Selfgentleness In Action (12/12/25) S11: How To Be Happy

Hi Petterbroek,

Hi,

Welcome everyone for my last live of 2025.

My name is Femke Bakker,

Self-gentleness teacher,

And I'm so happy to be here for this last session,

Session 12 of self-gentleness in action.

And today's topic is how to be happy.

Don't we all want to be happy,

Right?

If we think of loving kindness meditation,

We wish ourselves,

We wish others,

We even wish the people that are ruffling our feathers,

We wish them happiness.

Happiness is something that we are all striving for.

And are we happy?

What is happiness?

All things that we are going to discuss today.

And then I want to take you on one meditation of happiness today.

So we can close off 2025 with this really good feeling of knowing that we can make ourselves happy.

But before I get there,

I would love to know who you are,

Where you are in the world and what happiness is for you.

Really curious to hear that.

So let me see.

I saw already Petterbroek,

Kathy from Maryland.

Hi Mary.

Hi Rebecca from Kansas.

Hi Luanne,

Lovely that you're here.

Great to see you.

I know Luanne.

And hi Lizzie from New York,

Welcome.

So I'm so glad to be here.

It's my lives here on Insight Timer.

My monthly lives are something that I'm always looking forward to.

I'm doing this since 2020,

Since we started with the lives actually on Insight Timer.

And at first I did it weekly.

At a certain time I decided that I would like to do it once a month.

And this is what I've been doing.

And as I said,

I teach self gentleness.

And if you are here new and if you don't follow me,

Then you can see the card in the comments and you can click on it so you can follow my profile and you get notified when there are new meditations or my recorded lives because I record them and I upload them later on when they are there or when something new is there.

So I would love for you to follow me.

So self gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Yeah,

That's a long,

Strong definition.

And I love it.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And let's be honest.

Sometimes that is hard.

Sometimes it is not so hard.

And that is actually why the word self gentleness is really great because we all have those moments where we can be gentle with ourselves because we did something right or we are really proud of ourselves or someone gave us a compliment or thanked us for something.

And that can really help us to think happy thoughts about ourselves,

To help to think in an easy way about ourselves.

But it's not always that easy.

For instance,

When you make a mistake or you are doing something wrong or you feel guilty or well,

Whatever your inner critic is whispering in your ear is meaning that you are not self-gentle.

So what I'm teaching is not how you will become self-gentle 24-7.

No,

What I'm teaching is step by step,

Slowly changing the perspective that you hold of yourself.

And that perspective can shift based on how we feel,

Based on what is happening in our environment,

Based on what is happening within our body,

Happening in the world,

Happening in your relationship,

Happening in the relationship that you have with your friends or your children or your society.

So it's depending on many things.

But by changing the perspective you hold on yourself towards one that is more self-gentle,

You learn to find a more steady basis of how you look at yourself.

So that when you do something wrong or when you hear that inner critic or when someone is angry at you because they think you did something wrong,

That you will help yourself to find gentle thoughts about yourself,

To forgive yourself for things that you might have done wrong,

To forgive yourself that you are just who you are right now,

Right now,

Here.

And I think in essence that is what that self-gentleness perspective is.

It's not fixing yourself.

It is not working on yourself.

I know you are here on Insight Timer.

You've been working a lot on yourself.

You are here,

You're meditating,

You're listening to teachers,

You're reading books,

And you've come a long way.

And I'm here to tell you that you've done enough.

It is okay to be who you are right now,

Words and all,

Faults and all,

Beauty and all.

It is okay.

It is okay to be where you are.

So it also means I had a question in one of my courses on Insight Timer about self-gentleness from someone who said,

Well,

When I do these meditations,

I can tune in with myself and I can find that gentleness for myself.

But then when something happens or it's a very difficult situation,

Then I feel so many emotions and I feel my body responding.

And then I feel that I'm not so self-gentle.

How can I then still find that peace?

And actually the answer is simple and difficult at the same time,

Because the emotions that you feel in such a moment are really,

Really normal.

It's actually you responding to a difficult situation and letting you know,

Hey,

Take it easy,

Slow down.

Something is not as you would like it.

And it would be the cue to be with yourself for a moment and to really feel what's going on.

So self-gentleness doesn't mean that you will feel peaceful all the time.

It doesn't mean that you will feel good and ease all the time or happy,

Because that's the topic of today.

