Good Grief: A Light Meditation For A Heavy Issue

My dearest meditator,

I assume that you are having a hard time with the loss of a person or a pet animal.

A beloved person or pet animal that you have had an important connection with.

You are perhaps not feeling very whole.

A part of you is missing.

It may be that you're having a difficult time letting that loss just be.

Buddhism teaches that the more you try to stop or slow down the transient parts of life,

The more you suffer.

You probably do not want to hear philosophical stuff when you're missing your loved ones so much.

Because,

After all,

Your world seems to have been changed.

And an important part of you seems to be missing.

Just like an eclipse of the moon robs us of the sunshine,

The loss of your loved one has robbed you of the reflection of your own love.

And that can be lonely,

Dark,

And scary if that loved one made up a big part of your life.

This can be made worse if your loss was sudden or traumatic because there may be unfinished business,

Problems left unresolved,

Things left unspoken,

Some apologies not yet made.

Relationships are complicated.

No matter what,

You are left with loss and its pain.

It takes some time to process grief.

For some people,

One or two processing sessions and it's over.

For others,

It takes many,

Many more processing sessions before they get relief.

Especially if they interrupt the process with things that numb them,

Like alcohol,

Drugs,

Or sugar,

Or if they postpone the processing with projects,

Travel,

Or social media,

Etc.

In this meditation,

We will call forth your grief over a lost beloved person or pet and process it twice.

After that,

We will work with your mental image of your lost beloved.

We will honor them and help you continue on with your life,

Discovering the things you treasured about your beloved again and again.

First,

We want to go into a meditative state,

A light meditative state,

And spark your imagination.

Let your mind flow,

Get into a comfortable position in a place that you won't be disturbed.

Close your eyes.

Breathe in,

I am,

And out,

Relaxing.

In,

I am,

And out,

Relaxing twice as much.

In,

I am,

And out,

Relaxing all the way down from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

Breathe naturally now.

Allow yourself to quiet down,

Way down,

All the way down like a little pebble dropping into an aquarium,

Down past the water plants,

Down past the tiny minnows,

Past the little toy bridges and pagodas,

And quietly,

Lighting on the floor in a friendly,

Peaceful world.

No matter what waves are left rippling on the surface,

All is calm and quiet inside.

Now let any sounds or people in the background fade away and just listen to my voice.

You have no place to go,

Nothing to do,

But listen to me and imagine what I say.

Make yourself like a curious kindergarten child,

Sitting behind a very big desk,

Listening with very big ears and big eyes,

And with a big imagination.

Become curious,

Very curious and imaginative.

Now I know you may be wanting to feel better,

But sorry,

I would like you to bring up your feeling of grief just for a moment.

You can make yourself feel grief by imagining the thoughts that usually trigger it.

For me,

It was the words I heard from my mother or my sister calling my name.

I hear them and an image appears and the grief just seems to enter through my face,

Then into my heart,

And then out through my stomach.

Then another image appears and moves back in through my face,

Into my heart,

And out through my stomach.

There are people who want to hold on to the past,

Relive things again and again,

Like the drunks in a bar who keep playing the same sad song on the jukebox and crying in their beer.

They seem to want to hold on to the grief,

For many like grief,

You know.

Makes them feel something anyway,

And their alcohol use stops the processing.

So now bring up the thoughts that trigger your grief.

Feel that feeling.

Double it if you can with the same image or different images.

Double it once again,

Noticing where it enters your body,

The second place it goes,

Where you feel it the strongest,

And then where it goes and out your body.

Move it back again.

One,

Two,

Feel it,

Three,

Out and again,

And again and again,

Making it stronger and stronger,

Noticing where you feel it strongest in your body.

Once you have found it,

Breathe into it,

Allowing it to spread outward,

Filling a larger part of your torso.

Feeling your grief spread out there,

Breathe into it again and let it spread into your shoulders and pelvis.

Feeling your grief there,

Breathe into it again and let it spread out into your arms and legs.

Feeling it all over your whole body,

Breathe into it again and let it radiate from you through two or three layers of your auric field.

Feel it expand there.

Breathe into it again and let it radiate three or four more layers and then release it into the universe.

