Minding Your-Fulfillness-Business Is Prophetable (Season 2)

Hello everybody,

It's the Stuck Stops here,

Season 2,

Episode 9.

Hello,

This is LW No Lie,

And welcome to The Stuck Stops here,

Season 2,

Episode 9.

I'm here live in the studio by myself,

Tammy,

Tell us why.

Achoo!

No,

No,

No sneezing.

That's right,

We're not going to discuss it,

Right?

Discuss what?

You know,

The coronavirus.

You must mean the coronavirus pandemic.

And we're not going to discuss it!

Should we tell our listeners that we are doing the podcast remotely,

Even though they must know based on the sound?

Yes,

You can tell them I'm calling in,

But do not mention the coronavirus.

Alright,

I won't say anything about the coronavirus.

So,

We are talking about uncertainty today.

The podcast is called,

Minding Your Fulfillness Business is Profitable.

So,

Notice the spelling,

Another tongue twister.

Oh,

Profitable,

Like a profit.

Like a profit,

That's right.

P-O-P-H-U-T.

So,

In light of these strange and unusual times,

Uncertainty.

I'm reading from an article that Ena Kazan wrote,

She's a doctor.

Her last name is spelled K-H-A-Z-A-M.

I have a link to the article in the notes.

She is a faculty member at Harvard Medical School,

So she's a tablet smarter than me.

And is a clinical psychologist specializing in health psychology and performance excellent training using biofeedback and mindfulness-based approaches.

So,

She says uncertainty is one of the most difficult human experiences.

Uncertainty means not having control over what might happen to us.

We don't do so well when we don't have a sense of control.

We feel more anxious.

Isn't that what's happening right now,

Tammy?

We all have no sense of control and we are all uncertain about what is going on right now?

So,

We never feel,

We're never really in control.

We just think we are.

But now everybody's in that same,

On the same boat.

Now everyone's in that same mindset,

Trying to control and,

You know,

Doing shots of Purell.

So,

It's like that old saying,

Man plans and the universe laughs.

And I tried,

You know,

I tried it and definitely flavored vodka tastes better than Purell.

So,

You know,

Kazan wrote this article specifically on what's going on,

But I sort of want to take it to a broader perspective and include what's going on,

But also how it applies to when there isn't chaos or such visible chaos.

So,

When we don't have a sense of control,

Dr.

Kazan says we may feel more anxious and more depressed,

Be more susceptible to pain and physical illnesses.

Because a sense of control is so vital to our health and well-being,

Our minds go to great lengths to gain a sense of control in the face of uncertainty.

So,

And I've attached her article at the end of the notes here.

So,

Connecting to uncertainty,

Connecting uncertainty to mindfulness is what I would like to do today.

It's one of the strategies I've used on my healing journey.

So,

One of the pioneers or huge famous proponents of mindfulness is a guy by the name of Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I have a link to his website in the notes,

And I'm quoting him.

Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose,

In the present moment,

Non-judgmentally.

So,

The origin of the term comes,

You know,

It's a Western adaptation of a Buddhist approach.

So,

You know,

We've come to Buddhism and then we put our own spin on it.

So,

Mindfulness is enhanced awareness and living present in the moment.

It's an active and open attention to what's happening,

Observing your thoughts without criticism,

Observing your feelings without saying they're good,

They're bad.

You're not dwelling on the past,

You're not worrying about the future.

And it has tons of benefits,

Everything from reduced stress,

Less sadness,

More focus,

Increased levels of,

You know,

Happiness and contentment.

And it's a tool that allows us to be more aware of our physical and emotional conditions without getting trapped in self-criticism and judgment.

That concept of mindfulness is a big buzzword of this generation.

I don't even ever remember hearing that word or that concept when I was growing up.

Do you?

Never.

I was told to mind my own business,

Which is how I came up with the title.

So,

But yes,

It's definitely the good part of it being such a huge,

You know,

Buzzword is that people are aware of it,

But it can be lost in translation as,

You know,

People have their own interpretations of it.

And I'm hoping that what we can do today is simplify it because it is important in light of what's going on.

And it's also important even when there isn't a global pandemic.

Yeah.

So we experience time,

Usually subjectively and influenced by our current emotional state.

