The Power Of "Holding Space" (For Yourself & Others) #232

Welcome to the Soul Infused Monday show,

Your show for an inspired and meaningful week.

Today's topic is the healing power of holding space for yourself and for others.

Last week I spoke about toxic positivity and how not acknowledging emotions or the reality of what we're going through can be harmful to our emotional well-being.

If you have not watched that show or listened to it,

I would go back and definitely check that one out.

It's number 231.

I'm saying this because today about holding space is also related to how to navigate through emotions and challenging intense situations by holding space that can be extremely healing.

Now I'm going to go over with you what does that mean to hold space?

How does that look like?

Why is it so powerful and why is it also so challenging?

And how can you start practicing it today?

I will give you a few tips.

Yesterday I had a session and it brought me to a moment in my past where I got to hold space for the 16 year old girl in me.

If you know my story,

You know that when I was 16 years old,

I had surgery.

I had a breast reduction surgery that went bad and cost me incredible amounts of pain,

Suffering,

Trauma,

Physical,

Emotional.

And I've been very transparent with my journey.

The reason why I'm sharing this with you,

Even though it didn't look as traumatic on the outside,

It was extremely traumatic for my system.

And it actually even led me that pain,

That challenging time in my life,

Choosing to go on the path of healing and transformation led me to the place that I'm at today,

Here right now with you.

I had many moments growing up and navigating through my journey where I had days where I rather would have taken my life away,

That I wanted to give up,

That the pain was unbearable.

Obviously,

I chose a different path that led me here today.

And to this day,

After so many years of inner work and working specifically also on these issues,

I get to heal and discover and uncover layers of that old trauma.

And because I had surgery last year,

It re-triggered a lot of these issues for me.

I'm traveling right now and I don't have a current physical home.

And that traveling and being on the uncertainty and not knowing is very challenging for the system as well.

There's feelings of anxiety,

Not feeling safe,

Overwhelmed.

So I'm in it right now.

And yesterday I had a session and I got to connect with a moment when I was 16 years old and I was on that bed that gets carried into surgery.

And I tuned into the state of my being back then and I was completely frozen.

I paralyzed and I literally left my body.

Now that was not new to me,

But in this session yesterday,

And it's relevant because it's about holding space.

In that moment,

I stepped in as the adult that I am today because I wasn't in existence back then when I was 16 years old.

I,

The 51 year old did not exist yet.

So I was not able to hold space for her back then when I was 16 years old and no one else was able to hold space the way that I would have needed or know now.

So I held a space for that part in me.

And I'm not going to go deeper into the session.

The reason why I'm sharing this with you,

And I've been doing this powerful work with my clients for so,

So many years.

Whether you do it in the present moment,

Or you go back to a moment where you would have needed that.

Holding space with love and acceptance can create incredible healing and transformation.

And it sounds so simple and it is simple.

However it is not easy at all.

And I also had the experience within having a session,

Feelings of that person wasn't holding space for me the way that I needed it.

And at the same time,

Also being able to communicate that versus just going into the old patterns of closing up when we don't feel safe.

And I'm sharing this little part of my journey and story with you because even if your story is completely different,

You might relate to certain aspects of it.

And especially if you've done a lot of work in the past,

And especially because a lot of my clients are actually coaches and healers themselves.

And I keep seeing that holding space is a skill that a lot of people don't have in their toolbox.

So whether you are interested in learning this to hold space for yourself,

Or for a friend or loved one,

Or for clients,

And whether you've done work before or not,

This is going to be valuable for you.

Or at least that's my intention and I hope so.

I obviously don't know for sure.

What does it mean to hold space?

I will only scratch the surface what it means energetically because it's a skill that I attained for many,

Many years.

And it comes through a lot of inner exploration,

Own healing,

And certain tools learned to be able to hold space.

But in a nutshell,

A concept of holding space means that you become a container with love and acceptance without having an agenda about being attached to an outcome,

Changing the other person and also not ego driven to feel good about having done something.

Holding space means to build a container where you can facilitate love and acceptance in a healing space so that the other person can express and go through emotions or an experience through taking them on a journey,

Letting them speak,

Or simply listen.

There's way more depth to it.

And it's if you are a coach or a healer,

There is way more that is happening in that moment.

But the simple form of holding space means it's not about you.

Number one,

It's not about you giving advice.

Number two is number three,

Not you changing or helping them or fixing them.

And there is no judgment or shame around that.

We all want to do that.

Most of us want to help someone to feel better.

And there are certain times when that's appropriate.

