3-Step Self-Compassion Practice

Krista Neff's three step self compassion break is a powerful tool and one of my favorites.

It's a way of directing compassion and kindness towards ourselves whenever we're in the middle of an uncomfortable,

Difficult or a painful situation.

I'll briefly outline the steps and then I'll guide you through the steps as a meditation.

So in step one we acknowledge that we're that we're suffering.

In step two we recognize that we all suffer,

We're not alone and we recognize our common humanity.

And in step three we direct kindness and compassion towards ourselves.

So don't worry too much about remembering the steps,

You can just follow my instructions and I'll recap for you at the end again.

So I invite you to settle into a comfortable position,

Alert but relaxed.

And I invite you to close the eyes or you can leave the eyes open with a soft gaze in front of you on the floor.

And if you are closing the eyes,

Knowing that it's okay to open the eyes at any point during this meditation if thoughts or emotions become too uncomfortable.

And we'll begin by bringing awareness to our body sitting here.

Maybe we can feel our feet making contact with the ground,

Perhaps feeling the weight of our body on the seat of the chair,

The back of the chair against our back.

And bring your awareness to the breath.

Perhaps we can notice the cool air coming in through the nostrils as we breathe in,

As the lungs and the chest and the stomach expand.

And then we might notice the warmer air moving through the nostrils as we breathe out,

As the body softens and relaxes and sinks a little bit deeper into the chair.

We breathe in as the body expands and we breathe out as the body softens and relaxes and sinks deeper.

And after a few more breaths,

I invite you to begin the practice and we can begin by acknowledging that difficult or painful situation that we have today.

So there might be some pain in the body or it could be troubling thoughts or maybe there's uncomfortable emotions.

And if there isn't a physical or emotional discomfort at the moment,

Then perhaps for the purposes of this exercise you can bring to mind a situation in your life that is challenging,

Perhaps a situation that's causing you stress.

And as you bring this event to mind,

See if you can actually feel the stress and the emotional discomfort inside the body.

So the first step in our self-compassion practice,

Step one is to gently say to ourselves in our minds,

This is a moment of suffering.

And if these words seem strange and perhaps choosing to find words that work for you,

So perhaps we could say this is painful or this hurts or this is tough or this is stress.

We're simply acknowledging that this is a moment of suffering.

And when we're ready we can move to step two and we can say gently and kindly to ourselves,

Suffering is a part of life.

Suffering is a part of life.

And what we're doing here,

We're acknowledging that we all have challenges,

We all have difficulties.

This is our shared human experience and we're not alone in our suffering.

And knowing of course that we can choose other words that might resonate better with us,

So perhaps we could say everybody goes through tough times or other people feel this way.

I'm not alone,

We all struggle in our lives.

So suffering is a part of life.

And if you like,

Choosing to put one hand or maybe both hands in the middle of your chest.

Now this is a way of not only grounding yourself in the present,

It's also a way of triggering a release of oxytocin which is a chemical that brings our body into a state of calm and trust.

If you do have your hand or hands on your chest,

Noticing if you can feel the warmth of your hands against the chest.

Noticing if there are any sensations inside the body,

So maybe paying close attention to the chest area,

The stomach and the throat.

And as best as we can,

Staying curious and alert to any changes in sensations that we might feel from moment to moment.

So perhaps we might notice rises or falls in intensity of these sensations or maybe there could be shifts in locations,

Maybe these sensations or emotions are moving around the body.

Perhaps they're getting stronger,

Perhaps they're getting weaker,

Maybe they're even turning into different sensations or maybe sometimes these sensations will stop.

So just paying attention,

Noticing any changes in how we feel and knowing that it's always okay to return to the breath if this practice becomes too uncomfortable or thoughts become too intense.

And the third step is to direct kindness towards yourself,

Gently saying,

May I be kind to myself?

May I be kind to myself?

And perhaps there's another phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation.

So perhaps,

May I forgive myself or may I give myself the kindness I deserve?

May I be strong?

May I learn to accept myself as I am?

May I give myself the compassion that I need?

So whatever works for your particular situation,

We can simply say,

May I be kind to myself?

And as we draw this practice to a close,

Why don't you spend a few moments just reflecting on how you can best take care of yourself for the rest of the day,

Perhaps setting it like an intention.

So how can you bring this self compassion,

This feeling of self compassion and self kindness out of this meditation and into your day?

And bringing our awareness back to the body,

Notice how the body and the mind are feeling.

We can move or stretch in any way that feels good to us.

Whenever we're ready,

We can crack open the eyes and come back to the room.

So I hope you're feeling better after this short practice,

This meditation and knowing that you can come back to this practice during any moments of suffering or pain.

Now if you have access to this meditation,

Then of course you're welcome to come back and I'll guide you through.

But you're also welcome to do this by yourself.

So you just need to remember the three steps.

Step one is acknowledge that we're suffering.

Two,

We recognize it's not just me,

We all suffer.

We're all in this together.

And step three,

We direct kindness and compassion to ourselves.

Thanks for being with me today and have a wonderful day.