So fears and insecurities about the past and the future really is how we're waving where we're at now.

And it's not accurate.

So the key to understanding mindfulness and incorporating it in your life,

Which I have done and still do because it is a practice,

Is learning how to pay attention.

So mindfulness can be,

You know,

Organized meditation sessions,

Or just sitting for one minute and taking deep breaths.

Or if you're taking a walk outside,

Stop,

Look around,

You know,

Experience nature,

Experience nature.

That's true.

Some people don't like outdoors,

But there's other,

You know,

Other forms of art and silence and stillness that,

You know,

Are very helpful in staying rational and calm.

So when you live as anxiously as I used to,

It's very easy to lose yourself in autopilot,

Which I was.

When we're on autopilot,

We get lost in doing.

So we are.

.

.

Did you ever,

Tammy,

Did you ever have a conversation with somebody,

Like a phone conversation and zone out and by the end of the conversation,

You have no idea what you talked about because you were somewhere,

Your mind was somewhere else?

Oh,

All the time.

It's the worst feeling.

But it happens to all of us because we all tend to multitask.

You know,

There's a new concept called acquired ADD,

And it's just,

You know,

You acquired because we're so distracted,

You know.

I never had ADD,

But I find myself sometimes distracted and doing something else while I'm on the phone and I have no idea what the conversation was and I feel terrible about it.

Yeah,

Right.

And they say acquired,

I like that term because then it shows that we could probably take some control over that to sort of minimize that because we're not as helpless as we think we are.

Well,

It takes that mindful attitude.

You know,

You have to kind of say to yourself,

Wait a minute,

I'm getting distracted,

Like just you have to kind of refocus yourself in the moment when you feel like you're multitasking or getting distracted so you can bring yourself back to the moment.

Right.

When you are losing yourself in terms of getting stuff done or moving to the next thing or,

You know,

Checking that box off your list,

You're not really living.

And when you're not living,

Anxiety,

Stress,

Depression and hyper reactivity all,

You know,

Comes into play.

So true.

A lot of research has shown the more our minds wander,

The less happy we are.

Yes.

So mindfulness,

If you especially give up negative thinking on autopilot,

Which I did,

I was an expert at it.

Mindfulness can help you retrain your brain to get unstuck for a vicious cycle of negative thinking.

Yes,

You can step off the hamster wheel.

That's right.

You know,

When you are on autopilot and,

You know,

Running around getting stuff done,

You don't notice the little things.

You don't listen to what your body's are telling us.

You don't sleep as well.

And your patterns are mechanical and conditioned.

And these patterns are unhealthy and can be harmful over a long period of time.

So,

You know,

If you're talking about mindful parenting,

It's bringing attention to what's happening instead of getting hijacked by your emotions.

You know,

If you look at your kid losing it and you focus on the fact that they're losing it rather than why,

You're just going to react to their losing it.

And then the situation escalates.

Well,

Because sometimes people make it about themselves.

Well,

If my kid is losing it,

It must be me.

You know,

They sort of make it about themselves and,

You know,

What did I do?

Where did I go wrong?

Why did I make this happen?

But,

You know,

You have to,

Everybody has their own emotions and are entitled to feel what they feel.

And when you're mindful,

You do get a little bit less self absorbed because you're aware of your surroundings.

Mindfulness can also be described as letting go of guilt and shame from the past and accept,

You know,

What's happening rather than trying to change it or ignore it.

Well,

Letting go is a beautiful thing.

Yes,

It is.

And it's two simple words,

But it's very challenging to put into practice.

So there's,

You know,

Two things,

Two ways we can practice mindfulness.

One is the formal practice of meditation.

You know,

Whether you're sitting with your eyes closed or lying down or listening to meditation tape,

Not capes,

You know,

MP3s.

I'm kidding myself.

Meditation eight tracks?

Yeah,

I mean,

They're on YouTube,

They're on Spotify,

They're on the Calm app and Insight Timer.

Insight Timer!

They're everywhere and they're free.

So it's a good thing I encourage it.

The informal practice of meditation is honestly the rest of your life.

Walking,

Creating,

Yoga,

Cooking,

Reading,

Sewing,

Writing,

Playing music,

Listening to music.

