Reminder: Self Awareness Is The Key To All Success

When we turn the camera inwards and look at ourselves,

We start to notice our little foibles,

Intricacies and thinking patterns.

We learn how we respond to the world and the people in it.

We see how we handle stress,

Uncertainty,

Loss and success.

With this knowledge,

We can then predict how we will act in response to future events,

And thus make appropriate choices.

Self-awareness is the key to all success.

Wherever possible,

We should choose options that best match our personalities,

Values and physical dispositions.

The closer we align our choices with our innate preferences,

The less friction we will encounter.

This applies across all areas of life.

Personal relationships,

Work,

Hobbies,

Future planning,

Family and fun.

On one level,

This sentiment seems rudimentary and obvious.

Just do what you like.

But such an assumption may fail to address the subtleties necessary to achieve a frictionless life.

If we just do what we like,

We risk sacrificing the future for the sake of the present.

It is rare that momentary pleasure will lead to positive long-term outcomes.

Alcohol and drug use,

Sugary treats and binge-watching the latest series may feel great,

But it likely will not reduce in amazing experience in later life.

We may also fail to realise the depth of choices at our disposal.

As children,

We are initially forced to accept the decisions and way of life instilled upon us by our parents and carers.

Along with the society,

Time,

Culture and religion of our origin,

We are programmed to believe and act along certain guidelines.

We enter adulthood with a general understanding of what constitutes a successful life.

This may involve the attainment of a certain career or financial position,

A house and other possessions,

As well as what constitutes a good relationship,

Both platonic and romantic.

We basically have a blueprint for life upon which we make our choices.

Even those who rebel and break societal norms often do so in response to that blueprint.

Thus,

Even counterculture is a product of the culture of the time.

So when it comes to making choices for ourselves,

It is important to recognise that we can not only make choices within the blueprint,

But also ones that completely ignore it.

Would you prefer a promotion or a completely different career?

Do you even want a career?

Would a collection of unrelated casual jobs be better suited to you?

Do you enjoy your friendship group and the activities that you currently undertake?

Would you prefer to do different things with different people in different contexts?

Should you be the good family member and attend all the required social gatherings,

Or would you prefer to see them individually or not at all?

Are you a morning or night person?

Does the structure of your work and sleep schedule suit you,

Or would a midday siesta work better?

What about your diet,

Entertainment,

Education and leisure?

Take some time and evaluate your choices in every area of your life,

And consider if you are choosing the options that best align with who you truly are.

If you discover that you are not,

You may have found the root cause of some general displeasure with life.

Moving forward,

Make more appropriate choices and observe how you feel,

Both about yourself and about the world.

This is not selfish,

Self-entitled or wrong.

Rather,

It is an expression of self-acceptance and the alignment of your life to your true calling.

When made,

These choices will enable you to be the best version of you.

A better parent,

Spouse,

Sibling,

Employee and friend.

There may be some teething issues as you make the transition,

But ultimately your productivity and happiness will skyrocket,

And those around you will surely benefit.

There are of course aspects to life where we have limited choices.

Perhaps we need a certain qualification,

Level of experience,

Education,

Skill or fitness level to continue down a chosen path.

When these situations arise,

We may need to change ourselves to best adapt.

This may involve undergoing self-education,

Instilling discipline or personal growth to be able to put us in the best place to manage.

Even here,

Self-awareness is key.

If we know how we learn,

If we know our bodies and our minds,

And how they can change,

We can take the best course of action to ensure that they do change in a timely and appropriate way.

Still,

There may be times that we cannot choose,

Nor can we change ourselves to adapt to the situation.

It is in these moments that we simply must accept life and persist.

This is true for most losses,

Disabilities,

Injuries,

Setbacks and relationship breakdowns.

But even here,

Self-awareness enables us to better manage that acceptance process.

It will still hurt,

But we will be in the best place to manage that pain.

We will know the kind of self-care we need and how to best ensure that we get it.

We know how the healing process will look for us,

And we will be in a better place to ensure that it happens.

Put simply,

The more self-awareness we have,

The better the choices we will make,

The easier we will be able to instil positive changes in our life,

And we will be more able to accept what we cannot impact.

Over time,

We will feel less incongruence between who we are,

What we are doing,

And how we are living our lives.

Negative self-talk will reduce,

And we will stop attempting to alter our core selves to fit in to the world.

Rather,

We will find a part of the world to inhabit that best matches who we are and where we are headed.

Self-awareness is grown through introspection,

Meditation,

And contemplation.

Every time we sit in silence,

Read deeply,

And consider our true nature,

We are learning about ourselves.

There will never be a time that you can say,

I know myself.

Rather,

It's a gradual process,

Continually learning who and what you are.

Timed experience will change you,

And as such,

You will need to regularly look inside and discover the person you are now.

