Healing The Parts You Hide

Hello and welcome.

This practice is about meeting the aspects of yourself that have been living in the margins.

Not because they were wrong or bad,

But because at some point they felt unwelcome.

Often the qualities in others that trigger us most strongly are pointing towards something we've had to suppress in ourselves.

When someone's confidence irritates you it might be because you've buried your own boldness.

When someone's neediness frustrates you it could be because you've learned never to ask for help.

Today we're going to use one of your own triggers as a doorway to discover what's been pushed into the shadows and to begin relating to it differently.

There's no pressure to uncover anything dramatic,

No need to label or define what appears.

It's simply an invitation to listen inward and see what wants to be noticed.

So when you feel ready just find for yourself a comfortable position,

Whether seated or lying down,

And just gently allow your body to begin to settle.

If it feels okay to do so,

Gently closing down your eyes,

Although you can just soften your gaze if you would prefer.

Then take one nice long slow deep breath,

Breathing in through the nose,

And then when you're ready just exhaling gently out through the mouth.

Remember there's nothing to achieve here,

Just let yourself arrive.

Begin by noticing the support beneath you,

The chair or perhaps the floor,

Perhaps the bed.

Just holding your weight without effort,

Letting your attention drop gently into the body,

Noticing where there's contact and where there's space.

Before we go anywhere,

Before we explore anything deeper,

Just feel the ground beneath you,

Feel your ribs expand as you breathe,

And feel the steadiness of simply being here.

In this practice nothing is forced,

You stay in control.

Whatever arises is allowed and whatever doesn't arise is equally welcome.

And now I'd like to invite you to gently bring to mind a recent moment when you had a stronger reaction to someone else than you expected.

Not necessarily the most intense one,

Just something that felt a little disproportionate.

Perhaps someone's behavior irritated you,

Made you uncomfortable or stirred up some sense of judgment.

It might have been someone else's confidence or overconfidence,

Someone's neediness,

Someone's boldness,

Someone else's emotional expression or perhaps someone else's selfish behavior.

If it's difficult to remember a particular instance recently,

Then just cast your mind onto a kind of repeated behavior or a type of behavior that always seems to rile you up disproportionately or really grind your gears.

Just notice what comes to mind.

Now,

See if you can sense what happens in your body as you remember that moment or that behavioral pattern that is quite so irksome.

Perhaps it brings up some tightness in the chest,

Some heat in the face or elsewhere,

Maybe a kind of clenching in the jaw or in the stomach.

But whatever sensation it is,

Present or not present,

Just let it be without trying to change anything at all.

And then generally ask yourself,

What is it about this moment or this behavioral pattern in other people that really affects me so much?

And just let that question rest in the body rather than trying to solve it with the mind.

What is it about that thing that really winds me up?

And now here is the invitation,

And this is the core of shadow work really.

What if the quality in this other person that really bothered you is actually something you've had to suppress in yourself?

Not exactly the same,

But some version of it.

Perhaps if their confidence irritated you,

Perhaps there's a boldness in you that's never been allowed.

If someone's neediness triggered you,

Perhaps there's a part of you that desperately wants help but never learned how to ask.

If there was some kind of selfishness that bothered you,

Perhaps you've been trained to always put others first and your own needs have gone underground.

Whatever the trigger was,

You don't need to be certain about this,

And you don't even need to be able to name it clearly.

Just see if you can sense what it might point toward in you,

Just as a possibility worth exploring.

And if nothing is coming yet,

That's completely fine,

Just stay with the body sensation from the trigger.

That is itself enough.

So at this point,

You might have two things present.

The memory of that trigger,

And perhaps a sense of what quality in yourself it might be pointing toward.

If something is beginning to emerge,

Maybe it's a recognition that you've suppressed your own boldness,

Or your own need for help,

Or your own right to put yourself first.

See if you can stay with that gently.

If nothing clear has formed yet,

That's okay too.

You might just be working with a vague sense of recognition,

Or a sensation in the body,

Or simply curiosity about the connection.

Any of these is enough to work with,

And you may have noticed something different that's completely different from my examples,

But still pertinent to you.

