Why Self-Love Can Be Hard - LIVE Talk&Practice 09/23/22

So,

The topic of today is why self-love can be hard sometimes.

So,

There are a few points I would like to go over.

The very first one is the word love.

So if you think for yourself what the word love means,

Then you might know that there are a lot of different connotations.

We use the word love and we have an idea about that,

But what we actually mean with that,

That differs from person to person.

And very often we have an understanding of love as a conditional thing,

As sometimes even very harsh tit for tat,

But it can also be more on a long term,

Giving and receiving.

And of course,

You love someone,

You give love and you feel that someone loves you and you receive that love.

But very often we learn,

Not so consciously,

That there are conditions that we have to fulfil to deserve to receive that love for another.

And vice versa,

We feel that someone else needs to meet some conditions before we can actually give that love.

And the funny thing in that is,

Even with our children for instance,

Or our parents,

For whom we very often feel pretty unconditional love,

We still sometimes feel that they don't love us because we are not like we think they expect us to be,

Or we do love our children but we are really,

Really,

Really annoyed when as teenagers they are doing something that we really don't like and we give them the feeling that we don't love them,

Although we do.

So speaking for every human being,

Right,

It's really,

Really normal.

So if you think yes,

That's what I'm doing,

Don't feel guilty or bad,

That's just how we've been raised.

And that's not so weird because from the moment we are born we are educated to become good people,

Good,

Helpful citizens,

Our parents,

Our friends,

Our teachers,

Our society teaches us that we have to behave in a certain way that pleases others or that gives others a good feeling about us,

Like parents really want their kids to build a good life for themselves so they want them to have a good education,

A good job,

Make their money,

Have a spouse,

All those things.

And of course those are not hard core conditions,

Of course we love those others,

But we do worry if they are not met.

We do have unpleasant feelings when these conditions are not met.

And that is again really normal and human,

But it does make our understanding of love not unconditional,

We make it conditional.

So this is the message that we as children get,

We are not a good boy,

Not a good girl,

Ooh,

Now we are not loved in this moment.

And that's not something that is explicitly said,

Mainly,

Generally,

But it's something that we pick up.

And we take this,

It becomes bigger.

If we are not doing our best in school,

If we don't work hard,

Or if we are not smart enough,

Or we are not pretty enough,

We cannot succeed,

So we are less worthy,

We are less lovable and we willingly or not compare ourselves to others who we think are meeting those expectations way better.

So all this really normal human dynamics cause us to somewhere on a certain level to believe that love might be hard.

And we take this from our earliest years with us in our life,

We encounter friends,

We encounter potential partners,

And we play with that,

We explore those dynamics,

But it really takes a lot of deliberate consciousness to start actually love yourself.

But you know,

The word self-love has even more connotations,

Because on the one hand I think everyone would say,

Yeah,

Of course I love myself,

I think I'm a pretty good parent,

Or I have a nice job,

But when you scratch off the surface and you dig a little bit deeper,

You very often find those childhood wounds that are there,

And they are not put there by people who didn't love us,

They are not put there with malicious intent,

Generally speaking,

Because sometimes people grow up in really terrible circumstances,

But let's say generally speaking it's never done,

Not always done with malicious intent,

But they are there.

What it takes from us is to shift our perspective and to start accepting ourselves,

Loving ourselves,

Be compassionate with ourselves,

And that is self-love.

So that can be pretty hard,

Just because of our conditioning.

That's why I introduced the concept self-gentleness,

Because I think when you hear the word self-gentleness,

It sounds not as a hard,

Self-love might sound as something really big and difficult to do.

Self-gentleness,

You know,

You could think,

Oh,

I can be gentle with myself,

I am sometimes gentle with myself,

It sounds feasible,

And that opens you up for possibilities.

But then I'm coming with my definition,

And if you've been here more often you know it,

But I'm going to say it again.

My definition of self-gentleness is this,

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And you hear it,

Being gentle to yourself,

That's feasible,

But consistently.

So also when you do something terribly wrong,

You will still be gentle with yourself,

You will not,

You know,

Beat yourself up,

And you will still tell yourself,

It's okay,

I can drop many times and I will learn from this,

I will get there,

It's okay,

I'm human,

I can do things wrong.

And radically,

So,

Interactions with others.

Other people have expectations from us,

Or we think they have expectations of us,

Because that's also a common thing.