However,

Many times we give advice when there is not advice needed,

Or we don't listen really,

And we think we know what's best for that person.

And that sense holding space from an energetic perspective means also that you open yourself up to have that space so that it can create healing.

So that's what it means to hold space.

Now why is it so powerful?

What is the healing power around holding space?

As human beings,

We all have the need to be heard and seen.

Anyone,

Maybe you're more aware of it or less,

Or sometimes you need it more than others.

However,

It's a foundational need to be heard and seen,

Love and accepted.

We all share that need.

We want to be loved,

Accepted,

Heard and seen.

I believe that the world is so traumatized and so turmoil,

There's so much turmoil and chaos and pain and hurt and fight is because we all collectively have that wound of not being seen,

Heard and loved,

Especially when facing or experiencing trauma.

It is what it is.

And we are here to make a difference and to heal within ourselves as this human being being here on this planet Earth for a period of time.

Because we often don't get that need met when we grow up,

Holding space later on within yourself or with your coach,

Therapist or mentor or friend,

Whoever or what your community is,

Is incredibly healing.

Whether the trauma happened when you were two years old,

12 years old,

20 years old,

The younger you are when trauma occurs,

The more challenging and more time it will take to unpeel and reveal the unconscious layers of it.

The healing power of holding space is in many ways also underestimated because it's not a big bang.

And here's also one thing,

And that triggers maybe the ego.

It is often underestimated because us as human beings who want to help,

And I went through that journey myself as well as a facilitator of growth,

Healing and transformation,

Our ego is involved.

Holding space doesn't look like a big deal.

It doesn't look like I'm doing a lot.

And we are often attached to us doing something so that we get approval and recognition and that takes away from holding space.

That's why it's so powerful and yet it's so challenging to do.

It's also so challenging to do because in order to really truly hold space with acceptance,

Without being attached to wanting to do something with the other person,

It requires a tremendous amount of awareness,

Self exploration,

Done healing work yourself so that you can actually hold space for someone else's pain.

Because if you are someone that has a hard time,

And that also goes back to last show about toxic positivity.

If you are someone that has a hard time listening to someone's pain,

And I'm not talking about complaining and blaming and being in negativity.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about holding space for healing to occur when someone is going through a challenging time going to grief,

Through anxiety,

Sadness,

Whatever it might look like,

When you are not doing that for yourself,

You are going to have a very hard time holding space for someone else because it will trigger your own things as well.

So that's why it's also challenging.

And it's a skill that you learn over time.

However,

You can start practicing that today.

And I'm sure in some ways,

You've done this before,

Because when you're here in my community,

Generally the people that come to me,

I would guess that you've done your amount of work,

You are on the journey,

You are either doing the work for yourself,

Or maybe you are even facilitating healing for others.

And in that sense,

You've been doing this already,

You can though either get started today or take your holding space skills to the next level.

I will give you a few tips.

Before I give you the few tips,

I want to hear from you.

What is the biggest takeaway so far?

What are you hearing?

What's the landing for you?

What is resonating with what I've been talking about the whole concept of holding space,

Why it's so powerful,

Why it's healing and why it's so challenging?

Please leave me a comment.

I will share a few in just a moment.

Tips on starting your journey of being better and getting better in holding space for yourself and others right away.

Number one,

Remove self judgment.

Remove judgment in general,

Meaning accept and be okay with what you experience.

Write this sentence down.

Simple,

Powerful,

Let it become a mantra in your life.

It's okay to feel this way.

It's okay that I feel this way.

It's okay that you feel this way.

First acknowledge acceptance,

Love yourself through that moment.

Because holding space is often blocked through judgment,

Guilt,

And the notion of wanting to get rid of it because it's so-called bad or negative.

That's one thing.

It's okay,

Bring acceptance and love within.

And you can do all of this for yourself and others.

When you listen to someone and they share something with you,

I make a simple example.

I feel sad.

Someone says to you,

I'm sad right now.

Oh,

I feel sad.

Here's what we often do that is not really holding space.

You will maybe reject what I'm saying right now or not agree and that's okay by the way.

You do not have to agree with everything.

I want you to make your own assumptions.

I want you to make your own experience and to practice this before taking on anyone's opinion by the way.

But very often the first thing that we say is,

Oh,

I'm so sorry that you feel this way.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way.

For me personally,

That is not only not supportive,

It takes away from me being in that experience with responsibility because I'm okay that I'm sad.

When someone says,

I'm so sorry that you're going through that.

I know it means well,

However often not always.

And in your case,

It might be different because I say that sometimes too.

I'm sorry that you're going through that.

