Embracing Our Shadow - How To Love All Your Dark Places

And of course anytime we're going in to talk about shadow or any aspect of ourselves we want to do it from the space that is loving towards ourselves.

So we just breathe in,

Noticing more space.

In fact,

The breath coming into the body is bringing in space.

It's connecting through this lightness,

This formlessness,

This space into our body.

Bringing ourselves to a calm space,

To that still space inside of ourselves.

So we breathe in that spaciousness air down into our heart,

Which is still.

And there we merge with the realm of silence.

And for so long people would say,

You know,

Listen to the silence between the words.

And there was always some sort of sound,

So I'd be like.

.

.

And then I became aware to listen to the realm of silence.

Just like the realm of spaciousness that all things are in.

There's the realm of stillness and interconnectedness.

Then there's the realm of silence,

From which all things are heard and felt.

So from that space inside of ourselves,

Let's look at our shadow.

And it came to me when I was sitting on my porch and I had a thought about something.

And immediately I went into,

My mind went into an attack mode.

It was about a person and all of a sudden it was like,

You know,

Attack in my mind.

And the next thing I did was I thought,

Oh no,

No,

I'm not going there.

I'm not going to think like that.

I'm not going to be that person.

I shut it down and I gleefully tried it off to another thought.

It was just like my body said,

Hey,

Let's go find something shiny,

Something else to look at.

Let's not look at this.

Let's not be that kind of person.

And I kind of for many years thought,

Oh yeah,

That's good.

That's me being good,

You know,

Me not diving into that.

I think it was something along the lines of jealousy or envy.

But it came out as a snarky comment.

Like I thought about that person and then,

You know,

Add snarky comment.

And I worked on it so hard that it's hard for me to remember actually what I was even thinking about them.

But I knew it was snarky.

And this time instead of shutting it down,

Actually I did shut it down,

I was like,

Wait,

Wait,

I want to bring this back.

I want to bring this to the open.

What was I feeling there?

What was that comment?

And then in allowing that and doing it from a space of interest and curiosity,

Not judgment.

If I come in with a ball-peen hammer,

I'm not going to meet those parts of myself.

So from this space of spaciousness,

Silence and stillness,

I invited my whole self,

From my whole self,

Speaking to my whole self and saying,

Hey,

What was that thought?

And it brought it forward and I could see,

You know,

Where it was coming from,

Like the next stage down.

Why would I say that?

Why would I jump to saying something snarky when the person hadn't done anything to me?

Well,

The next stage back was what that person had done to me and how I felt about them.

And then the next stage back from that was how I felt about myself when it happened to me a long time ago.

So what turned out to be said as a snarky comment really came from pain.

I can deal with that pain,

I can love that pain,

And so I love that aspect of me.

And then I looked into another thought,

And this one,

You know,

Was around my brother and my family.

And I thought,

Oh,

Well,

Why would I be mad at him?

Because it came out as being mad at him,

Like he did something and I'm like,

You know,

The competitiveness,

The mad,

You know.

And I thought,

Wow,

Gosh,

Where does that come from?

So let me look back at it.

And so I took a step back from that one and looked at that feeling.

And it was coming from where he got to do things growing up that I didn't get to do.

The product of the times,

You know,

Boys can do this,

Girls can do that.

And just sort of,

You know,

Boys got a little bit more than girls did,

You know,

That we sacrificed so that the boys could have.

So it's kind of an interesting thing,

I saw that.

And then it went back to where I was angry with him because it's like,

When were you going to notice that you got all this stuff?

And they're like,

Why didn't you go?

Hey,

It's your turn.

And I felt bad about that,

Right?

Because I didn't like that he didn't notice it.

But then I also could feel my own awareness of where I got things that other people didn't and I didn't notice.

But that was a little too comparing,

Right?

You know,

Like,

Oh,

I shouldn't feel this way because of that.

And I got concerned,

You know,

Like,

How am I going to logically get myself out of this hole,

Right?

What logic is going to come up to match this feeling to be better this way?

But that's not the answer that space and stillness and silence had.

And the way that we heal ourselves,

It's not this logic for logic.

It's this love.

And from this still,

Spacious,

Loving place inside myself,

I can look at these jealous feelings and these angry feelings and these envious feelings,

The ones that turned into isms,

The ones that then become stereotypes and you associate with people,

You know,

Those are all in there.

And how can we look at this aspect about ourselves and not hate and judge ourselves?

Because if we don't look at our isms,

Then we're stuck with them.

I don't like to admit that I have isms,

But if I don't,

I'm stuck with them.

And I'm sticking myself and you in them.

So it was more important for me to look at that and to be able to be in that space so that I can become the whole person by not turning myself away from what I don't like looking at in the mirror.