No,

It will help you to find those comforting thoughts,

Those soothing thoughts,

So that you get to know that you have your own back,

That you are your own biggest fan,

That you are your own biggest supporter.

And that is that self-gentleness perspective.

So when we think of the topic of today,

How to be happy,

For me,

That is so interconnected to becoming self-gentle.

So I was really curious to know what happiness means to you.

So let me take a look if someone said something about that.

Yes.

Petra Brooks says,

Happiness is living in tropical North Queensland.

Oh,

Yes.

Good morning to you,

By the way.

And tropical,

Yes,

Because with you it's summer,

Right?

So I assume you live there.

I know you live in Australia,

So now I assume that you're living in North Queensland,

Petra Brooks.

So I'm so happy that just,

You know,

Knowing that you live in a place where you really want to be is giving you already that happiness.

That's really,

Really beautiful.

Kathy says,

Happiness is the sky and the absence of distress.

Oh,

I also really love that.

Happiness is the sky.

So it means that when you can take a moment to just see the sky,

Feel the sky,

Smell the sky,

Be with the sky,

That you can connect to that happiness within.

That's really beautiful.

You also mentioned the absence of distress,

And I think that is a really important key about what we're speaking about here.

It means that you can help yourself to not feel that distress,

To not feel those tensions within your body or around you,

And that when you succeed finding that,

That you have a sense of happiness.

And I love that because so many people think of happiness as a big thing to achieve,

Because when we think of those moments that we were so happy that we could scream,

Oh,

I'm so happy,

At least in the beginning of our life,

Those are those moments that feel exceptional,

That feel like they fall to us from time to time.

It's not something that we feel we have control over.

But if you manage to redefine happiness to yourself into something that basically means that you can help yourself to feel some ease or not to feel too much stress or no stress at all,

And you find happiness in that,

Then I think you are really pretty well on your way,

So I'm really glad to read that.

So Cara is saying,

Happiness is having a cuddle at night with my boys on the couch under a thick,

Warm blanket.

Ooh,

It makes me already feeling happy when I just read that.

I immediately see you sitting there together with your boys.

That sounds so beautiful.

I'm so happy for you that you have that.

Lovely.

Luanne says,

Happiness is creating gifts for loved ones.

And I know,

Luanne,

That you're pretty good at creating gifts.

And it's really lovely that you can bring happiness or a sense of happiness when you're doing that.

Maggi says,

I think happiness is this warm feeling like the sea during a sunset.

And when you don't have pressure,

You feel free.

Ooh,

That sounds also like a really good definition of happiness.

It sounds so gentle and free.

Oh,

That's great.

Lovely.

Thank you.

Hi,

Dora.

Lovely that you are here.

Happiness is working in my garden on a crisp winter morning and enjoying the company of a little robin serenading me.

Oh,

This is so beautiful,

Dora.

I love that.

And yes,

Of course,

Knowing you being in nature,

Being in your garden with the nature around you and the animals around you.

That's really beautiful.

Thank you for sharing.

Rebecca says,

Happiness is being in balance.

It is the beauty of ordinary days.

And as Charles Schultz said,

Happiness is a warm puppy.

I love that.

Yes.

And I so love what you're saying,

The beauty of ordinary days.

And it's amazing.

It's amazing the ways that you are sharing what happiness is for you,

That these are those places that you can find around you and within you,

The moments when you allow yourself to just be,

Be,

To just be,

To be who you are,

To be where you are.

I love that.

Thank you all so much for sharing.

Shannon says,

Happiness is a feeling of lightness and living in harmony with life.

Oh,

That's also really great.

That's really beautiful.

Living in harmony with life.

Yes.

Sometimes it can be a challenge,

Right?

I can imagine that some people reading that and thinking,

Yeah,

I would like some harmony in my life,

But many things are going on or people are expecting things from me.

So,

Yeah.

So how,

How do we deal with that?

When the happiness is supposed to come from not experiencing stress and experiencing ease and then things happen that make it harder to find that ease and to find that,

Find a way to let go of that stress.

And I think that is why for me self-gentleness is so interconnected with,

With,

With happiness.

Because when you,

When you define happiness as finding balance,

I think that's for me also to,

To feel balance in,

Within myself at first.

And when the balance is within myself,

I also find balance in life.

And when things happen so that the balance feels like it's starting to tilt,

That I then recognize that and that I take the steps to,

To make sure that I take care of myself.

