Creating Resiliency In Difficult Times

So let's just take a moment and start by just dropping in before we go into any kind of talk and I'm going to talk a little bit resiliency,

You know,

After that and what we know about it and what can be supportive to us during this time and that kind of attitude we want to foster for ourselves.

And I'll even give you a little practice that I think has been so supportive to myself and just most people that utilize it.

And so let's just take a moment.

And so I'll just ask you to get in a comfortable position if,

If meditation is kind of foreign to you.

This is just a just think of it as a,

An opportunity to be still for a moment to come home and I'll be here to guide you and I'll just be short.

It's not going to be a long,

Long practice.

So I invite you to close your eyes if you'd rather keep them open,

You're welcome to do that.

And the only instruction is just to have some kind of straight spine or be comfortable that for an ease of breathing and just guide you.

So let's just take a couple,

A couple of deep breaths.

It's a great opportunity and great way of doing it.

Just this opportunity to release this breathing in and maybe through your nose and breathing out through your mouth.

And if you're feeling a lot of like you're holding a lot,

You can take that breath in through your nose and just make a sound through your mouth through on mute anyway.

So it could be something like,

Ah,

Helps open up the vocal cords.

And just now you have time and space right now.

Just check in,

Notice just how you're feeling right now.

Physically start with the physical body.

If there's any areas that are holding from the day,

Have been tensing in any way,

Including your face,

See if you can either soften those areas with your mind or you're welcome to do a gentle stretch or even use your hands to stretch certain areas of your massage,

Certain areas of your body to help open them up.

Imagine with every exhalation,

You're able to release a little bit more.

This pressure is pulling back a little bit.

And if at any point your mind drifts,

Then just take note of that.

Open your body,

Release with the exhale.

Coming back to just this essential nature of what's here,

Whatever's here.

Just dropping the question in.

This time right now,

In this moment,

This time in my life,

What is it that I'm really needing right now?

What would support a sense of balance in me?

And then just listening.

And just checking in now once again,

Notice how you're feeling physically,

What's here emotionally,

The quality of your attention.

Just ending this by just acknowledging yourself for creating this space in your day for your own learning,

Health,

And well-being.

When you're ready,

Letting the light seep through,

Opening your eyes.

Maybe we just,

I'll just hear from a person or two about really what you noticed for yourself as you checked in.

You can just go ahead and unmute yourself.

What did you notice?

What's here for you right now?

What did you need?

You can just unmute.

You know,

I didn't get to what I needed,

But my mind was mentally replaying seemingly everything that has happened since the pandemic began.

Like I had a flashback of the last however many months from the moment I got back from a trip and the state said,

There's something out there.

Everybody stay home.

To the first time I had to go out and pick up a prescription and I was terrified to be out there.

I mean,

I just had like a flash of every single event related to COVID went through my head.

Yeah.

And those all seemed all the examples you gave were kind of like,

You know,

I would say kind of like anxious,

Like examples.

It's almost like,

It's still hard to believe that it's real,

Even though I know it's real,

But it's almost like a movie,

A really bad movie.

Yeah.

We're all carrying that.

We're all carrying that story or individual story of that.

That's here.

What else?

What else did you notice?

Anybody else?

Maybe just one more person.

Yeah.

What came up for me is,

And when you said,

Like,

Maybe you need massage.

It's like,

That's what I needed.

I,

You know,

And I also had just been on another zoom call and you know,

I'm not real good at sitting for a long time,

But I just,

I mean,

That's what I needed is to be doing that for myself.

And it was kind of like,

I had permission to not be antsy and do that.

So thank you.

I love that metaphor of a,

Thank you for that.

I love that metaphor of a snow globe and how through the day we're just kind of like,

As we move,

We're just kind of shaking the snow globe.

And if we can just train ourselves a little bit on how to be still,

Then those particles start kind of coming down and some clarity arises.

Like you can see through the snow globe now and the clarity was,

Yeah,

That's what I need a massage.

I need to massage myself.

My body needs this.

It's tense.

I need to do this right now.

So we're talking a little bit about resiliency.

And to me,

That's,

That's a little bit of the epicenter of it.

I want to keep this like really simple because it really can be really simple as hard as it seems.

It's as if the formula is can I get quiet enough to listen to that part of myself that knows,

That knows exactly what I need,

That knows that in this moment,

If I really pause and look around,

I'm safe.

And that's unfortunately that voice inside each and every one of us that lives in each and every one of us gets covered up because our minds get so noisy.

It gets noisy with the,

It gets clogged up by the overstimulation of the media.

It gets clogged up by our thoughts and our worries.

It's clogged up by our worry about our own anxiety.

And we can't,

We can't hear it.

And then we try to hear it.

We try to tell ourselves we're okay.