And what if they ask for our help,

And we feel that being gentle to ourselves would mean that we have to very friendly,

Kindly say no,

I'm sorry,

I wanted,

You know,

I really want you to be okay,

But I cannot help you right now,

I have to take care of myself,

And then they push back,

And then to still,

You know,

Be kind to yourself,

Be gentle to yourself,

And to honor what you need.

That's a pretty hard one.

For almost everyone,

Myself included.

I'm working on this already for many years,

And I'm getting better and better at it,

Really,

Really better,

But sometimes it's hard,

And I really have to be conscious of where I am,

What I want,

What I feel,

What I need,

And how I want to communicate,

Before I'm too far in,

And I can explode or get angry,

Because I didn't honor what was going on with me beforehand.

So self gentleness,

I love the word,

Because it's easier to get there,

And I think also the techniques and the practices that I offer in those workshops,

But also in the coming courses,

Or when you take a look at that free checklist that you can get through my profile,

Then you see that it's a really step by step process,

From which I say this is a life long work in progress process.

It's just something that you have to work on all your life,

But it becomes easier,

It becomes more fun,

It's like peeling an onion and you get deeper and deeper,

And today I was speaking with a really,

Really wonderful,

Intuitive woman who helped me so to reflect upon myself,

It was really,

Really great,

And then she said such a beautiful thing,

She said Femke,

You have been learning and are learning so many things about yourself,

And you are taking the pearls out of this,

And then you're giving this back in the world,

And that is exactly what I'm doing here.

So I found that such a great compliment,

And it also made me realise that,

You know,

Things that I'm living through,

Going through,

That I can actually make them work,

And also give them to you so you can see in your own way what works for you and what not,

Because,

You know,

You're a unique person,

I'm a unique person,

Every person there,

Everyone is unique,

So what works for me might work differently for you,

So that's why I like to speak always from a more abstract level,

Offer really concrete practices,

But also give you the way to explore those,

To feel what is working for you,

What is not working for you.

I don't have one formula that fits everyone,

Because I don't believe in that.

As a researcher,

I study the impact of individuals,

Because they are different,

Because they are unique,

Because they are varying from each other.

It's really important in my research,

So that's also what I want to tell you here,

You know,

We're all very different and it's important that you feel what you need,

Where you can work from.

So the last thing,

Why self-love might be hard sometimes,

Is,

You know,

You might be someone who thinks now,

Well,

I'm pretty good in being self-gentle,

I worked a lot of myself,

I'm meditating,

Which always is helpful to,

You know,

To become more conscious of what's going on within you,

So you can act upon it,

Respond rather than to react immediately.

You learn how to deal with your emotions,

With your thoughts,

With your body,

And you can say,

Maybe like me,

Most of the time I'm pretty content with my life,

I'm feeling good about myself,

I kind of love myself,

I'm proud of myself,

Where I am,

I have good interactions with others,

But sometimes I'm triggered,

Just because something happens,

Or someone says something,

Or I meet someone new,

And without willingly or not,

I'm triggered,

And the worst thing is,

I know that something is triggering me,

I know that what's going on,

That it's something that is stirred up from once,

I even know it might not have to do actually something with this situation or with this person,

But more something with me and my past,

And why can't I be self-gentle then,

Why can't I have that self-love for myself,

Why I'm so good at it generally.

So a really important thing when you're in that process,

And I'm telling you this because I am sometimes in that process,

And then I really think,

I'm teaching this stuff,

What?

But you know,

I also learned to see that the first thing is to acknowledge where you are,

And that it is really normal to sometimes be triggered emotionally or mentally or physically by things that are happening,

And that the best thing to do then is to acknowledge that,

And then to tune in and feel what it is that I need right now,

And to really start there step by step.

So with me that is generally to really pull myself back,

To get some sleep,

Some rest,

Quietness,

To meditate,

To speak with someone who will not dive with me in the problem,

Someone who understands that I need to be gentle again with myself,

You know,

You have friends who like to dive with you in problems,

Those are not the ones who speak with them,

And you have also friends who can hold a place for you in the light,

Can hold a place for you knowing that things can get better,

Those are the ones who speak with them.

So that you can slowly slowly in a gentle process you can bounce back,

And then when you are back on that baseline where you are happy,

Content,

Satisfied with your life and with yourself,

You can reflect back and say,

Hey I was there,

It felt really unpleasant,

I was triggered,

I think it was this and this,

But you don't need therapy at that point to go deep and dig deep what it was,

Because by trying to explain to yourself what it was,

You also keep it alive,

By explaining that you always respond in a certain way because your mother or your father did something,

You keep that story alive.