Now there,

You have allowed your body to process your grief once.

Your body is a processing instrument.

Emotions cannot harm you.

So let them be.

Feel them,

Feel them,

Feel them,

Feel them with all of your body and let them flow through you and out.

Let's do that one more time.

So now bring up the thoughts that trigger your grief.

Feel that grief.

Double it if you can with the same image or different images.

Double it again and notice where it enters the body,

The second place it goes and where it goes to exit the body.

A little bit back again and again,

Making it stronger and stronger,

Doing what you can to make it stronger.

Noticing where it's strongest in your body.

Then breathe into it.

Allow it to spread outward,

Filling a larger part of your torso.

Feeling your grief there.

Breathe into it again and let it breathe,

Let it spread into your shoulders and pelvis.

Let it spread into your shoulders and pelvis,

Feeling your grief there.

Breathe into it again and let it spread out into your arms and legs.

Feeling it over your whole body now.

Breathe into it again and let it radiate through you out into two or three layers of your auric field.

Feel it expand there.

Breathe into it.

Let it expand and radiate out three or four more layers of your auric field.

Then release it again into the universe.

You can do this as much as you want while meditating,

While doing housework,

While you're sleeping until your body becomes a smooth emotion processing machine.

The way it has always been meant to be.

For now,

I want you to locate in your auric field in the area where you are storing your image of your lost beloved.

An image that reminds you of a meaningful time you had together,

But yet makes you still feel distant.

That they're distant and accessible,

Making you feel kind of empty.

Again,

Look around in your auric field and find an image of your lost beloved.

One that reminds you of a meaningful time you had together,

But makes them feel distant and inaccessible.

And makes you feel empty.

Let's call it image number one.

Notice how big or small they are in that image.

Notice whether the image is in color or black and white.

Notice its darkness,

Dark or light or gray.

Clear or fuzzy.

Is it transparent or opaque?

Moving or still?

Is it flat or is it 3D?

Now,

Move that image off to the side for a moment.

Shrink it or close that window for a moment.

I want you to think of someone.

An old classmate or cousin perhaps.

Someone you like,

But is no longer in your life.

Maybe they've moved away.

But whenever you think of them,

You feel good.

And have a sense of their presence.

A sense of their fullness.

I'll give you a few seconds to think of someone.

Now consider,

Where in your auric field do you find their image?

We'll call it image two.

How far or near is their image from you?

Notice if they're big or small in this image.

Notice if the image is in color or black and white.

Dark or light.

Clear or fuzzy.

Transparent or opaque.

Moving or still.

Flat or 3D.

Hold it there.

You're going to become a photo processor now.

A photoshopper,

So to speak.

By the time I ask the next question,

Allow the image of that person to change in a way that they seem like they're just inside the room with you.

Even though they're no longer a part of your life at the moment.

Now allow me to ask the next question.

Here it is.

Would you object to being able to think about your beloved in the same way?

So that you can feel the good feelings you had with them.

And bring those feelings back to life.

Instead of feeling so much grief.

If so,

Let's go back to that thumbnail image.

Image number one.

The one of your beloved when you were doing something meaningful or fun together.

Now,

Move it nearer and nearer to image two.

Nearer.

Nearer.

Now place that thumbnail in the lower left corner.

Now when I tell you to click a button that says transform.

Image one will take on all the same qualities of image two.

The same size,

Color,

Brightness,

Clarity,

Transparency,

Stillness or movement,

Flatness or 3D.

It will take on all the same qualities.

As if they were created by the same wonderful artist.

Get ready at the count of five.

One.

Two.

Three.

Trans.

Four.

Mmm.

Five.

Now.

There.

Your beloved expressed.

The same way as it is expressed in image two.

Visually the same.

And utterly the same if you wish.

Thank you very much.

Now hold that pose.

Keep the change.

Now take that image.

Roll it into a pellet or a paintball.

A small one.

Put it in a slingshot or a bow.

Stretch it way back.

Way,

Way back and then let it go.

And let it shoot out way into space where it disappears for a moment.

And then boomerangs back.

Back in the same position as image two.

Let's do that five times.

One.

Roll it up.

