Hello there,
I'm Lucero and I'd like to share with you a special practice to help when you're having a hard time getting along with someone.
We all have conflicts sometimes with our family,
Friends or others.
Maybe someone said or did something that hurt your feelings or you said or did something that hurt theirs.
Maybe you had an argument or even a fight.
You could just have different opinions or you don't understand each other.
There are a lot of different kinds of conflict but one way all conflicts are the same is that they make us feel unsafe in some way and disconnected from the other person.
This practice is about compassion.
To have compassion means to understand that someone is hurting and to want to help them feel better.
With self-compassion you understand that you are hurting and you want to help yourself feel better.
When you understand your own hurt you can have compassion for other people too.
Even someone you are in conflict with.
Think about it this way,
Even when you're not getting along you still have some things in common with that person.
You are both human beings and you both want to be happy,
Peaceful and safe.
Remembering that is the first step to working through conflict.
Let's get started.
You can lie down or sit comfortably,
Whatever makes it easier for you to relax.
Get settled in your body,
Stretch and move around until you feel comfortable enough to be mostly still for the next few minutes.
Now close your eyes,
Take a deep breath in and exhale.
When you let out your breath,
Feel your whole body relax from head to toe.
Take another deep breath and let it out.
One more time,
Nice and slow.
Relax your mind too.
Let go of any stressful thoughts or worries with each exhale.
Now just notice what feelings,
Thoughts and sensations come up when you think about the conflict you've had with the other person.
Try to just notice these things without judging them.
Where do you feel it in your body?
Do you feel tense,
Tight or queasy?
What's going on in your mind?
Are your thoughts angry or anxious?
What emotions do you notice?
Do you feel mad or scared?
Remember that you are in charge of your own experience.
If anything you feel is too difficult,
You can take a break or stop anytime.
Feel the floor or the chair under you,
Supporting you.
Take some deep breaths and as you exhale,
Imagine the hurt feelings,
Stressful thoughts and uncomfortable sensations leaving you with each breath.
Feel solid and strong in your body and clear in your mind.
Now let's try a little self-compassion.
Can you notice that inside you,
Underneath all those feelings and thoughts,
There's a part of you that just wants to be happy,
Peaceful and safe.
The conflict you're experiencing makes it impossible to feel 100% happy,
Peaceful and safe right now.
So that part of yourself is upset and stressed,
Maybe even scared.
Remember that compassion means to understand that someone is hurting and to want to help them feel better.
Can you have compassion for yourself right now?
Feel your heart and let it open to the part of you that wants to be happy,
Peaceful and safe.
That might feel like your heart is getting warmer or softer.
Let those feelings of warmth and softness move through you now.
Let that part of you know that you see and feel it,
That you are there,
That you want it to feel better.
You can remind yourself that you are strong and wise and that you will do whatever you can to take care of yourself.
Be kind to yourself,
Be gentle with yourself,
Support yourself.
Just send compassion to yourself for the next few breaths.
Now we'll practice compassion for the person you're having conflict with.
This can be challenging,
Especially if you have intense feelings about the conflict.
Remember,
It's just an experiment and you're in charge.
You can take a break or stop anytime.
For a moment,
Let yourself think about the other person.
Can you notice that underneath the conflict you are having,
There is a part of that person that just like you wants to be happy,
Peaceful and safe.
See if you can find that part of them,
Even if their words or actions were hurtful.
Ask yourself if their hurtful words or actions are because they are trying to keep themselves happy,
Peaceful and safe.
We all feel safer when we think we are right and in control.
Are they trying to stay safe?
Are both of you trying to stay safe?
Even if you're in conflict,
You have that wish for safety in common.
It's okay if you don't feel compassion for the other person.
You don't have to change or fix anything right now.
You're just practicing feeling the compassion that you already have inside you.
If you want to feel more compassion for the other person,
You can say these words in your mind or out loud.
Just like me,
This person wants to be happy.
Just like me,
This person wants to be peaceful.
Just like me,
This person wants to be safe.
Let's do that one more time.
Just like me,
This person wants to be happy.
Just like me,
This person wants to be peaceful.
Just like me,
This person wants to be safe.
How does it feel to let your compassion include the other person?
Because compassion opens your heart and helps you connect to yourself and others,
It should feel good.
It can help you step outside of the hurt feelings and angry thoughts and maybe even find a way to get along with the other person again.
One of the hardest things human beings deal with is conflict with each other and it takes courage to face it.
So you're doing a great job taking care of yourself and being brave.
Any time you're in conflict,
You can say these words to yourself.
Just like me,
This person wants to be happy,
Peaceful and safe.
And just notice how you feel when you remind yourself of that.
Take a big deep breath and let it out slowly.
Feel the energy from your breath move all the way through your body down into your fingers and toes.
Let it clear your mind.
Slowly start to move around in any way that feels good.
If your eyes are closed,
You can open them now.
Thank you for practicing compassion with me today.
I look forward to connecting with you again soon.
Goodbye.