So sometimes that's not even necessary,

Very often that's not even necessary.

In some instances when you are in therapy it might be really good to examine those things from an analytical perspective with professional help,

But at this point you can take a look and just acknowledge that you were not feeling good,

That you were triggered,

But the most important part is what you did then,

If you could be gentle with yourself,

If you could be radically and consistently gentle with yourself,

Even though you felt like a small kid again,

Even like you felt like someone who forgot completely how to be self-gentle,

Self-loving,

But you can do that.

So the last time I had such a period it took me six days to bounce back and that was pretty recently and it really took me six days and I was like oh wow,

Six days,

But then I remembered,

There were times years ago where it would take me weeks or even months to bounce back,

So that's improvement and the good news is that on general level I'm okay,

I'm on a really great baseline,

Sometimes it goes up,

Sometimes it goes down,

I bounce back and then sometimes you're triggered and then it can be going deep,

But by teaching yourself to be gentle it's really easier to get back and I think the most important part in that is that you acknowledge that that process of being gentle,

The sooner you can start that,

It's the smallest thing,

It can be just like I just need to take a sip of water now or I just need to put on my earphones and just find silence or I just now need to cry,

Whatever it is and when you start to acknowledge that there comes room for something better and I think the best guidance in this is your emotions,

Your feelings,

When you start to feel an emotional sense of relief you know that you're on the right way,

So I have this practice in my library of guided audios,

It's called tuning in,

Self gentleness,

Tune in,

Or you just tune in in your body and your heart,

What is going on there,

But when you make this a daily practice also when it's not really needed,

It's always needed but you know not when you're in big turmoil,

You train yourself to do it also when to go and get stuff and I think that's the most important message that I have from all practices that I offer,

Practice them on a regular basis,

Preferably daily,

Also when you don't need it because you train your mind,

You train your body,

You train your nerve system to respond to what you're doing so that when it's really a hard time,

Your head,

Your body,

Your nerve system will recognize what you're doing and it will help you to bounce back and then to trust that it will be better,

That you will get there,

So yeah,

Self love can be sometimes really really hard for all kinds of reasons,

Just to love yourself and you're in the beginning of this process,

You have to start to see that you are lovable,

You are worthy,

Always,

Every being,

Every being,

Not just human beings,

Every being is lovable and worthy but sometimes we have forgotten that and if you're already a little bit further in this process,

If you've been following me for some longer and probably also other teachers who are speaking about these things from a slightly different perspective,

Then to just know that even when you've got this,

There will always be times that you feel that you don't got it and that's okay,

Then it's the moment to be consistently and radically gentle with yourself and that's the quickest way out of it and after that you can always reflect on that you've worked through something,

That you find more ease,

More love,

More gentleness for yourself and for others and that actually it was worth it and when you start to trust that process and you know you have the tools to get there,

That's such a massive perspective change,

That is going to make your life so much more easy,

Easy going,

Fun,

So yeah.

That was basically my story of today,

Let me just take a look if something is written here and then I will guide you in a meditation.

Julie says I'm seeking approval at times and the moments.

Yes,

Yeah that's really,

Really normal,

That's what I was speaking about,

You know the self-love.

We have learned to behave in a certain way,

To feel that approval which we confuse with unconditional love and we feel that if we don't get that approval,

We are not loved,

That is something you personally for yourself can start to work on,

To feel every moment or almost every moment that you are lovable and that you are worthy.

That is something that you can really learn to engrain in yourself.

It takes some time,

It takes some healing of old wounds but you can get there and it doesn't matter how long it takes or if you are really quick in it because it's a process and you just are,

You know,

Just like my story about that we are all sometimes triggered,

That's really,

Really normal and it's something to work through but you will bounce back on that knowing that you are lovable and worthy.

Mary says I understand the same as you,

I'm happy,

I'm happy to read it Mary,

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Jamie says I appreciate how you truly embrace your uniqueness,

It creates such a safe space.

Thank you for saying that Jamie,

Yes,

I really,

Really believe that and I just know that from just a research perspective I show time and again that assumptions that we hold about groups of people are very often not true when we test those,

If those are like that.

But it always shows that people are different from each other and those differences determine outcomes just in a scientific way speaking.

