Radically Showing Up For Yourself Live (Practice Only) 09/30

So,

Let's get to it,

Right?

And then afterwards I will come back to see if there are any questions or things you want to share,

But let's just meditate.

I was already speaking for a long time.

So make yourself comfortable.

And that means that you can sit comfortable leaning against something if you like,

The back of your chair or the sofa or the wall or the headboard if you are on your bed.

And if you want to lie down that's also perfectly fine.

Just take a moment to realise how you are sitting or lying down.

How does your body feel?

Where does it connect with the floor?

Your feet on the floor?

Your bum on the seat?

Your back against the back of the chair or mattress?

Your head?

Is it free?

Is it leaning against something?

It's all okay.

Just know the more you are leaning in,

Lying down,

The chance is that you will fall asleep.

Now if that happens that's perfectly fine because your body is then telling you I need some sleep and you now are relaxing,

You want to meditate but I want to sleep first.

So listen to your body,

Sleep first then meditate.

That's okay.

Now gently close your eyes and feel for a moment your face if it's relaxed or maybe that there are some muscles that still have some tension like your forehead or your jaws,

Your mouth.

Unless it's a smile that's okay.

The smile is a tension without tension.

Wouldn't you agree?

Are your shoulders relaxed?

If you feel some tension somewhere then just move that body part a little bit,

Shift it and see if you can settle into some more relaxation.

All right now let's focus on our breath for a moment.

Bring your attention to your nostrils where the air is flowing in and a little bit later the air is flowing out.

Flowing in and out.

And really let the breath be natural,

Normal.

So if I go faster or slower than you are breathing then just have your own rhythm.

Don't change anything.

Just have your attention on your nostrils where you feel that the air is flowing in a little bit colder.

And when it flows out it's a little bit warmer.

Flowing in and out.

Settle your attention to your breath.

And if you notice that your mind is wandering and brings you away from the attention to your breath then just know that it is okay,

Your mind is made to think.

But the moment you notice you gently bring your attention back to your nostrils.

To the air flowing in and flowing out.

Flowing in and out.

Settle your attention to your breath.

And if you are distracted by sensations like an itch it's just okay to scratch it,

No problem.

And when you gently bring your attention back to your nostrils or if there are any distractions in your environment like sounds at the street,

In your house,

At the neighbours,

Your dog,

That's okay.

You notice it and then you bring your attention back to your nostrils.

You don't need silence.

You don't need perfect relaxed feeling body.

You notice things and then you bring your attention back to the breath flowing in and out.

Bring your attention to your breath.

Alright now you can keep your attention on your breath while you listen to me while I'm going to explain you what we are going to do.

So we are about to visualize but I know that not everyone visualizes in images so if you do that's perfectly fine.

You will use images from your mind's eye but if you know from yourself that it's hard to visualize then just use your fantasy.

You know best how you fantasize.

Some people fantasize in words,

In feelings,

In knowing,

In remembering and that's perfectly fine.

I will use the words of visualization of images but you take it with your fantasy and you make it your own.

It's really important here,

Alright?

Now let's imagine that we are standing in front of a beautiful big door.

It's actually a door with two doors.

It's like the doors in a theater or a stadium and these doors are now opening and we are walking through these doors and there's a long corridor that we're walking and you hear in the distance already that there is an audience.

There's the rumouring,

Speaking,

Some laughing,

Some shouting.

There is an audience and that is exactly where we are going.

We are going to be on a stage and the corridor ends and you notice that you are now on a stage.

So if you're someone who likes to be on a stage you might enjoy yourself but if you have any feeling about being on a stage,

Being a little bit anxious or feeling awkward then this is what you might feel right now.

And that's okay because I want you to feel those feelings for a moment.

When you are across an audience,

Whether it is an unknown audience,

Whether it's big or small,

Maybe it's at your work,

Maybe it's just your family,

But when you are standing in front of people and you find it hard to radically show up as yourself,

You feel something.

Some people might call it stage fright when it's something that has to do with your work and some might just call it finding it hard to use my own voice when I am across certain people.

