Breathwork & Meditation On The Art Of Being Alone

Welcome to Sunday Morning Joy with Jay.

Thank you for joining me here.

It's episode 141.

The flow of today is going to be as follows.

We're going to start off with a few minutes of breath work,

Ancient wisdom around the idea of cultivating,

Retaining and energizing the body using prana,

Which is the life force,

Breath of life.

And when we finish that,

We will feel more centered,

We'll feel more open and we feel more present.

And in that state,

I will go ahead and talk about the mattress of the heart.

I'll guide you through a meditation.

And today's topic is how to be comfortable being alone.

All right.

With that said,

I ask that you go to downshift your gaze or close your eyes and ask that you take in some deep belly breaths,

Allowing the belly to expand and contract.

And when you allow the belly to open for the belly button to rise and fall towards the bottom,

You're automatically activating your parasympathetic nervous system.

This is the part of the autonomic nervous system that's responsible for rest and digest.

I want you to sit or lie down comfortably with your back straight,

Relaxed,

Yet alert.

Imagine the spine is like a pearl of string.

So from the top of the head down through the neck and through the abdomen,

One straight line.

Make sure that your arms are relaxed,

Jaws unclenched,

Fists are open,

The abdomen is soft.

Breathing nice and deep through the nostrils for a count of five.

And exhaling through the nostrils for a count of five.

Inhaling for five.

Exhaling for five.

You're welcome to go ahead and put one arm on the chest and one arm on the belly.

And noticing that the palm that's on the belly is the one that should be rising and collapsing if you're doing this right.

Deep belly breathing.

Now let's take an inhale for a count of five and we're going to extend the exhale for a count of seven followed by a pause for a count of three.

Inhale for five.

Exhale for seven.

And pause for three.

Exhale for five.

Exhale for seven.

And pause for three.

Continue this practice.

Letting it all go.

And pausing for three.

This time this next exhale,

See if you can blow out the air through your mouth as if it's coming out like the sound of an ocean wave.

And hold for three.

Exhale for five.

Exhale for seven.

And hold.

Bringing your attention back to the regular breath five in and five out.

And notice for yourself how you feel.

Now as we prepare to go into the next exercise,

I'll give you some instructions on how it's done.

It is alternate nostril breathing.

Some of you may be very familiar with it and if you're absolutely new to it,

What you'll do is you'll use two fingers of your hand.

You will just use your thumb and your ring finger.

The thumb is what you use to seal the right nostril.

When the right nostril is sealed,

The air goes in and out of the left nostril.

Conversely,

When you close your left nostril using your ring finger,

The air goes in and out of the right nostril.

Now with your eyes closed,

I want you to go ahead and start by closing the right nostril with your thumb.

Inhaling only from the left side.

And exhaling from the same side.

Let's continue this for a couple more rounds.

Only on the left side.

Inhale and exhale.

Inhale again.

And exhale.

Now can you switch sides using your ring finger to seal the left nostril?

Inhale and exhale from the right.

Now,

We will do something that is truly alternate nostril breathing.

So that inhale from the right.

Switch.

Open the left nostril.

Seal the right nostril.

Inhale from the same side as you exhale.

Switch and exhale from the opposite.

Inhale from the same side you exhale from.

And switch.

Inhale from the same.

And switch.

Inhale from the same.

Switch.

Inhale from the same.

And switch.

I'll let you do this for a couple more minutes.

And while you're doing this I want you to know that this is a great exercise.

A pranayama exercise meant to balance the ida and the pingala nadis.

So this is your meridians.

This is the part of your nervous system that goes,

That determines a balance between your analytical and your creative self.

There's also the balance between your masculine and your feminine.

Because each one of us has both of these attributes.

We are complete human beings.

And as we do this exercise,

We are harmonizing,

Integrating these two parts of ourselves.

It's a tremendous way to clear blockages,

To let go of staleness and create freshness,

Newness at this time of spring when all of the Northern Hemisphere is in this state of bouncing back to life.

This is a powerful exercise to do that spring cleaning such that we may have those new starts that we've been always looking for.

Now moving on to the third and the final pranayama exercise for today.

This is the breath of fire.

In this exercise,

We will use the belly to send out the air to empty the lungs,

Which comes out as a sharp burst of breath.

So it looks something like this.

Notice that the rest of my body is completely intact.

I'm not swaying forward or backwards.

My shoulders are not jumping up and down.