And,

And the beautiful thing is when you know how to take care of yourself,

When you start to feel that you can find that ease,

Then that feeling of happiness is,

Is really close by.

So Dora says,

It is close,

It is closing being in the now and making most of every moment.

Now is all we have.

Absolutely.

And I even want to add to that.

It is in one of my morning meditations here on Insight Timer that at a certain point,

I realized if I experienced during meditation,

For instance,

Or,

Or by practicing self gentleness,

That I can bring myself to the here and now to be just here with whatever's going on and find that peacefulness within,

That actually I never have to worry about the future.

Because if I can prove to myself,

If I know,

If I inherently know that I have the ability to find that peace in the here and now,

Then whenever the future will become now,

I don't have to worry about it because I will know how to be in the now.

And our worries about the future are so many thoughts about whatever will come without knowing what it will be.

There was so much uncertainty while empowering yourself by being here and now and being so okay with that,

Whatever's going on,

Knowing that you have your own back,

Even when you're feeling not so good.

It is really nice to have that support from yourself so that you don't have to worry for when that future will become now.

So,

Luanne says,

This life with you is a special gift to all of us.

Well,

Thank you so much,

Luanne.

It's really sweet of you.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Petta.

Dawn says,

I don't think we are meant to feel happy all the time.

We need to practice how to allow all emotions and notice more.

Because happiness is available.

It is an act of awareness.

Yes,

Dawn,

I fully agree with that.

But I also think that that has to do with the definition of happy.

So,

If you define happy as those peak moments in life,

Then by all means,

I never would want to be happy all the time.

It would be way too intense.

I could not live on those exceptional peaks in my life all the time.

It would drive me crazy,

Really.

Because I'm someone who needs the rest and contemplation and calmness also.

I think that I define happiness as being okay with who I am.

Right now.

And right now.

And right now.

And you get the gist.

Then you could ask the question,

So is the word happy then the right word?

Don't we want to reserve that for those peak moments of extreme happiness?

Well,

That could be an option.

And I think if you would opt for that,

Then I can see why you say,

Well,

It's good to be happy from time to time.

And for the rest,

I'm just content.

I'm just okay.

But I also know that a lot of people that are striving for that happiness,

That want to feel that.

And so for me,

Happy is also if I'm really sad.

And I know how to soothe myself.

And I know how to love myself in that moment and to take care of myself and to support myself.

I might not define it as a peak exceptional moment.

But I think I would define it as happiness that I have my own back.

Happiness that I know how to hold myself,

To soothe myself.

So yeah,

When it comes to those concepts and words,

It's really dependent a lot on how we define it.

And I'm so glad to read all your messages here and see how everyone here is already so aware of how you can find that balance or that peacefulness or that calmness,

That awareness.

Because yes,

Awareness is everything.

Being aware of your own conditioning,

Your own trauma,

Your own biases.

Those are things that are really important.

I'm also a professor at the University in Leiden in the Netherlands where I teach political psychology and everything that falls under that.

And I've been teaching a lot last semester.

And I've been working a lot with that with students about the psychological mechanism that we can study objectively when we study political processes.

But it's basically because we are all part of society.

Those psychological processes are also within us,

Including biases and group dynamics and responses and emotions and how we work with things.

And what I always tell them that I want to bring them that awareness,

Not just as the clinical observers,

But also as citizens,

As people,

As human beings,

And that we are all part of that.

And awareness brings choice.

Awareness brings choice to go down that lane that doesn't feel so good or the choice to go down that lane that feels a little bit better.

And that is where self-gentleness comes in.

So Don and Femke,

Marjorie saying,

I was going to raise that issue.

Some people use the term contentment as more realistic to strive for because happiness is fleeting,

Even if you expand beyond peak experiences and heightened moments.

Yes,

Absolutely.

I think,

So if I would like to share,

I would like to share a more personal experience.

So when a period in my life that I was really having a hard time with several circumstances,

Then the word contentment was really my rescue because I realized that when I was really feeling bad and sad and frustrated and maybe depressed is too big a word,

But I was certainly feeling blue for a long,

Long period of time.

And then at a certain moment,

I realized that if I can just find some contentment with where I am right now and try to see those things in my life that I can be content about,

That really supported me because when I found that contentment,

It really supported me to feel a bit better in the moment.

And from there on,

It starts to grow.