So if you like you can use this audience because I would like you to connect with those unpleasant feelings that you might have when you want to be there for yourself,

When you want to radically show up for yourself but you feel stifled,

You feel awkward,

You feel shy,

You feel limited to do so.

So now don't go too deep into these emotions because we don't want them in the body.

I would like you to let these emotions come out of your body and really use your fantasy to see how these emotions are coming outside of your body.

So if you see it you might see it like a cloud of smoke or maybe you see it just as steam escaping but if you are more the feeling or knowing kind of visualisation fantasy person then just use that.

Just see that those emotions are being pulled out of you,

Coming out of you and they leave no traces back in your body.

It's just all coming out of you and now it's there hanging in front of you.

And while you are looking at these emotions you see that it starts to shape.

It starts to shape into a being.

Just take some time and let your fantasy do its work.

You don't have to think about how it's going to look.

Just let it exist.

Maybe it's just one big blob with one eye.

That's perfectly fine.

Maybe you see yourself as a little kid.

Maybe you see yourself as you think the audience sees you.

And maybe it's a monster.

Maybe it's a sweet angel.

Maybe it's a baby.

Whatever it becomes.

And maybe if it's just a feeling of something that's also great.

But try to get a sense of how these emotions turn into a being.

And I'm using the word being because it doesn't have to be a human being.

It can also be an animal or a fantasy figure.

Whatever works for you.

There is no right or wrong.

Everything is good.

And it might be that when you do this meditation again that it looks different.

It doesn't have to look the same every time.

All right,

Now when you have a sense of the presence of that being I would like you to introduce yourself to this being because this being is your shadow.

This being is that part of you that you feel ashamed of.

This part of you that you feel cannot see the daylight.

Cannot stand up for themselves in front of others.

This part of you that you find weak,

Maybe vulnerable,

Maybe stupid,

Maybe ugly.

All those nasty thoughts that you can have about that part of you,

That being is here in front of you.

Now take a moment to feel with yourself how it feels to see this being standing in front of you.

Because this being is someone who needs your love and attention,

Your support,

Your encouraging words.

And if you feel that you still have unpleasant feelings or unpleasant thoughts about this being,

Then again let them come out of you and let those blend into this being.

Let it reshape the being.

Let it add some extra ears or eyes or hands or hairs or whatever way you want to shape it.

Yeah.

And then look again.

And realize that this is your shadow and your shadow is feeling pretty miserable right now.

Alone.

Unworthy.

Unloved.

Unheard.

Unseen.

And that's okay because you are going to do right now something to help this being.

So what is the first thing that comes up in you that you would like to do for this being?

It can be something simple as saying something,

Giving a hug,

Giving a kiss,

Caressing,

Comforting,

Making them laugh,

Telling them I love you.

Whatever comes up in you.

Whatever it is.

Maybe it's a gift.

Maybe you want to give a flower.

Whatever it is,

Don't overthink it.

The first thing that pops up,

That is exactly what you're going to give to your shadow.

Go ahead.

And can you see that they are receiving it?

That they smile,

Their eyes light up.

They feel a little bit better because of you.

So now I would like you to feel out if you can connect with them in such a way that you feel that there is a bond.

A bond between you and them.

What I would like to suggest is that you stick out your hand and you invite them to hold yours.

And this is what they do.

You stick out your hand,

They stick out their hand and they grab your hand and now you're standing hand in hand and be aware of how much support you are giving your shadow right now by just holding their hand,

By acknowledging that they are here.

And I want you to do something really,

Really bold right now.

While you're holding their hand,

You're looking into their eyes and you're going to tell them I've got you.

I have your back.

I am here for you.

I see you.

I love you.

I am here for you.

I'm holding your hand.

And you might notice how well your words are received.

How empowering your words are.

And now we're going to do something even bolder.

While you're holding hand with your shadow,

You keep looking them in their eyes and they look right back at you until you feel strong enough to do what I'm now going to tell you.

So just keep looking at them.

Keep feeling this bond,

Feeling this connection.

Make them know that you see them,

That you feel them,

That you love them.

And when you're ready,

You're going to turn towards this audience,

Whether it's a small audience or a big audience,

While holding hands with your shadow.