But this is also what I feel as an individual and I think the more we understand that we are all unique and we are all worthy then it becomes easier also to let others be unique even if they are very different from ourselves and we would not want to be with them,

We would not want to be them.

But in a certain way we can still learn to be okay with that,

To embrace the fact that we are all unique,

We all have a conception of living a good life and that can go together.

So that's why I created this course on insight time which is called how to tolerate challenging ideas and opinions,

It really digs into that topic.

Janine says such a great feeling when you recognise your shifts.

Oh yeah,

Yes,

That's a good feeling.

I completely agree and I am happy that you recognise it also.

Thank you Denzel,

That's a great compliment,

Thank you so much.

Jamie asked me if I can briefly summarise the three reasons.

So love,

We have different connotations about love,

We have been educated,

Trained,

Raised with a sense of that we have to meet certain expectations before we can feel that we are loved,

Loveable,

Worthy,

Which is a mistake but very human because we humans do that to each other.

The other one is self-love,

It sounds like a really,

Really big task to love ourselves especially because we feel that we have to earn it and that's not true,

We never have to earn it.

And even when you find that in yourself then you still can be in situations or in encounters with others where you can be triggered,

Where you suddenly don't feel so much self-love because something old is triggered.

And the key is becoming gentle with yourself,

Step by step.

And that's something that you can start with really,

Really,

Really small things.

So I have a few tracks,

One is called self-gentleness,

An evening practice,

Three minute practice that you could do before you fall asleep.

There is wake up with a loving morning practice where you tune in with yourself and feel what you need and then there is self-gentleness,

Tune in.

And those three,

If you would just do those three practices every day,

They're each a few minutes,

One in the evening,

One in the morning and one during the day.

So it would be like three minutes,

Five minutes and again five minutes I think for a month and then see you,

Feel the change,

Feel the shift within you.

Just you know,

You could do it as an experiment.

And I'm recording now this talk also so I will publish this later on after I've edited it in my library.

So if you follow my profile you'll be notified and you put on the bell,

You'll be notified when it's published so you can also hear it back.

Steve says I don't think anyone ever loved me really.

I don't know,

They all left.

I think I would know if I had felt it.

Yeah Steve,

That might be possible that you've been in an unfortunate situation where you've never experienced,

Actually felt that the people who raised you loved you.

There are people like that unfortunately and I'm so sorry for you because I also know it is sometimes hard to find that love for yourself if you feel that others couldn't give it to you.

So first of all just know that those people that raised you were not able to love themselves and that's why they could not extend this to you.

So it's something that went from generation to generation and that's really tough.

But you know the good news is you can also decide to start loving yourself even though they didn't because you don't need others to show you that you're worthy and lovable.

You can do this yourself.

You can decide from now on that you will start to be gentle with yourself just like that.

Why?

Because it is pleasant to be gentle with yourself.

It is,

I know you're here,

You're probably a gentle person yourself to others.

I've got the feeling that you're someone who really wants to be kind to others.

So you have a big heart but that big heart can also be there for you.

So it would be a great first start to acknowledge that you have this big heart for others and that you can let it work for you and it's just what I meant.

Of course you can continue to be aware of those people that didn't love you and that you are still suffering from that and it would be completely understandable.

But with holding on to that story you don't really allow yourself to move on and to start accepting,

Allowing in that feeling that you are lovable because you are.

You are lovable always.

And you've always been lovable from the moment you were born you were lovable and you were worthy.

It's just so unfortunate that you couldn't feel it from the people around you but deep within you,

You know it.

So and it might take some process you might even need some professional help with that if you feel it's hard to do on your own.

But you can get there to let go of that past and to say,

Not actually say to them but for yourself say well you haven't shown me that but I now stop listening to you because when I listen to these stories of my past I hear that I'm not lovable and this is not the right story so I am going to stop listening to this and I'm going to stop listening and going to start listening to the different story that is that I am lovable.

And that's the process and you know I don't know where you are in your process if you've had help or professional help.

Really try to acknowledge what you need.

It's okay to have professional help but if you are already on your way that you can do it yourself that's also great just tune in with yourself and feel what you need but let go of those stories that keep on telling you that you are not lovable because they are not true.

They are really not true.

So it's way too short to convey to you what I mean but I hope that the core of it that you understand that and you can do something with it Steve.

So just know that everyone here loves you.