It's the same like with cultivating gratitude.

Gratitude is such a powerful emotion to feel.

And we can cultivate that by thinking of just three small things.

I have a few free tracks on Insight Timer that are about gratitude.

I also have live recordings about gratitude by realizing that there are really small things in life that we can be grateful for,

Even when the rest seems really shitty.

Like,

You know,

I like to think that I have opposable thumbs and I really think of my opposable thumbs.

It can really make me grateful because I realize how it would be without those opposable thumbs that I couldn't grab things.

I couldn't hold people.

I couldn't hold things.

And the longer I think about my opposable thumb,

The more grateful I am that I have it.

And there it is,

Just a little spark of some gratefulness.

That is really,

Really what then gets the ball rolling when you can start to think of other things.

And it's the same with contentment.

So really,

Yeah,

I love that you bring that up,

Marjorie and Don,

To put it in a certain perspective.

So let me see what else is there.

Margie says,

Emotions are like waves.

Sometimes you will be happy and radiating,

But it can also go very low and it's hard to feel anything.

Emotions come and go.

I think you need to appreciate the moments of happiness because you don't know when is the next time you would feel it.

Yes,

Emotions are certainly like waves.

Yes,

I've been holding a lot of lives about it,

I actually call it that you can learn to surf your emotions and just be with the physical sensation of it while they just come like waves through you,

Yes.

So would you define happiness as an emotion then?

That's just a question.

I'm thinking about that.

Is happiness an emotion?

I think when you feel happy,

You do experience emotions and maybe that's the core.

We're philosophizing a little bit here.

Sorry,

I lost the English word.

So we are just thinking a little bit aloud about this in a philosophical nature.

I think for me,

Happiness is not for me personally,

Right?

And what I find you can have a completely different idea about because we're speaking about concepts.

But for me,

Happiness is not so much an emotion but I do experience pleasant feeling emotions around it.

Perhaps I have stretched my sense of happiness.

I'm just happy when I'm falling asleep in the arms of my husband.

I am happy when I smell a flower and I think all those moments come boil down to being in the moment and enjoying where I am.

And that is not the big exciting peak moment but it's that sense of contentment,

Yeah.

Oh,

It's really,

Really,

Really great that you're making me think about this.

And it's actually showing how many ideas we have about that word happiness that it's the same with the word love,

Right?

So love,

Actually I was once trying to love myself and I find it really,

Really hard,

Truly if I was honest,

Because love was such a big word and I didn't know how well to relate to it and I still had the sense that I had to deserve it.

And actually that was the birth of self-gentleness at a certain point that I realized,

Well,

Maybe I should just be gentle with myself and that's a great start.

So I think that self-gentleness is a key to that self-love.

It's a perspective that will enable that self-love but the word love has so many connotations and I think the same goes with the word happiness,

Yeah.

So,

Hi Carrie,

Lovely that you are here.

Jean says,

I know that it's okay not to be okay and it's okay to be okay.

Oh,

Jean,

Yes,

That's a big truth.

Thank you for sharing that.

Marjorie also says,

Equanimity might be better.

It's hard for me to feel content too when needs are not met yet on a consistent basis.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Equanimity is also a great word and perhaps happiness is an emotion and the state of mind,

Yeah.

And I think also that all these things are also really personal because so one of the things that I also teach at university and here actually is that individuals matter and individuals are so different from each other and that is why we matter.

The way we see the world,

The way we believe,

The way we treat ourselves,

The way we are wired,

The way we are conditioned,

The way our personalities express ourselves and that is the beauty of it and it also goes for how we interpret words,

How we interpret emotions,

How we interpret situations and I think this beautiful discussion just stresses that today.

Yeah,

So let's see.

My mouse is not working.

Yes,

Now it's working.

Carrie says,

You've taught me self-love is a necessity.

Oh,

Thank you,

Carrie,

For sharing that.

Yes,

I'm happy that you feel that.

Marjorie says,

When depressed,

It's hard to think you will be happy again or even remember when you have ever been happy.

Yeah,

I agree,

That is a hard thing when we get into those lows.

It can be hard to connect to that and again,

I don't want to repeat myself but that's why I teach self-gentleness is when you have practiced self-gentleness,

It doesn't mean that you will not get depressed or feeling bad because those things happen,

Life happens,

We happen but when you've practiced it for a long time,

You do have that sense of knowing that you will have your own back and rather than trying to pull yourself out of being depressed,

You're gentle with yourself and you accept yourself where you are.