Maybe at times,

Maybe at times we try and look up all the self help stuff I can find and just tell myself fit in things and that,

That can try and force the idea that I'm okay.

And sometimes that just actually creates more resistance.

The striving to be okay creates more resistance and pressure.

And sometimes what we need is to relax and listen.

And so how do we do that?

And that's a really,

A really important practice.

And there's a lot of things to do.

Like,

So if we're,

If the,

If the,

If the formula is these three Rs that I like to talk about,

Recognize,

Release,

Refocus.

You've heard any of my,

Some,

Maybe you've heard me say those before and it's worth like repeating throughout our entire life,

Because wherever our focus goes,

It tends to invite a certain energy.

If we focus on worrying,

We create anxiety.

If we focus on,

If we just naturally focus on gratitude as an example,

And it's,

And it's authentic,

We tend to lighten up.

The energy tends to lighten up.

If we stay present as one person in our,

We have an area of the,

Of the collective called the inner core.

And this is a group that meets really regularly.

And one of the participants once said that she said,

Sometimes I just focus on my daughter's eyelashes and the particulars of her face and her eyelashes.

And a shift is created in me.

Now we say,

What's resiliency?

Resiliency is,

Is being able to bounce back in some ways in the face of difficulty.

It's it's,

It's having the ability to not go down so deep.

And if we do,

We maybe have this awareness that all things come and go,

All things shift,

All things change.

And even in this difficult moment,

I know this won't last forever and I can come out of this.

So,

So the question is during this time,

What am I really needing?

So to be able to ask that question though,

What am I needing?

Self-compassion as an example,

For those of you who are familiar with that practice or maybe even gone through programs involved in it,

The essential question there is what am I needing?

And but in order to ask that question and be able to listen to the answer,

We have to have created space to be able to drop that question in.

Sometimes it's like we're trying to fish for that question,

But the lake is iced over.

We need like a hole and space,

That space between stimulus and response to be able to,

We need to widen that space in order to listen,

Just listen.

And if that space is wide enough,

We can hear a voice inside or it's kind of like a sensing.

Sometimes it's not even a voice.

It's not,

It's not a,

It's not necessarily a,

Like someone's voice necessarily.

Sometimes it's a sensing that,

Oh,

Okay,

Yeah,

This is what I'm needing or I'm okay or something like that.

And we can train ourselves and get the skill in order to do that.

Resiliency is also,

So that's the recognized,

The release is a way of widening that space.

So the release is this,

This worry,

This challenge is in me.

It's all in the way we're relating to it.

It's real.

COVID is real.

We've been living with it for 10 months and we're going to be living it with it for a while.

And even though this seems like maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel in some way,

It's not any time in the next day or two.

And so here we are and we're living with it.

And so we need to release and the releasing widens that space between stimulus and response to be released through our bodies.

There's so many different ways to release and widen that space.

And it's not just meditation.

Meditation is one way,

If that's what we feel like we're needing to be quiet,

To do a guided meditation or favorite one,

Whatever it is,

Our go-to practice.

Sometimes it's just like shaking our body.

Sometimes it's putting a song on that invites a different energy.

Sometimes it's looking at the particulars of someone's face in a picture that we have.

Sometimes getting out in nature and touching a tree,

What helps me release this energy?

For some people,

They literally go out and they put their hand on a tree and just imagine this energy is flowing in the tree and the tree absorbs it because nature can be so healing.

That's a release.

Lots of different ways to release,

To widen that space so that then we can ask the question,

What is it I'm really needing right now so I can elongate my opportunity for resiliency?

So recognize,

Release,

Refocus,

Because remember,

Refocus is wherever we focus,

It tends to invite a certain energy.

But we can't just work.

Some people go that it's an issue is we tend to just try and go straight to gratitude or we go straight to trying to self-talk,

Self-talk,

Self-talk.

I'm okay or look what's good around me or that kind of thing.

And it's not that impactful,

Maybe a little bit.

But because the space wasn't widened enough,

There's no,

When we take a plant and we're planting it in our garden,

We have to dig a hole,

A deep hole so that we can put it down and the roots can grow.

If we just plant it there,

If we just put it on top of the bed of dirt,

It's not going to really root that well.

We need to put a hole in there.

We got to create some space for it.

So we create some space.

That's the release.

Recognize creates a little bit,

Release widens that space.

Now we can drop the question and that's the seed for it to take root.

What do I need right now?

It's a very simple,

Simple practice.

And if we widen that space enough and we drop that question in,

That's when that part of us that knows will tell us what we need.

Don't even need to force it.

It's just about,

If we get to a point where we recognize we're releasing and we ask ourselves the question,

But I can't hear anything.

I can't sense anything.

We need to go back and recognize and release again.

Don't need to force it.

We don't need to force the,

What I think I should need right now.

If you can't hear it,

We go back to recognize and release again.