Pull it back.

Shoot out.

Far away.

It boomerangs back.

And back towards image two.

Pop.

It's right there.

There's your beloved.

Two.

Let's do it again.

Roll it up.

Shoot it out.

It's back.

Pop.

There's your beloved.

Three.

Roll it up.

Out.

Back.

Pop.

There's your beloved.

Four.

Roll.

Shoot.

There's your beloved.

And five.

There's your beloved.

Good.

There you are.

Thank you very much.

Keep the change.

It's a good change to keep because your beloved had many things that you treasure.

And you thought you would miss.

I do not know what those treasures are.

They could be humor.

A smile.

A way of talking.

Honesty.

Caring.

Loyalty.

Warmth.

A non-judgmental attitude.

Being supportive.

Or responsible.

Even childishness or even funny crappiness.

Only you know.

I will give you 30 long seconds to identify or name three or four of those qualities that you treasured very much about your beloved.

I will give you 30 seconds to identify or name three or four of those qualities that you treasured very much about your beloved.

I will give you 30 seconds to identify or name three or four of those qualities that you treasured very much about your beloved.

Now imagine you have some note cards and some big fat crayolas.

Crayons.

Write down one treasured quality per card.

Each one with a different color.

I will give you 15 long seconds to do this.

Now look at them.

And acknowledge that your beloved had these wonderful traits.

And you loved them.

And acknowledge that your beloved was one of a kind.

Could never be replaced by one single other being.

Then acknowledge that some of these qualities can in fact be expressed in different people and animals.

Maybe not all in one.

Two,

One or two qualities in one person.

Another quality here.

Another one there.

But they're there.

And once you have acknowledged this,

I want you to multiply your colored cards somewhere in the magic multiplying center in your body-mind.

Ten times each.

This can happen in an instant.

And your body-mind will just,

Will tell you when it's done.

Begin.

Now image.

Imagine your future.

Timeline stretching out in front of you.

Notice where the six month mark is.

The one year mark.

Notice how far three years is from you.

Five years.

And ten.

Now in your imagination,

I want you to take all of these cards and throw them out in front of you at once in that direction.

And watch them shower down slowly from the sky.

Down they come and slip into all of the different spots.

Ten years.

Five years.

Three.

One.

Six months.

All lighting down in two months.

One month.

Next week even.

And know that those spots,

That in those spots in the future,

There are various people and animals with these qualities.

All waiting there to be discovered by you.

As you go on living your life.

For now,

I will tell you that there are many tales of buried treasures.

Treasures that were unfairly stolen from people like you by pirates long ago.

Some people spend a lot of time and effort to locate them.

And when they find them,

They hold them carefully with great reverence for the past.

These treasures seem so easy to break.

But in fact,

They are quite sturdy.

And they can last hundreds,

Hundreds of years.

When lost or buried away.

Like treasures hidden in the mountains.

The jungles.

Or the bottom of the sea.

Hidden deep inside.

Some of them very valuable to someone like you.

Before.

And there is a joy in rediscovering those buried treasures.

Lost for a time.

But found again.

And appreciated.

One could put them in an old,

Dusty,

And boring museum.

But it might be much more meaningful.

And fun.

To hide them again in places where you might forget them for a time.

In places where they sit waiting for you.

To discover them again and bring them back.

Hold them and treasure them for a while.

Before.

Hiding them again to be rediscovered.

And treasured.

Again and again.

Forever.

For now,

My dearest meditator.

My curious kindergartner.

Allow yourself to return to here and now.

The more you awake.

The more awake you become.

The deeper your new experiences go.

Into a place where they can grow in ways that can really help you.

Without your conscious interference.

You can run after them if you wish.

But like the wind blowing your hat.

The closer you get,

The farther they roll.

Settling in the lost and found.

Only to be discovered by you.

At the right times.

And in the right places.

It may take a week.

Or a month.

Or two.

Or perhaps just a few days.

For you to begin noticing.

The pleasant and surprising changes.

Your unconscious mind.

Has in store for you.

For now.

Allow yourself to return to wakeful awareness.

Feeling holy moly.

A whole lotta.

Holer.

Peace.