You don't try to push yourself towards that happiness but you are taking care of yourself and I think that's so powerful,

Yeah.

Oh,

Really lovely.

So,

Terry says,

For me also,

Femke,

I don't watch the news but I watch the sunsets and sunrise as much as possible.

It gives me so much more positivity and it's for me a form of self-love that is really great.

Well,

I think not watching the news even from time to time is a really great decision especially in this world today.

It's also something that I do.

There has been so in the time that I was really not doing so well,

I was speaking about a decade ago,

Then I really consciously decided not to watch the news anymore,

Not to read the news,

Not to have any news and some people asked me,

Isn't that weird?

You want to know when something happens and then I said,

Well,

When something happens that I need to know,

I will hear it from the people around me but it really helped me to calm down,

Not to have that stress,

Not to have external things make me feel even worse and where I'm now,

I think I'm happy pretty much most of the time.

That is that I do get some news,

Never the television but in newspapers and when I feel that this is not a moment to observe certain news,

I just stop with it.

So yeah,

That's also the awareness that we were speaking about.

All right,

We're already half an hour in.

Thank you so much for this conversation even though I cannot really hear you.

You really made some great comments.

I really love this interaction with you guys.

Thank you so much for thinking along.

So let's just meditate and go on this easy,

Pleasant journey together.

What do you say?

So I'm going to guide you in visualization which means that I'm going to speak the words of images.

Now I know that not everyone can visualize really good.

Some can by all means do so but if you are that,

Then don't worry,

Just use your fantasy.

Listen to my words and let the way you fantasize lead you on this way,

Whatever way that is,

Whether it's just feeling or knowing or sensing or seeing words,

All is well.

Just do it in your own way.

All right.

Okay,

Just taking a sip of water.

Let's just start first with getting into here and now a little bit more.

So whenever you're sitting or lying,

Just feel your buttocks in the chair or on the ground or in the cushion and make yourself easy.

You know,

You can lean against the back of your chair if it feels better.

Maybe lie down if it feels good and you can have your hands relaxed in your lap and just feel for a moment if there's any tension somewhere in your body and if there is,

Then just make a little bit more tension and then let go.

So for instance,

You feel that you're holding your belly and just pull it in even more and then let go.

Not so easy the first time,

Right?

Let's do it again.

Just pull in your belly and let it go.

You see your body responds.

You're going to sigh it out.

The same can be for your shoulders.

Tension in your shoulders.

You can just pull your shoulders up and let them drop.

All right.

Now you can gently close your eyes.

Your hands are relaxed in your lap.

I always like to have the palms open to the sky because it feels really good.

Now let's take a moment to just listen to the sounds around us.

You hear my voice.

It's pretty strong,

Prevalent.

But can you hear also sounds that are around you?

And now listen to the sounds that are further away.

Try to see if you can hear the sounds that are the farthest away.

And can you hear now the really subtle sounds really close to you?

Your breath,

Your belly,

Your heart.

Yeah.

Now let's bring our attention to whatever we are seeing with our eyes closed.

So maybe you just see dark,

Dark blue,

Black.

Maybe you see some light through your eyelids.

Maybe you see some light dots,

Lighted dots moving.

Whatever it is,

You don't have to change it.

Just observe what you see with your eyes closed.

Now take a moment to bring your attention to your sense of touch.

So you probably feel your buttocks on the seat,

Your thighs on the seat,

Your hands on your thighs.

Can you feel how your socks are sitting on your ankles?

Or how your shirt rests on your skin?

Ooh,

Can you feel the air on your cheeks?

Can you feel your feet on the ground?

And feel how your feet the different touch points of the soles of your feet are finding different pressure from the floor below you.

Let's take a moment to tune in with ourselves.

So let your attention slowly descend from your head slowly down to the middle of your chest,

Your heart space.

If it helps,

You can put your hands there.

Now imagine that you are there in the middle of your chest and you see this beautiful white door and you open it and you step inside.

And you are in a really comfortable feeling white room.

And this room is the space of your heart.

So let's first take some time to make this room feel like your place.

So it's white,

But you can put colors on the walls,

On the ceiling.

Maybe you want to make everything from glass.

Maybe you want to hang some art on the walls or put some flowers.