This is a beautiful community.

A lot of people that are coming here are coming here almost every week and there is so much love here for everyone.

So I love you.

Everyone here loves you.

Can you feel that?

That's a good feeling right?

So stick with that feeling.

Remember this feeling.

We are going to meditate about it also and we will hold on to it.

Yes.

Victoria is also saying that you love the morning practice.

Yes.

Alright.

It also heals codependency Alexa Klee says.

I used to always think what's good for me helps others.

I think I was wrong.

Thank God.

Absolutely.

Yes.

It's the same principle but reversed.

You start with yourself.

Yep.

Absolutely.

Marjorie says my parents stressed productivity and made me a perfectionist.

Yes.

But that's also something you can cure.

I always call myself a previous perfectionist.

I think I have even a life plan soon which is called how to deal with previous perfectionism.

I don't know the title exactly anymore but you can overcome that.

Self gentleness is the best instrument to heal perfectionism.

There are good things in perfectionism but there is a lot of toughness and hardness to yourself in perfectionism.

So if you can start to relax that with self gentleness you will become a previous perfectionist which is way better.

I promise you.

I'm one.

And it means that sometimes you know you dip back into perfectionism.

Sometimes you benefit from some perfectionist tendencies but most of the time you're really kind to yourself and that really helps.

All right.

Some love bombing.

Yes that's what we're going to do.

Love bombing Jamie.

Let's meditate.

So we're 40 minutes in.

I think I will keep the meditation shorter than normally.

Normally it's about half an hour sometimes a bit longer.

But because of my throat and I don't want to get into coughing we'll keep it a little bit shorter but we're going to love bomb.

Yes I think that's a really really great idea.

Meditation time.

Exactly.

All right.

So let's start to sit comfortable.

You can also lie down if that feels good.

Just acknowledge for a moment how you're sitting or how you're lying.

Feeling where your feet touch the ground.

Feeling your bum on the seat.

If you're sitting you can lean against the back of the seat of against the back of your or of your chair or the sofa or the wall.

Feel if your shoulders are relaxed and if not then just pull them up.

Let them drop.

Your face relaxed if not you can make a lemon face.

Relax.

And gently close your eyes.

And if you also feel the need to sigh it out then just do so.

The secret of your breath is that if you breathe out longer than you breathe in you start to relax your body.

You start to calm down your nerve system.

So when you feel during the day or now whatever moment you just want to do like.

Just do it because then your body is telling you I need to relax honey.

The nerve system is popping up.

The stress response is popping up.

Just let me relax and sigh it out.

And when you make that out breath as long as you can.

But comfortable right?

You don't make yourself out of breath but in a comfortable way.

You feel immediately how your body starts to relax that it responses.

It responds.

All right now.

I would like for you to bring your attention to your heart.

Your chest area,

Heart area,

Middle of your chest.

If you like you can put your hands there.

If you find it hard to bring your attention there then just imagine that there is a small light burning in the middle of your chest.

And you can shape the light as you like.

It can be a candle,

It can be a laser beam,

It can be anything in between.

Whatever the light is just imagine it to be in your chest.

And you are focusing,

Bringing your attention to that light.

You can give it a colour of your liking or maybe the colour is already introduced to you.

You were already seeing a specific colour and stick with that colour.

This is your subconscious speaking,

Communicating a colour to you which will make you feel good.

It doesn't matter what colour it is,

Any colour is good.

All right now.

We are going to let that light slowly grow bigger.

So with every time you breathe in you see that that light starts to expand.

So now it is filling your whole chest.

With your next in breath you see that the light starts to expand even more.

It starts to grow,

It starts to fill your shoulders,

Your arms,

Your belly.

And with the next in breath the light grows even bigger.

It fills your head,

It fills your legs,

Your feet,

All the way until it is like a big bubble of light around you.

And just stick with this feeling for a moment.

Feel how this light comes from your own heart.

It's expanded now that you are in this bubble of warm,

Loving light.

It's a sense of safety that you feel now.

A sense of protection,

Steadiness,

Worthiness.

You are in the light,

You are in your own light.

Beautiful,

Empowering,

Strong light.

Yeah.

All right now with your next in breath let it grow even bigger until it fills the whole room where you are.

You can take a few breaths to fill the room.

And maybe it's expanding really fast,

That's also great.

Just let it fill the whole room.

And I would like you to imagine now that this light that is filling the whole room is creating a space for you.