Whatever it is,

Rather than trying to understand it fully,

Or make it feel resolved,

See if you can simply allow whatever is present to just exist without any commentary.

It doesn't need to become a clearly defined part,

It doesn't need a complete story,

It doesn't even need to feel significant,

Although it's okay if it does.

Even vagueness is welcome here.

Notice what's actually here right now.

Maybe it's the sense of a quality you've had to hide,

Like boldness,

Or need,

Or desire.

Maybe it's just a feeling of,

Oh,

Maybe that's true.

It could be a memory of when you learned this wasn't allowed.

Maybe it's resistance to the whole idea.

Perhaps it's just curiosity about some kind of pattern.

Whatever is present,

Even if it's subtle,

Even if it feels like not much,

That's what we're working with.

But there's something you need to do with it,

Just notice that you're here and that this recognition,

However faint,

Is here at the same time.

If it feels right,

You might gently acknowledge what's present with a simple phrase,

This too is here.

And just tracking if anything happens in your body when you do that.

Maybe a softening,

Maybe resistance,

Maybe nothing at all.

Everything is valid.

Now that you've allowed whatever is present to be here,

Whether it's a clear sense of a suppressed quality in yourself,

Or just a vague recognition,

Or simply the body's response to exploring this,

We're going to practice something unusual,

Which is just not doing anything with it.

Whatever you're sensing,

The quality you've had to hide,

The need you may have had to suppress,

Any sense of an aspect of yourself that wasn't allowed,

Imagine that it didn't appear to cause trouble,

But instead to cope.

That at some point it made sense to push some part of yourself underground.

You don't have to know when or why,

You don't even have to be sure what it is yet.

Just sense the possibility that hiding this was an attempt at protection.

From a grounded place you might quietly wonder,

When did it stop feeling safe to show this part of me?

Or if you need something more specific to what you've been sensing,

When did confidence become dangerous?

When did asking for help perhaps become unsafe?

Or when did putting myself first feel wrong?

And if none of these fit your experience,

Just allow your own question to arise,

Whatever fits your particular experience.

Let the question land gently,

No answers are required.

You can simply stay sometimes in the not knowing.

And then rather than asking what needs to change,

See if you can stay present with this quality,

Whether it's suppressed boldness or a hidden need or a disowned desire,

Even if it's still vague and you're not sure what this trigger has been pointing to,

Just for a few breaths,

Just stay here.

No fixing,

No integrating,

No improvement project,

Just staying.

Often this willingness to just be with this disowned part of ourselves is exactly the piece that was missing.

So I invite you now to take another conscious,

Deep,

Slow,

Long breath.

And if it feels appropriate to you,

Offer a simple acknowledgement inwardly to whatever you've been sensing,

However clear or unclear it is.

You're allowed,

It's okay,

You don't have to disappear,

I'm willing to notice you.

Or if you're not sure what you're addressing,

Simply whatever this is,

It's allowed to be here.

You don't have to feel convinced,

Even a small sincerity is enough.

Imagine that there is space for this experience within you,

Not front and center,

But not pushed away either,

Just gently included.

Integration doesn't necessarily mean merging,

Often it means relationship.

Giving something a seat at the table instead of trying to lock it outside,

Even if you're not quite sure yet what that something is.

So we're going to start gently bringing awareness back to the body,

Just feeling the weight of your hands,

Your legs,

Noticing the natural rhythm of your breath.

And taking one more big deep inhale,

And a nice long slow exhale out through the mouth.

Something was just allowed today,

And that's often how real change can begin,

Whatever surfaced or doesn't,

Doesn't need to be understood right now.

Shadow work tends to unfold slowly,

In layers,

In honesty,

And in moments of willingness that gently accumulate over time.

When you're ready,

Begin to give your fingers and toes a gentle little wiggle,

Open your eyes gently and return to the room.

And allow yourself a quiet respect for the inner work that you just allowed.

There's no rush,

There's no end point,

Only an ongoing more trusting relationship with yourself.

This practice comes from the course Healing the Self Relationship,

Where we explore this theme more deeply.

May this support you in strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.