Maybe you like to put a sofie,

A cozy sofa,

Cozy couch or a nice chair to sit in.

Maybe you even have doors that open to a beautiful garden.

Take a moment to look around how this lovely room within you looks like,

Like this safe place,

Like it's your place,

A place where you can be with yourself,

Feeling safe,

Feeling good,

Feeling peaceful.

Just take a moment to look around and don't overthink it.

Let just your fantasy bring up the things that feel good.

Maybe your pet is there.

Maybe your artwork is there.

All right,

Now in the middle,

There is this cozy chair or cozy couch.

Let's just take a moment to sit there.

Just feel your bum in the seat and feel how good it feels to sit here.

How pleasant it is to just be here.

Now,

I would like you to think of a person that you love very much and who loves you very much.

It can be someone from your present,

Your past or your future.

It can be a fantasy figure but someone that when you think of them it really,

Really feels good.

Now,

Imagine that they are there with you.

They are coming through the door,

Maybe from the garden and they're coming towards you.

And when you see them,

You see how much they love you,

The way they look at you,

The way they smile at you.

Now,

When they come closer then greet them in a way that feels good to you.

You can hug them or kiss them or just say hi,

Whatever feels good.

Take a moment.

Now,

This person brought a little gift for you.

It's in their hands and it's beautifully wrapped so with the colors that you like.

It really looks so good and while they smile at you they give you this present and they tell you this,

This present is a token of my love and appreciation of you.

When you'll open it in a bit you will see how much you mean to me,

How much I love you and I want you to know that whenever you see this in your life that I'm with you and I'm loving you,

I'm cheering you on.

All right.

Now,

Let's take a moment to unwrap the package and see what is the gift and try not to think of it because the first thing that you will see that is it.

Maybe you recognize it or maybe you do not know what it is and that's okay.

Just see what it is and just know that this token is a token of their love and support and cheering you on.

This is a gift to you and whenever you will encounter this in your life you will know that you are so,

So loved.

Now,

You can take a moment to thank them and if you really want to have a sense of why this is then just take a moment and ask them can you explain me why this token?

I will give you half a minute or so so you can take this moment and try to just look at them and receive them.

They might not answer you in words.

They might answer you with a thought,

A song,

A feeling,

A sense.

It's all okay.

Just be open to whatever will pop up from your subconscious.

And if you know what it is then just look at it for a moment and enjoy how good it feels to receive this gift of love.

All right.

Now,

You can give this gift a place in your room or you can put it with yourself on your body.

Whatever feels good to you.

Let's take a stroll in the garden together.

Let's open those doors and go outside.

Oh,

Can you smell the air?

Can you feel the sun?

Just right.

Not too hot,

Not too cold on your face.

Can you see all the beautiful flowers and plants and trees?

Maybe there are some animals around you.

And while you walk into this really lovely garden,

You feel the ease of a nice stroll.

It is good to walk here.

It is good to not to be in a hurry,

To just stroll here and feel good,

To feel the sun,

To feel a little breeze on your cheeks.

And while you walk into the garden,

You notice how large it is and then you see a little path.

And it's intriguing you because it looks so attractive to just start to walk that path.

So you decide to walk it.

And while you walk,

You notice that you are slowly,

Slowly going a little bit up.

It's as if you are climbing a hill and a little path.

It's not straight.

It's going from left to right and it's taking you next to the most beautiful flowers and hey,

A butterfly.

Ooh,

A bird on my shoulder.

It's sitting with me and it's singing its beautiful song.

And when you continue to walk,

You start to hear the sound of a brook.

And when you walk closer,

You can see the water already.

The sun is shining on the water and you see how the water is going over the little stones.

Very gentle,

Really a gentle sound and so,

So,

It feels so easy.

It feels like a holiday.

And when you are now at the brook,

You decide to sit for a moment on the side.

And to just look at the water.

And when you look at the water,

You notice that there are little baskets floating around.

Some are empty and some are filled.

And then one just floats towards you,

So you pick it up out of the water.

And you see that,

Again,

There is a token.

It is something that tells you that this is your special power.

This is the power that you always have with you.

So maybe you just see a key knowing that you are the one that always finds the key.

That you always find those solutions.

Maybe you just see a beautiful smile and you know this is your smile.

Because you know always to have a friendly face for everyone around you.

Or maybe there is a thunder light because you know how powerful you can be when you are just really fast and quick.