This sense of safety,

This sense of protection,

This sense of warmth and being cared for.

That you just felt expanding from your own heart is now filling this whole room.

Which means that this is a room of love for you.

This is a room where you can be you,

Where you can experience that you can be you and you are lovable.

You are worthy.

And it feels good.

It feels really,

Really good.

And if you feel now some emotion,

If you get emotional,

That's okay.

Because that is a release of tension.

If you feel now that maybe you even have to cry,

That is a release of tension.

That is a release of that false knowing that you thought that you were unworthy,

That you felt that you were not loved because this is not true.

You now feel your own love radiating from your own heart,

Filling up this whole space where you are,

This whole room where you are and everything that doesn't resonate with that.

Your feelings of unworthiness,

Your feelings of unloveability,

They just are driven out now.

And that you can feel as a release in tears.

So let it go if that's okay.

And if it's overwhelming then just open your eyes for a moment and then you see me sitting here making funny gestures with my hands and you have to giggle a little bit of how funny I look and that will help you to know that you are safe,

You are loved.

And if it's too overwhelming then just put your arms around you and hug yourself.

Love yourself,

Comfort yourself,

That's okay.

And I bet that most of you feel this empowering light,

The power of this light around you,

In you.

Let's take it a step further.

Let's use this light to fill your whole house,

Every room,

Whether you have a studio apartment,

Whether you have a big villa,

It doesn't matter,

Just fill every room of your house with this beautiful light.

And if you have a garden,

Also fill your garden,

Really use it to put this light in your complete territory.

And if you live with other beings,

Human beings or animals or beautiful plants and flowers and trees,

Then feel that when your light expands it also shines upon them.

You could even imagine that when your light touches them,

They smile,

They have a sense of knowing that they are worthy just like you.

So and if you are there that the whole light originating from your own heart in this beautiful colour of your own choice is filling now your whole living,

Your house,

Your garden,

Your territory,

Your place,

I would love for you now to acknowledge,

To feel that every room of the place where you live is now a safe place.

It's a place that radiates love for you.

Alright I know that somewhere in your house you have a mirror,

So in your inner mind you just stay where you are,

But in your imagination I would like you to walk up to that mirror in your house and stand in front of it and I would love for you to look into your own eyes in that mirror.

And if you have a hard time visualizing,

Imagining yourself,

That's okay,

Not everyone imagines with pictures,

With images.

If that's the case for you because you know how you fantasize,

Then just know the mirror to be there or feel the mirror to be there or just decide it is there or do whatever you would do to imagine,

To fantasize that mirror to be here.

That whatever way you fantasize,

Imagine,

Fantasize that you are standing in front of this mirror,

You can put your hands on your heart,

You are looking into your own eyes and acknowledge what a beautiful,

Unique,

Lovable,

Worthy being is standing there,

Looking right back at you and this lovable person standing there is looking at you,

You lovable,

Worthy,

Kind,

Gentle,

Unique person,

Being.

Can you let that feeling sink in?

Can you receive that feeling right now when you are looking at yourself,

Eye to eye,

Beautiful eyes,

The most beautiful eyes in the whole world.

You can see your own soul,

You can see your own light,

You can see your own love.

Take a look at your heart in the mirror.

Can you see the light radiating from there?

This beautiful light shining outside,

Creating this beautiful bubble in your room,

In your house,

In every room.

This is love.

And again if you feel emotional,

It's ok,

You are not used to experiencing this kind of feelings,

But it's a release that you feel.

Because what is happening right now is that you are opening up yourself for this knowledge that you are love.

You are love.

You are nothing but love.

You are now connected with your own heart.

And your heart is the key to everything that is.

Everything that is is just love.

It radiates from your own heart into this room,

Into your house.

And if you would want to you could radiate this love into the whole world.

But this is not what we are going to do today,

Because I want you to feel today that you can send this love to you alone.

And that's ok.

It is not selfish to give love to yourself.

It is not selfish to first love yourself,

To take care of yourself,

To shine this light upon yourself.

Because this,

This is the oxygen of life.

This is the power of your being.

Because you are love.

And the more you can receive your own love,

The more you can resonate with this light knowing it is here,

The more easy it will start to shine out.

To shine upon others,

To shine upon your family,

Your friends,

Your loved ones and even those that you don't even know.

But not today.

Today you focus on you.

Because that is ok.

