25 | Self-Compassion 1 (with Mini-Class)

G'day,

My name is Rachel Grace.

Thanks for joining me for this practice on self-compassion.

This session starts with a mini class for around three minutes before we get into a practice that runs for around 12 minutes.

Self-compassion is about being a good friend to ourselves.

So many of us are accustomed to paying attention to ourselves through a critical lens.

So for that reason,

Many people find self-compassion feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable,

Or even quite challenging at first.

But it is worth exploring self-compassion practice because it does bring so many benefits.

Building on the pioneering work of Dr.

Kristin Neff,

There are now over 1,

000 studies showing that people who are high in self-compassion experience a range of physical and mental health benefits,

Including a reduced inflammatory response in the body to stress,

Being able to bounce back from stressful events more quickly,

And experiencing high levels of life satisfaction and self-confidence.

Fortunately self-compassion is a skill.

So in this practice,

We'll be developing our capacity for self-compassion so that we can access this powerful perspective as a highly functional alternative to the all too common habitual habit of being our own harshest critic.

So in this practice,

We'll systematically explore the three components of self-compassion,

Which are mindfulness,

Self-kindness,

And common humanity.

You don't need to remember these.

I'll guide you through each step of the way.

So let's prepare for our practice by starting with a stretch.

I invite you to gently roll your shoulders up towards your ears as you breathe in,

And then relaxing your shoulders back and down again as you breathe out.

Invite you now to take a moment too to find a posture that will support you to be both relaxed and alert for this practice.

Let your awareness take in the space around you,

Gently seeing the environment you're in,

Noticing the sounds around you.

If during this practice an overwhelming emotional state or physical pain arises,

Or you just find yourself incredibly sleepy or agitated,

The invitation is to support yourself to rebalance before deciding whether to rejoin or set aside the practice for today.

Some skilful ways to rebalance energy is to move your body and change your posture,

Or you can shift attention to your anchor of choice or by opening your eyes and looking at the environment around you.

Or you can take a big breath.

In particular,

You can take a big in-breath to boost your energy,

Or you can take a long extended big breath out to rebalance a sense of agitation.

So I invite you to join me by taking a deep breath in now,

Filling your lungs.

And as you let go with a long out-breath,

Allowing your eyes to gently close,

Or softening your gaze down to the floor if that feels right for you.

If you would like to,

You can set an intention right now for how you want to approach this valuable practice time.

And we'll start the practice with the ring of a gong.

Becoming aware now of the sensations of breathing.

Breathing in,

Know you're breathing in.

Breathing out,

Know you're breathing out.

Bringing awareness now to your body,

Noticing how your body feels in this moment.

Not judging what it feels like,

Just noticing what it feels like.

What is the state of your heart and mind right now?

Holding whatever is there with a kind attention.

Wherever you are,

Whatever the state of your body or mind,

You're welcome to share in this practice from that place.

To set a steady foundation of focus and calm before we begin the self-compassion practice,

I invite you to take the next minute or so to bring a relaxed and focused attention to your preferred anchor.

Whether that's paying attention to the sensations of the flow of breath,

Or awareness of sounds arising and passing,

Or feeling the different kinds of physical sensations in your feet and hands right now.

Whatever your preferred primary anchor is,

I invite you to settle your attention there now.

And each time you notice that your mind wanders,

Gently return your attention to your anchor.

Self-compassion practice can sometimes be challenging.

If feelings of irritation,

Anger,

Or upset arise,

That can happen and it's okay.

But if those feelings start to get overwhelming,

Just remember you're welcome to take a break.

You can set aside the instructions and return to your anchor to help yourself rebalance before deciding whether to rejoin the practice or set it aside this time.

So please keep this in mind as we go through this practice.

Rejoin the practice of self-compassion by making contact with a real-life difficulty that's presenting a challenge for you.

So I invite you to become aware of a difficulty that is here for you right now,

Or is present somehow in your life at this time.

It could be a health problem,

A relationship challenge,

Financial difficulties,

A tricky work situation,

Or some other struggle.

If like many people you are facing multiple difficulties in your life at this time,

Please focus on just one area of difficulty for this practice.

And also,

Particularly if you're new to self-compassion practice,

It's important to choose something that is in the mild to moderate range of difficulty,

Nothing too overwhelming or traumatic.

For example,

If there's a scale from 1 to 10,

Where 10 is the most difficult kind of situation you've faced.

Right now I invite you to bring to mind a challenge that you're facing that's about 3 to 4 on that scale.

As you bring this difficulty to mind,

Reflect on the strain it's putting on you,

And notice if that strain is associated with any discomfort in the body.

Can you feel this strain in your body?

If so,

Where do you feel it and what does it feel like?

Having connected with this difficulty,

There's now an opportunity to practice self-compassion for yourself within this challenge.

The first step of self-compassion is to simply acknowledge that this is a moment of suffering,

Mindfully allowing it to be fully here in your experience,

Seeing it for what it is,

And feeling it as it is.