However,

Way more often I say,

I hear you or my heart is with you because being sorry has a little bit of a notion with feeling pity for someone,

Feeling sorry for someone.

That energy,

It's very subtle,

But that energy has more of an energy of,

Oh,

Poor you.

I'm so sorry that you're going through that.

It's subtle.

It can be subtle.

And then the other pieces,

And I talked about that and the toxic positivity.

So go back to that if you want to know more about what you can really say to hold space in a better way.

It's okay that you feel this way.

And I hear you.

I hear you as very powerful because you can also say I understand,

But you might not understand because you can hold space for someone without understanding them.

And you can hold space for someone just by listening.

I hear you.

Tell me more.

Or how can I support you?

Do this with yourself.

The other thing that you can do that's more challenging and more advanced and also more difficult by yourself.

That's why to this day,

I also get sessions and keep working on myself because that's how I keep growing and evolving and getting better and helping others.

Get a session,

Work with someone because you can only dive as deep as you can go by yourself.

And the protection mechanism is very strong.

The resistance is there,

Even though we are so like,

I am so open.

I love inner work.

My life is dedicated to inner work and helping myself and others on this journey.

And yet I get my system shuts down if it's going close to a vulnerability that doesn't want to be touched.

The best thing you can do is keep doing your inner work.

Remove any judgment.

Practice holding space for yourself and others by simply listening and bite your tongue when you want to give advice unless they ask you to.

And you can even ask,

I hear that you're in a challenging moment right now.

Do you want me to give you advice?

Do you want me to just listen?

Or how can I support you?

And then you shut up and listen.

It sounds so easy.

However,

Our ego is involved,

Our attachment to helping our own patterns are involved.

The holding space truly means you become a vessel for love and compassion and acceptance and in hearing aid.

If this person if you are not a professional,

Like if you're not working with clients like I do,

And if you don't,

If you don't have that as a skill set,

And you know someone needs more help,

Then of course,

This person or yourself go and get help.

But so many times holding space just for a friend can create so much healing and deeper connection or it can be even a stranger.

It doesn't matter you can hold space if you want to and you are capable of it for people that you barely know,

Because they will feel safe with you.

There is so much more to this topic.

So much more I can say to that.

And for this show for today,

This is gonna leave it here today.

However,

I want to go over your comments.

If you have a question,

Let me know.

And if you haven't shared your biggest takeaway yet,

Take a moment,

Take a deep breath right now.

Take a deep breath right now and tune into your own body,

Relax your body out of everything you've heard and listen with your heart and your soul,

Not only with your mind,

The mind is beautiful,

But we want to also go beyond the mind.

What is your biggest takeaway from today?

What's the most valuable thing you've heard today?

Please share it with me.

I love,

Love,

Love hearing your comments.

And if you're listening to this,

And you are not able to leave a comment right now,

Leave me a review.

I love reading your reviews.

Thank you for all the reviews that you have given me already.

I feel so blessed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I feel better after just minutes of connecting here.

Beautiful.

I'm happy to hear that.

It's good to hear this again today as I tend to want to fix and offer solutions to overcare for others pain.

Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.

So true for so many.

We can relate.

Thank you for sharing,

Gail.

Another takeaway,

We sometimes give advice when no advice is needed.

Biggest takeaway so far.

Thank you.

Great takeaway.

Challenging for me to keep my thoughts to myself and just listen.

Yes,

You're not alone.

I hear you.

Yes.

And another takeaway.

Thank you for the phrase.

My heart is with you.

My pleasure.

Here's what I invite you to do today,

And you can start right now before I bring this to a close today.

Set the intention and choose,

You can choose to hold space for yourself more today.

For yourself first.

And here's why for yourself first.

The ego wants to go out now and get good at this and test it on others.

And there's nothing really wrong with that either.

It's about awareness and intentionality.

Practice holding space for yourself first,

And then sprinkle it in.

Listen,

Look for opportunities,

And simply enjoy the process and let it be playful.

Holding space is an incredible,

Powerful tool.

If you are going through something that you feel you need someone that can hold space for you in a more professional and healing way,

And you resonate with me,

Reach out to me.

I work with clients.

I do exactly this for over 15 years now professionally.

I've been doing this for myself for 26 years,

And I'd be happy to help you on this journey.

Get help if you need it,

And otherwise go out,

Enjoy your day,

Have an incredible start of the week.

Hold space for yourself.

Love yourself.

Be kind.

Make it different for others,

And let it be playful.

And last but not least,

Come back for the next episode of Soul Infused Monday.

That's left.