stuckness,

It's gone.

Let's see.

Oh,

This is one which we just talked about too.

I am patient and I can wait.

So when you find yourself obsessing or stressing about something,

You want to say to yourself,

Am I waiting?

And am I being patient or am I being impatient and wanting this thing to happen immediately?

Yeah.

What's your answer?

Because I know when I get anxious,

I'm like,

Wait a minute,

Let me pull back into the moment.

What's true.

And then am I pushing something?

Am I pushing and trying to make it happen?

Or am I being patient and living in the moment and waiting for again,

The clue as to when I take the next step,

The clue as to the next time I need to move forward on something,

Make a decision about something.

We have clues that will pop up for us.

Are you waiting?

Are you being patient?

The ego is the part of us that gets really impatient and says,

But I need to know now,

Hurry up.

When you feel yourself start to speed up,

Think really fast,

Say you need an answer immediately.

That's when you know you're in your ego.

Because the ego wants to know because the ego believes that if I know this thing,

It's going to keep me safe.

Not true.

You're safe whether you know the answer or not.

Let's face it,

Right?

So we want to retrain ourselves to be able to live in the moment,

To be patient and to wait.

And you have to just start saying to yourself,

Okay,

Hold on.

I'm not being very patient.

Let me just chill out for a second.

Let me wait.

Let me slow down.

Hold on.

Okay,

I'm good.

The last one is to respond versus react.

So when we have that knee-jerk reaction and we react,

We know we're not in our adult.

Adults don't react.

They respond.

When we respond,

It is calmer.

It is in the moment.

We take a moment and think and we feel the answer.

So if somebody does something that hurts you,

Again,

Because of our ego,

Sometimes we yell or we get a knee-jerk reaction.

But the more we practice and notice that we're doing that instead of responding,

The more we can sit with presence and say,

Hold on a second.

Let me feel through this.

Let me look at all my options.

And then I will respond.

You don't have to respond immediately.

When somebody sends you a text,

You don't have to respond immediately.

Take a moment.

Sit with it.

Get clear.

Go through what's fact and truth.

Then write your response.

Wait a little bit longer.

Then respond.

I mean,

Again,

Nothing needs to be done immediately.

Nothing.

And that's when we get ourselves in trouble is a lot of times when someone says or does something,

Boom,

We react right away without feeling our truth and then responding.

Right?

So we really want to take our time with us.

We don't want to be someone that reacts.

And by the way,

If you are someone that does or did react to something,

It's okay.

You're human.

I react too sometimes.

No big deal.

But here's what adults do.

We apologize.

If I've reacted and I got upset with somebody,

I was short with somebody,

I cut someone off when they were talking or whatever it might be.

If I know that I reacted and it was not nice,

It was inappropriate,

Whatever the heck I did,

Healthy adults apologize.

We own it.

That's one of the five pillars.

We own it.

Like,

Oh,

Shoot,

I made a mistake.

I'm so sorry.

I reacted.

Please forgive me.

And then we move on.

Done.

This is not something we have to carry with us.

Let it go.

Again,

When you can reorient yourself back into the moment,

You can let it go.

There's no need to continue to think about it,

Talk about it,

Share with your friends something that happened that didn't happen.

Whatever you're upset about,

Let it go.

Move on.

Okay.

So these are really,

Really easy things that take a little bit of time to practice.

But you can practice right now.

All these things.

Just start living in fact and truth.

Reorienting into the moment,

Living in the moment.

Gosh,

People don't do that well.

We do not do that well.

We are living so far in the past and the future.

It doesn't help.

And so much of the time,

It never comes true.

So these are my six ways to get into your adult and stay healthy,

Peaceful,

Emotionally in balance,

All the things.

They take practice.

But once you practice them,

I promise you they will change your emotional state and mental state.

It's pretty incredible.

So I hope that you enjoy those.

I hope that you guys enjoyed that.

Thank you so much for joining me.

Love you,

Love you.

And I'll see you right here next week.

Have a great week,

Everyone.