To practice this first step of mindfulness and self-compassion,

I invite you to silently repeat to yourself phrases of mindful acknowledgement,

Such as this is a moment of suffering,

Or this is stressful,

This hurts,

Or this isn't easy.

This can feel mechanical at first,

And if it does,

Just know that that is a common experience,

Particularly in the beginning,

But this will change over time,

And you can still practice and it will still bring benefit.

So use whatever phrases work for you to validate that in this difficulty,

It is a moment of suffering for you,

And silently repeat these phrases to yourself now.

Take a moment to notice if mindfully acknowledging this difficulty impacts your body and mind in any way.

Has there been a shift or change?

If there's no change,

That's okay,

You can notice that,

But if something has shifted or changed,

That's okay too,

Notice what that's like.

The second step is to connect with a deep recognition that suffering and hardship are a part of life for everyone.

Even though the circumstances will undoubtedly differ,

Everyone suffers pain and loss in their lives.

I invite you to practice this second step of self-compassion now by silently repeating to yourself suffering is a part of life for everyone.

Or you can use different words if you prefer,

Perhaps other people experience these kinds of difficult emotions too.

Many people are going through a similar situation to me right now.

I'm not alone in experiencing this type of pain.

Other people feel this way too when they're worried,

Heartbroken,

Lonely or in grief.

Use whatever phrases suit you to connect with the reality that you share the experience of suffering with all other human beings.

Silently repeating these phrases to yourself now.

Take a moment to notice if connecting with the shared human experience of suffering has impacted you in any way.

Has there been a shift or a change?

Either way it's okay,

Just notice.

The third and final step of self-compassion is to respond to suffering with words and acts of self-kindness.

If you're okay to do so,

You can bring both your hands together now and put your hands over your heart or place them some other place on the body that feels soothing and comforting.

Take a moment there to feel the warmth of your own hands.

Soothing self-touch is a valuable step in the self-compassion practice.

Now either keeping your hands in that soothing position or allowing your hands to return to their original resting position,

I invite you to ask yourself,

What kind words do I most need to hear right now as I sit with this challenge?

And then silently and intentionally directing those words to yourself.

This step is about being self-responsive and self-supportive in difficult moments.

Giving yourself the wishes and intentions for kindness,

Well-being and ease that you need.

Examples of phrases that you could use are,

It's going to be okay,

I care about you,

May I begin to be kinder to myself,

May I learn to accept myself more as I am,

May I be more willing to forgive myself,

May I be strong.

Simply repeating these phrases of self-kindness to yourself now.

If you're having difficulty finding the right words,

Imagine that someone that you care about is facing the same difficulty as you.

What might they need to hear?

What would you want to say to them?

See if you can offer the same message to yourself as you would to a friend.

Using whatever words are most self-supportive for you as best you can,

Silently repeating phrases of self-kindness to yourself now.

There are times when feelings of unworthiness can come up strongly during self-compassion practice.

This can happen as you see more clearly the thinking that limits your love and care for yourself.

With that awareness can come strong feelings like anxiety or anger and fear.

And with those there can be an extra added layer of self-judgment that comes too.

If these difficult thoughts and feelings arise,

Know that you can breathe gently and acknowledge them.

Recall that others share in these same kinds of feelings too.

And silently reassure yourself with words that are supportive and kind.

And of course if you're feeling overwhelmed,

You can return your attention to your anchor at any time.

Otherwise continue silently repeating phrases of self-kindness to yourself now.

Now taking a moment to notice if connecting with soothing self-touch and words of self-kindness has impacted you in any way.

Has there been a shift or a change in the state of your body or mind?

Either way it's okay,

Just notice.

As we approach the end of our practice now,

I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath and filling your lungs.

And then relaxing your body and your mind as you breathe out.

Allow the corners of the mouth to rise ever so slightly into a gentle half-smile if you'd like to,

Savouring this moment of self-care.

And to conclude,

I'll ring the gong three times.

In your own timing,

Allow your eyes to open,

Gently bringing your attention back up into the environment around you.

Take a moment to stretch or sit back and just notice how you feel.

Do you feel the same as you did before this practice or has something changed?

In this formal practice we applied the three components of self-compassion and you can apply these skills in your daily life anytime you encounter difficulties.

Simply find language that works for you personally to go through the three steps of self-compassion.

First,

Mindfully acknowledging the difficulty.

Second,

Connecting with the shared humanity of suffering.

And third,

Being a good friend to yourself,

Offering words of kindness and soothing self-touch.

Using these steps in a strategic self-talk moment will help you to support yourself in the challenges of life.

And when you use these skills,

Your capacity for self-compassion will increase and you'll be strengthening the neural networks in your brain that support optimal well-being and wise behavioural responses to the difficulties of life.

So practice self-compassion regularly and it will serve you well.

So now as we conclude,

I invite you to take a moment to appreciate yourself for the dedication to your own well-being that you've just demonstrated.

Each time you practice you are changing your brain for the better and building your capacity to handle life more skilfully.

So well done.

May mindfulness positively impact you,

What you do and all of those around you.

Thank you for practicing with me.

I hope you will join me again.