Grief As An Apprenticeship Meditation

So I invite you to find a posture of comfort,

Of stability,

Of support,

And to be really intentional with this.

To treat yourself as sacred,

As a sacrament to this practice.

And so the way that you hold yourself,

The way that you carry yourself as you set yourself up for this practice is really important.

So take the time to do that with care,

With reverence.

Perhaps you're just gently touching yourself as you move.

Perhaps just the slowness,

The tenderness of your movements will be a representation of that reverence.

And as you find a posture that you know can hold you,

That can support you through this practice,

I invite you to move and shift your body into balance.

So finding an equal weightedness on both sides of the body.

This is really important.

So oftentimes there's holding in places of the body and we protect without being fully aware of it.

Either crossing the ankles or the knees or perhaps twisting the body in some way.

And the invitation here is to create an experience of opening,

Of possibility.

And so from this stable supported base where the earth is rising up to meet you,

I invite you to surrender into the experience of being held.

And so really connect into the earth here.

Feel a heaviness,

A weightedness in your hips,

In every point of your body that is touching the earth below,

That is grounding down and perhaps even feel an experience roots growing down from your base into the earth,

Spreading out in all directions.

Getting that experience of support.

And as those roots spread out further and further and deeper and deeper,

You can feel that anchored experience in your lower body.

So oftentimes in this experience of grief,

We find ourselves untethered.

Untethered in a way where we don't experience the groundedness,

The support and the stability that we so need.

We need this human experience,

This very visceral feeling of heaviness,

Of being held and supported.

So with every breath where we release,

Where we let go,

Where we soften into the earth,

You feel an equal degree of support rising up to meet you.

And so experience that,

Experience the simultaneous opposition of these beautiful forces of letting go and of being supported.

And then from that stable base,

That support,

That groundedness,

Feel a lengthening through the spine,

Opening of the chest,

Tuck the chin slightly and then soften.

Maybe closing the eyes or softening the gaze that feels available for you.

Just find yourself here in this moment,

In this body,

In this experience.

And I remind you that grief work isn't always easy.

And the fact that you've chosen to be here in this experience,

In this moment,

Is a gift.

It's a gift that you offer to yourself,

But not only that,

It is a gift that you offer to your community,

To the people that you love,

That you care for,

To each person who's sharing this experience with you right now.

And it takes outrageous courage to face outrageous loss.

It's okay to be outraged.

It's okay to hold the experience of knowing that you lived an experience of grace,

Of love and that there has been loss.

And it is so welcome here.

There are places in your life,

In your experience,

In other relationships where it has felt like your grief isn't welcome.

Find that here now,

It is welcome.

And I want to remind you why we do this work,

Why we connect in with the experience,

The knowing that we hold these many sorrows in our heart,

In our body.

We carry them with us.

We do this work because when we touch into the truth,

The experience of grief,

We touch into the fullest possibility of joy,

Of what it means to be fully alive.

I want to read you this beautiful quote from Francis Weller.

He says that when we fully honor our many losses,

Our lives become more fully able to embody the wild joy that aches to leap from our hearts into the shimmering world.

We fully honor our many losses.

Our lives become more fully able to embody the wild joy that aches to leap from our hearts into the shimmering world.

And so what I know to be true is that at the same time that we hold grief,

We must also hold joy.

And at the same time that we hold joy,

We must also hold grief.

And to know this,

To see and to feel and to experience this ache,

This exquisite experience of being alive as the necessity,

As being important and welcome makes it okay.

It makes it have meaning in our experience.

And so in this practice,

As we hold our experience of grief,

We will move into an experience of heart focused breathing and compassionate practice.

So the invitation is to focus your attention on your heart space and you can either place hands there or simply place your focus there.

And I invite you to breathe into your heart space.

Just begin with a nice gentle breath in.

Noticing how the expansion feels beneath your hands,

Beneath your awareness.

And without judgment,

Notice how your heart is able to expand.

Does it feel tight and constricted in this moment?

Does it feel resistant to the welcoming in of this energy of love,

This energy of compassion,

Of reverence,

Of grace?

Is there an ache that is holding on,

That is feeling too much to touch?

Remembering that we have set a bottom to our experience of grief in this moment.

We have set a bottom to holding this experience,

To holding these emotions.

And so that is what our practice is today,

Is to touch into the emotional experience and to get curious about the possibility,

About what these emotions can mean for us.

And to perhaps even get curious about where we might mine the gifts of this grief.

So what is this grief teaching us?

What is it showing us?

So now I invite you to begin to actively engage your breath.

So as you breathe in through your nose,

Start to fill into the belly.

Your hands are still on heart,

Your focus is still on heart.

But we now begin to utilize the belly as an expansive force in the body.

It's a way to draw more vital energy into our system,

Into our present moment experience.

And as you exhale,

Soften and release with a gentle sigh.

So every inhale we draw more energy into the body,

Filling into the belly.

And then exhale with a gentle sigh.

And allow this process of breath,

Of moving of vital energy to start to expand your belly just a little bit more with each breath.

And notice what it feels like when you let go.

When you release the breath with a sigh.

Again,

Your focus is still on your heart space.

So notice what is happening in your heart space as you continue to breathe in this way.

As you continue to expand into your physicality,

Into the expansiveness of your lower belly.

Is it affecting,

Is it moving up into your heart?

Do you notice a shift?

Do you notice a softening?

Now continue with this breath and I invite you to count.

To make a count of three or four as you breathe in slowly through the nose.

And then as you exhale,

Allow the count to be the same.

So exhale to the same count of three or four.

Breathe out the nose or the mouth.

Every breath in is through the nose.

Starting to expand more now into the heart space.

Exhale and soften.

Nice long slow breath in and slow breath out.

With every inhale we start to draw in the energy of unconditional love.

Of kindness,

Of welcoming,

Of reverence for this beautiful human experience.

This exquisite aliveness that we signed up for,

That we chose.

Notice what is present in your heart space.

Notice the possibility of holding this joy and this ache simultaneously.

In the short practice together,

May you find some softening.

May you find a knowing that this too is welcome.

We take three deep breaths together to close this short practice.

Inhale through the nose,

Nice deep breath in.

And as you exhale,

Let go what no longer serves.

Another big breath in.

Let it all go.

Sigh it out.

One more.

Shake out your fingers.

Maybe flicking your fingers,

Rubbing your hands together.

Rub your hands vigorously and then place them over your eyes.

Feel the energy entering your eyes.

Feel into the edges of your body.

The ground reaching up,

Rising up to meet you,

Holding you in this position of support and stability.

Visualize your body in space.

When you're ready,

Gently remove your hands from your eyes.

Feel and witness the light touching your eyelids.

When you're ready,

Opening your eyes,

Linking your eyes open,

Coming back into this space.

Coming back into the possibility of what it could mean to hold this duality,

This experience of grief and joy simultaneously as you step into the rest of your day.

Again with that bottom that we've created,

That holding of,

Excuse me,

A holding of possibility,

A holding of both at the same time.

What could it mean to be tender with this,

To hold this as sacred,

As in knowing that this too belongs?

Thank you so much for being in practice with me today.

You may much love and many blessings.