This process can be both simultaneously beautiful and downright confronting.

Most of us have unresolved darkness inside of us,

Just waiting to be uncovered.

Self-trauma,

Embarrassment,

Shame,

Loss,

And pain will be there waiting for you.

It may feel like a hidden army of demons ready to attack.

There is a real risk of letting these demons overwhelm us and cause us to turn our attention away from ourselves and onto worldly distractions.

But there are three truths that when accepted will help us to continue our search.

The first is that those demons are still there and still impacting us whether we are looking for them or not.

It is almost like they are there causing structural rot,

Subtly directing our choices and indirectly influencing our lives,

Making us act irrationally,

Immorally,

Out of character,

And against our best wishes.

Resolved issues are exactly that,

Unresolved,

Until we take the time to discover what they are and address them,

We will be forever at their mercy.

The second truth about these demons is that they are mostly bark and little bite.

It is scary to turn the camera inwards and face these demons.

They show their proverbial teeth,

They threaten,

Yell,

And scream.

However their ability to harm you is minimal.

In my experience,

The thought of looking at them causes more pain than doing so.

It is like I've built up a wall and I'm afraid to remove it for fear of what it contains,

Not realizing that I'm the person who erected those walls in the first place,

That I am now far stronger and safer and far more able to cope with those demons.

One of the most therapeutic things I've done for myself is to turn and face the negativity of my mind.

When something pops up,

Rather than run from it,

I will now turn and look at it,

Asking myself,

What does anger feel like?

What does jealousy feel like?

What does fear and hatred and worry and all that negativity feel like?

How big is it?

Is it strong or weak?

Is it insidious?

Does it have a physical component?

Are memories overlaid?

By turning and facing what I'm actually feeling,

I get to see it for what it is.

What that does is take the teeth out of the emotionality.

It shows me that no matter how strong,

They are just a collection of internal mental and physical phenomena.

Yes,

They are unpleasant,

But when you break them down into their component parts,

Their power is significantly reduced.

The more I find myself looking at them,

Not only do the thoughts dissipate,

But it also allows me to develop a little catalogue in my mind.

A little idea of,

This is what these emotions feel like,

And this is what it feels like to be having these thoughts in this moment.

The third truth about these demons is that they're not you.

No matter how much strength they attack you with,

No matter how overwhelming they are,

They are not what you are.

The fact that you are feeling these feelings shows that you are not those feelings.

You may feel shame,

But you are not that shame.

You may feel anger,

Resentment,

Grief,

Or any number of other emotions,

But you are not those emotions.

You are the thing feeling them.

This is an important distinction to keep in mind,

As it enables you to maintain a level of detachment as you introspect.

Those demons can yell and threaten all they like,

But they cannot become you for the simple reason that you are the thing observing them.

Over time,

And with practice,

You will start to develop some mental clarity.

Space will open between you and your thoughts.

When this occurs,

You can start turning the lens of attention upon itself.

You can start looking for your true nature.

Observe what it is like to observe your consciousness and its contents.

What is it like to pay attention to things?

What is it like to witness the flow of your mind?

Eventually you will be able to do this in real time.

When you are talking with someone,

You will notice emotions rising,

Memories being triggered,

And their connections in the flow of your thoughts.

You will be able to ask yourself,

What does it mean?

How am I feeling right now?

Rather than responding to the emotionality,

You will instead observe it with curiosity.

You will find yourself cataloguing your reactions and developing a deep understanding of who you are.

You will be able to see worldly events influence your inner state and how you subsequently respond,

As well as how those responses change over time and context.

Eventually you will realize that you are not a stable thing,

But rather a process,

A change,

A flow.

All I am is me in this moment right now.

Once I finish saying this sentence,

I am on to the next thing and then the next.

I am no longer that person.

Likewise,

After you have listened to these words,

You are no longer that person.

You will be the next thing and the next.

Introspection will reveal a continual sense of self,

But that sense sits separately to who you are.

You are the attention,

The act of looking,

Not the sensation of the self.

In my experience,

This sense of self is impossible to pin down.

Try it.

Where are you located?

Can you find yourself?

When I look,

I see a collection of thoughts,

Emotions,

Feelings,

Life-changing events,

Stuff happening.

But the me-ness,

The part that is me,

The zach-ness is always changing.

Depending on my mood,

I feel like a different creature.

When I am happy,

I am a different thing to when I am angry.

Depending on the activity I am performing,

What I am changes.

When different people look at me in different contexts,

They see something different.

So what am I?

I am ever-changing.

I am ever-growing.

I am that state of flow.

When you look inside,

Where does your attention go?

An internal energy,

A power,

A flow.

When you observe the breath,

What do you now see?

A play of consciousness,

A freedom,

Serenity.

When you move the body,

What do you feel?

A sense of integrity,

A space,

An ideal.