Welcome to a short self-compassion practice for self-judgment within relationships.
To begin,
Find a position that's as comfortable as possible.
Notice the contact and pressure of the surface beneath you.
Take a deep breath in and release it slowly.
Briefly bring the situation to mind that has triggered the inner critic.
Notice if the inner critic arises immediately,
Judging how you're handling your relationships,
Questioning your worth as a partner,
Or comparing you to others.
Rather than pushing this critic away,
Arguing with it,
Or trusting it to tell you the truth,
Simply notice its presence in this moment.
You might even say,
I hear you,
Inner critic.
So many of us experience an inner critic that communicates harshly,
Saying things to us that we would never say to others in the same situation.
We might also notice a vulnerable part of us that feels shame in response to these harsh words of the inner critic.
Notice any physical sensations of shame or sadness that might be present right now.
You may notice a tightness in your chest,
A knot in your stomach,
A tension in your shoulders,
Or a sense of curling up or the urge to hide.
In the same way that you acknowledge the presence of the inner critic,
You might acknowledge the presence of this emotional pain.
Maybe you might say something to yourself like,
This is a hard feeling right now.
I care about this feeling.
Imagine now that you can take a step back from the inner critic,
Creating a little space between you and these thoughts that are causing you pain.
Notice that the inner critic is just one part of you.
Like a radio station playing in the background,
You can notice the presence of these thoughts without letting their content define you.
Experiment with saying to yourself,
These are thoughts,
Not facts about you or your relationships.
In this space you've created,
There is an opportunity to relate to yourself in a kind way.
Take a moment to imagine how you would speak to a close friend experiencing the same relationship situation and self-criticism.
Now direct that same compassionate voice toward the part of you that's feeling ashamed or hurting.
You might say,
You're doing the best you can with what you know right now.
It's human to make mistakes in relationships.
This is how we learn and grow.
Your worth isn't determined by showing up perfectly 100% of the time.
You might even place a comforting hand on the part of your body that has been carrying hurt or shame,
Allowing the pressure and warmth to soothe this part of you.
Notice how your body is responding to these words and gestures of self-compassion.
Maybe there's a subtle softening,
A deepening of breath,
Or even just a small sense of relief.
Self-compassion is a new practice for many of us,
So if it feels awkward or unfamiliar,
That's completely okay.
And now we'll bring this practice to a close with one last deep breath in and one last slow breath out.
Thanking yourself for showing up for yourself today and practicing self-compassion because each moment of practice makes it easier to be kind and care for yourself.