And when you do art,

Art can be anything,

You know,

Coloring,

Sketching,

Drawing,

Anything at all.

Finishing,

You know,

If you're one of those that likes to paint a room or paint a picture,

Any of that.

Make clothes.

If you're lucky enough to have a creative outlet,

It's really an amazing thing.

You lose yourself in the process.

Right.

Hiking.

So all that is considered,

You know,

Informal mindfulness.

So research has also shown,

We talked about our brain,

It actually shrinks the brain's amygdala.

Amygdala,

Remember amygdala?

Oh yeah.

That's the brain's fight or flight center.

And it actually shrinks the size of that.

And if you recall,

The amygdala is involved in the body's response to stress.

Right.

And that's where fear,

Unhappiness,

Anger and rage come from.

So there is research showing that when you do practice mindfulness,

That shrinks that part of your brain.

So maybe you'd be less reactive.

That's good.

And there's clinical trials showing that mindfulness is as effective as medication with no side effects.

You sleep better,

Reduces depression,

Increases your energy,

Reduces,

You know,

Lethargy or that exhaustion that comes from,

You know,

Trying to do too much,

Burning the candle at both ends.

And it helps you develop empathy and compassion,

Which leads to increased social and emotional intelligence,

Which leads to better relationships,

Both with yourself and the people you care about.

So I'm hoping for mindfulness that we've explained it in a way that you can apply to,

You know,

Today's pandemic as well as your own life outside of the coronavirus.

Yes,

Definitely.

You know,

It's really a beautiful thing is if you have kids and you're home and you're,

You know,

Staying home,

Give your kids your full attention for a little while.

Play a game,

You know,

Read a book with your kids and give them your full attention and you will find that that is another form of mindfulness because you move away from what your thoughts are doing and,

You know,

Whatever busy work you think you need to do.

And you move into focusing on your children,

Which are your creations.

So give them your full attention for a little while and see if that makes you feel a little more relaxed and less stressed because kids are kids are fun.

They can be very fun.

We did a doctor's office last month and there was a little girl,

I don't know,

Two or three,

And I can't even tell how all these kids are anymore.

They could be two or 12.

I can't tell the difference,

But she was definitely really young and the mother was very young and the kids running around the office and it wasn't ideal.

And the mother kept trying to calm her down with everything except sitting down and reading a book.

She did everything,

Like,

You know,

Chased around,

Picked her up,

Put down the chair,

Put her in a toy chair,

The kids just stood up,

Knocked the chair over.

I was just,

You know,

I know there are kids who are challenging.

I'm not saying that they're not and more active than the other,

But I was waiting for her to pull out a book or a snap or something in an attempt to engage the kid.

Nope,

She sat on her phone and then when the kid would start climbing on the receptionist desk,

She'd get up,

Take the kid off the receptionist desk,

Go back to her phone.

Unbelievable.

If she would have just engaged and given the kid her attention,

She might have had an easier time.

Exactly.

And then wouldn't have had the kid dancing on the receptionist desk.

Sounds like a party.

Yeah,

It sort of was.

So when we come back,

I want to talk about Dr.

Kazanz,

Emma Kazanz.

She has a FLARE method.

S-L-A-R-E.

So when we come back,

I want to talk about that.

Okay,

Awesome.

We will be right back.

Full of heart and no one sees.

No scar,

We're on our knees again.

Living in the same dark places.

One light and a thousand faces.

Another light gets resurrected.

Another soul gets disconnected.

The monster says,

Get down and crawl.

The monster says,

Stay down and fall.

The child screams,

Wake up,

Wake up.

The child screams,

Get up,

Get up.

And we're back.

I hope you enjoyed our song,

A Thousand Faces.

We're back with Tammy and we were talking about mindfulness.

Go ahead,

Tammy.

So the FLARE approach by Dr.

Kazanz.

F-L-A-R-E is the acronym.

FLARE.

So FLARE.

I'm not talking about bell bottoms,

Although they're coming back in.

I love bell bottoms.

Yeah,

But I think FLARE is actually easier to say than bell bottoms.

All right,

Tell us about it.

Is that an acronym?

Is that an acronym for something?