The only thing that I'm noticing is the belly is flapping in and out.

And using this belly,

This diaphragmic breathing is a powerful way to clear the toxins in the body.

And you'll notice at the end of this,

You'll feel so relaxed,

So centered,

So peaceful.

So now your fingers are in vayamudra,

That is the tip of your index fingers touching the tip of your thumb.

The rest of the fingers open,

Arms are rested,

Palms facing up.

Now let's take a deep breath in,

Three quarters of breath out,

And we'll do the first round of 14.

And take a break.

Feel breathing in and out.

Inhale,

Three quarters of breath out and sharp burst,

Count of 21,

Just through the nostrils,

Mouth is closed.

And take a break.

Gentle cycle of in and out.

Take another nice deep breath in.

Three quarters of breath out and third and final round of 42 together.

And relax.

Breathe into just being.

And noticing for yourself how you feel right now.

Notice a shift that you experienced just in these 15 minutes of pranayama.

The art of cultivating prana,

The life force.

And we did that by elongating,

Holding and regulating our breath.

These are much more beneficial than just observing your breath.

They have a significant impact in your nervous system,

Integration and presencing.

And allow yourself to drop into the feeling of being here and now.

You've all heard those famous words,

We come alone and we go alone.

And even if we feel we are surrounded by a lot of people,

Sometimes we just find ourselves alone.

Even with our family,

We may sometimes observe that we feel particularly alone,

Even in a crowd.

So what is this loneliness and how do I truly feel about being alone?

Being alone is the gift of solitude,

The gift of being with yourself,

Being quiet.

Now feeling lonely on the other hand is what happens when you become uncomfortable with being alone.

And then you strive for company,

Strive for stimulation,

You strive for some distraction.

They can relieve you of this discomfort.

This discomfort of being lonely.

And being lonely understandably is not particularly pleasant.

So we try as hard as we can to run away from it.

But ask yourself,

What are you running from?

And why is it that you feel so uncomfortable?

Even at a time we live with the greatest population on the planet,

Why is it that there's a growing pandemic of loneliness?

Why is it then that when we have the max amount of sensory stimulation ever in history,

That we still feel lonely?

Why are we so uncomfortable with ourselves to the point that we fear loneliness?

And how do we overcome these sensation of loneliness and our fear towards it?

You see the root of all of this is that we were never taught to be comfortable with ourselves.

We were not taught what to do when we are with ourselves alone.

There's always been some sort of a dependency from the time you were born.

Dependency on your parents,

Of course,

Then your friends,

Partner in your marriage,

In your job,

On your community.

And so we've always relied on others to give us a sense of our identity.

Think about it when you are in a relationship,

You're a couple,

You become dependent on one another to the point that if you really look at it,

There's an anxiety about separation.

There's a fear of what would happen if this partner were to leave either willingly or unwillingly.

And there's also the fear that what if this person loves me less or even gives me lesser attention?

So there's dependency and usually the dependencies on both sides.

This is the root of attachment.

There's attachment to your partner,

To your team,

To your family,

To your nationality even.

Attachment and dependency come together.

They're a package deal.

And when there's attachment,

There is always the presence of fear,

Fear of loss,

Fear of damage,

Fear of isolation,

Fear of separation.

When you embark on the spiritual journey,

When you embark on the path of wisdom,

You'll begin to hear that person security,

Your sense of identity is something that comes from within,

Comes from your own self.

Because only when there is no attachment to anything or anyone in particular,

Can there be the sense of security.

But it's not easy because we weren't really taught this in school or by our parents even.

So I ask that you consider the essence of our being.

To understand this independence,

You need to understand that you're made up of two energies.

There is the material,

Which is the physical form that you can see in the mirror.

And there is the spiritual or the consciousness that feels,

That knows,

That understands.

We've all learned how to take care of the primary,

The first one,

Which is the material,

The physical world,

Which we all know is dependent on food,

Air,

Shelter and light.

But how much do you understand about your own consciousness,

The non-material?

The truth is,

The spirit that you are is completely under your control.

But only if you have the level of awareness that allows you to be the master creator of your thoughts,

Your feelings,

Perceptions,

Decisions,

Which then lead to actions.

Yet that's not easy as the very fact we do not feel secure and we are searching for security is a sign that we do not have the level of self-awareness that is the foundation of that mastery.

So what do we do then?

Here's one suggestion.