Whatever it is,

It is something that sprouts from your fantasy,

From your subconscious,

And it wants to remind you that you have a superpower.

And if you don't feel it yet,

Then just take the basket and sit for a moment.

And ask yourself,

What is my superpower?

And whatever the answer is,

That is it.

That's okay.

Even if you don't understand what words,

What song,

What idea popped in your head,

This has something to do with your superpower.

And if you do not know now what it is,

You will know later.

But maybe you just know what your superpower is.

And if you feel emotions,

Because it touches you,

Or it moves you,

Or it makes you sad,

That's okay.

You can be okay with yourself.

You can always hold yourself,

Put your arms around yourself,

Rock yourself a little bit,

Caress yourself.

You're doing it so well.

Now,

I'm asking you,

These baskets that are empty,

Especially here for you,

So you can decide what elements you want to leave behind for now.

Things that have been bugging you,

Maybe it's a thought,

Maybe it's a worry.

So I would invite you to just pick that worry out of your head.

Pick that problem out and just imagine that you have it in your hands like a heavy rock.

And then there is another basket,

An empty basket,

It's floating towards you.

And very gently,

You put your problem,

You put your worry,

You put your nasty thought in that basket.

And then you let go.

And you just see how it floats.

Slowly it floats away.

Very gently,

The basket is making sure that the worry is taken care of.

And you don't have to take care of it anymore.

You can just let go.

And trust that the brook will bring it to its solution.

The brook will lift the worry.

You can let go.

Maybe you have more.

In that case,

See how the baskets are coming to you.

Just pick it out of yourself and gently put them in the basket and see how they float away.

And when you're done,

Pick up the token of your superpower.

And realize that this is you.

Notice how good it feels in your body,

In your mind,

To acknowledge that you have that superpower.

And that superpower can be small.

It can be your smile.

It can be your optimism.

It can be your ability to know how to make a great cup of tea.

Every superpower is important.

All right.

Now,

Let's get up.

Let's stroll a bit along the brook.

And let's climb that little hill a bit a bit more.

And while we're climbing it,

Again,

We see the beautiful birds flying around us.

They're making these beautiful sounds.

And we hear the leaves of the trees rustle.

Oh,

It's so good to be in nature.

And I still feel the sun on my skin and the wind on my cheeks.

And I realize that I'm at ease.

I feel content.

I feel OK with who I am,

How I am,

With everything that is going on.

I'm OK with that.

I'm OK with that.

I feel pretty good.

And while we climb up to certain moments,

You start to feel that the ground below your feet is getting a little bit more rocky,

But it's still easy to walk.

And then you notice that you are on the top of a mountain,

Actually.

And it's so beautiful to stand here,

Because when you look down,

You see the valley.

You see the other mountains,

And you have such a beautiful overview of the whole world.

You feel how the wind is still in your cheeks and the sun on your skin,

And you hear the trees behind you.

And you realize that this is a good place to have a view of your life,

To have a view of the world that is peaceful,

That feels like you.

Just take a moment,

Really feel how your feet are on the ground and how you're standing there,

That this sense of that power is within you,

The love that you received from that special person,

The knowing that you have this superpower.

And now I want you to ask yourself,

For a moment,

What is it that I really would like to do right now?

What is it that you would really like to do right now?

And listen to the answer.

And whatever that answer is,

Just embrace it.

And just imagine that you are right now doing that.

And if that is hard to imagine,

Then just imagine that in the sky there's a big movie screen where you see yourself doing that.

Maybe you feel like dancing,

Maybe you feel like flying,

Maybe you feel like sleeping,

Maybe you feel like just standing here and looking.

Maybe you feel like counting the stars and then the stars are there.

Maybe you feel like swimming and then you make a dive in the ocean.

Maybe you feel like hugging with a person that you love and then that person is there and you hug with them.

Whatever it is,

Just allow yourself in your fantasy to just do that,

What you want to do right now,

That what you desire because you deserve this.

You always deserve this.

You always deserve to have this feeling.

You always deserve to allow yourself to be who you are,

To want what you want,

To desire what you desire and to allow yourself,

In your fantasy at least,

To experience that.

I'll let you play with this for a minute or so.

Just enjoy yourself,

See yourself doing it,

Feel yourself doing it,

Sense yourself doing it.

Tell yourself that you're doing it in whatever way you use your fantasy.