Intuity,

As I look through at each of these,

When I was responding snarky,

When I was responding from an ism,

From a phobia,

From a place of whatever it was.

See,

I don't even want to say the words because I don't even want to think of myself that way.

But it's okay.

Inside of all of us are aspects that are not us but influence us.

And they influence us whether we join them or we reject them.

Through racism you can join it,

Or you can reject it.

But there's another way.

There's the facing it,

The looking at yourself.

And looking at a reflection of yourself because your real self is the one that's capable of looking.

When we find any kind of ism or phobia inside of ourselves,

It isn't all of who we are.

But can we be brave enough to look at it,

To face it,

To speak to it,

To get to understand how did it get there and what is it rooted in?

And so let's look at it from this space because this space gives you the breadth to deal with it.

So let's breathe into that air recognizing that it fills our lungs with space and that it merges with our bloodstream and moves that space throughout our body.

That space creates the room that we need to look at ourselves with graciousness and non-judgment.

So we bring in with those thoughts,

Pick any thought,

A snarky comment,

Whatever it is,

And allow it to be in this space with you,

Just maybe three foot,

Four foot out in front of you.

And notice it,

What it says,

How it feels.

And notice whatever it's telling you isn't the most accurate information because it's speaking after the pain.

So it felt a pain of some sort,

Emotional,

Mental,

Physical.

And then it had a comment about the person that may not have even been a part of that pain.

So you find that first statement,

Whatever it's saying,

They're always so uncouth,

They're always so stupid,

They're after me.

Every time they can,

They just screw with people.

Whatever the statement is,

Follow it back.

Where does that come from?

And again,

Holding that space,

That no matter what is said in this space,

It's not right,

It's not wrong,

It's just a thought.

Don't let yourself think this energy of your thought is more powerful than you.

So you look into that,

You feel it and you sense it,

And you look at where does that one come from.

Then you jump back another little space with it.

So for me,

When I was upset with my brother,

My snarky comment to him came from my anger that he never noticed how he got to play sports and I didn't,

For a big period of time.

And like,

I came to his games,

But did he ever think,

Hey,

You're not coming to mine,

Do you notice that?

And so I had this anger,

So I'm like,

Okay,

There,

I feel that.

Where does that anger come from?

And if I take it another step back,

I felt unseen.

I felt unseen and unloved.

So my snarky comment about my brother being entitled really came back from previous experiences and then I don't feel seen,

Which is very different than my brother,

But that's where it gets to.

That's how these feelings become the things and then we don't recognize ourselves because it's not us.

But the beauty of looking at that,

What I stirred up in my system was,

When I saw myself feeling unseen,

I saw that aspect of me and I loved it,

From the spaciousness,

From the stillness,

This all-accepting stillness,

And from the silent realm,

Where the soul sings.

And I loved that part of me that felt unseen.

And I saw that part of me and I brought that part of me home to that realm of silence and spaciousness and stillness and I felt it just relax into all of that.

So that part of me that I didn't like looking at,

Because it said snarky things about my brother,

Once I looked at it with loving eyes and I saw that it felt a few stages back unseen and unheard and unloved and I could love that part of me,

I could see that those feelings came from a real truthful space that had endured something,

That had had an experience and that I could love me in that experience and I did.

And let me tell you,

When those chains fell off,

The chains of responding so many levels away from myself,

That snarky comment was chained with little links back to feeling unseen and when I could love that part of me that was unseen and I could see it,

The shackles fell off.

And then just notice,

While you've already got this space together,

While you're already still in that stillness and in that silence,

I let multiple feelings come and get to their root.

I looked at places in me that I didn't want to look at,

The places where I was angry with my parents and places where I was angry with friends,

Where I'd been done wrong and where I had done others wrong and I could have the space to do that same pattern and in fact they waited in line to be loved because every horrible thought you have is a thought that's been separated from some part of you that lacked love,

That lacked care of some sort.

So when you go out there,

Don't be afraid of whatever this end says,

Whether that end is racist or homophobic or whatever,

You know.

I don't even know all the ones out there.

There's so many places that we hurt each other because we're so far removed from that centered self and we're so far removed from what caused that.

So don't be ashamed about here because that's when you're so far away from yourself but take the time to go back and another step and come back to this core and bring that core to your center and spend time there because as I released the things that I didn't want to look at about myself,

I became more and more beautiful to me and those parts of me weren't ugly and unattractive and not pretty and not kind anymore.

They were just outside of my circle of awareness because I didn't want to look at them.

The very thing that they needed was to be looked at and loved and I could bring them all back to me and look at them and love them no matter what it seemed like they appeared to be saying.

They mostly all said they weren't loved and I could love them.

And they naturally,

At that point,

Saw through any ism that they were participating in.

Racism,

Culturalism,

Colonialism,

Whatever ism,

They saw through it themselves and they came home gladly and they could extend love.