And you're going to say with pride,

Listen.

Listen to us.

All right.

Now,

Look them in the eyes.

Feel that bond.

Feel how much they feel your support,

Your strength,

Your love.

And you ask them,

Are you ready?

And they nod yes.

So now you're both turning towards this audience and together you're saying,

Listen.

You don't even have to shout this because you are standing here with your shadow hand in hand and you are just saying,

Listen.

And the audience responds.

It becomes quiet.

Everyone sits down and looks at you with open interest,

With an open mind.

Yes,

Even that person that never wants to really listen to you,

They're silent.

They're smiling at you.

And while you're holding the hand of your shadow and you're standing there,

You feel the power,

The energy flowing through you.

You're seeing now.

You and your shadow are seeing.

There's nothing to hide anymore.

Every part of you is seeing now and you are pretty proud of it because you have acknowledged,

You have acknowledged that there is a part of you that might be your shadow,

But it's worth to be seen.

It's worth,

Worth to be heard.

It is worth to be open about who you truly are because now your heart can shine.

Now you can shine.

You both can shine.

And you now see that the audience is responding.

They start to applaud.

They start to cheer.

They get up from their seats and they're whistling and clapping their hands and cheering you on.

You feel your shadow next to you glowing because they are seen.

You might feel your own heart glowing because also you are seen.

You've had the guts to be here.

You've had the guts to be proud of you in whatever way you come with shadow,

Yes,

But also with every other aspect of you because now you can shine.

Now you can be you.

And the applause continues.

They just cannot stop cheering you on.

Can you receive this?

Can you receive this admiration,

This love,

This cheering on,

This happiness for you?

That even the most critical persons in your life might be in that audience and they're cheering you on.

There might be some ugly,

Nasty,

Stupid parts on your shadow,

But it doesn't matter because it's you.

You are love,

You are lovable,

You're worthy,

You're special,

Just like every being on this planet.

Every being on this planet is lovable,

Is love,

Is worthy.

They might have forgotten it themselves,

But they are just like you.

But you're feeling it.

You're working on it.

You're experiencing it.

You are living it and you're setting an example for everyone in your life.

And that's the spirit.

Whenever you feel that the applause can end,

And maybe that's not,

But maybe it is,

Whenever you feel you can have the curtains full so that the audience can go their own way and you can spend a little bit more time with your shadow by just giving them a hug and thanking them for being in your life.

Without your shadow,

You would be a shallower part of yourself.

Without your shadow,

You wouldn't have been here where you are right now.

With everything that you learned and everything that you're doing and everything that you're teaching to others.

Because every person of you is also a teacher by example.

So thank them.

Appreciate them.

They deserve it.

Every nasty,

Stupid little bit of you deserves your love and support because it's you.

And if you feel a little bit emotional,

That's also okay.

Just give yourself a hug.

Comfort yourself.

Rock yourself.

It's a release of tension.

It means that afterwards you will feel better because you're worth it.

You're worth it to feel good every split second of every day.

All right.

Now,

You can say goodbye to your shadow.

You can decide to leave them here on this stage.

You might want to come back to practice with them.

You might also invite them to join you again,

To be part of you.

And when you do so,

You notice that there are no unpleasant emotions anymore.

There's just a true acknowledgement of every facet of you.

And that's something special to feel,

Right?

Cherish that feeling.

Remember this feeling that whenever you feel awkward or ashamed or angry or unhurt or unseen,

Remember this and it will help you to empower yourself and feel better.

All right.

Time to leave the stage,

To walk back through the corridor,

Back through the big theatre doors.

And when you're back,

You feel how they close behind you and you know you can come back here every time.

The more you come here to practice with your shadow,

The more the two of you will blend.

The more you will start to see that what you find ugly,

Stupid,

Dumb is actually pretty awesome.

Because you are awesome in every facet of you.

All right.

So take some time to get back in your body,

Get back in the real world.

Keep your eyes closed.

You can move your fingers and toes,

Stretch your spine,

Maybe stretch yourself or yawn,

Let go of whatever you want to let go.

And then in your own time,

Take a few minutes.

You can start to open your eyes,

But take your time.