Just be with that moment where you allow yourself whatever it is that you want.

Um,

Yay,

That was fun.

That was fun.

So,

Now,

Let's slide back into our bodies.

You know,

You could even imagine that there is this big slide down or maybe you can just walk back or maybe you just dive back in your body.

At least we're using our fantasy now.

Whatever way you would like to.

Just feel your body again.

You could start by feeling your buttocks on the seat,

Your hands in your lap.

You can dance a little bit on your buttocks,

Feel your feet on the ground.

Keep your eyes still closed for a moment because we're not completely done yet.

Wiggle your fingers,

Wiggle your toes.

I want you to be aware for a moment of the token of love that you're carrying with you in your heart space.

I want to remind you of that inherent knowledge that you have a superpower that is so important to you.

It's a power that feeds you,

That inspires you,

That supports you.

It's in your heart space.

And I want to remind you on that moment on the top of the mountain,

Having this big view of your world,

Of your life,

Knowing that you are there in peace.

This is in your heart space.

And I want you to think of that moment where you allowed yourself to do whatever it was that you wanted to do.

You can do that always in your heart space.

Now,

Put your hands on your heart space for a moment and just feel how it's there,

How it's yours,

How it's always yours,

No matter what,

No matter what happens,

No matter what others think or do or expect.

No matter what you do or think or expect from yourself,

Whatever's going on,

You deserve this because you are so lovable.

You're so worthy.

Just as you are and you don't have to do anything for that.

You are okay,

Just like you are.

Ooh,

It feels good,

Right?

Now you can relax your hands.

Just take a moment to let it sink in and then in your own time,

But take one,

Two minutes,

Whatever you need,

You can use to slowly open your eyes.

And if you feel sleepy and you can't go to sleep or you're lying down already,

Then just by all means,

Take a nice nap.

Go to sleep.

Take your time.

Thank you,

Carrie.

I'm happy that you liked it.

That's great.

So while you're slowly coming back,

I just want to tell you that in the new year,

I will continue with my monthly lives on the second Friday of every month.

The first one will be thus on the 9th of January.

And the title is different.

2025 was the year of self-gentleness in action and next year,

2026,

We will have Femke's self-gentleness hour.

We continue like this with different topics.

The topic for January is why?

Why do we want to be self-gentle?

Ooh,

That's something new.

That's something else.

No,

I think it's an important part.

And bring your journal,

Bring your pen,

Because I'm going to ask you questions.

I'm going to help you to get some insights why self-gentleness can be good for you.

Then on the 13th of February,

Manifest,

So Femke's self-gentleness hour,

Manifest your self-gentle life.

So we will speak about manifestation,

Maybe not so much from a spiritual perspective,

But from a neuroscientific perspective.

More in February about that.

And then on the 13th of March,

Femke's self-gentleness hour,

Find a creative flow.

I published them today on Insight Timer.

I think they're not yet visible.

So please follow my profile.

So you will be notified and click on the bell.

So you will notified when they are there.

Sign up,

Please.

So many people will come more.

Leah,

Yes,

I recorded this meditation and it will be on my profile.

It will take some while,

A while because I still have to publish the one from October and November 1st.

But these are on their way.

The one from October will be published soon and the one from November a little bit later.

And then this one will probably be in later in January that it will be published.

But meanwhile,

There are many other lives that you could listen if you were interested.

I'm happy that you liked it,

Luanne.

I'm happy that you liked it,

Jean,

And Kerry says,

I love your self-gentleness guidance.

Much love and appreciation.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

It was really,

Really lovely that you were all here.

Thank you so much for following me.

And oh yeah,

If you are interested,

I have here also my course on Insight Timer.

Start being self-gentle today.

If the concept of self-gentleness is intriguing you,

You think you could work with that,

It would be great.

This is the introduction of the core foundations of self-gentleness.

So try it out.

See what it brings you.

And I will be really happy to see you again here on the 9th of January.

So I'm wishing you happy holidays,

Whatever holidays you are or are not celebrating.

Happy holidays.

A really beautiful New Year's Eve.

And I wish you already the most self-gentle 2026 that you can wish for.

And on the 9th of January,

I will be here to help you to make 2026 indeed the self-gentle year that you deserve.

Thank you,

Cherry.

Thank you,

Marjorie.

Sending you all so much love.

Bye-bye.