We go back until the space is wide enough where we just hear that voice inside that lives in every single one of us,

I promise,

And you know it's there.

It just knows.

We just in our,

On a constant trance of forgetting because we're so busy inside of us with our within our own selves from our own history.

That's made it busy with our overstimulation.

And we fill the spaces of our lives,

Which on its own is its own thing.

But what we're doing is we're practicing busyness.

And so it just makes it noisier inside of us and we can't hear that voice.

That's all.

That's why practicing stillness is actually kind of important,

Not just for the stillness itself,

But so that we can have that available to us to widen that space and be able to hear.

So,

So that's why we practice this mindfulness stuff really is because it's like it's a strength inside of us that we want to strengthen so we can hear.

We can like in some ways balance out all the noise a little bit and hear inside of ourselves what we're really needing from the part of us that knows.

And and so that's that's one thing around resiliency.

I just want to add one other thing and then we'll we can discuss it too.

There's a reality that we sometimes forget and everyone here kind of knows it.

The reality of impermanence,

The reality that all things come and go.

All things come and go.

I haven't really met anyone that's been able to come up with anything that that's not true for.

I think our sun is halfway through its life cycle right now.

From what I understand,

And so in like five billion years or something like that,

The sun will go.

Everything comes and goes.

That means this planet too.

So so when we're trying to when we're on a journey of our own health and well-being of our own resiliency,

We have to understand that alongside this journey,

We're going to have tough moments,

Tough times,

And we're going to have like awesome times.

And the trick here is to remember that so that we say,

Okay,

So during these tough times,

I have to apply something different.

I'm going to need something different to create a certain kind of grace.

And when I do that,

When I layer in this self-compassion or getting clear on what I'm needing and being able to apply it like a solve to a wound,

That I create a certain strength from that because I teach myself that no matter what comes my way,

I can be okay.

And I create a memory of that so that during the next tough moment,

It's retrievable.

And during the good moments,

I also recognize those as impermanent.

And for some people,

It's like,

Oh,

That's a bummer.

I always have this story that I lived in Northern California,

My wife and I,

And the in the South Bay,

The grass gets brown in the winter and in many parts of the world,

It gets browned in the winter,

Right?

And California doesn't,

I mean,

In Southern California doesn't happen as much,

A little different.

And she said like,

Oh,

It was during the spring.

And she said,

Look at the hills,

They're so beautiful and green.

And I said,

They really are.

And at some point,

In not too distant future,

They're going to be brown.

She said,

Why do you have to be so negative?

Why are you so negative?

But I said,

No,

No,

No,

I'm just saying that it's going to change.

So I'm appreciating the green here while it's here because it's going to change.

All things come and go.

And so do our difficult moments.

And so are the good moments.

And so we can learn to be grateful for the good moments.

And those moments,

Maybe what we're needing is like to celebrate.

And in the tougher moments,

We're needing something different.

And everything comes and goes.

Just like this COVID,

As much as so many,

There's many people I know who say like,

This is never going to go away.

Or it's life,

And that's just not in the realm of possibility in the way that it is right now because all things come and go.

Just a basic natural law.

And so if we can have that perspective,

We can hold that in the tough moments,

Then we can realize there may be less stinging.

And we can realize during this time,

What am I needing right now?

And this time has been long.

The social isolation of it for a lot of people has been long.

And so we come back to it like it seems like it's kind of re-traumatizing almost because it seems like,

Oh,

Yeah,

Well,

I thought it was temporary,

But look how long it's been.

It's been 10 months now.

And so when's it going to end?

And when am I going to be able to hug people again and see my friends and do this kind of thing?

And it's going to happen.

And so the question is like now for this period of time,

How much ever longer it is,

Like what am I,

How do I get in touch with that part of myself that can be aware of what I'm needing while holding the perspective of the temporariness of this still.

And so playing with those different things when we're talking about resiliency,

That formula of those three Rs,

Making sure you can hear that voice if you can't going back to those first two,

Practicing and repeating that.

And then also the perspective of the change journey,

The journey of life,

Of how it goes like this.

And the more we can make use out of those tougher moments,

The more we can recognize them,

Release,

Refocus,

The more we can celebrate the good moments,

The more balance and sense of inner peace we can create within ourselves because we don't get so hooked,

Get as hooked.

But as I say this,

By the way,

This is something I have to actively practice because I'm not it's an imperfect type of thing.

And try not to project any kind of perfection on me or anybody really.

The Dalai Lama,

As an example,

Has a tough time meditating sometimes.

That's something he talks about.

It's not easy for him.

He sometimes goes a while without doing it.

It's hard for him.

And so it's not as if anybody has it and there's no perfection to any of it.

So we play with it.

That's the use I that's the word I use.

I like to use that word better than practicing.

It's something you play with.

All right.

You