Notice feelings of self-security.

Notice the time when you feel most secure about yourself and you may realize that your strongest when you're either openly loved,

Loved by someone or you are loving,

Loving towards someone.

And if you become a little bit more aware,

You will notice that when you gave something,

Whether it was time,

Attention,

Help,

Guidance,

Et cetera,

Without wanting anything in return,

You were naturally loving.

And at a time like that,

You weren't thinking,

Aha,

Now I'm being loving.

No,

You just were.

If you pay attention a little bit more closely to your awareness,

You'll notice that you feel not only good about yourself,

But your anxieties,

Your insecurities begin to disappear.

It's a time when you feel like you have value.

You're bringing value to someone else.

And that's a state that's very natural.

And if you go even deeper,

You may become aware that there is a feeling of freedom of spirit.

And in that state of unconditional love,

Your heart begins to soar.

If you were ever a parent,

You know what I mean.

Because parents have this relationship with their newborns.

A time of giving unconditional love without expecting anything.

When you're in that state of love,

There's a sense of security for yourself.

You're no longer seeking.

You're no longer needing.

You're not dependent on someone saying that,

I love you.

But if they do say that I love you,

That's great.

But we don't need that to feel good about ourselves.

Because you have found a state of being within yourself that is loving in itself.

And when you express that state,

You feel at your very best.

And what's ultimately happening at that moment is that you're realizing for yourself that love is what you are.

So a connection is being made.

When you are being your natural loving self without needing to think,

You feel secure within yourself.

Dear ones,

Ultimate security for every human being is love.

And I don't mean the love of another,

But the realization that love is what I am,

Followed by an expression of that state.

And if you're wondering,

After all this,

If love is what I am,

What is love?

It describes a state of consciousness,

The highest state of being.

And it's interesting because this highest state of being cannot be known,

Felt or understood unless we express it in action.

Unless you give it away.

A clever design by the universe.

It's that's when you know who you are and what you are.

And sometimes you tend to mix that up with attachment,

Dependency,

Desire,

Passion,

And even possession,

Taking and holding.

And you will learn pain comes as a great teacher.

It comes as a teacher to take you back to your truth.

Love doesn't hold,

Doesn't desire,

Doesn't get attached to anything.

And in that loving state,

When you love that state to shape your intentions,

Your thoughts and actions,

You return to your state of security,

Secure with yourself.

And the search for security in what you are not,

That is the world out there comes to an end naturally.

Your anxieties disappear naturally.

Your emotional dependencies end naturally.

This comes to an end naturally.

And in that state,

Being alone or being with another are both equally okay.

All of this when you start acting from your highest state of being.

When you act from that state of love,

There is an awareness that your sense of inner security is stable.

You notice it arising from the inside out.

Your neediness for the stimulation of another or by many others is gone.

You realize that all those old ways are simply methods of escaping responsibility for the creation of your own goodness,

Your own intentions,

Feelings and then acting upon them.

Now,

You understood to… you begin to understand your value.

You begin to understand that you are a source of the most valuable energy in the world.

And no one,

Absolutely no one can ever take that away from you.

Because you've understood that your sense of security arises from the inside out.

And you don't fear being lonely anymore.

How do you begin?

You start just do something for someone without wanting anything in return.

And notice the sensation of complete liberation.

Now,

Let's do a little practical experiment of this giving away.

I want you to think of someone,

Some people or some place that could use some healing energy.

And imagine that there is a sparkling star in your forehead,

Somewhere just behind your forehead,

Below the brain,

In between the ears.

And in this star,

There's a great energy of wellness.

Imagine a beam of light coming out of your forehead and shining towards that person,

People or place.

This light heals.

This light gives hope.

This light makes it known that you care.

Let that go.

And now just sit under the loving divine grace of the Supreme Light.

And bask under the glory of this divine,

Supreme mother.

And now just sit under the loving divine grace of the Supreme Mother.

And now just sit under the loving divine grace of the Supreme Mother.

And now just sit under the loving divine grace of the Supreme Mother.

And ever so gently,

Begin to wiggle your toes,

Wiggle your fingers,

Gently rock your head side to side,

In some nice,

Deep,

Comfortable breaths.

Just whenever you feel comfortable,

I invite you to open your eyes and acknowledge how you feel right now.

Thank you for joining me in this practice.

I invite you to go ahead and share if you feel comfortable how you feel right now in one word.