Yeah,

It's how approaches to handle uncertainty.

So F is for feel and referring to,

You know,

That pre-verbal awareness of being uncomfortable.

When you're looking at the Internet for too long or replaying what if scenarios in your head and searching your mind and faintly for questions that have no answers.

Chest might feel tight.

Head might feel heavy.

You know,

You might breathing might be quick or stomach might be,

You know,

Butterflies in the stomach,

Shall we say.

So be aware that you're feeling it.

That's the first thing.

Don't pretend you don't.

That's okay.

And then label it.

Is it uncertainty?

Is it unhelpful thinking?

Short non-judgmental description.

Okay.

So,

You know,

When you feel anxious,

The amygdala gets activated and then your prefrontal cortex,

Which helps you make good decisions and solve problems,

Becomes less active.

So now this pattern of amygdala activation usually provides an automatic reaction and an unhelpful one to uncertainty and anxiety.

So instead of succumbing to the negative feelings,

You label them.

You acknowledge the fact that you're feeling it and you label them.

That's right.

And it reverses the pattern.

The amygdala becomes less active and the prefrontal cortex,

Which helps you control emotions and make decisions,

Becomes more active simply by labeling that anxious thought.

Is that because you're studying the thought?

You're sort of like becoming objective to it?

Yes,

By activating your prefrontal cortex.

That is correct.

Okay,

Cool.

So when you activate your prefrontal cortex,

It activates the parts of your brain that are most useful in responding to uncertainty or other difficult feelings.

So the next one is A.

S-L-A.

A is allow yourself to experience uncertainty.

The fact that it's there is not under your control and you don't want to waste time and energy and a lot of effort trying to get rid of it.

That's not going to be helpful.

Accepting that I'm uncertain and I don't have control and it's okay will help.

But you can't far respond,

Respond to the discomfort of uncertainty in a way that allows you to stop unhelpful thinking without ignoring it.

So,

You know,

If you're asking yourself what if and you're playing,

You know,

Replaying scenarios in your head,

The answer to all of them is I don't know.

That's the truth.

You don't know the answers to these questions and you don't know what will happen with all these what if scenarios.

So every time you play a what if scenario,

Say I don't know because that is the truth.

And also take slow,

Slow,

Deep breaths.

That will also keep you calm.

In through the nose,

Out through the nose?

Anything that's it doesn't matter whether it's nose,

Mouth,

As long as it's deep,

Steady and slow,

It will make a huge difference physically.

Expand your awareness by taking the hyper focus off the discomfort of uncertainty and taking in the sights and sounds around you,

Which ties into,

You know,

Mindful behavior.

The sky above your head,

The birds,

Trees,

Somebody walking in front of you,

A car passing by,

Kids riding their bike,

Your breathing,

Your heartbeat.

And you could see,

Well,

I'm uncertain,

But,

You know,

My head's itchy and this kid's riding his bike and the birds flying in the air and I see a dog.

You know,

All those things when you start noticing all those little things around you,

It reduces the intensity of being so uncomfortable with uncertainty.

That's living in the present,

Tammy.

We're living in the present when we're doing that,

Right?

That's right.

We're aware of our surroundings.

We're looking out at the sky and at nature and at our friends and our children and our husbands and wives and experiencing the moment that we're in right now.

And that is the flare approach by Dr.

Kazem.

I love it.

And I have a link to that too.

So don't you worry.

I have all the info there.

That's great.

I wasn't worried.

I'm in the moment right here with you.

We have the control in our hands to decide how we are going to react and feel and using the flare technique,

Feel,

Label,

Allow,

Respond,

Expand.

Use that technique and be in control of your emotions.

It's actually accepting that you're not in control is actually where you find your control.

Yes.

So it's letting go really.

Letting go.

It's my favorite word.

Love it.

Love it.

Well,

On that note,

Tammy,

I'm going to say goodbye.

I hope that we will get to be in the same room together for our next podcast episode.

But if not,

We will do it again over the phone.

Yes,

We will.

We need to give people something to listen to or fast forward to while we're sitting at home.

That's right.

That's right.

With that,

I'm going to say goodbye.

Everybody stay well and happy listening.

And we will talk to you soon.