And that's how powerful you can be.

There's nothing to be afraid of within yourself and the key is to start first from a centered space,

Centered in loving.

And then you can embrace all of those thoughts and ways of being and see them as separated thoughts,

Separated from you.

And all those isms will just fall away.

But I tell you,

There's a beauty in walking step by step with yourself.

There's a beauty in taking the time to look at these emotions and feelings and not rush through them because you get to love you.

You get to see you in places where you were wounded and you get to wrap your arms around you and you get to hold you and caress you and kiss your cheeks the way you wished it had been.

And at first we think,

Oh,

But I want somebody else to do that.

Well,

Wait till you've done it for yourself.

Yeah,

I wanted somebody outside of me to heal me,

Fix me,

Make me feel better.

But wait till you've done it for yourself and know that nothing is outside of your power,

That no part of you has to wait on something outside of you to love it,

That it can experience and feel love from you.

And that that love,

Which we think is somehow not going to be enough,

Leaves right back.

That love in you is so much more than enough because it comes from your center and your center comes from space and silence and stillness and all that is and nothing can out-love that all-encompassing,

Vast love that you are a part of.

And as you allow that to love you,

No part of you has to wait for someone else to show up.

No longer do you wait for someone to heal you because you can heal yourself.

And that loving-kindness fills up your body,

Fills up your wounds,

And allows you to have that happiness.

And you wouldn't keep it from another person.

So when you look at them,

It just comes out of you,

Comes out of the words you speak,

Comes out of the vibration you give,

Comes out of your eyes,

Comes out of your smile.

And you get to live that.

You get to watch it happen in you.

You get to wake up with you and love you in a new way each and every day.

And you can live this way,

Your life here,

And know that once you have it solid and embodied here,

That you can take that with you into the realm of space and stillness and silence,

That awareness of how to come from all that is loving and embody all that is loving,

And love your mind and your heart and your thoughts and your friends and your world that way.

And you just dip back and forth.

And eternity isn't something you wait for anymore because you're always in perfect balance in that formless and form.

And when you return to just formlessness,

You stay in it.

And when you come back into form,

You're right there again.

And though we still live in a world of challenge,

Where we face those challenges from,

Spacious,

Still,

And silent,

And okay,

Find any aspect of you that could use a little love.

Or they had a snarky comment this morning,

Maybe it said it about you or somebody else,

And just finding that.

And it's already speaking to you,

And that's cool.

And before we get started,

We're going to consciously breathe in spaciousness.

And isn't it so beautiful that air can represent that?

So we just breathe in the air.

And let it merge into our lungs,

Into our bloodstream.

Let it fill our entire body.

And let's breathe in spaciousness through our pores.

And relax.

There's nothing that we're going to find that we can't handle.

And let us merge with our center in that stillness.

And it's just like stillness and silence come together,

Don't they?

When you get that still,

The realm of silence is just beyond everything that is,

This realm of silence.

And from there,

We bring the love that we are through the top of our heads,

And merge it with our heart.

Allowing that spaciousness,

That stillness,

And that silence to fill the room around us.

And any thought can speak to us there.

And just let it speak.

And remember that you're not buying into its story.

It may have a lot that it wants to say,

And just let it talk.

But the space that you're in is silent,

And still,

And loving.

And it just keeps talking.

And you don't worry about what it's saying,

Because you know where these all lead back to.

And you just start loving.

And when your mind focuses not on the content of what that thought is saying,

But on the vibration of love that you are,

Let it focus on that vibration of love.

Let your focus be there.

Merge with it.

Don't let it just be your focus.

Become that vibration.

And then just,

As you are that vibration,

Be aware of the thought that's in front of you.

It's in your awareness.

It's not your focus.

Your focus is the love that you are.

You're so focused on it that you merged.

And you express that out to everything within your space.

Every thought in your body.

Every memory in your cells.

From your head down to your toes,

You just share that love.

And you merge your entire body with that vibration.

And that vibration is loving you.

Loving every thought,

Every reaction,

Every feeling,

Every ism,

Every wound.

It's loving all of you.

Every inch of you.

And everything brings up all of its worst feelings about itself.

And they hold up pictures and signs.

What about this time?

What about that time?

And you're so focused on that love,

So merged with that love,

That you just face that love in the direction 360 around you.

All above you,

All around your sides.

To every thought.

To everything.

You allow this love to love it.

Because a love this powerful has one vibration.

And it is love.

And it doesn't include judgment.

It's love.

And that's the energy that it disperses constantly to your body,

To your mind,

To all of your thoughts.

Without judgment,

It doesn't care.

It just loves.

And what is anything to do in the presence of love like that but to become love like that?

And that's who you are for yourself and for life on this planet.

Love you.