It's ok.

You are radically acknowledging yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness,

To deserve your own light.

So look again in your own eyes,

In your own soul,

In this mirror.

What is now the first thing that pops up in your mind,

In your heart?

Ok,

Let's make it easier.

That's a difficult question,

I realize that.

So let's ask your image in the mirror if it wants to give you something.

And they want to give you something.

They are now going to give it to you.

And whatever it is,

Whether it's a symbol,

A word,

A memory,

A feeling,

A hug,

A kiss,

Just accept it.

Even if you don't understand what it is that they are giving you,

Just accept it.

Alright,

They are offering it to you now.

It's your imagination,

Don't worry that it's a mirror and these things couldn't happen,

This is your fantasy.

You are working with your subconsciousness and there everything is possible,

Just like in a dream.

They are offering you now something.

So open your hands or open your heart,

Open your mind to receive it.

And become aware of what you have just gotten,

If they gave you something,

Maybe a flower or a feather or a word,

Maybe you hear a song,

Maybe you smell something,

Maybe you just know something,

It doesn't matter.

Can you make any sense of it?

And don't overthink it,

The first impulsive knowledge that pops up now,

That is generally the answer and it might be that you don't understand the answer yet,

But that's okay,

It will come,

I promise it will come later today,

Later this week.

You will suddenly understand what it is because you see it again,

You hear it again,

You smell it again and suddenly you know,

Yeah.

Because this is a message of love,

This message from you to you is to remind you that you are always worthy,

You are always lovable,

You are always love.

And it might be that tomorrow or later this week,

When you are about in your normal life,

That suddenly this gift will show itself.

You will see it on TV or on a billboard or in the hand of a kid and you will suddenly remember this moment and you will be over flooded with this feeling of self-love and then you will understand that it's so simple,

That you can pick anything in your life and decide that whenever you see this or smell this or know this or hear this,

You will become aware for a split second or maybe longer that you are love.

And the more you are aware of this,

The more often it will occur and before you know it,

It will be a beautiful baseline that will carry you through your life,

A baseline of self-gentleness,

A baseline of self-love that you will support with self-gentle activities,

Self-gentle choices,

But knowing intrinsically,

Deeply,

That you are love.

Alright,

Just feel this out for a moment.

Let's acknowledge that this beautiful light will be,

Remain forever in your house.

And now on your house,

The place where you live is a sanctuary of self-gentleness,

A place where you can listen to what you need,

A place where you can tune in,

A place where you can relax,

A place where you can find ease and rest and joy and connection and love.

So we leave this be,

This beautiful light.

Just bring your hands to your heart for a moment and again see that light in your own heart.

And remember how it looks,

Feels,

How you know it to be,

Because this knowledge,

This knowledge is what it is all about.

It's not so hard to feel this right,

Right now.

It's just as simple as imagining a light in your chest.

It's not a big task where you have to complete difficult things,

You don't have to prove yourself.

You just know that there's a light in your heart and that reminds you that you are love.

That's all there is to it,

With ease,

So much ease.

So just enjoy this feeling for a moment and a certain moment when you feel that this is okay.

You can put your hands back on your lap and then you can start to bring your attention back to your body,

The way you're sitting,

Your feet on the ground,

Your bum on the seat,

Maybe your back on the mattress when you're lying down.

And then while you hold on to this knowledge that you just felt,

This experience,

The knowledge you gained by this experience,

You can start to slowly come back.

You keep your eyes still closed for a few moments,

Maybe even a minute or so,

But you can start to wiggle your fingers and toes,

Stretch yourself a little bit,

Move.

And only when you feel that you're up to it,

You can start to slowly open your eyes.

But if you're lying really comfortable and you really want to rest or take a nap and you have the possibility to do so,

Then go take a nap my dear and sleep.

That's also okay,

That's also self gentle.

And for those who love to share something,

Ask any questions,

I will be here for a few more minutes.

And if you want to go on your way,

Then I hope you will join me Sunday in the workshop where I will teach you loving kindness meditation,

One of the most beautiful meditation which is actually also really,

Really,

Really helpful to cultivate self love.

And because that's the deepest core of it.

And if not,

Then next Friday,

Radically showing up for yourself.

You get a drift,

Right?

Me,

Self gentleness,

Taking good care of yourself,

How to interact with others from a gentle self empowerment,

Radically showing up for yourself.

That's what we're going to speak about next week.